I shook my head. “He’s not in love. That’s not what this is. It’s just, um … he’s just …” I stopped, not having the correct words to describe whatever this was.

  “He’s giving up other vaginas because you told him yours was off-limits to him. Which means he wants yours more. That’s major for Levi,” Trinity said in a hushed voice.

  Maddy nodded. “She’s right. It really is.”

  I caught myself chewing on my bottom lip. Was this a good thing? We hadn’t had sex yet. What if I was bad at it? What would happen when he realized he missed good sex?

  “All right, Maddy, he’s all yours,” Trev announced, walking up with a wet, wiggling Cree under his arm. “I’m ready to take my girl home.”

  Gypsi smiled at him.

  “Mommy!” Cree squealed. “Gyppy bite him. Dat’s bad. Tell huwa!”

  Trev smirked at Gypsi. “She’s a very bad girl, Cree.”

  “Time-out!” Cree shouted and pointed at her.

  “She’s getting punished, I promise,” Trev told him, then put him down in front of Maddy.

  Trev walked over and took Gypsi’s hand to pull her up. She pushed at his wet chest playfully as he tugged her against him. I watched as she laughed at something he had said in her ear.

  Being around all these couples who were madly in love made it hard to accept my situation. It wasn’t fair to any man to love me though. As much as I ached for that feeling, it was best that Levi wasn’t in danger of loving me. My forever was much shorter than most.

  “No, no bite big dawg,” Cree scolded Gypsi.

  Trev held out his fist, and Cree ran up and hit it with his own fist. “See you later, little dawg.”

  “Bye, big dawg!” he called out as he took off running toward Blaise.

  My eyes connected with Levi’s again. He nodded his head toward the house. He was ready to go upstairs. Oh God, I was nervous now. This thing we had was fragile, new, uncertain. I didn’t want to mess it up. End it too soon. I wished I felt comfortable enough to ask someone how to not be bad at sex.

  Slowly, I stood up and said my goodbyes.

  I’d asked for this last night with my saying I wanted to have sex. I hadn’t thought at the time that he’d agree to be exclusive with me. Now that I’d had a taste of his being mine today, I had something to lose. Something much more important than my virginity. Levi’s interest in me. Time with him.

  Heading inside, I glanced back as Levi spoke to Blaise. He, Maddy, and Cree were getting their things together to leave too. I wanted a shower. That would give me time to either calm down or get more worked up over sucking at sex.

  Lost in my anxious thoughts, I reached for the door to my room.

  “Wrong room.” Levi’s deep voice startled me. I hadn’t realized he was so close behind me.

  I spun around to look at him. Licking my lips, I tried to think of something to say in order to delay this. I wasn’t ready. Not at all.

  Levi went to his door and opened it, then stood back and looked at me. “Aspen.” He sounded impatient.

  “Maybe we should wait,” I suggested.

  His eyes narrowed, and he walked over to me. “For what?” he asked as his hand took my elbow and directed me back to his door.

  I paused, and he gave me a gentle push, causing me to go inside before he followed me in. His chest pressed against my back as he slammed the door behind him.

  Closing my eyes, I tried to will myself to calm down. Levi’s hands took my hair, moving it off my shoulders.

  “This morning, you were moaning in my lap while rubbing your wet pussy on my cock,” he reminded me as he pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “Last night, you boldly told me you wanted to have sex. You wanted to do all of it.” He kissed the curve of my neck. “What’s changed?”

  He was making me forget everything with his lips brushing against my skin. I needed to remember the problem. I couldn’t let him get me worked up. Maybe I could find a how-to video or pointers online.

  “I just …” I said, struggling with words as his hand slipped under my shirt and slid up my stomach.

  “You just what?” he whispered before he tugged down my bra and squeezed my breast.

  “What if I’m bad at it?” I blurted out.

  His hand stilled. His warm breath tickled my ear. “You’re worried you’ll be bad at fucking?” He sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

  I nodded, then let out a frustrated whimper when he began tugging on my nipple.

