I quickly typed: We are on our way. Almost there.

  Then I handed the phone to Brady. He read the text to his parents. Then the phone dinged again, and he read the incoming text silently before handing it to me:

  Good. I need you here.

  I closed my eyes tightly and prayed. I wasn’t sure what to pray for because I knew West’s dad couldn’t be saved from this. But I prayed anyway.

  Once we arrived at the hospital, Uncle Boone let us out at the entrance before he went to park. I didn’t wait on anyone. I ran inside and headed for the elevators. If West got the news his dad had passed away, I wanted to be there beside him. I wanted him to have what I hadn’t. Someone who understood.

  When the elevator door opened, I hurried on and pressed the button. When the doors opened again on the fourth floor, there stood West. His eyes were bloodshot, and they locked on mine. He’d been waiting on me.

  “Hey,” he said in a hoarse whisper.

  I stepped out of the elevator and reached out my hand to take his. “Hey.”

  “They just let Mom go back,” he said, tightening his hold on my hand and pulling me closer to him. “Said he was stable, but there isn’t much they can do other than try to make him comfortable.”

  For months he’d feared going to sleep and waking up to find his dad gone. Today was a close call. I threaded my fingers through his. “Let’s go back to the waiting room. They’ll come get you soon.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed.

  The white walls were so sterile. Hospitals had always felt cold to me. I wouldn’t want to die here. I’d like to die somewhere I loved, somewhere that made me feel safe. Which, finally, made me realize what I would pray for. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer that Jude Ashby didn’t have to die here. That he could die at home. A place he loved.

  “Who brought you?” West asked as I opened my eyes.

  “Uncle Boone, Aunt Coralee, and Brady. They’re right behind me. I just ran when we got out of the car. I didn’t want you to be here . . . without me.”

  West’s hand squeezed mine, then he brushed his thumb against my thumb. “Thank you.”

  I remembered his text about needing me. He needed me for his own reasons. Ones I understood. But I needed him, too. Because in three short weeks he’d wedged his way into my heart.

  I’d realized this morning, after seeing that text and not being there with him, that nothing was as important as getting to this hospital. I had never been in love, so I had nothing to compare it to, but there was no question in my mind that West Ashby had become the most important person in my life. I was in love with him. I could be whatever it was he needed me to be. Even if that would always be just a friend.

  I’ll Be the Man You Raised Me to Be

  CHAPTER 26

  WEST

  I had expected Maggie to move her hand away from mine when her family showed up. But she hadn’t. Not even when her aunt and uncle had both looked directly at our joined hands. She had stayed close beside me, holding on to me while they’d all talked. Coralee had kissed the top of my head and told me she loved me.

  Boone had nodded and patted my shoulder. Then Brady had taken the seat on my other side, silently letting me know he was there for me. Having people here was a relief. Especially for Momma. I didn’t want her to think we were alone.

  I had Maggie, that was all I needed, but the Higgenses being here made it easier for Momma.

  “I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Brady said as he stood up and walked down the hallway.

  “He’s going to tell the other guys. They ones you’re close to,” Maggie whispered, barely moving her lips. Her aunt and uncle were talking over by the coffee machine. They weren’t looking at us.

  “He tell you that?” I asked

  “Yes, he told all of us in the car. He’s worried about you.”

  It was time they knew. I should have told them sooner. But I’d had Maggie, and telling anyone else wasn’t something I cared about doing.

  “He’s going. I can feel it,” I said it out loud, needing to hear myself admit it.

  “You’ll hurt. It’s the worst pain. But you’re strong, and you’ll make it through. You’ll have his memory. That won’t ever leave you.” She stopped talking when her aunt turned around. I was sure she hadn’t heard Maggie’s quiet whisper.

  I held on to her words. She knew what this felt like. She was being honest with me. She wasn’t patting my arm and telling me that I’d be okay or that she was sorry for me. I’d be getting a lot of that soon.

  “This morning my momma—God, you should have seen her lose it. That was tough.” My mother sobbing as she held on to the door was an image that would never leave my mind. I’d always remember that horrible moment.

  Maggie turned her head and pressed her face to my arm. “But she has you. You have each other. Hold on to that,” she said with her mouth hidden from her family.

  I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. I didn’t care if they saw me. I wanted her to know she was important. That I cherished her. I would always cherish her and our friendship.

  Brady came back into the room and sat down next to me. “I called the guys. They’re on their way here. They want to be here with you and, whether you want to admit it or not, you need them too.”

  He was wrong. I didn’t need them. I had who I needed tucked close to my side. But I didn’t tell him that. I just nodded. He wouldn’t understand.

  Two hours later the guys were all filling up the waiting room. So was the entire football coaching staff. Ryker’s and Nash’s parents had both come. Asa’s dad and Gunner’s dad had also come.

  No matter who came in, Maggie stayed by my side with her hand in mine. I knew she wouldn’t let go. That bit of comfort helped.

  The guys didn’t ask me why I hadn’t told them. I figured Brady had made sure of that. They all came in and stood close, giving me their silent support.

  A couple of the parents said how sorry they were to hear about my dad. That if we needed anything, to please call them. They’d bring over meals and that kind of thing. I nodded and tensed up each time one of them mentioned how hard this must be on me.

