My heart did a pirouette in my chest when Elysia and Portia looked at the horse girl, gave her an up-down glance, then nodded, and we all started walking upstairs.

  Chapter 6

  Oh, you thought we were fading to black? Nope.

  I should probably set the scene, because what happened next deserves proper context and I want to make sure I’m giving it the gravitas it earned. Four women more or less just collectively decided that my body was a common good, and they were marching me up the stairs like a prisoner of war to a very sexy execution—sexecution?

  Elysia had my right arm in a death grip. Portia had my left, and her tail thumped against every banister on the way up. Clementine brought up the rear, and I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head the whole way up. Juniper trailed awkwardly behind everyone, twenty-plus feet of serpent tail whispering up the staircase step by awkward step.

  Well, not literally stepping, because, you know, big snake booty.

  The three-million-dollar Russian mattress dominated the bedroom like it always did.

  “Whoa, this is a big-ass fuckin’ bed, dude,” Clementine rather astutely pointed out.

  I smiled back at her. “Ah! First time? I suppose it is for you. Get ready for the most comfortable face-riding session of your life, then.”

  She narrowed her eyes and looked at my chin. “Not with that stubble.”

  “Alright, my handsome champion,” Elysia said, planting both tiny hands on my chest and shoving me backward onto the bed in question. I bounced twice, smiling dumbly. “Lie back and allow your maidens to worship you properly. I shall be in charge, obviously, because, as First Maiden, I love you the most.” She beamed at me sweetly.

  “Worship is a strong word,” I started.

  “It is the most precise word I can conjure up based on the treatment I expect to give you.” She was already pulling her nightgown over her head, and whatever clever thing I was about to say died halfway to my mouth. Elysia naked was one of those sights that went straight to whatever caveman part of your brain was responsible for building fertility shrines. Five feet of nothing, proportioned like an anime character who’d been drawn by someone with very based ideas about the female form, porcelain skin that literally glowed faintly from her elven lineage, and piercing blue eyes looking down at me like I was a seven-course meal and she’d been on a hunger strike.

  Also, her womb tattoo was glowing so bright it could have guided ships to harbor.

  Portia didn’t wait for an invitation. She shed her outfit in about 1.56 seconds flat, which would be impressive but she never wore underwear anyway. Her golden-brown ears shot straight up, her tail hit full helicopter, and those amber eyes went wide and locked on me like a retriever who just heard someone open a cheese wrapper. Her collar glinted against her tan skin, silver nipple piercings drawing my eyes as always, and that perfect heart-shaped rear was soon slightly angled in my general direction out of what I could only assume was muscle memory.

  “Master, I am ready to serve you! And if my service is found wanting, I shall endure whatever cruel punishment you see fit to inflict upon my juicy posterior! Oh, how I despise your punishments, you brute! Pah-tooey!” She spat at the carpet for emphasis, then immediately looked at me with those big eyes like she was hoping I’d take her up on it. Her tail was going so fast it was a blur.

  Summoning my best Scorpion from Mortal Kombat, I growled, “Portia, get over here.”

  She made a noise that was half-bark, half-squeal and launched herself onto the bed.

  Juniper stayed near the doorway, arms folded beneath her chest, which did cool stuff to her already cool titties. Those absolutely oppressive, choke-you-to-death honkin’ gazongas were straining against her top like—you know what? I am at a loss for words. You just have to trust me on this one.

  Anyway, she hadn’t undressed, but her womb tattoo was pulsing a steady ruby red through the fabric, and her forked tongue darted out to wet her lips once. That piqued my interest.

  As for Clementine, she’d parked herself against the wall by the window, still fully clothed in my stolen hoodie and basketball shorts with her arms crossed and horse tail swishing slowly. Her dark eyes tried to keep up with everything happening in the room, maybe looking for her moment to shine.

  “I’ll just observe for now,” she announced. “Don’t mind me.”

  “Suit yourself, horse-wench,” Elysia said dismissively, already positioning herself between my legs. She tugged my shorts down with a yank that communicated ownership more than urgency. Josh 2: King Dong sprang free and stood at full mast, and Elysia’s eyes went wide for just a second before she composed herself and lifted her chin. “The magnificence of your manly pillar always inspires.”

