“I don’t know,” I whispered.

  He turned back to the fridge. He didn’t reach for anything as he looked inside at the contents. We didn’t speak. The silence continued, and neither of us moved.

  Why did he look so defeated? Even his posture wasn’t the same commanding presence that was part of who he was.

  “Blaise?” I asked.

  “Hmm?”

  “Do you know how to cook?” I asked him instead of asking the important things. The things that I knew I didn’t want answers to.

  He glanced back over his shoulder at me. “Nope.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, and I felt mine do the same. I had no right to smile. Especially at him.

  “I’ll find myself something to eat,” I told him.

  The almost smile on his lips became a scowl. “No,” he replied. “I need to do it.”

  “I am perfectly capable of making myself a meal,” I said.

  He swung his eyes over my shoulder toward the door. “Huck fed you. You needed to eat, and he was the one to make sure you did. I fucking hate that. I am the one who makes sure you eat.”

  No, no, no. Stop saying those things.

  I couldn’t handle it. He was the monster. He was the thing I should fear most. When he said things like that, things no one had ever said to me, it confused me.

  I walked out of the kitchen, needing to get some distance. He would talk some more, and I didn’t trust the things he would say. I went to the door that led outside and stared out at the rental car that I hadn’t used. There was no other vehicle here.

  How had Blaise gotten here? Had Huck left in Blaise’s vehicle?

  “How do you feel about pizza?” Blaise asked me.

  I turned to look at him. “You found pizza?” I asked him.

  “No. I ordered it,” he replied.

  I stood there, looking at him, suddenly wanting to laugh and feeling wrong for feeling that way.

  “Why did you do it?” I blurted out.

  Even if nothing he said would make it okay, I needed to know. Because this emotional turmoil inside of me was going to make me go insane.

  “Order pizza? Because you need to eat,” he replied, his expression dark. He knew that was not what I had been asking him.

  I shook my head. “That’s not what I meant,” I replied.

  “It’s not time to talk about that,” was his only response, and then he walked past me.

  That wasn’t the answer I wanted. “Then, you need to leave. Emotionally, I can’t handle this. Please, leave.”

  He stopped walking, but he didn’t turn around and look at me. His hands fisted at his sides. If he didn’t want to leave, I wasn’t going to be able to make him. All I had was the rental car outside, but if he pushed me, I would leave in it and use the card Saxon had left for me to find a hotel room. I could hope there wasn’t some tracking device on the car, but I could ditch it before I got a room. The rest I didn’t have an answer for. I just couldn’t stay here with him.

  “Can’t you just understand that I am protecting you?” he asked, finally turning back to look at me.

  I shook my head. “No, I can’t. Killing my family isn’t protecting me. We didn’t have much, but they didn’t do anything to hurt me.”

  Blaise looked as if he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. Instead, he turned and walked to the door that led out onto the balcony. I wasn’t going to follow him. I wouldn’t beg him for anything else. If this was the way he was going to be, then I was leaving.

  I went back upstairs and grabbed my duffel bag, then filled it with the few items of clothing that Saxon had taken me to buy when we left town. Opening the drawer, I took out the envelope that Blaise had left for me and slipped it into the bag too. One day, I would read it.

  When I got back downstairs, I walked over to take the keys to the Mercedes and the credit card that Saxon had left me and slipped them into my pocket. Glancing back one more time, I saw Blaise’s back through the windows that overlooked the mountains. He would hear the SUV leave, but he had no way of following me.

  I opened and closed the door quietly, then turned to walk down the steps toward the driveway. When I drove away, I would be alone. Fear began to blossom in my chest, and I tried to ignore it. I had thought I was alone once already, and I hadn’t handled it that great. This time, I would truly be alone. There would be no Huck secretly watching over me.

  Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the car door with the key fob. I would be okay. I’d be careful. Staying here wasn’t an option. Blaise wouldn’t leave, and if I didn’t get distance from him, I would find myself once again back in his world. He’d gotten my pants off in less than thirty minutes. It was clear that I wasn’t ready to be near him.

  “Probably not your best idea,” Huck drawled from behind me.

  Closing my eyes and letting out a sigh, I turned around to look at him. I’d thought he had left, but there he was, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed over his chest, watching me.

  Damn him. Did he have to be everywhere?

  “I have no other choice. Y’all won’t leave, so I will,” I told him.

  He scowled at me, as if I was the one who had done something wrong. “Do you love him?” he asked me.

  What kind of question was that? It was pointless. He’d done the unforgivable.

  “I did,” I replied. I still did, but admitting that made me feel dirty.

  “Did?” he asked me, then pulled out a cigarette from his pocket.

  “He killed my family!” I shouted.

  Was killing so common to them that they truly didn’t see how this was wrong? Did they think I should accept it and move on like it was nothing?

  “Not technically. He didn’t pull the trigger,” Huck replied.

  “You, Gage, or Levi did it because he had ordered it!” I spit out, feeling sick.

  “Yes, it was on his orders, but your life was in danger.”

  I shook my head. “My life was not in danger. An alcoholic father who wasn’t abusive but needed my help wasn’t danger. It was fucking life.”

