* * *

  Captain

  It is perchance that you yourself were saved.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  O my poor brother! and so perchance may he be.

  * * *

  Captain

  True, madam: and, to comfort you with chance,

  Assure yourself, after our ship did split,

  When you and those poor number saved with you

  Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,

  Most provident in peril, bind himself,

  Courage and hope both teaching him the practise,

  To a strong mast that lived upon the sea;

  Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,

  I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves

  So long as I could see.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  For saying so, there's gold:

  Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,

  Whereto thy speech serves for authority,

  The like of him. Know'st thou this country?

  * * *

  Captain

  Ay, madam, well; for I was bred and born

  Not three hours' travel from this very place.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  Who governs here?

  * * *

  Captain

  A noble duke, in nature as in name.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  What is the name?

  * * *

  Captain

  Orsino.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  Orsino! I have heard my father name him:

  He was a bachelor then.

  * * *

  Captain

  And so is now, or was so very late;

  For but a month ago I went from hence,

  And then 'twas fresh in murmur,—as, you know,

  What great ones do the less will prattle of,—

  That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  What's she?

  * * *

  Captain

  A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count

  That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her

  In the protection of his son, her brother,

  Who shortly also died: for whose dear love,

  They say, she hath abjured the company

  And sight of men.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  O that I served that lady

  And might not be delivered to the world,

  Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,

  What my estate is!

  * * *

  Captain

  That were hard to compass;

  Because she will admit no kind of suit,

  No, not the duke's.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  There is a fair behavior in thee, captain;

  And though that nature with a beauteous wall

  Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee

  I will believe thou hast a mind that suits

  With this thy fair and outward character.

  I prithee, and I'll pay thee bounteously,

  Conceal me what I am, and be my aid

  For such disguise as haply shall become

  The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke:

  Thou shall present me as an eunuch to him:

  It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing

  And speak to him in many sorts of music

  That will allow me very worth his service.

  What else may hap to time I will commit;

  Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.

  * * *

  Captain

  Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be:

  When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  I thank thee: lead me on.

  Exeunt

  Scene III. Olivia's House.

  Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  What a plague means my niece, to take the death of

  her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.

  * * *

  MARIA

  By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'

  nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great

  exceptions to your ill hours.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Why, let her except, before excepted.

  MARIA

  Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest

  limits of order.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:

  these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be

  these boots too: an they be not, let them hang

  themselves in their own straps.

  * * *

  MARIA

  That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard

  my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish

  knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

  * * *

  MARIA

  Ay, he.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.

  * * *

  MARIA

  What's that to the purpose?

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

  * * *

  MARIA

  Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats:

  he's a very fool and a prodigal.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the

  viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages

  word for word without book, and hath all the good

  gifts of nature.

  * * *

  MARIA

  He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that

  he's a fool, he's a great quarreller: and but that

  he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he

  hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the prudent

  he would quickly have the gift of a grave.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors

  that say so of him. Who are they?

  * * *

  MARIA

  They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your company.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to

  her as long as there is a passage in my throat and

  drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill

  that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn

  o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!

  Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

  Enter SIR ANDREW

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Sweet Sir Andrew!

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Bless you, fair shrew.

  * * *

  MARIA

  And you too, sir.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  What's that?

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  My niece's chambermaid.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.

  * * *

  MARIA

  My name is Mary, sir.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Good Mistress Mary Accost,—

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her, board

  her, woo her, assail her.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  By my troth, I would not undertake her in this

  company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?

  * * *

  MARIA

  Fare you well, gentlemen.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst

  never draw sword again.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  An you part so, mistress, I would I might never

  draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have

  fools in hand?

  * * *

  MARIA

  Sir, I have not you by the hand.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Marry, but you shall have; and here's my hand.

  * * *

  MARIA

  Now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring

  your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your metaphor?

  * * *

  MARIA

  It's dry, sir.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can

  keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?

  * * *

  MARIA

  A dry jest, sir.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Are you full of them?

  * * *

  MARIA

  Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry,

  now I let go your hand, I am barren.

  Exit

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I

  see thee so put down?

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary

  put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit

  than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I am a

  great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  No question.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride home

  to-morrow, Sir Toby.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Pourquoi, my dear knight?

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would I had

  bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in

  fencing, dancing and bear-baiting: O, had I but

  followed the arts!

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Why, would that have mended my hair?

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  But it becomes me well enough, does't not?

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I

  hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs

  and spin it off.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby: your niece

  will not be seen; or if she be, it's four to one

  she'll none of me: the count himself here hard by woos her.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above

  her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I

  have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't,

  man.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the

  strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques

  and revels sometimes altogether.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the

  degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare

  with an old man.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Faith, I can cut a caper.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  And I can cut the mutton to't.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong

  as any man in Illyria.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have

  these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to

  take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost

  thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in

  a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not

  so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What

  dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in?

  I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy

  leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a

  flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some revels?

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?

  * * *

  SIR ANDREW

  Taurus! That's sides and heart.

  * * *

  SIR TOBY BELCH

  No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the

  caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!

  Exeunt

  Scene IV. Duke Orsino's Palace.

  Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA in man's attire

  VALENTINE

  If the duke continue these favours towards you,

  Cesario, you are like to be much advanced: he hath

  known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  You either fear his humour or my negligence, that

  you call in question the continuance of his love:

  is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?

  * * *

  VALENTINE

  No, believe me.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  I thank you. Here comes the count.

  Enter DUKE ORSINO, CURIO, and Attendants

  * * *

  DUKE ORSINO

  Who saw Cesario, ho?

  * * *

  VIOLA

  On your attendance, my lord; here.

  * * *

  DUKE ORSINO

  Stand you a while aloof, Cesario,

  Thou know'st no less but all; I have unclasp'd

  To thee the book even of my secret soul:

  Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her;

  Be not denied access, stand at her doors,

  And tell them, there thy fixed foot shall grow

  Till thou have audience.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  Sure, my noble lord,

  If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow

  As it is spoke, she never will admit me.

  * * *

  DUKE ORSINO

  Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds

  Rather than make unprofited return.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

  * * *

  DUKE ORSINO

  O, then unfold the passion of my love,

  Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith:

  It shall become thee well to act my woes;

  She will attend it better in thy youth

  Than in a nuncio's of more grave aspect.

  * * *

  VIOLA

  I think not so, my lord.

  * * *

  DUKE ORSINO

  Dear lad, believe it;

  For they shall yet belie thy happy years,