I would not be affected by him. I would not.

  “Don’t call me baby,” I snarled.

  The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. “You can hate me. You can fucking wish I were dead. But you’re always gonna be mine.”

  I let out a hard laugh, wanting to shove him and beat on his chest with my fists, screaming out all the pain he’d caused me. “No, I am not.”

  His hand moved to cup my face as he leaned forward. “Yes, the fuck you are. When I told you that I would do anything for you, I meant it. Anything.”

  Like killing my father and brother because they weren’t perfect. They’d had some issues. He would do that for me? I didn’t want that kind of help. He didn’t get to decide who lived and who died. He wasn’t God.

  His other hand slid up my leg, and I jerked away from his touch. He wasn’t going to do that. Never again. Even if my traitorous body tingled from the contact.

  He lifted his gaze from my legs back to my eyes. “Too fucking thin. Huck said he fed you today. Will you come inside and eat for me?”

  I was disgusted with myself. Somehow, I had missed how depraved I truly was, but my body was making it clear to me. Because I couldn’t deny the urge inside of me that wanted to go curl up in his lap. The draw to him and the feeling that he could make all the bad go away if I went to him—it was insanity, yet it was there in my soul. Surely, I wasn’t that dark and twisted. There had to be a better excuse.

  Blaise had become my safe place, my home … and then it had been snatched away in a moment. That was hard to adjust to, I told myself. I had trusted him, let myself love him.

  He shouldn’t be here. I had to find a way to get as far away from him and all connections to him as possible.

  “Why are you here?” My voice didn’t sound detached in the slightest. The emotions he stirred in me were clear. Even I recognized it.

  He affected me, and I couldn’t hide that.

  “Because staying away from you was killing me, and when Huck called to let me know you got sick this morning, there was nothing on this fucking earth that was going to keep me from you.” He reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. “And seeing you so thin is breaking me. I can’t deal with this. I’ve never been able to see you like this.”

  I frowned. “When have you ever seen me like this?” I asked. I was positive this was the first time in my life I’d ever been so wrecked.

  “Hungry? Too thin? Too many times,” he replied. “Too many fucking times.”

  He stood up then and held out his hand to me. “Please come inside and eat,” he urged me.

  I didn’t take his hand, but I did stand up. Having him tower over me made me feel like I was at a disadvantage. He was also too close. I needed space. Hearing the pain in his voice was more than I could handle right now. It wasn’t fair. He wasn’t fair.

  “When did you see me hungry and too thin?” I asked, not sure I wanted that answer.

  He looked down at me. “When your father spent his money on his fucking addiction instead of paying the bills. When you were sleeping in a goddamn shelter because you had been evicted from that piece-of-shit travel trailer he moved you into once. When I got pulled away for too long and came back to check on you to find out you had barely eaten in weeks. You had to tie a rope in your jeans to keep them from falling down. When I had groceries anonymously dropped off at your door and you were so damn hungry that you shoved a banana in your mouth before bringing the food inside.” He grabbed the back of my head and leaned in so close that the tip of his nose almost touched mine. “That ripped my soul out. You think I don’t have one, but I do. It’s black, but I was born with it black. You’re the one thing in this world that makes me wish it weren’t.”

  I stood there, staring at him. Unable to form words. I’d been told he had watched me from afar for years before I met him, but hearing him recall things I had tried to forget made it feel different. It made it real.

  I remembered when I’d thought someone had accidentally dropped groceries off at the wrong door. I was fifteen and hadn’t eaten in over a week. I’d grabbed the banana because I was starving and afraid the food would be taken away at any moment when the person the groceries belonged to came to claim them.

  “You can come inside with me and eat, or I can take that mouth. Your choice,” he whispered as his gaze went to my lips, then back to my eyes.

  I had to stay focused. We would not be kissing. He would not be taking my mouth in any way. Even if he had just said things that he could have only known happened if he’d been there and seen it. He was the reason we’d had food at times when I didn’t know where it had come from and I was afraid to question it. That didn’t make all the other stuff go away. It didn’t bring my family back.

