Dead like ned, p.9
Dead Like Ned,
p.9
‘Great-aunt,’ I corrected through grinding teeth.
‘Same thing, practically. And Shane would have been just another disaster, like all the rest. If you like a guy, then the guy is obviously weird, evil, or both. And even if he’s not, well … he’s still just an unempowered loser.’
My fists were white now, I’d been clenching them so hard. ‘Unempowered witches are not losers. Shane’s spent his life studying wizardry, and healing, and all kinds of medicine. He’s been incredibly annoying ever since I’ve known him, sure, but now that I know why he loathes me so much, I can’t really blame him. At least he’s achieved some good in this world, unlike you.’ I had no idea why I was defending him quite so forcefully, but it was making me uncomfortable, so I paused for a moment before adding, ‘Oh, and you’re forgetting the part where I also forgot about the Infernal Artefacts.’
‘Ah. Yes. Silly me. Tell me about it. Tell me how the artefacts found their way to you.’
I didn’t know if she was stalling, or simply being her usual irritating self. But I told her anyway, so I could watch her face as I spoke. When I got to the part where I’d touched the wand and encountered Marlon, she grew pale, her features tightening, an edgy glint in her eyes.
‘How could you be so careless?’ she asked in a whisper. ‘It … those are called the Infernal Artefacts for a reason, Ned. Infernal. You can’t just go touching them willy-nilly.’
‘Funny.’ I stayed focused on her every expression. ‘Because the Wayfarers examined them, and they found nothing. No dark magic. They were able to handle them, touch them.’
‘Yes, but they’re not you, Ned. They’re not the–’
‘That what? I’m the what, Angelica? Look, just tell me what I need to know, all right? Because you seem to know an awful lot. Did you know Hamish bought the hat from Marlon White, not knowing it was Dad’s? Not knowing it was supposed to be mine? Did you know that Marlon White was the one who had all of the other stuff in his house when he was murdered? With the missing knife, most likely?’
She was paler than ever. ‘Look, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here, Ned. First, I need you to know, the wands can do things, in your hands. You mustn’t touch that one, the icky-looking one with the claw or the talon-type thingy or whatever it is around the stone. Not without the lantern being lit. And it has to be lit with an Infernal Candle. Okay? One of those creepy black candles you sell for contacting the dead. You need to light the lantern, then you don the hat. Then, and only then, do you pick up that horrible wand and use it to tap the book three times. When you do, the book will change. The name will appear, and an introduction. You should read that straight away. Then, to actually access each spell, you’ll need to tap three times again for every single one you want to look at, before you can see that spell again.’
She leaned forward, her mouth sawing with agitation. ‘Have you got that, Neddy? All of it? Lantern, lit with Infernal Candle. Put on the hat. Tap the book three times. Open up the book. You … the book is kind of haphazardly laid out, and the magic that I used to make you forget was very complicated. It blocked each spell from your mind, one by one, and took away all of your associated memories. That’s why you have to reveal them all, one by one again, three taps for every spell. But once you have revealed every spell and regained the memory associated with it, neither the spell nor the memory will disappear again. Now, the spell to bring back your memories of Shane – what page did I tell you that was on?’
When I hesitated, she said, ‘Nine hundred. Repeat it, Neddy.’
I glared at her and crossed my arms. ‘Nine hundred. Being bossy doesn’t suit you.’
Her hand fluttered from her side in an awkward fashion, almost as though she’d been about to reach out to me, but thought better of it. ‘There’s quite a long section dealing with the Fog. It begins on page … three hundred and two, I think. Yes. That’s right.’
‘The Fog?’
‘That’s where you went yesterday morning, when you met Marlon. The Fog. There are other places you can go to, once you learn how to do it right. And safely. The fact that you encountered Marlon there means that he was put there by one of the artefacts. The knife, most likely, given the fact that it’s missing. I don’t know for sure why you couldn’t hear him but I can hazard a guess. I … I think I recall Dad saying that any souls trapped in the Fog couldn’t communicate with each other. They had to wander alone. If you had gone there with the lantern lit, you wouldn’t have dropped dead, and you would have been able to talk to him because … you can kind of command everything there.’