  “You won’t be,” he whispered in my ear.

  “How do you know?”

  He slid his other hand down the front of my panties. My knees buckled as his talented fingers began touching me. I let my head fall back on his chest, opening my legs further. I was forgetting my question and the reason for my concern.

  “Do you trust me?” he growled in my ear.

  “Yes,” I breathed.

  “Then, get naked and in my bed.”

  His touch left me, but I heard the zipper of his jeans. This was what I’d asked for last night. He was only doing what I’d wanted. I reached for the straps on my sundress, pushing them off my shoulders before working it down past my hips until it fell to the floor. I didn’t turn back around and look at Levi. The sound of his jeans hitting the floor made me gasp. I couldn’t be sure if it was nerves or anticipation.

  My hands went to my bra, but his hands moved mine out of the way. He unfastened it, then took it off my body. I took a deep breath before discarding my panties. Once I was completely naked, I walked over to the bed and climbed onto it, reminding myself this was Levi. I trusted him. He made me feel safe.

  His hands grabbed my ankles and tugged until I was flat on my back. I watched him as his eyes slowly moved up my body, and then I looked at his. He was beautiful. All hard muscle, tanned skin. But his erection caused some concern. I knew it would fit, but how badly was it going to hurt?

  Levi moved over me, holding himself up with one arm and stroking his hard length with his other hand. “I’m not going to be able to wait. I thought I could, but”—his neck flexed as he looked down at my open legs—“I need inside you.”

  The raspy, deep sound in his voice made me shiver. He wanted this too. Knowing that made all my other fears fade away. I wasn’t making him do something he didn’t want to do. Part of me had worried that I was.

  He hung his head as he ran the tip against my opening. “It’s gonna hurt, sweetheart. But after it eases, I swear I’ll make it feel good.”

  Watching his body so tense as he clearly struggled to hold back made me want to promise him anything. I didn’t care about the pain anymore. I just wanted it to be me who was giving him pleasure. My body.

  “Try to relax,” he said close to my ear before his mouth moved over mine.

  He began kissing me gently, and the caress of his tongue as he ran it against mine distracted me as I eagerly tasted him.

  The moment he began to enter me, I sucked in a breath from the shock of his size stretching me in an unfamiliar way. He tore his mouth from mine. I could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

  “Fuck,” he hissed. “It’s so tight. Are you okay?”

  I stared up at him. The veins on his neck stood out, and his mouth was in a tight line. Was he in pain?

  “Yes. Does it hurt you?” I hadn’t considered that.

  A low chuckle vibrated his chest, and he dropped his head to the crook of my neck. “No, baby.”

  He pushed in further, and I bit down on my bottom lip to keep from making a noise that might cause him to stop. It was starting to burn.

  A low growl came from his chest. “Goddammit.”

  My pain was forgotten as I studied him. What was wrong? My fear over being bad at this was back in full force. He lifted his head, and his eyes locked on mine.

  “That’s the hymen. I’m going to make it quick.” His voice was strained.

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  Levi pressed his lips to mine as he thrust his hips hard. The sharp pain shot through me, and I cried out, grabbing on to Levi’s arms.

  A strangled groan came from Levi as his chest rose and fell with quick, short breaths. “Jesus Christ, sweetheart, a pussy should not feel this fucking incredible.”

  That was it. He wasn’t in pain or suffering. He was trying to hold back. This was good for him. The pain was fading, and I lifted my hips, feeling him sink even further inside me.

  His hand grabbed me, holding me still. “Don’t. I need a minute.”

  I stilled, my gaze taking in his face. His eyes were closed, and his entire body seemed to be rigid. He took a sharp breath in through his clenched teeth. Slowly, he began to move inside of me. Pulling back, then pushing back in. The pleasure building inside me made all the pain worth it. There was no comparison to the blissfulness each stroke caused.

