He sighs deeply. “I don’t think our situation was anything like yours and Ethan’s. We were kids. We didn’t even know what we wanted out of life, yet. You and Ethan are adults and you went into your relationship knowing things about yourselves that we never did at seventeen.”

  He gently lifts me up and slides me onto his lap. “Cat, I’m more serious about you right now than I’ve ever been about anything else in my life. My feelings for you aren’t insta-love or love at first sight. What I feel has grown and developed over my lifetime.” He adds, “Even though we didn’t see each other for years, you’ve always been with me.”

  Then he puts his arms around me and draws me toward him. I’m on top, so I can pull away if I want to, but I don’t want to. I feel the gentle caress of Sam’s breath before his lips even touch mine. The first contact is so sweet and tender I want it to last forever. Then suddenly, it’s not. It turns hot and wild and totally out of control and I realize my attraction for him is just as strong as it’s ever been, quite possibly stronger.

  If I had to choose who I wanted to be with right now, at this moment, there would be no contest. The boy who stole my heart before breaking my heart, is coming very close to owning it.

  When Decisions are Made

  After Sam and Dad put up the lights, we all go outside to praise their hard work. They’ve hung a giant wreath above the barn doors and another over the garage. They framed the second story in dangling white icicle lights, which I’m not sure how they managed in the dark. The large maple tree in front of the house is wrapped in red and white lights like a candy cane, and the bushes are twinkling with colored lights. Magical doesn’t quite cover it.

  Nan claps her hands together and squeals, “It’s fecking awesome!”

  I give her a look that suggests she watch her potty mouth. She just sticks her tongue out at me and grumbles, “I’m old enough to curse if I want.”

  My mom is in near raptures, as well. “It’s just like it used to be when the kids were little!”

  When Travis and I were young, we used to come out front at night when the Christmas lights were lit and run around in circles. We’d make snow angles and pretend the snowman was going to come alive and lead us in a parade. The memory is a wonderful one. It makes me hope that whatever my brother is doing, he’s doing well. He was always full of such unrealized potential. I’m glad he’s making an attempt to take charge of his life.

  Mom makes us a little drink called Highlander Cocoa when we go in, which is just hot chocolate with a shot of scotch. Dad builds a fire and we all sit around the Christmas tree in harmony. When the fire is burning brightly, he picks up his mug and lifts it in a toast. “We’re happy to have you home, Nan. It’s going to be a very merry Christmas, indeed.”

  Nan smiles in return and mumbles something under her breath that sounds like, “Let’s hope you still think so in a few days.”

  No one breaks the magical moment by asking any questions. Historically, when Nan thinks she’s going to upset someone, she usually does. If there’s any subtlety in that woman, it’s yet to be discovered.

  Sam and I sit on either side of my grandmother. He drapes his arm around her and runs his fingers lightly up my neck. His touch is electric and it’s all I can do to keep from melting. I miss being touched. I know Ethan has real issues about physical contact, but I don’t. I’m like a kitten. I’d be happy to always be curled up on someone’s lap getting petted.

  Mags toasts, “Thank you all for everything you’ve done to make this Christmas season the best ever.” She turns to Nan. “We all love you, Mom. We’re so happy you’re home.”

  An hour later, it’s nearly eleven and Sam announces, “I have to be at the hospital early tomorrow. I better get going.”

  “Why don’t you spend the night?” Nan invites. “I’m sure the couch in the basement is comfortable.” She does this with an eyebrow shrug and a huge wink for emphasis.

  “Thanks, Nan, but I think I’m destined for my own bed tonight. It’s been a long day.”

  He stands up and reaches for my hand to walk him out. Once we’re on the porch, he nearly shouts, “Thanks for the great day, Cat. I’ll see you soon!” Then he tilts his head to indicate the side of the house.

  I step back before bending forward to see what he’s pointing at. There, at the living room window, are three faces pressed to the glass trying to see what’s going on.