‘Well, that’s not remotely disturbing. But … is he dead, then? Marlon, I mean. Is he really dead? Or can I …’
‘He’s dead, Ned. Dead like you will be too, if you’re not careful. Dead like you were yesterday, even if it was only for a few minutes. I don’t understand how you didn’t stay dead, but I do know that you wouldn’t have been at peace. You would have been like Marlon is, stuck there forever, wandering, voiceless and alone.’
I sat back, my hand moving to my heart as I thought of Marlon. ‘Yes, but can we free him?’
‘We?’ She lifted a brow. ‘Nedina, even if I weren’t a prisoner, I wouldn’t be able to help you with this. No one can. You’re … these artefacts, they can only be used by you.’
‘But you used them to take away my memories,’ I pointed out.
‘Well, yeah, but that’s about all I can do. Dad made sure of that. I was supposed to inherit his full gift until he decided I was unworthy. Now, I can only do simple spells from the book, but nothing involving life or death. But you can free Marlon. By that, I mean you can set his soul free of the Fog and send him to his proper afterlife.’
‘How do you remember all this? There are so many details and you even remember specific page numbers. This stuff was reported stolen a long time ago.’
A twisted smile formed on her face. ‘I used to hang around outside the door, listening, when Dad was teaching you. That’s why I stole it all, actually.’ She folded her arms, mirroring me, her voice defiant. ‘I was jealous that you were getting both legacies. Dad’s gifts, and Mam’s. I was older than you. It should have been me. I loved Samhain Street. I wanted more for the enclave, sure, but at least I wanted to live there, and to be what I was supposed to be. A necromancer. You … you hated it then, and you hate it now, and it … it should have been me, Neddy. It should have been me.’
Despite the defiance, there was something hollow about her excuse. There was more to it – heck, there was always more to it with Angelica – but what was she holding back, and why?
‘You really don’t need me to tell you anything else about it. As you reveal the spells you’ll learn it all. And no, I don’t have any idea about Marlon’s death, so don’t bother asking me. I sold that stuff to him a very long time ago. I was surprised he didn’t come after me, actually, demanding his money back, considering there was no way he could ever use it.’
Again, there was an odd hollowness at the back of her words, some missing parts to her story. I was about to press her for more, when she said, ‘You know, I did hear that Marlon had taken to hoarding in the last few years. The stuff in his house must be worth a fortune. It’d be a cinch for someone like you to get in there and grab some of it before the Wayfarers bother to do an inventory.’
I pinched the bridge of my nose. ‘Good goddess, Angelica, I hope you’re joking but … anyway. You need to tell me more about Marlon. If you know he’s a hoarder, then you have kept tabs on him. So–’ the bell sounded out, drowning out the rest of my words.
My sister stood up, a forced smile upon her face. ‘It’s time for me to go. Let’s hope our next visit doesn’t come too soon.’
My temper thermometer was approaching one hundred again, and I was about to race out of the room and find somewhere to calm down, when she turned back to me.
‘Stay on your guard, Neddy,’ she said, with a toss of her perfect ponytail. ‘Right now, you can’t trust anyone.’
15. The Book of Balance
By the time I got back to the shop, there was less than an hour left before closing, and the time went by in a daze. Fiona seemed to be handling things well enough, but I didn’t want to leave her alone again. It had (almost) nothing to do with my sister’s warning.
I sent a courier to Crooked College with the remainder of Professor Ryan’s zombie ash and then kept working, because I needed normality. I needed something to do, to stop my mind from thinking too much. I needed, most importantly, to put off the inevitable for a little while longer.
