twenty-nine

  dean

  I had known she wouldn’t be in my bed when I opened my eyes. She’d explained that when Cam woke up, she needed to be sleeping in the third bedroom. I disagreed. The boy needed to know the truth about us, but Brielle refused. She’d said it was too soon. I felt like she was trying to say she didn’t trust that this would last. That was the part I had the hardest time with.

  That, and I’d woken up hard and wanted to bury myself inside her.

  Brielle was waiting on me in the living room when I walked in there. She was dressed and drinking a cup of coffee. I looked around for Cam but didn’t see him.

  “Good morning,” she said, standing up as I approached her.

  I pulled her to me and pressed a long, hungry kiss on her mouth. She looked flushed when I pulled back.

  “Morning,” I said, then took her cup from her hand to set it down.

  “I can’t stay. I already sent Cam downstairs to get dressed. I have to go feed him, then send him out to the bus,” she said.

  “Then, come back to me,” I added.

  She smiled and pressed a hand against my chest. “No. Then, I have to go to work.”

  Fuck. Work. I’d forgotten about that. She had to work.

  “Call in sick,” I said.

  She laughed, then slipped away from me, putting space between us. “I can’t. It’s not summer hours anymore. The campus is full of students, and I am needed.”

  “I need you,” I told her.

  She sighed and stepped toward the door.

  “We can’t … you know … all the time,” she said.

  “Fuck?” I asked when she couldn’t say the word.

  She blushed again and nodded.

  “Oh, baby, but I can. When it’s you, my dick doesn’t seem to need a break.”

  She laughed and turned for the door. “I have to go, Dean.”

  I hated work. I wanted her here. With me. All the time.

  Whoa … I needed to stop and process that. Did I really want that? Was I completely pussy-whipped? Was that what they called it?

  I didn’t go to the door when she opened it. I watched her as she stepped out and waved to me.

  “I’ll see you later,” she said.

  I gave a nod and watched as she closed the door. Standing there, staring at the door, I waited to see how I felt. What this was exactly.

  I looked down at my cock, and it was hard. That was a given. Then, I lifted my gaze back to the door, and I felt … I felt … fuck me. I missed her. I missed her smile. I missed the sound of her voice. Dammit to hell, I missed her and not just her body. I missed her.

  I let my head fall back as I closed my eyes and cursed again. “Motherfucker.”

  I’d gone from telling her that her pussy was mine during sex to wanting to claim all of her. All the time.

  How the hell did I get here?

  Shit.

  I headed for the kitchen windows that overlooked the main road. Then, I stood there and waited. Finally, I saw Cam come running across the parking lot with his backpack on his back just as the school bus rolled to a stop outside. He turned and waved. Brielle had walked down with him. I saw her as she stepped farther out into the parking lot. She called something to him, and he nodded, then climbed onto the bus.

  My eyes went back to her. She waited until the bus completely pulled away before turning and walking back to the building.

  She was a great mom. Cam was a special kid. He had talent. Real talent. He impressed me, and that had nothing to do with my obsession with his mother. He was fucking gifted on the drums.

  Was I ready for this? To be a stand-in dad to a kid? Did I want this?

  I wanted her. I wanted her so fucking bad that I was thinking long-term.

  Nothing had to be decided today. This was new. It could all get old, or we could get bored. It couldn’t be love. Sure, I loved having my cock buried in her pussy, but that wasn’t being in love. I was thinking too far in advance. We had time to let it all play out.

  I turned and headed for the shower. I needed to rub one out and get dressed. There was a Kerrington Country Club board meeting this afternoon, and I had been on the board for the past nine years. I could go visit Rush and see my youngest granddaughter, who wasn’t in school yet. It would get my mind off Brielle.