  I yell back, “I’ll just walk you to your car to make sure you get there safely!” Inside we hear three sets of footsteps scurry through the entry hall toward the staircase. Those Nosey Nellies are running upstairs to get a better view of the driveway.

  “They’ve been doing that since high school,” Sam laughs under his breath. “You’d think they’d have caught on by now.”

  Without further ado he pins me to the side of the house and takes ownership of my mouth in a way that leaves me panting for more. The fire starts burning at my toes and quickly makes its way to more private places. When he finally steps back, the cold air rushes between us like an assault. Sam warns, “When I stay the night, Miss Kitty, I won’t be sleeping on the couch.” Then he turns and saunters to his car like the last man standing in a gun battle.

  Between you, me, and the fencepost, my dreams are filled with what Sam will be doing when he’s not sleeping on the couch, and for the first time in a long time, my body and mind start to hum with possibility. I’m full of anticipation for the future.

  Dead Mice and Other Surprises

  Waking up in bed after another night dreaming of Sam, I realize I’ve made my decision. I don’t want my life to be full of lukewarm embraces and anxiety over whether my red afghan is going to set Ethan off. I wish him the best and truly want him to find happiness, but that’s not going to be with me.

  I don’t know what the future holds for me and Sam, but I want to explore all the possibilities with him, every single spine-tingling one of them. I decide to get through the party Saturday night before calling Ethan and telling him.

  I’ve hired a couple of high school girls, on Sarah’s recommendation, to help serve hors d’ oeuvres and keep things picked up. My friend knows these kids through a class she teaches at the community center on organics and is hiring them to work in her café when it opens in the summer.

  When the night of the party finally arrives, we’re all in fine form. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, the pantry has been alphabetized in case some busybody bothers to notice, and dead mice are hanging from the chandelier in the entry hall. Check, check, check, we’re ready to party!

  Nan takes one look at me and whistles under her breath. “Somebody’s ready to have a good time!” I have on a black cocktail dress that hits right above the knee. It’s elegant and understated, except for the fact the entire back drapes down below my waist. It’s all business from the front and party from the back.

  My dad is in his traditional Scottish dress; Nan wears her plaid, as well; but Mom has gone off script and is adorned in a long, red, Hawaiian Christmas dress that’s decorated with palm trees covered in Christmas lights, hula dancers, and hibiscus flowers with tiny Santa Clauses in the center. It makes a statement, that’s for sure.

  I’m on door duty and Sarah is our first guest to arrive. She’s wearing an elf hat, but she doesn’t look happy to be here. I greet her with, “Merry Christmas, Sar!”

  She grabs my hand, leans in, and rapid-fire whispers in my ear, “I’m so sorry, Cat. I didn’t realize who she was when she made the reservation and I invited her to your party. When she checked in, I realized my mistake, but it was too late to disinvite her.”

  I have no idea what my friend is talking about until she steps aside, and I see the woman standing behind her. It’s Ethan’s mother, Natalie.

  I’m speechless. What in the heck is Ethan’s mom doing staying at Sarah’s B&B over Christmas? I know she claimed to be leaving Jason, but I never expected her to really do it. Finally, I manage to ask, “Natalie, what are you doing here?”

  She hugs me. “I hope you don’t mind. I don’t want to spend Christmas with my family this year. I needed to get away and when I started thinking about where to go, I remembered Sarah’s darling B&B and it just felt right.”

  “I don’t have to stay if it’s too uncomfortable for you,” she offers before I have a chance to reply.

  It’s plenty weird, that’s for sure, but I think I can manage seeing her for one night. I welcome her in and send her off with Sarah to say hello to my parents. I’m too much of a chicken to take her myself.

  The next guests arrive in a steady stream after that. Mrs. Bernhardt, the town librarian, is the only one who screams when she sees the mice hanging above her head. Everyone else seems to take it as par for the course with my parents.

  When Sam arrives, he pulls me off into a quiet corner to greet me properly. He’s particularly delighted by my backless dress and finds every opportunity he can to touch my bare skin. It’s a delicious torture. While I’m still locked in his embrace, he croons, “I’m taking your choice of dress as an invitation to caress you.”