  Momma finally appeared from her visit with Dad, and her eyes widened at the waiting room full of people. Then she searched for me. I stood up and took Maggie with me. She didn’t question it, just went with me, her hand still in mine.

  When I reached Momma, she gave me a teary smile that didn’t touch her eyes. “He’s okay right now, but he’s not awake yet. If you want to go back and sit with him a while, you can. It’s only two at a time, though, for a few more hours.”

  I had to go see my dad. Maggie’s hand eased from mine, and she looked up at me. I could see the encouragement there. She wanted me to go with my momma. In case this was it, we both needed to be at his side.

  “I’m here,” she said softly. “Go.”

  I nodded then followed my mother down the hall. She stopped outside my dad’s door, and I could see him hooked up to machines, looking too frail in that hospital bed. The last time he’d been in one of those, he’d been bigger. Not so sick. Things had changed so much over the past couple of months.

  “Talk to him. I think he can hear us. In case . . . in case this is it. Tell him everything you want him to know,” she said, the words catching in her throat as her eyes welled with tears.

  I went inside first and made my way over to the side of the bed. His breathing was weak and raspy like he was struggling for each breath. Last weekend he’d been laughing with us. I knew we’d never get a weekend like that again. It had been our last.

  “Hey, Dad,” I said as I stood there staring down at him. Memorizing this moment. I needed all my memories to keep with me. “I know you’re not a fan of this place, but you should see the crowd you have in the waiting room. They’re packing the joint,” I said, glancing over at my mother on the other side of the bed as she slipped her hand under my dad’s.

  “Maggie’s out there too. She was here almost as soon as we arrived. If they’d let more people back, I know she’d want to come see you.”

  I wasn’t convinced he could hear me even though Momma thought so. All we could do was hope he could. There was so much I wanted to say, but how was I supposed to say it?

  Maggie hadn’t gotten a chance to say anything to her mother. I wouldn’t not take my chance.

  “I love you. I’m proud to be your son.” I choked up as the words came out. “My whole life you’ve been our rock. You’ve been the strong shoulders we leaned on. A kid couldn’t have asked for a better father. I have the best d—” I stopped and swallowed hard as I watched his chest rise with each labored breath. “I have the best dad. But I want you to know, I can be the man now. I can take care of Momma, and I swear to you I will. She won’t ever be alone. I’ll make sure of that. I’ll make you proud of me. Don’t worry about us. We will miss you every day. Your memory will always be with us. But I won’t let you down. I’ll be the man you raised me to be.”

  Momma let out a sob that sent the tears pooling in my eyes down my face. I loved this man so much. Life without him wasn’t something I’d ever imagined. Facing it now seemed impossible. Even as I promised him I would be the rock Momma needed.

  I Won’t Have Regrets

  CHAPTER 27

  MAGGIE

  After West went back to see his dad, I took a seat beside Aunt Coralee. She patted my leg and told me she was proud of me for being there for West. She didn’t add that I had my own share of pain when it came to losing a parent, but the way she spoke, I could tell she was thinking it.

  Brady was over with Asa, Gunner, Ryker, and Nash, all talking quietly. As if they knew death was near and they weren’t sure how to handle it. When you hadn’t dealt with death, you didn’t understand. That had been me once. Before.

  Over the next hour, Raleigh arrived, along with other people I recognized from school. I wasn’t sure Raleigh being here was a good thing. She glanced over at me when she first arrived, and the hatred on her face was obvious. Just like Serena, she was confused about what I actually was to West. They had both had him in ways I never would. But then, I knew a part of West that they never would. I understood the difference. They didn’t.

  Uncle Boone stood with the coaches as they talked and drank coffee. Deep concern was written across all their faces. West was loved. And from the way the others spoke of his dad, so was Jude.

  The hours passed, and we all waited. Every hour West was back there meant another hour he’d had with his dad. I hoped he said everything he wanted to say. That when his dad took his last breath, West had no regrets.

  I watched as Raleigh walked over to talk to Brady. He was polite to her, but I could see he wasn’t thrilled she was here.

  Suddenly Aunt Coralee spoke beside me. “We were there with you the day it happened. You probably don’t remember. You weren’t handling it well. Bless your heart, how could you? My heart broke as I watched you pull away from everyone. But you’re with us now, and we love you, Maggie. I want you to know that. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but sitting here, watching this, I want you to know we were there. Jorie was there. We made sure no one got near you or pushed you to do anything you didn’t want to do.”

  I did remember them being there. I had been lost in my own grief, but I remembered seeing my aunt’s tear-streaked face as she’d kept guard over me. I hadn’t forgotten that. I hadn’t cared at the time, but looking back I’m glad she’d done it.

  I looked over at her and smiled. I wanted to tell her that I knew. That I was thankful they’d been there. But my emotions were too raw today. Knowing what West was going through was enough. I couldn’t also try to speak to her for the first time.

  The day rolled away as the night came. The waiting room remained full. Brady had dozed off in his chair and Nash had lain down on several chairs to take a nap.