When I finally said goodbye to Fiona and closed up the shop, that figure was across the road again, propped up against a tree near the canal, staring at me. I couldn’t see much beyond the cloak and hood, but it was sure to be Professor Sweeney. This time, I decided to let him carry on being a weirdo. I had much more important things to do.
I’d be going out on the canal later that night, but in the hours between now and then I needed to confront the artefacts.
I travelled down a few basements in order to do it, into the workroom my father had down there. I’d avoided the room for nineteen years, but it seemed right to go there now. The heavy door required a bit of magical help to unstick, because it had been closed so long, swelling up in the damp. His old furniture was caked with dust and mouse droppings, but none of that mattered. I quickly cleaned some space and laid out the artefacts, making sure not to touch the wands just yet.
Two page numbers were forefront on my mind: nine hundred, and three hundred and two. Before I decided which page I’d read first, I needed to read the introduction.
Taking a deep breath, I lit a brand new Infernal Candle inside the lantern, put the hat on my head, and then picked up the ugliest of the three wands. With Cleo looking anxiously my way, I tapped the cover of the book once, twice, three times …
The Book of Balance said the words which suddenly appeared on the cover. Now, the book seemed far thicker than before.
‘Ooh,’ said Cleo. ‘Magic.’ She sniggered. ‘Not very amazing magic, mind you. Come on, Ned. Make something a bit better happen.’
‘Sometimes I don’t know why I love you so much,’ I retorted as I shook my head and opened the cover. Inside was written: The Book of Balance – An Antidote to the One True Necromancer’s Tome.
On the following page, I found the introduction:
There have always been those who wish to prolong life, cheat death, and manipulate the universal rules. But in the Year of the Drover, the One True Necromancer arose, a warlock said to be descended from the god known as the Dagda. This Necromancer gathered together a set of powerful objects, known as the Infernal Artefacts. There were three wands: the Wand of the Lost, the Wand of the Taken, and the Wand of Return.
The Wand of the Lost and the Wand of the Taken gave this Necromancer the ability to access two limbo-like dimensions between this life and the afterlife – the Fog and the In Between.
With the Wand of the Lost, he could take souls and memories and send them into the Fog, to wander in desolation forevermore. Should anyone wrong him, he would banish their soul to this place, so that even if they died, they would never pass on.
With the Wand of the Taken he could remove a person’s free will, turning them into his Servant. He could use this wand as a key, too, to enter the In Between. While in this dimension, no magic could ever defeat him.
The Wand of Return held full power over life and death, giving the Necromancer the ability to truly bring someone back from the dead. Some say this wand is hewn from the handle of the Dagda’s club, while others believe it was once a branch from Crann Bethadh, the Tree of Life.
His other objects included his spellbook, his hat, a lantern, and a knife. The hat, known as the Thinking Cap, was worn the first time he accessed the book. The lantern was carried by the Necromancer the first time he learned how to access the Fog and the In Between. The knife, known as the Dagger of Desolation, was the only means by which he could be killed. Once he obtained it, he kept it forever by his side.
With these tools at his disposal, the One True Necromancer ruled the realms, controlling all. Life became a nightmare for all but the Necromancer, a nightmare from which even death could offer no escape.
When all seemed lost, the goddess known as the Crone chose a champion, another powerful Necromancer called the Balance, the only other living being with the power to defeat the One True Necromancer. To assist the Balance, the Crone created for him a replica of the Infernal Artefacts.
The Crone believed that the One True Necromancer’s reign was driven by insanity, and that his insanity had occurred because he spent so much time in the Fog and the In Between, places which no living person ought inhabit. In an effort to ensure the same madness would not invade the Balance, the Crone set limits on the power of the second set of artefacts. The Balance could only enter the Fog and the In Between for three hours at a time. If the Infernal Candle should burn out while the Balance was in these other realms, the Balance would be forever trapped.