  “My dad wasn’t a drug addict. He was an alcoholic.” I defended my dad. That would keep me focused on the truth.

  I needed Blaise to be clear on what he had done. The horrible, unforgivable thing he’d allowed to happen at his command. I had seen the pictures of my father shooting up that were in that file, but that wasn’t something he could have done regularly. We hadn’t had money for that kind of thing. Didn’t Blaise understand that? Had he not considered it?

  Blaise inhaled sharply, and his jaw clenched. I expected him to remind me of those photos or argue with me. He didn’t because he knew he had no argument. Nothing would make what he had done okay.

  “What’s it going to be? Are we feeding you, or are we feeding me?” he asked as his eyes went back to my mouth.

  He was too close again.

  I had to keep my distance from him.

  I stepped back. “Me,” I replied, then walked to the door.

  We needed to be around someone else. Even if it was Huck. I didn’t trust Blaise, but there was something deep inside me that made me not trust myself.

  Opening the door with unnecessary force, I stepped inside and walked toward the kitchen, not looking back to see if he was behind me or not. I could feel him. My entire body knew he was there. I scanned the downstairs, and there was no sign of Huck. When I actually wanted the man here, he disappeared.

  Spinning around, I put my hands on my hips and glared at Blaise. This was his doing.

  Blaise tilted his head to the side, slightly smiling at me, as if my angry stance was funny.

  “Where is Huck?” I spit out angrily.

  Blaise didn’t stop until he was almost to me. When I had to tilt my head back to look at him, he shrugged. “Don’t need Huck when I’m here. You’re safe.”

  “That is the last thing I am,” I said, feeling caged.

  I hadn’t been safe since I had walked into the Hugheses’ mansion and seen Blaise the first time.

  He thought he could break me down. Get to me. He couldn’t. Not anymore. I couldn’t trust him. He was evil. He didn’t love me. He couldn’t love anyone.

  Pushing against his chest, I moved away from him. “What happens when I do something to get in your way? Are you going to kill me next? Put a bullet in my head? Have pictures taken of it?” I yelled as my eyes filled with tears. I hated those damn tears. They made me look weak, and I wasn’t weak, but I was hurting. I was hurting because of him.

  Blaise moved too quickly. My brain didn’t have time to process it to react. He had me backed up against the counter with his arms on both sides of me so I couldn’t move. He looked furious. A snarl came from his chest, and in that moment, I could see the killer. He was in there. The cold, brutal monster lurking … but that wasn’t all I could see. If it were, then it might be easier to only feel hate toward him. If the pain and regret weren’t so clear in his green depths too, then I could hate him completely.

  “Kill you?” he bit out through clenched teeth. “I would take the motherfucking bullet for you. Why can’t you get that through your head, Madeline? I can’t even stand the idea of causing you pain unless it’s with my dick stretching your pussy until you can’t walk.” He ran the back of his finger across my cheek. “I’d like to spank your sweet ass until it’s red and tender. I admit that. But kill you? Fuck, baby. I can’t live without you. The day you die, they might as well take me, too, because you can bet your ass that I’ll be right behind you.”

  That was not sweet. That was wrong. Telling myself that was one thing. Accepting it was another.

  How did he manage to get to me like this? What was it about him that messed me up and confused me? I knew who he was and what he had done, yet part of me had just melted at his words.

  My eyes flew open, and I gasped when his hand slid inside the leg of my shorts. This was when I should scream and push him away. Call him horrible names. Remind him of all the horror he had caused. Yet I didn’t move.

  I stared into his eyes, looking for something dark and twisted to snap me out of it. Maybe I was just as evil. My breath was coming in fast and hard. I was messed up. Maybe my childhood had ruined me. All the chaos I’d lived through had warped me. Made me too weak to stop this.