  Raleigh had left, thankfully. I’d breathed a sigh of relief when she’d given up on waiting for West.

  It was close to eight in the evening when West walked through the doors. His eyes scanned the waiting room until they found me. I stood up, my stomach in knots. As much as I had prepared myself for this, I wasn’t sure I could be strong.

  West held out his hand for me, and I walked over and took it. “He can have more visitors now. I’d like that to be you,” he said close to my ear.

  I squeezed his hand. He looked up from me to the others waiting.

  “He’s . . . stable. Struggling . . . to breathe. But he’s sleeping,” West said to everyone. “Thank y’all for coming. For being here. Knowing we have people out here who care means a lot. Especially to my mom. So thanks for that.”

  West moved his attention back to me. “You ready?”

  I nodded.

  His fingers threaded with mine, and we walked back through those doors I’d been watching all day.

  His dad’s room had large windows so the nurses could watch him from their station. From the hallway I could see his mother’s head resting on the bed beside his dad’s arm. Her hand was locked tightly with his. She was holding on to him, as if she could keep him here that way.

  “I think Momma’s asleep. She’s cried a lot today. It’s been draining,” he said as he opened the door and stood back for me to go in. His hand touched my lower back and led me over to the sofa against the wall.

  He sat down and put his arm along the back of the sofa. “Come here. Sit with me.”

  It was obvious he wanted me close, and I understood. I sat down, and he pulled me closer to him, his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his chest and watched his father’s uneven breathing. Each gasp seemed like it was a fight for him.

  “I won’t have regrets,” West said, then pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you for that. For keeping my head on straight. If you hadn’t helped me, I don’t know if I’d have been able to do it today. But I did. I said everything to him I wanted him to know.”

  I tilted my head back so I could see his face. Each beautiful angle had become precious to me. I wanted to reach up and touch him. Reassure him. But that wasn’t what we were.

  He gazed down at me. There were no more words. My look was a silent reassurance I wasn’t leaving and he had me.

  Movement broke the spell, and we both turned to see that Olivia had raised her head and was looking at Jude, panicked. There was obvious relief on her face as she saw his chest rise and fall.

  She touched his arm and let out a sigh. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” she said, sounding apologetic.

  “You’re exhausted, Momma. Dad would want you to rest,” West told her.

  Olivia turned her head to see us on the sofa. A tired smile touched her lips. “Hello, Maggie. I’m glad they’ve let you come back. If Jude were awake, he’d be all smiles and happy to see you with West.”

  I remembered the last time I’d see him. He’d been awake and laughing. Life could be so cruel.

  “Can I get you anything?” I asked her. I wondered if she’d eaten at all.

  She shook her head. “I’m fine, but thank you.”

  I watched her as she tucked his covers in around him and fussed over his pillow. West pulled me close to him again, and we sat there silently. Watching Jude breathe. There was nothing to say. In the face of sorrow and loss, no words could ever be adequate.

  They Hadn’t Left

  CHAPTER 28

  WEST

  I had sent Maggie home with the Higgenses at ten. She hadn’t wanted to leave me, but she’d needed to sleep. Momma and I would sleep in here. Boone promised to bring Maggie back first thing in the morning. She’d been my rock today. Letting her go hadn’t been easy for me, but I could see the exhaustion in her eyes.

  At 4:53 that morning my dad took his last breath. I hadn’t been sleeping. I couldn’t. Momma had, though, and I’d woken her before the nurses could arrive. She had kissed his face and told him over and over that she loved him, then curled into my arms and sobbed.

  While I stood there holding her and watching as the nurses began undoing all the machines, I said my own silent good-bye. To the best man I would ever know. He had fought hard, but in the end I knew he couldn’t hold on any longer. I’d promised him I’d take care of Momma, and I wouldn’t let him down.

  When it was time for us to leave, I held my mother in my arms, and we walked out that door for the last time. We made our way down the hall toward the waiting room door. I opened it, expecting it to be empty.

  It wasn’t. Brady, Nash, Gunner, Asa, and Ryker were all lying around on different chairs or slumped over, asleep in their seats. They hadn’t left. Even though I’d asked them all to go home, these five hadn’t left. We had been a friends and teammates since we were kids, but more than that . . . we were a family.

  “I’m going to go call your grandmother. She’d want to know. You go wake the boys and tell them.”

  My mother’s mother had never come around much. We’d gone to visit her over the years, but she was a stuffy old rich woman who looked down her nose at the life my mother had chosen. My grandfather had passed away of a heart attack when I was five. I didn’t remember much about him. They were the only grandparents I had met. My dad’s parents had died in a car accident on Old Morphy Bridge in a storm when he was away at college. He’d been an only child just like my mom.

  I felt numb. Almost as if it weren’t real. As if I were going to go home, and he’d be there waiting on us. Wanting Momma to make meat loaf and asking me about my day.

  It was impossible to comprehend that he was really gone.

  First I went to Brady, who was slumped in a chair with his baseball cap pulled down over his face. He moved the minute I nudged his shoulder. Shoving his hat back on his head, he looked up at me. I didn’t have to say anything. He knew.

  Standing up, he pulled me in for a hug. “I’m sorry, man. So damn sorry.”