  “Th-thanks?”

  Portia dropped to her knees beside Elysia at the edge of the bed, and the two of them stared at my dick like it was the Ark of the Covenant.

  “I shall begin,” Elysia declared, running one fingertip along the underside of my shaft with a sexy little smile. “First Maiden privileges. Don’t look at me like that, it’s only fair.”

  “But Princess!” Portia’s tail was wagging so hard the nightstand lamp was doing a little dance. “Surely the preparation of the Champion’s member is beneath your royal station! Allow me to handle the menial groundwork so that you may arrive to a properly warmed instrument!”

  Elysia tilted her head and actually considered it. “You know what, that’s a good point. Fine. You may warm him up for me, but don’t take too long.”

  “Yes, Your Highness! Thank you, Your Highness!” Portia beamed like she’d just been handed the keys to a tennis ball factory—that’s a dog joke—and wrapped both hands around my shaft before taking me into her mouth with zero hesitation. Her technique was eager, sloppy, and punctuated by happy little moans that vibrated through my entire lower body.

  “Mmm! Yes, Master. So tasty!” she boasted as her tail wagged her.

  Elysia watched from inches away, head tilted, studying Portia’s technique carefully. “More tongue, Portia. You’re not licking an ice cream cone. You’re pleasuring the love of our lives. Our champion deserves better.”

  “I–I’m okay with what’s going on already,” I insisted with a thumbs up. For a brief instant I made awkward eye contact with Clementine, who looked at me when I said that with such performative disdain I almost came from the power of it.

  Portia pulled back just long enough to say, “I apologize for my shameful inadequacy, Princess! Oh, I’m sure I deserve a terrible punishment for such sloppy technique! Perhaps you should demonstrate the proper method so I might learn from your obvious superiority?”

  “Hmmph. Well, obviously. Watch and learn.” Elysia shouldered in beside her and took over, and the difference was immediate. Where Portia was enthusiastic and sloppy, Elysia was romantically devoted in her ministrations. We all had it, but somehow her use of the Gift of the Golden Tongue turned out to be more intense than even last time. She looked up at me through her golden lashes while she worked, blue eyes holding mine, and I had to white-knuckle the sheets to keep from embarrassing myself inside of thirty seconds.

  “God, hold it in, would you?” Clementine growled from the sidelines. “I barely worked myself up yet. Your dick is too pretty. I have to get over being wowed by how good it looks before it can even turn me on properly.”

  My brows furrowed. “Thanks?”

  “Whatever, fuckface.”

  Then the duo started tag-teaming me, and I’m pretty sure you could see the exact moment my soul left my body as I tried to hold my climax in a little longer. One would work the shaft while the other focused on the head, switching off with a coordination that told me they’d absolutely war-gamed this scenario at some point when I wasn’t in the room. Portia’s hand found a rhythm while Elysia’s tongue did something very complementary. “Gluck, gluck, gluck,” she went as she throated me ever deeper.

  “Juniper!” Elysia pulled back and dabbed at the corner of her mouth with one delicate finger while Portia took over. “Come kiss your champion. His mouth is unoccupied and that seems like a waste.”

  “I was just about to sit on it, actually,” Clementine sighed. “But you go first. You probably won’t want to kiss him afterwards.”

  Juniper flinched at both Clementine and Elysia’s words, then hesitated at the doorway. I could see the internal debate playing out across her face. Then she uncrossed her arms and slithered forward. The soft brush of her scales on the mattress sent a shiver up my spine that had nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with the fact that I was currently getting double-teamed by an elf and a dog-girl while a demonkin snake-woman approached me for smoochies.

  “This is like the weirdest hentai I’ve ever watched, and I’ve watched a ton of hentai,” Clementine sighed.

  “What are your tags?” I dared to ask between ragged breaths.

  She blushed. “I will never tell.”

  Juniper coiled up beside the bed, bringing her face level with mine. Those crimson, vertically-slitted eyes searched my face for something, maybe permission. Maybe she was looking for her own courage.

  “Hey there, pretty lady,” I chuckled.