  His finger brushed the crotch of my panties, and I bit my bottom lip to keep from making a noise. At least I could be silent. Not let him know that I was reacting to his touch.

  “You’re wet, Madeline.” Blaise’s voice was a low, deep growl.

  My legs began to tremble. No! I should not be doing this. It was beyond wrong. This was a line I didn’t want to cross. One where I had to question what kind of person I had become.

  Blaise picked me up and sat me on the counter. I could use my legs to kick him and get free, but I didn’t. When he began pushing my legs open and then stepped between them, I watched him, but said nothing. Did nothing.

  Closing my eyes, I swallowed hard and fought the desire pooling in my stomach. I would stop him. Just one more second, and then I’d push him back. End this thing. Run down the damn mountain if I had to.

  His fingers slid inside the leg of my shorts again, and I was thankful they were soft knit shorts. Easily accessible and pushed aside. That thought alone made it clear Blaise wasn’t the only monster in this room. A finger slipped under my panties, then ran along the slickness. I cried out, then jerked as the spark of pleasure from his touch shot from between my legs throughout my body.

  “My pussy.” Blaise’s deep, commanding voice made me tremble.

  He began to rub my clit slowly. Circling it and then putting slight pressure on it. There was no control left in my body. Tears burned the back of my throat at my complete betrayal, and yet I couldn’t stop this. I would die if he stopped now.

  “You’re so wet that I can smell you through the shorts,” he whispered near my ear, then bit my lobe before sinking two fingers inside of my needy entrance.

  “Blaise,” I whimpered, grabbing his upper arms, feeling the muscles flex under my touch.

  His mouth pressed a kiss to the edge of mine. It was soft. Too gentle. A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye. I lifted my hips and began riding his hand like it was the actual act of sex. He brushed a kiss on the opposite side of my mouth.

  “Mine,” he said against my lips just before his mouth covered mine, and being the dark, twisted person I had become, I opened for him willingly.

  The pleasure built stronger as the moment of my release drew closer. The taste of mint and cigarettes filled me, and nothing had ever tasted as sexy. Blaise wasn’t just corrupt; he was sinful. Yet, wrapped in his package, he made you crave it.

  His finger slid out of me, and instead of being relieved and snapping out of this sordid euphoria, I tightened my hold on him, desperation clawing at me.

  “Please,” I begged him, and I knew in that moment that I was willing to do whatever he asked if he wouldn’t stop.

  Blaise grabbed the waist of my shorts. “Off,” he ordered.

  I lifted my hips, and he tugged the shorts and panties down, letting them fall to the floor. Blaise shoved his jeans and briefs down in one swift move, then grabbed my hips and slammed inside of me in one hard thrust.

  The scream that tore from me wasn’t one of pain. It was complete rapture. I was lost in it. Needing him like an addict needed their next fix.

  His gaze was locked on me. “Tell me what you want, Madeline.”

  “This,” I replied, wanting him to move inside me.

  He shook his head once. “Tell me exactly what you want, baby.”

  I kept my eyes locked with his. He was demanding that I admit it. It wasn’t enough that he had me spread open for him in less than an hour after his arrival.

  He wanted to hear me say that I was as depraved as he was. That I needed to be filled by him like I needed to breathe.

  He moved in and out slowly.

  “I want you to fuck me,” I said, my voice breaking.

  His pupils dilated as his nostrils flared. “You want it hard?”

  I nodded. God, yes, hard. I wanted it to hurt.

  “Say it,” he ordered.

  Desperate for him to stop the teasing with his small strokes, I let go of his arms and leaned back on the counter, bracing myself with my hands, then opened my legs wider, placing the heels of my feet on the edge so that he sank in deeper.

  “Fuck me—hard!” I demanded.

  A growl came from his chest as he grabbed my open thighs and slammed into me hard. My head fell back as he used my body roughly. His fingers bit into the soft flesh of my thighs. I was stretched until it burned from the abusive way he was taking my body. Yet I lifted my hips to meet each thrust.