Although the Balance defeated the One True Necromancer, both legacies would live on through the ages. In all times since then, there have appeared two powerful Necromancers, and their roles repeat themselves, generation after generation. Without fail, one takes the part of the Spellcaster, attempting to gain the full power of the One True Necromancer once more, and the other takes on the part of the Balance.
With the Balance in play, the Spellcaster has never again truly raised the dead. Even his Servants are not as easy to control as those of the One True Necromancer, and are now little more than zombies. Over the generations, each Spellcaster has used evermore diabolical means to remedy this, and to gain absolute power over life and death.
There is one way, however, in which the Spellcaster will achieve such control, and become the One True Necromancer, and this is by killing the Balance with the Dagger of Desolation.
This has never yet happened and, while the Balance has succeeded in defeating the Spellcaster many times (with the Balance’s replica of the Dagger), a new Spellcaster soon rises, and the forever war rages on.
The heirs of both the Balance and the Spellcaster continue the fight, age through age. If the cycle ever ends, it will do so in one of two ways – should the Spellcaster finally succeed in killing the Balance and becoming the One True Necromancer, there will never be another Balance, no matter if the Balance has an heir. The other, and far less likely, way for the cycle to end is if a certain prophecy comes to pass (see: Prophecies).
If you are reading this for the first time, you may have only recently learned that you are an heir to the Balance, and you may be feeling fearful or resentful of the burden. There is no absolute remedy to this, save for the prophecy coming true, so you must take solace in the here and now, in friends, in family, and in love.
Use this book as your guide, and it will teach you all you need to know about your legacy. Its spells will appear in your own language, and you should add to it any new information you find.
In each section you will find the known magic of the Spellcaster under the heading The Spell, and the counter-spell detailed directly thereafter, under the heading The Balance.
≈
‘Holy Hecate! How long is this introduction?’ Cleo complained.
‘Very,’ I told her, flipping through more pages and quickly scanning the information until I came to the end of the introductory section.
After that, I rushed without thinking to page nine hundred, and then paused, trying to override the urge to rediscover my memories of Shane. It would satisfy the curiosity I’d felt for years, each time he shot one of those unfathomable glances my way. But who knew how long that memory would take to play out in my mind? I had no idea how this was going to work. It could play out in real time, or it could simply whoosh back into my recollection all at once. I was hoping for the latter, but I couldn’t risk it. Not when freeing Marlon was so much more important.
‘Okay then.’ I leafed back through the book and found page three hundred and two, then tapped the wand three times against the page. In a matter of seconds, writing and drawings appeared on the page in old, faded ink. The next page filled up as well, and the next, and the next, and … well, I didn’t know how many pages this section entailed, but it seemed like quite a few dozen.
There was a large heading on that first page, with the words The Fog in an old-fashioned scrawl. Below it there were paragraphs and subheadings. I focused on the beginning, where it said: An Introduction.
‘Oh great, another introduction,’ quipped Cleo.
Ignoring her, I read the words:
The Fog dimension exists at the entrance to the afterlife as a holding plain or limbo, between this world and the next. There are two Infernal Artefacts which can send a soul to the Fog – the Dagger of Desolation, and the Wand of the Lost. Please see Introduction to the Artefacts for more on using these tools.
A Spellcaster uses it in certain circumstances, where the Servant is proving difficult to control – persistent memories or even the soul can be removed from the Servant and sent to the Fog (see: Servants).
When it comes to the Fog, the Balance has certain advantages over the Spellcaster. The Spellcaster can only track and retrieve the memories and souls he or she has sent there. The Balance, on the other hand, can find and free all memories and souls in the Fog. Because of this advantage, the Balance will sometimes hide certain of their own memories in there, in order to hide them from the Spellcaster, or from themselves (see: Memory Spells).
I stared at Cleo, who had pounced onto the table and was reading alongside (yes, my cat can read – can’t yours?). ‘So what do we do now?’ she asked. ‘Does the next page tell us how to free Marlon’s soul or do we have to read all of those other sections?’