  I don’t disabuse him of that notion. I just smile coyly, “Merry Christmas, Sam.” Then I add, “Ethan’s mom came with Sarah.”

  He jumps back. “What?! Why? How?”

  I give him the elevator version of the story. He doesn’t quite know how to respond. “She warned you not to marry Ethan, so she obviously knows we still have feelings for each other.”

  I nod. “That would be a good guess. Be sensitive, okay?”

  “Of course. I mean, sure. I mean, God, I don’t know what I mean, but I promise to be nice.”

  I know he will be, but it’s still good to hear. I’m hoping there are no more big surprises tonight, but with the way things have started out, I’m not holding my breath.

  Mystery Guests

  At eight o’clock, the party is in full swing. Spirits are flowing like water and food is consumed as if it’s being devoured by a pack of starving wolves. All signs point to it being a very successful gathering.

  At eight twenty—I know this because the grandfather clock chimes ten minutes before the hour and half hour, a tribute to my father’s ability to fix things— a rather striking woman walks in. She’s got gorgeous red hair all done up in a french twist and is wearing a green cocktail dress, showcasing alarmingly muscular calves. Her fingernails look like red daggers. I have no idea who she is, but she’s so dazzling it’s hard to look away.

  Nan greets her warmly with a hug and kiss, so I assume she’s someone my grandmother has picked up in her travels. God knows where, though, because Nan doesn’t travel. I temporarily forget the mystery guest while I chat with people I’ve known my whole life.

  Jessica Handler is here with her parents. She and I were in the same class at school. I offer her a drink and say, “It’s nice to see you, Jess. What have you been up to these days?”

  She smiles shyly. “Just working at the flower shop on Main Street.” She adds, “I was in Waterloo until my dad had a heart attack a few years ago. I decided to move

  home and help my folks. I never left.”

  I nod my head knowingly. “I’ve been in New York City for the last decade, but I’m in the same boat. Nan just got out of the hospital and I suddenly feel like it’s time for me to come home for a while.”

  Sam joins us and wraps his arm around me. “Jess, it’s nice to see you!”

  “You too, Doc.” Then she looks between us, “It looks like you two have found each other again.”

  I glance up at Sam. “You could say that.” Before the conversation can progress, I spy the redheaded woman in different clothes. This time, she’s wearing a gold sequin dress and her hair is down. I briefly wonder if it’s the same person, but those calves are a giveaway, unless she’s a twin—which is an alarming thought. One of those creatures is an anomaly, two would be downright miraculous.

  Nan is still at her side, introducing her to different people. I announce to Sam and Jessica, “I need to go check something in the kitchen, if you’ll excuse me.”

  I walk straight toward my grandmother, but by the time I get to her, the strange woman is nowhere to be seen. “Nan, who were just talking to?”

  She looks confused. “Mrs. Gilford?”

  “No, not her. Who’s the tall, red-haired woman?”

  Nan looks uncomfortable. “Oh, her? She’s no one, just a friend from bingo.”

  That woman at bingo would cause a stir I’d like to see. I don’t believe Nan for a minute, but I don’t pursue it. Instead, I ask, “Are you having fun?”

  “I sure am, honey. How about you?”

  I confirm I’m having a good time, as well. “I was just on my way into the kitchen. Can I get you anything before I go?”

  My grandmother shakes her head. “Nope. I’m good.” I give her a little squeeze before heading to check on the food situation.

  When I get to the kitchen, the hired help seem to have everything in order. I’m about to walk back to the living room when I catch a glimpse of gold swishing through the door to the basement. We’ve opened the downstairs to the party. With over sixty people in the house, we needed more room to keep the flow.

  I decide to follow the unidentified woman downstairs to introduce myself to her. But Martha Simms, an old friend of Nan’s, corners me to tell me about her rheumatism and asks if I have the name of Travis’s pot dealer. She’s heard the MaryJane is good for pain.