  “Missed this,” he said with a groan. “Needed to be buried inside this tight pussy so fucking bad.”

  His words made the frenzy inside me worse.

  His hands slipped under my legs, and he pulled them up higher on his waist. “Mine. This is mine.”

  I was willing to agree to anything if he gave me what I knew was coming. He bent his head, and his tongue thrust inside of my mouth in the same commanding way he was taking my body. I sucked his tongue hard, needing more of his taste. The sound that came from his chest was more animal than human.

  The quickening inside me broke free with a rush of pure nirvana as a scream erupted from my chest. “OH GOD!”

  “That’s it, baby. My fucking pussy.” The possessive growl in his voice only made me spasm with another wave of bliss.

  “FUUUCK!” Blaise roared as he shot his release into me. His body pumped liquid heat inside me as he jerked and cried out my name.

  I opened my eyes to look at him, and his beautiful face looked even more breathtaking as he found his own pleasure. I had done that. I’d made him feel like that. It was as heartbreaking as it was powerful.

  When his eyes opened, they were locked on me. He didn’t pull out of me, and I was wanton enough that I held on to him. Needing to feel this connection.

  “Being inside you is fucking incredible. You make me want to keep you locked up and filled with my cum. I have no control when I’m buried inside you.”

  I felt my face warm, and I dropped my gaze. The guilt was sinking in. I’d known it would, but I had been willing to face the aftermath for the moment. I couldn’t just point my finger at Blaise now. Not when I’d given myself to him, demanding that he give me pleasure. There were no lies between us.

  I pulled back, needing to get away now. To face what I’d done. Accept it and find a way to live with myself.

  He tightened his hold on me. “Oh, hell no,” he said. “You aren’t doing this.”

  I closed my eyes to keep from looking at him. “I shouldn’t have done that. I lost control.”

  “Fuck that, Madeline. Look at me,” he ordered.

  I shook my head.

  “Madeline, please look at me,” he pleaded.

  “I can’t,” I replied honestly.

  “Why not?”

  “Because you make me forget. I’m a bad person. I … I did this with you and …” I stopped trying to explain.

  He wouldn’t understand. My father and brother had deserved more from me.

  Blaise pulled from me then and backed away. The coldness spread through my body immediately. I fought the need to shiver. This was what I had asked for.

  When I felt him touch my foot, my eyes opened, and I watched silently as Blaise slid my panties back up my legs. When he reached my thighs, he picked me up and stood me on the ground.

  “I can do it,” I told him, fighting the desire to have him touch me.

  “I know you can. But I don’t care,” he replied as he ignored my hands and pulled the satin material up and over my bottom.

  When he turned and picked up my shorts, my throat tightened with emotion. Too many things were wrestling inside me, and I didn’t know how to compartmentalize them all.

  Unable to make a decision on what I should be doing instead of what I was doing, I let him put my shorts on me too. When he was done, I stepped away from him.

  “I need to feed you. You’re too thin,” he said as he walked around me and toward the fridge.

  “I think it’s best if you leave,” I told him. Although that was a little too late.

  “No,” he replied.

  “What we did … we shouldn’t have. It doesn’t change anything. I can’t do this with you. My dad—”

  Blaise turned, and the desperation in his eyes stopped me from saying more. “Don’t. I know what you saw. I know what you think of me, and I understand that. But I can’t just fucking walk away from you.” He stopped and sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. His eyes looked at me with so much sorrow that everything inside of me ached. “Let me feed you. Please.”

  I said nothing as I stared at him. How had this man—the one determined to take care of me with such pain in his eyes that it tore at my soul—killed my family?

  “What sounds good to you?” he asked me.

  Something he couldn’t give me—waking up and realizing this had all been a nightmare. Finding out that the man I loved hadn’t killed my family. That I wasn’t a dark and twisted person because I had just fucked him on the counter.