  “Hello, Champion.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, her Russian-esque accent nice and thick. Her crimson eyes bore into mine for one more second, and then she leaned in and kissed me.

  I’d spent a lot of time thinking about what kissing Juniper would be like. I’d figured it would be soft, tentative, reserved like the rest of her. What I got was soft for exactly two seconds before her forked tongue slipped past my lips and I discovered that “forked” meant “capable of doing two completely independent things at the same time inside my mouth.” The twin tips traced along my tongue in different directions simultaneously, curled around it from both sides, explored my teeth, the roof of my mouth, the sensitive spot behind my lower lip that I didn’t even know was sensitive until right that second.

  I was still getting double-blown throughout this whole process, by the way.

  Anyway, when she finally pulled back, a thin strand of saliva connected us, and her dark cheeks were flushed all the way up to her horns. The golden ornament caps on her ivory ram horns drew my eyes, and for a second she looked almost bashful, which was pretty cute for a woman who could call down a meteor.

  “You taste nice,” she said, sounding genuinely surprised.

  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

  “Wait’ll you taste my pussy,” Clementine barked from the sidelines, one arm crossed under her chest while the other cupped her mouth to make sure her heckle was heard. “Fuckin’ dickhead.”

  Even though the horse really ruined the moment, Juniper smiled, and her posture loosened. My hands found the hem of her top and she let me lift it. She even helped, raising her arms, and what tumbled free nearly stopped my heart.

  I’d been calling them weapons-grade mammaries since the day she arrived, and I want you to know that I was underselling it. I’d seen Juniper’s chest straining against fabric, had analyzed the way her tops fought for their lives every time she moved, but nothing on Our Lord and Savior’s green earth could have prepared me for the full, unobstructed tiddy drop.

  They were enormous, dark-skinned, heavy, the kind of absolutely oppressive bazooka tatas that men went to war to protect. They had a natural weight and sway that made me want to write a formal letter of gratitude to whatever cosmic entity was responsible for demonkin genetics. Dear Sir or Madam, I get it now. I understand the meaning of life. Thank you. Your bro, Josh.

  I cupped one in each hand and they overflowed my grip by a margin that was frankly embarrassing to my hand size, and I had big hands. I pulled her closer and took one nipple into my mouth, and Juniper made a sound that she clearly had not planned on making. It was low, trembling, helpless, and came from somewhere deep in her chest. She tried to swallow it and couldn’t. Her forked tongue flickered against my ear while I sucked, both tips tracing the shell of it independently, and her coils tightened around the bedframe hard enough to make the wood creak.

  Below, Elysia and Portia continued their collaborative effort on Josh 2: A New Hope, and the combined sensation of Juniper’s breasts in my hands and mouth plus two tongues working my dick was pushing me toward a cliff I couldn’t see the bottom of.

  “I’m getting close,” I warned, always a fan of transparency—and not just when it came to lingerie.

  “Then give it to us, my love!” Elysia cooed from below, her voice going all sweet and encouraging. “Portia, open wide! Don’t you dare waste a drop of my champion’s precious gift!”

  “I am always prepared for Master’s blessed essence! Though I’m sure my clumsy mouth will fail to catch it all, and the terrible, horrible punishment that awaits me will be—”

  I came so hard I saw Chris Hemsworth dressed as Thor giving me a double thumbs up for about five seconds.

  Anyway, Elysia caught the first wave looking smugly composed, like a sommelier receiving the inaugural pour of a vintage she’d personally selected. Portia caught the rest, and her tail went crazy against the mattress as she made a happy little sound that was just as girl as it was doggy. They pressed their lips together to share what they’d each claimed, moaning the whole time. “Mmm!”

  “Mmmm.”

  Juniper watched them with saucer-wide crimson eyes and pulled her top back down as I broke my seal on her boob, flustered. “That was... educational,” she managed.

  “That was round one,” Elysia corrected, licking her lips and looking enormously pleased with herself. “My champion will recover shortly. He always does. It’s one of the many, many things I adore about him.” She patted my thigh like I was a good horse. The irony was not lost on me given the company.