  “A life you were about to lose. If it wasn’t for Blaise, you’d be somewhere in fucking Central America right now. Or dead,” he told me, then lit the cigarette between his lips.

  “What do you mean?” I asked him.

  “Enough,” Blaise’s voice called from the front steps. “That’s enough, Huck.” There was a warning in his tone that I already knew Huck would obey. It was what they all did.

  “What did he mean by that?” I asked Blaise.

  I watched as his jaw worked, and he gritted his teeth. He wasn’t happy that Huck had said what he did. It was more than anyone else had said to me. I’d give him that.

  “Fuck,” he growled and ran a hand through his hair.

  “She was leaving,” Huck said, defending himself, but not looking real concerned.

  “I can fucking see that,” Blaise shot back at him. Then, his gaze swung back to me. “Come back inside. We’ll talk.”

  I didn’t move from my spot. Not until I knew our talk was going to answer some questions. There was nothing he could say to right the wrong he’d done. I’d never be able to forgive him, but I wanted to be able to move on from this. Even if it was without him. I needed closure.

  “Will you tell me why you killed my family?” I asked him.

  “Yes, Madeline, I will,” he replied.

  Five

  Madeline

  I sat down on the sofa and waited for Blaise to speak. He hadn’t said anything when I came back inside. He’d simply taken my bag from me and walked into the living room, then dropped it on an empty chair.

  “Talk,” I demanded.

  He shot me a frustrated look.

  “Why is it so hard to just tell me? I know you did it. I just need to know why,” I told him. I didn’t say this was for me to get closure. I wasn’t sure he’d talk if he knew I planned on leaving anyway, but how could I stay?

  “Because my need to keep you safe isn’t just physically. It’s emotionally too.”

  Did he not realize killing my family wasn’t protecting my emotions? I almost pointed it out, but I could see he was going to say more. I remained silent.

  “Well, that ship has sailed,” I said bitterly.

  Blaise flinched and nodded, dropping his gaze to his hands. “I know.”

  He was silent a moment, and I thought he’d changed his mind. But finally, he lifted his eyes and looked directly at me. His jaw worked, as if what he was going to tell me would hurt him, which made no sense to me at all. There could be no pain greater than the photo of my family dead with gunshots to their heads.

  “Two years ago, Luke’s alcoholism became something more. I know because, to keep you safe, I had to watch everything he did, and as Cole got older, I began to watch his moves too. I kept tabs on him and Cole. It was easy enough to stop the street dealers from selling to Luke. One word from me, and it ended.” Blaise paused, and the muscles in his neck flexed.

  “Luke went to some other places, looking for a hit, but my control went pretty far, and he was shut down. So, he went darker and into some shitty places to find some lowlife dealers that would sell to anyone. I wasn’t alerted that he’d made this connection because my feelers don’t go into that part of the underworld. I should have watched him closer, but for a moment, it seemed he’d cleaned up. It wasn’t until Cole got involved and started selling that I realized what had happened. I’d failed you. I’d not looked deeper and caught it sooner. Luke had encouraged Cole to sell because he needed the money for his own addiction.” Blaise paused and ran a hand over the stubble on his jaw as he seemed to struggle to control his anger.

  “Luke started using more than Cole sold, but to make it worse, Cole had also started using. They owed a lot of money … to several different dealers.”

  The darkness in Blaise’s eyes was a mixture of fury and regret. He didn’t want to tell me the rest. I could see that without him saying it. If he’d killed my family because they had an addiction, then I could understand why he didn’t want to finish. That wasn’t a reason to kill anyone. I could have gotten them help. If I’d just known.

  “Heroine is powerful, Madeline. When people get addicted, nothing else matters. They lose sight of things. They aren’t themselves.” He sighed, sat down then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “That’s where Luke was. He was gone. The man needed his next fix, and no one would give it to him. He owed money, and his life was being threatened. It was a fucking miracle he hadn’t been killed yet. I was afraid that you’d get hurt or killed. I stepped in to see if I could clean his debts up. But he’d already made his own move.” Blaise stopped, and his jaw worked as he clenched his teeth.

  I was afraid to speak. Whatever was coming next, he was struggling with it.

  “The man who raised you, Luke, wasn’t your father. You know that. Please, baby, remember that. I need you to keep that in your head while I finish this.”

  His eyes were pleading with me, but I said nothing. It didn’t matter to me that Luke hadn’t been my biological father. He was the man who had raised me after my mother died. He could have given me away, put me into foster care. Forgotten about me. Having only one kid to raise would have made his and Cole’s lives easier. But he’d kept me. He had struggled to keep us both.

  “Luke made a deal. With the biggest sex trafficker in the States. He goes by Uncle. The bastard is a sick man. Luke had agreed to hand you over for half a million dollars.” Blaise swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “No motherfucker was going to have you, abuse you, touch you.”

  He shook his head, looking furious. The room, however, had started to spin for me.