  “Fuck, I can’t,” he swore just as he slammed into me. “It’s too good.” His slow, easy strokes were replaced by hard thrusts. Levi’s hand grabbed my left thigh and squeezed it hard as he opened me up further. “Sweet little virgin pussy is mine,” he grunted, pumping into me.

  A frenzy inside of me seemed to grow more intense with each dirty word from his mouth. This wasn’t a normal orgasm. It was intensified, like a wild storm, tossing me toward a delirium where nothing mattered but my own gratification. My body began to shake, and if I wasn’t so lost in the moment, I’d be terrified.

  “Levi,” I cried out.

  Was this right? Was this how it was supposed to feel? Nirvana shook me as my body bucked against him, and I made noises I didn’t recognize as my own.

  “Fuuuck!” he shouted, his eyes wide, looking down at me. He jerked against me, his mouth falling slightly open.

  Warmth filled me, and I continued to tremble as delightful waves shot through me.

  “Goddamn,” he groaned as I held on to his arms, the spasms still grabbing me. “You’re gonna have to stop before I lose control and start fucking you again.”

  “You can do it again so soon?” I asked, sounding as if I’d just sprinted a mile.

  He rested his forehead against mine. “Yes. But you’re going to be sore, and I need to clean you up. I can’t keep my dick inside you all damn night, although right now, that’s exactly what I want to do.”

  A smile spread across my face. It had been the single best experience of my life.

  “Go ahead and smile, sweetheart,” he teased. “You just ruined me.”

  “I ruined you?” I asked.

  He let out a ragged sigh. “Completely.” He pressed a kiss to my nose before sliding out of me, then moving to my side. He shook his head, smiling. “You made a fucking mess.”

  What did that mean?

  “Did I bleed too much?” I asked, suddenly horrified.

  He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me so that half of my body was on his chest. I felt the wetness then, and my eyes widened. If that was blood, I was going to die.

  “You tensed up,” he said, brushing hair from my face.

  I blinked, staring at him. How did I ask this? Was he aware how wet the bed was? Had I … peed? Oh God.

  “You okay? Does it hurt?” he asked me, concern in his voice.

  I closed my eyes, not able to look at him. This was awful. But he was going to see it. I couldn’t hide the fact that the sheets were going to need to be changed.

  “I did something—I mean, I think it was me. The bed …” I was going to die. Right now, this very moment.

  A rumble in his chest surprised me, and I opened my eyes to look at him.

  He smirked, then reached up to brush my bottom lip. “I told you that you made a mess.”

  Why did he not look disgusted or mad?

  “It can’t be blood,” I said softly. I wasn’t about to look though.

  “It isn’t. I have a little of your blood on my cock, but your ejaculation pretty much washed it away.”

  “My what?”

  He smirked at me. “As if it wasn’t enough that you have the tightest pussy in the fucking world and I got to claim that sweet hymen and make it mine, you also had to come so hard that you squirted. Which is one of my favorite fucking kinks. It’s hard to teach a girl to squirt, and you just did it all over my cock while squeezing the fuck out of my dick.” He grabbed my waist and pulled me on top of him completely, and then he cupped my face in his hands. “Best sex of my life, and you were worried you wouldn’t be any good at it.”

  The words I love you almost fell from my lips. I bit down on my tongue before I could say them. I stared down at him as the emotion, so strong, enveloped me. I should be terrified, but I wasn’t. Falling in love was beautiful. Even if I could never tell him. That wouldn’t be fair to him.

  Thirty

  Aspen

  Walking into the activity room at the hospital, I was still smiling from my morning with Levi. If I had known sex would change him this way, I’d have been begging him for it much sooner. He’d been unable to keep his hands and mouth off me. My face flushed as I thought about how he’d sat me on the bathroom counter and brought me to an orgasm with his mouth.

  “Oh! Hello. You must be Aspen. I’m Haisley.”