  She was right. Basic Regeneration plus whatever the hell my System-enhanced physiology was doing behind the scenes had Josh 2: The Lazarus Project already twitching back to life. God bless the LitRPG grind.

  And that was when Clementine pushed off the wall.

  She pulled my hoodie over her head in one motion, and her expression was the kind of focused, locked-in intensity I’d only ever seen when my college roommate took Adderall for the first time. Her pearlescent skin glowed softly, her black hair fell wild around her face, and those tall pointed horse ears angled forward like they were saying “Radar alert! Radar alert! Josh’s face detected!”

  This was the first time I’d seen her naked in this new form. Her transformation had filled her out dramatically from the girl I remembered. She was beautiful then in a messy, sad-girl, K-Poppy wannabe sort of way, but now? Her breasts were perfectly full, round, sitting high on her chest, and her waist tucked in before flaring out into a hips-and-ass combo that seemed designed for precisely what she had in mind. All of it was wrapped in that unearthly Snow White complexion that made her look less like a college babe and more like a goddess.

  “Move, bitch,” she said to Elysia.

  “Excuse me? The First Maiden does not simply—”

  “Move or I’ll move you, Disney’s Tangled.” Clementine climbed onto the bed, kicked the basketball shorts off with one hooved foot, and straddled my chest before anyone could mount a protest. She looked down at me hungrily, smirking like a demon. Her black hair curtained around her face, and her dark eyes burned hot.

  “Alright fuckface,” she said. “Time to live up to your name.”

  I folded my hands behind her ass. “Clementine, please, first let me offer thanks for this meal in the name of our Lord and Sa—”

  She shifted forward and sat on my face.

  Listen. Listen. I have been in some situations since the System activated. I’ve fought a six-legged ground dragon that breathed superheated ash. I’ve been tackled by a five-foot elf princess in a platemail bikini. I once watched Portia catch my enchanted sword mid-flight with her teeth and try to bury it. But nothing, and I mean nothing in this or any other dimension, prepared me for Clementine Kim, my Greater Steed, to make me the greatest steed of all.

  She grabbed the headboard with both hands, leaned forward, and started grinding against my mouth, and the sounds that came out of her were sounds I did not know a human being was capable of producing. Or a horse-human hybrid. Whatever. The taxonomy was not my primary concern at that exact moment.

  “Nyah! Oh, fuck yes. Guh-haaa! Ohhh! Fffffuuuck, right there, you fucking dick. Yes! YES! That’s what that perfect mouth is for. God, your tongue is so fucking good in my fucking pussy, like, what the FUUUUuuuck. Oh shit! OHSHIT-OHSHIT-OHSHIT! Yes! Mmmm, that’s it! Right there, you fucking fuck.”

  The room was otherwise completely silent. Even Portia’s tail seemed to have stopped mid-wag at some point, which I had never seen before. Granted, I couldn’t see it then either, since my face was completely smothered by the best evidence ever produced in support of a truly loving God.

  “Well, you could be a little gentler with—” Elysia started, her voice pitched about two octaves higher than normal.

  “Shut up, Skanky Galadriel, I’m busy! Oh my god, Josh, baby, do that again! Do that exact thing again right now or I swear to god I’ll never get off until you go cold. Fuck! FUCK! Why are you so good at this?! This is bullshit, nobody should be this good at eating pussy, it’s ridiculous, your lips are ridiculous, your jawline is ridiculous, everything about your stupid handsome face makes me want to scream and I’m furious about it—”

  Ah yes. This felt familiar. I remembered how chatty and noisy she was from my first time with her. Back then, it kind of freaked me out, but now? I was stronger now. I could handle it.

  “Is she... does she always talk like this during sexy times?” Portia whispered to nobody in particular, her tail slowly starting to wag again as her brain caught up with events. “This will take some adaptation.”

  “Harder, Josh! God, you’re like a fucking machine, I hate how much I needed this. I hate that you’re the best I’ve ever had and could ever have and we both fucking know it. Oh FUCK, right there, don’t you dare slow down now, don’t you fucking dare stop, your tongue is a national treasure and I will burn this house down if you take it away from me right now, do you hear me?! I’m gonna drown you at this rate, motherfucker!”