  “I took Gage and Huck with me. We found Luke and followed him into a warehouse two miles from your apartment. I wanted to talk to him. Offer to get him out of his situation and get him and Cole some help. I was going to take you after getting them help. Get you moved in with the Houstons and away from that shit life you were in. But Luke refused and pulled a gun on me. Told me I had messed with the wrong people and took the shot. He missed, and it took every fucking ounce of control in me not to put a bullet in him right then. But you loved him, and I couldn’t do it. I used the butt of my gun to knock him out instead. Huck and Gage knew about you, but they’d never been sent to watch you. I did that. I was the one who watched you. They were outside, listening, and came running in as Luke hit the floor. I sent them to find Cole, and I was going to make sure you were safe. You were babysitting that day, and I didn’t want you walking back to that apartment.

  “They found Cole leaving your apartment with two other men. I had instructed my guys to talk to Cole. To only kill him if it was the only way to save you. I was outside the apartment where you were babysitting, watching for any sign that you were in danger. Gage knew my location, and when they started in your direction, they intercepted them, then convinced them to go into my empty apartment, which I kept available so I could watch you closely and in the event you ever needed me.

  “Cole was angry and hotheaded. He didn’t like that Huck and Gage had messed with their plans. When Gage explained to him that he didn’t have to do this, that there was someone more powerful than the people he was dealing with, willing to give him another option, he laughed and said that he didn’t want another option and that we had stopped the wrong people. That you’d be untraceable within the hour.”

  I felt dizzy and reached to grip the armrest on the chair.

  “Fuck,” Blaise whispered, but I couldn’t focus.

  I felt him in front of me. I tried to breathe as I stared at him. He looked as if he felt this as deeply as I did.

  He took my hands in his and held them tightly. “Look at me, baby.”

  I did. I kept my eyes on him and finally inhaled air.

  “Finish,” I told him. I needed to know. As horrible as this was, I needed to know.

  He didn’t say anything at first.

  “Tell her.” Huck’s voice broke the silence.

  I hadn’t realized he had followed us inside.

  Blaise didn’t look away from me. “What they didn’t know was that I was shadowing you. No one would get close to you. Huck called me to tell me they were coming. One of the other men pulled a gun on Gage, but not many people are as fast with a trigger as Gage. He took out both men and had it trained on Cole. The door to the apartment opened, and Huck fired at the first man who walked inside. Luke was behind him. Because of the distraction, Cole underestimated Gage. He went for his gun, but Gage was faster. When Cole was taken out, Luke yelled things that you do not want to hear—and even if you fucking hate me till the day I die, I will not repeat them. I won’t do that to you. But he pulled out a gun, and after hearing the vile things that Luke had said, Gage knew there was no other option. He took the shot. What Gage did wasn’t just on my command. He wanted them dead because it was the only way you would be safe.”

  I was dizzy. The room was spinning. I closed my eyes to make it stop, but I still felt off-balance. My breathing had quickened, and it was becoming difficult to take a breath.

  Arms wrapped around me, and I didn’t fight them. I needed to feel some sort of balance. I was starting to feel frantic. I began to suffocate. I couldn’t get oxygen. I started kicking and clawing to pull air into my lungs.

  Blaise’s voice was close, and I felt his chest against me. His arms tightened around me, and I opened my eyes to see he had placed me in his lap. I focused on his face. He was talking to me. His voice was deep, although I couldn’t understand him. The panic inside me was still drawing me under.

  He pressed his lips near my ear and began to talk softly. “I’m so sorry.”

  The pain in his voice was what pulled me back.

  I gasped loudly, oxygen filling my lungs, and grabbed his shirt in my fists, holding on for security.

  “I’m so fucking sorry. I never wanted you to hear that,” he whispered, kissing the side of my head.

  I closed my eyes as the frantic feeling began to fade to exhaustion. I dropped my head to his shoulder and held on to him.

  “She needed to know,” Huck said.

  “Get the fuck out of my sight.” Blaise’s voice was quiet, but the violence in his tone surprised me.

  I buried my face in his chest, not wanting to look at him. Not wanting to face anyone.

  I had trusted my dad. I had been his Maddy girl. I knew things had changed in him the last couple of years, and he was more distant, but I thought it was the stress of being unable to keep a job. I had feared he was depressed and needed help we couldn’t afford. Never would I have guessed this.

  The lump in my throat felt as if it was going to gag me.

  “I tried so damn hard to stay away from you, but I couldn’t. I knew having you meant, one day, I’d have to tell you this, and it was the last fucking thing I ever wanted to do,” Blaise said, brushing his lips over my forehead now.

  I blinked, and a tear rolled down my face. Squeezing my eyes closed, I felt several tears follow it.

  Was there a pain worse than this? If I could have just gone on believing they had died in a car accident, would it have been better, easier?

  Blaise hadn’t wanted to kill them. That had never been his plan. But my dad … no, he wasn’t my dad. I didn’t have a dad. He was Luke. He had wanted to sell me. My stomach rolled, and I felt a cold sweat break out on my face.

  If Blaise had never found me, if he’d never checked in on me, I’d … I’d be in some foreign country, being used by men for sex. Or maybe dead by now, like Huck had said.

  My stomach rolled again at the thought, and I sat up in an attempt to get off Blaise’s lap. He held me, and I shook my head. I was going to be sick. I had to move away.