  “Sorry, Mrs. Simms, I don’t know who my brother’s supplier was.” Then I offer, “Maybe I can get you an ibuprofen?”

  “No, dear, thank you, though. I need something that’ll pack more of a wallop.”

  As soon as I disengage from the drug-seeking octogenarian, I look for the redhead again, but can’t find her anywhere.

  Just When You Think It Can’t Get Any Weirder

  At ten pm, my dad brings out his bagpipes. I cringe knowing what comes next. I wish my brother were here to protect us all from the forthcoming assault to our eardrums. Dad stands by the Christmas tree and announces it’s time for the entertainment. The people who haven’t heard him play yet look on with anticipation. Those of us who know better refill our glasses.

  As soon as he begins “Greensleeves,” the doorbell rings.

  I make my way across the room and Sam wraps an arm around my waist to join me. When we get to the entryway, he maneuvers me under the mistletoe and dead mice for a quick kiss. Then he grabs the doorknob and opens it. While one might guess it’s Jolly Old St. Nick on the other side, it’s not. It’s none other than Ethan.

  My mouth hangs open like I’m seeing a ghost. The first words to fall out of it aren’t a welcome. “What are you doing here?”

  The smile on his face disappears when he sees Sam’s arm around me. “I thought I’d surprise you. I thought I’d show you I was learning to be spontaneous.”

  Sam, who you’d think would remove his hold on me out of deference to Ethan’s feelings, does no such thing. Instead he pulls me closer and welcomes, “Come on in, Ethan. The drinks are in the dining room.”

  I push Sam away and suggest, “Why don’t you go fetch us all a great big one?”

  I don’t take Ethan’s coat. Instead, I grab my own out of the closet and drag him outside. A party is no place for what’s coming. He looks so sad when he asks, “So, you’ve replaced me already?”

  “Ethan,” I begin, but I don’t really know how to continue. I finally settle on, “Sam and I were together throughout high school. We have a history.”

  “So, do we,” he responds.

  “Yes, we do,” I agree. “But our history needs to remain such. Ethan, I love you. I really do, but I’m not in love with you.”

  “We were engaged.”

  “True, but I think I agreed to marry you in order to live a drama-free life. When I got home from Thanksgiving, I realized I needed more. I was giving up a lot of myself to accommodate you and what you wanted. I can’t live like that anymore.”

  “But I’m getting help,” he pleads. “I came all the way here without even planning it first. I only had ninety-eight minutes from the time I booked my ticket to catch my flight. Surely, that shows I’m making headway.”

  My heart hurts so badly for him. “Ethan, I’m thrilled you’re trying to help yourself. I really am, but it’s too late for us. I don’t want to live in New York anymore. I want to be here with my family. I don’t want to worry whether something I’m doing is making you uncomfortable. I can’t go back to that.” I ask, “Were you planning on staying here?”

  He nods his head in affirmation. So, I add, “I don’t think that’s going to work. But why don’t you come in? There’s someone here you need to see and I’m pretty sure you can stay with her.”

  I lead Ethan back inside and take his coat. Then I take his hand and lead him into the other room to find his mother.

  The Unwelcome Guest

  Natalie is not happy to see her son. “What are you doing here, Ethan?” she demands.

  “What am I doing here?” His arms start to twitch. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve checked myself into Sarah’s bed and breakfast through the New Year.”

  He seems stunned. “You’re going to stay in a yurt in the middle of a corn field, in the middle of winter for two weeks, leaving your husband alone for the holidays?”

  “I thought the two of you would be together,” she replies.

  “I had, as well, but things aren’t going very well in my own life right now. I need to focus on those.”

  “Ethan, I don’t want to live like I was living anymore. There’s got to be more to life than what your father and I have, and I want to discover it before it’s too late.”

  “Why don’t you try to discover it with Dad?” His feet shift from side-to-side like the floor keeps moving beneath him. This is obviously a very uncomfortable conversation for him and it’s manifesting in physical behaviors.