  Would I introduce Brielle to my family? She was younger than Rush and Blaire. Not that Rush would be surprised by my fucking a woman her age, but I’d never dated one. I didn’t bring women around my family. I was thinking ahead again. There was plenty of time to work this out. No reason to make it all fit now.

  thirty

  brielle

  “Is Dean coming to dinner? I got great news, but I want to tell you both at the same time,” Cam announced as he bounded into the kitchen, full of energy.

  “Yes, he’s coming,” I replied, already knowing his good news. I’d gotten a call from his band teacher today.

  I hadn’t told Dean about it. I wanted to save that for Cam. I knew Dean would be here tonight.

  For the past two weeks, he’d been coming here for dinner, or I’d been cooking dinner in his penthouse. We had been spending every night together. We had even learned how to have sex quietly in my bedroom. Although, more often than not, Dean covered my mouth with his hand.

  I kept waiting for Dean to grow bored with me … us … the routine that was our life. He hadn’t yet.

  While I was at work, he texted me often. Most of the time, it left me blushing and smiling. That hadn’t gone unnoticed by the others in the office. When they asked me who it was, I always said it was just a friend. What more could I say? I couldn’t tell them the truth.

  Most days, Dean had Cam come up to his penthouse to work on the drums until I got home. Cam rarely finished a sentence lately without Dean’s name in it. That was something I was dealing with internally. I hadn’t expected this day would come, and now that Cam was living in a world with Dean in it, I grew more anxious with every passing minute. What would happen when this ended? How would I explain things? Should I? Would it cause more harm for Cam than not?

  Having your mother date your idol was a dream come true for a boy, but what did it become when he found out that his idol was his father?

  October 16, 2012

  Bradley hadn’t waited on me. I didn’t know if I should be hurt or not, but it wasn’t my boyfriend’s fault I didn’t have a phone. I hadn’t been able to call him and let him know I’d be late. My foster mom, Gail, had refused to let me come tonight. She would have had to cook the kids dinner and get them ready for bed. Heaven forbid she help them with their homework. It was the only reason I didn’t think she’d kick me out next month when I turned eighteen.

  Gail made her living off the state. She was a foster parent, and the checks she got for it were what paid her bills. Right now, she had five kids under the age of ten, and three of those were under the age of five. She needed me to take care of them.

  I had asked that she just let me go this once to a concert.

  Bradley had gotten Slacker Demon tickets and was going to take me for an early birthday present. I’d never been given a birthday present before, and this was the best gift ever. Today, he’d acted strange, but then again, he had been doing that the past few weeks. He was hot or cold. It was confusing.

  Most of last year, he had pursued me. Begged me to go out with him. When I’d finally given in and started sitting at his table at lunch, things had progressed quickly. Bradley was popular, and suddenly, so was I. Problem was, I didn’t have a life like the others in his clique did. I was expected to go home and work. There were no parents buying me a phone or a car.

  I’d overheard Jilly Connor, who was supposed to be my friend, tell Hannah Matthews that the only reason Bradley was dating me was because of my body. He liked my boobs, and she didn’t see why. She said they were too big and that I dressed trashy. I wore the only clothes that I had, and, yes, they were getting too small, but Gail wasn’t going to replace them with ones that fit me properly. She would have to spend money to do that, and she saved her money for her cigarettes and wine.

  The only real friend I had was Natalie Brock. She had been my friend for years. Well before I started dating Bradley. She was the only one who understood what my life was like. Natalie wasn’t a foster kid, but she lived with her stepmom, and her father was often absent. She struggled to fit in too. The others would never understand.

  I could hear the music from outside the entrance to the outdoor coliseum where Slacker Demon was playing tonight. Bradley was inside already, and I felt bad that he’d wasted money on an unused ticket. If I could just find someone who could go tell him I was out here, then he could come get me.

  There was no one out here but security. I walked along the boardwalk that surrounded the place. Every entrance was guarded with police officers, and I considered having one of them go find him. I knew our seat numbers. I didn’t even know what time it was now. The concert had started two hours before I was able to sneak out, but there were always openers. I didn’t care about them anyway. It was Slacker Demon I wanted to see.