  I was speechless for a moment. I was going to have to find reasons to keep Levi from coming back up here ever again. The other girl was stunning in a way that was completely intimidating. Much like Shiloh, she was everything I was not. Long jet-black hair fell like silk around her shoulders. Violet eyes—I’d never seen anyone with eyes that color. It was hard not to stare at her. Add in her olive skin tone, which made me completely envious, and perfect button nose.

  “Um, yes. Uh, hi,” I replied.

  She put a worn, ripped, and faded backpack down in the corner, then turned to smile at me. “Crazy morning at home. It’s a miracle I wasn’t late,” she said. “I can’t tell you how happy I am that we have someone else here to help. You’ll see soon enough, but this place can be overwhelming with just one volunteer.”

  “I’m excited to be here. I volunteered back in my hometown, and I’ve missed it.”

  She seemed pleased by that. I knew I was going to like her. There was a kindness in her ridiculously insane eyes.

  “So, you aren’t here to look good on a college transcript then?”

  I laughed. “No. I’m not attending college. Just here because I want to serve a purpose. Do something good.”

  Haisley crossed her arms over her chest, grinning. “We are going to be very good friends, Aspen. I can already tell.”

  If only she didn’t look like a supermodel, I would be okay with that. Ugh, I hated myself for even thinking that. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t start worrying about another girl taking Levi away from me. I’d drive myself crazy.

  “Did you recently move here?” she asked.

  “A few months ago,” I replied. “I lived with my gran, but she passed away. So, I moved here to be with my sister.” I stopped then, not wanting to talk about Irish and what had happened.

  “I’m sorry to hear about your gran,” she replied sincerely.

  Desperate to get the topic off me, I decided to turn it toward her. “You’ve volunteered here for a long time?” I remembered Patty saying five years, but it was the first thing I could think of.

  She nodded as a shadow of grief crossed her face. “Yeah. Five years. My little sister, Salem, had leukemia. This became her second home. I’ve been volunteering here since she passed away.” Haisley dropped her arms and let out a sigh. “Anyway, let’s get things started. The first group will come in about an hour. The activity supply closet is this way.” She waved for me to follow her as she headed out of the room.

  “I’m sorry you lost your sister,” I said.

  She paused, then glanced back at me. “Yeah, it was hard. Thanks.”

  “I lost my sister too.” I said the words before I could stop them. “The one I moved here to be with. She was killed shortly after I got here.”

  Haisley’s shoulders slumped. “Damn,” she whispered. “You’ve had a rough year.”

  “It’s starting to turn around,” I replied, thinking of Levi. “I’ll always miss them.”

  “Yeah, that doesn’t go away.” Her voice was soft. Then, she let out a small laugh. “Well, we got deep right off the bat. Told you we were gonna be good friends.”

  The next few hours flew by as we worked nonstop. I loved every minute of it. Bringing smiles to kids’ faces, those who didn’t have many reasons to smile, brought me a peace that I needed, that I had missed. Facing death was never easy. Especially as a child. I’d been that kid once. Not sure I’d make it to adulthood. I wanted to take their minds off all the other things even if only for a little while.

  We began to clean up after the last group of the day. Haisley left to get a broom while I wiped down the tables. When the door opened, I expected to see her, but instead, it was a man. He was older than me, but I wasn’t sure by how much. Dark brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and his tattoos were on clear display since he only had on a leather vest with no shirt underneath it. His blue eyes locked on me. His face was attractive, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t evil. There was a darkness in his gaze that terrified me. I was preparing to scream when the door opened again, and Haisley walked inside.

  She frowned at the man. “You’re early. I’ve got to clean up first,” she told him, sounding annoyed.

  Relief hit me so hard that my knees felt weak. Holy crap. She knew him, which meant he wasn’t here to kill me. This wasn’t someone connected to the gang who had killed Irish. I was okay. Taking a deep breath, I tried to hide the fact that I’d just been on the verge of screaming my head off.

  “Aspen, this is my brother, AJ,” Haisley told me. Then, she looked back at him. “Go wait outside. You’re gonna scare people.” She rolled her eyes and began sweeping.