  I tugged on the sleeveless black knit dress I was wearing. It had fit me fine two years ago when Natalie gave it to me to wear to a birthday party. Now, if I tugged it up to cover my cleavage, it was too short on my legs. If I tugged it down to keep it from being too short, my boobs looked like they were about to fall out.

  I stopped and looked around the parking lot. There were thousands of vehicles on the property. Could I even find Bradley’s car among all of them? I could leave him a note. Explain what had happened.

  Laughter caught my attention, and I turned toward the sound, hoping it was someone I knew. As if God had heard my prayers, there was Hannah and Jilly with some guy I didn’t know. They were with other girls from Bradley’s group of friends.

  “I swear to God, he is into slumming it. I think it’s the pressure his dad puts on him. He has to rebel somewhere in his life,” Jilly said.

  I walked up to them. “Hey!” I called out to get their attention since they were walking away from me.

  All of them turned, and when Jilly’s eyes locked on me, she grinned. It wasn’t a friendly smile. It was a scary one. The kind that came with trouble.

  “Ah, look, his latest castoff,” Jilly said, slinging her hair behind her back and placing a hand on her hip.

  I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but I ignored it. I needed a favor, and this was my only chance. “Can you get a message to Bradley for me?” I asked as sweetly as I could.

  Please let Jilly be in a good mood. Please, God.

  She laughed. “Sure.”

  Relief flooded me. “Let him know I’m here. I’m late, and he has my ticket inside. Or could I call him from your phone? That would be better.”

  She laughed harder this time. That wasn’t a good sign.

  “Oh, sweetie, he doesn’t have your ticket. He used it to get Natalie—you know, your best friend—into the concert with him.”

  Natalie? Did he call her, and when I couldn’t come, he offered her my ticket? That would make sense. He didn’t want it to go to waste.

  “Oh, well, can I call him at least? Please. I need to apologize and thank him for giving it to Natalie.”

  Jilly wasn’t the only one who laughed this time. They all did. One girl even covered her mouth and started to leave.

  What was so funny? I was asking to borrow a phone. Why did they all have to act so ridiculous?

  “You can call him, but the last time I saw him, his tongue was down Natalie’s throat, and his hand was on her ass. He didn’t give her your ticket because you hadn’t shown up. He’d invited her weeks ago. They just didn’t tell you. Oops,” she said, then placed a hand over her mouth, as if she were shocked.

  I stood there, trying to process it all. The group continued to giggle and laugh as they turned and walked away, back inside to the concert, while I was once again alone, looking like a fool in a dress that I had hoped Bradley would like even though it didn’t fit.

  I began to walk. I wasn’t sure where I was walking to. I was in shock. The more I walked, the more I realized it was Natalie I was hurt over. She had been my best friend for years. Bradley had just been a boyfriend. I wasn’t in love with him, but I had given him my virginity. He had begged me for sex until I caved a few months ago, and we started doing it whenever there was a chance. We didn’t get many of those. Not with me being unable to leave the house when Gail was awake.

  I wasn’t sure how long I walked when I stopped and noticed the cars were gone and the lighting wasn’t as good. I didn’t know where I had turned, and it looked like I was in the back of the main facility instead of the front. I had to get back to Gail’s, but first, I had to figure out where I was. I could deal with my heartbreak from Natalie’s betrayal later.

  “Sexy and brave,” a deep voice said from somewhere in the shadows.

  I spun around until I saw a puff of smoke under a light coming from inside. I stood there, unable to see a face, but I was sure I should run or scream.

  “I was looking for someone,” I said hastily.

  “Like I said, brave,” the voice said again.

  I backed up as the orange glow from the end of the cigarette moved closer.

  “You found me, sugar. Or were you looking for Kiro?”

  It was then that the owner of the voice stepped into the moonlight, and Dean Finlay’s face came into view before he took another pull from his cigarette—oh, wait. The smell … that wasn’t a cigarette.

  I shook my head to clear it. Was this real?

  The drummer for Slacker Demon was just out here, where anyone could come upon him.

  “You’re supposed to be onstage,” I blurted out.

  He chuckled. “Is that so?”

  I nodded, staring at him, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I was talking to Dean Finlay.

  “Concert is over, sweetheart. Weren’t you in there?” he asked me.

  I shook my head. “I, uh … I didn’t have a ticket.”

  That was the truth. I’d never had a ticket, it seemed. Natalie had.

  “You just came to find us then? Smart. Most of the groupies are already inside. Why didn’t you join them earlier?” His gaze fell to my chest. “Deet would have let you in. He knows my type.”

  I didn’t know who Deet was or what he was talking about, but Dean Finlay was looking at my boobs. My dress no longer felt like a bad choice.

  “I was headed to the bus. I didn’t feel like company tonight, but you changed my mind,” he said, closing the distance between us. He cupped my face with his hand and studied me. “How old are you?”

  I didn’t think. I didn’t weigh the consequences. Dean Finlay was flirting with me, and if I told him I was seventeen, he’d stop. He wouldn’t keep talking to me. This would end. I never expected much excitement in my life. So far, it had been full of disappointments and struggles. Just this once, I had a chance at something exceptional happening to me.

  “Twenty-one,” I replied.

  He grinned. “I always pick the young ones,” he said, then grabbed my left boob and squeezed it. “But, fuck, you’re sweet.”

  I was sure I’d forgotten to breathe.

  Dean moved then, placing a hand on my back and taking me with him. We walked past two large buses before he stopped at one and hit the door once with his open palm.

  It opened, and Dean took my hand and pulled me inside.

  “Go,” he said to a tall, slender man with a strange goatee.

  The man nodded. “Yes, sir.” Then, he moved to the door we had just entered through.

  “It’s been a long few months. I’m tired, sugar. Help me out and take that dress off for me. I want to see those big-ass tits,” Dean said as he sat down on a black leather sofa.

  I froze. He wanted me to get naked. Did that mean he wanted to … have sex with me? Dean Finlay? I’d only had sex with Bradley. I wasn’t sure I wanted to ever have sex again. I hadn’t enjoyed it. But this was Dean Finlay. I was in his bus.

  “Baby, you don’t have to play shy. I’m fucking turned on. Those big blue eyes and that rack on you have me ready to fuck. Now.”

  In life, we weren’t always given time to make decisions carefully. We had to act or move on. I knew this was one of those moments. I could take off my dress for the world’s most famous drummer, or I could walk out of this bus.

  His silver-gray eyes watched me as I reached for the hem of my dress. Swallowing hard, I took a deep breath, and I lifted it up, pulled it over my head, and dropped it to the floor of his bus.

  “Jesus,” he muttered, standing up then and walking over to me.

  His hands felt rough against my skin, but it excited me. I was doing this. Tonight, I’d lost my best friend and my boyfriend. I wasn’t sure if I’d have a place to live next month. When I turned eighteen I doubted that Gail would let me stay. But right now, I was going to have sex with a rock star. Not just any rock star, but the one I had been obsessed with since I’d heard their first song. Just this once, I was going to be Dean Finlay’s groupie.

  When he rolled off me, then promptly passed out, I stood up, and I noticed the broken condom still on his penis. I reached down to touch between my legs and felt more wetness than should have been there. Holding out my hand, I saw the evidence on my fingers.

  thirty-one

  brielle

  Cam’s father one day coming to lay claim on him or fight me in court for custody was never a fear I lived with. Telling a man who had slept with a different woman every night for most of his adult life that your kid was his seemed cliché.

  I’d tried to contact Dean when I was younger. Back when I had nowhere to live and a baby on the way. I left a few messages on the band’s contact page on their website. I also used the mailing address that was for their fan mail to tell him about the pregnancy.