“And I kill them all, don’t I?”

  “Yes, when there is a city at your back. What would you do surrounded by rutting males ten times your size with no one to keep you safe? What would follow is unspeakable. Is that how you want to die?”

  Swallowing, I shook my head, and a shaky exhale rattled out. I needed a moment to formulate a rebuttal. A moment to gather myself and prepare a reasonable argument.

  Yet, he ruined that… all by broaching the subject—the inspection, the comments on my appearance—he must have been leading to from the start. “You’ve grown into a beautiful woman.”

  And I had been of age for four years. If I couldn’t have the fog… yet, if I wanted out of the academy, there was only one other way.

  Humans got to tour the city, go to restaurants, dance, and mingle without armed guards acting under the pretense of their protection. Hybrid females had only a single alternative to graduation.

  Cutting my suspicious gaze back to the bastard, I found him measuring me again in that way that made my skin and scales tingle.

  And it was getting to me. I was blushing and uncomfortable in an instant. “I have no intention of adding my name to the list.”

  A list of willing breeders registered to meet every unmated male until one of them recognized her as his mate. There was no undoing it once that was done. Like the vorec we hunted, hybrid males mated for life. I would go from one choiceless hell to another.

  A mate was not the answer.

  And adding my name to the list was one thing even Cyderial could not command. Females of my kind had full autonomy over reproduction. Gestation only occurred with female intention. Bearing children could not be forced. If it could, God only knew what would have happened to girls like me in humanity’s desperation to survive a world they didn’t belong to.

  “You do not need to be afraid of your mate.”

  I scoffed. “Don’t I? You came to the academy and ordered girls to no longer engage with their brothers. You tore our family in half, creating rules stating that if a boy so much as looked at us, they could be killed, and we could be punished for enticing them. You taught me about rape. You murdered a boy for doing math with me. Math! Eluding that my life would have been ruined if he’d gotten his appendage inside me. Why would I want to hand my life over to someone who chose me from a catalog, but I could not be alone within my home?” Eyeing him with the full measure of my anger, I spoke his truth with my lips. “What fragment of my life has been improved by knowing men?”

  The look on his face, that hint of astonishment as the cold veneer cracked, fed me to go on. “You want me to let some man change me to such a fundamental point that wild animals will know that I have been claimed? No. And know this. Enjoying children does not mean I want to birth one, only for it to be taken away and forced to live in this hell. I should have been with my mother. We all should have. We are people! Even if I were to be forced to mate one of you, I will never give a child to the academy. Send me out into the fog, because I am useless on every other level. I would rather die, crushed by rampaging, horny vorecs.”

  If the monster had a heart, it looked like it might have just cracked. Voice gravel, he said, “You misunderstand the role your male will play in your life. Just as you fail to grasp that men are made—through rigorous training and self-discipline. Boys are not the same. They are as unpredictable as their vorec counterparts. And just as dangerous.”

  “Bullshit.” I was more than just a cunning, deceitful student. I was a woman with nothing to lose and nothing to look forward to. “Let me clearly explain that I will not fornicate with one of the males to maybe, just maybe, get to explore the fog one day. I deserve the post of surveyor, and I won’t whore myself out to achieve it. Do you understand me, sir?”

  Whatever had come over him faded as quickly as it came. Cold-blooded, disinterested, he stared his stare and stated, “I think you should sit down and catch your breath before you pass out.”

  Okay, I’d been tearing at my collar in my rage, talons catching the fabric and making space for air. The damn thing was so tight. The whole ill-fitting jacket a nightmare of confinement. “Women have breasts! These stupid coats are cut for male bodies. You think I want to bind my chest to fit into this ridiculous uniform?”

  He moved as if to stand. “I can get you some water.”

  “I don’t want water!” I could not have screwed up this meeting more, the tragedy of it bleeding away my sanity. Grief was very real. Visceral. I could literally feel my hearts sinking in my chest. I’d gone from distraught, to rabid, to full-on hysterical.

  Even the tight binding constricting my ribs could not fully muffle the pulsing, loud drumming that warned all who could hear it that I was unsafe to be near. That I might attack. My vorec call stuck between hissing and aggressive thumps.

  Cornered animals were always the most dangerous.

  Despite my protest, a cold glass of water was pressed into my hands—a sheer relief to swallow when breathing would allow. Fervently, I sucked it down, negligent of my strength and accidentally shattering the glass in my grip into bits.

  That startled me enough to snap me completely out of madness.

  The drumming ended.

  Looking at my hands, the little cuts and the droplets of water, I watched my skin mend itself and lost all hope.

  Cool and collected, as if I hadn’t just signed my own death certificate and gone stark raving mad, General Cyderial ordered me away. “I am placing you under one week of confinement in the women's dorm. Cry if you want to. Shout. Steal another rock from my shelf on your way out, if that’s what it takes. But understand me—you are not going into the fog.”

  I could not risk making the mistake of looking at him again. Dignity exhausted, I staggered toward the door. I only allowed myself to marvel over the fact that, for the last ten years, he’d known I stole something right in front of him. I had never been punished for it.

  My pretty pink geode hadn’t been a fun secret after all.

  This time, there was no haphazard snatching of one of his fancy rocks on my way out. Instead, I took hold of one of his precious display cases and pulled until it fell away from the wall. Pretty little baubles cracked and scattered all over his polished wood floor.

  The tiny bit of destruction did make me feel slightly better.

  Until I heard him behind me offer a softly spoken, “Goodnight, Lorieyn.”

  5

  “Why won’t you tell anyone what happened?”

  There were not many girls my age still at the academy, most having chosen the mating list in order to escape academy hell. Those born the same year as me? All of them would be graduating in six weeks. When they were gone, I would be the eldest, the last standing recruit aged twenty-two.

  And with age came high expectations from the other girls in our secluded family. My mood would set their mood. My relationship with hope would determine their ability to keep faith.

  It was an unfair position. At no point in my life had I craved a leadership role. I preferred being a big sister helper to the little kiddos, but the adolescents would come to me for advice. I had nothing of quality to offer the older girls. Like most of them, I didn’t want to be here either.

  Nor would I be enthusiastic about directing them toward the list. Not when the fundamental idea of it was so utterly unsettling to me.

  “You haven’t eaten in two days, Lorieyn. We’re worried.” My visitor, Maeve’s, voice dropped to a whisper, as if authority might actually be listening to the goings on in my tiny dorm room. “Don’t make me report you. You know what will happen if he finds out you’ve skipped meals.”

  He? The general? The only reason he would give a shit was because punishment was his forte.

  Sulking, I shut my eyes to her. “Then don’t tell him.”

  Maeve joined the academy the same year I had, yet she was far more advanced in ranking. A true testament to her hard work and determination. Head of my year and de facto leader of the girls, the way her mind worked was highly enjoyable. She’d been a good friend and confidant my entire life at the academy. Caring and driven, she had spent two days trying to convince me to get out of bed. Wasted her limited free time between classes and training trying to cheer me up.

  Tucked under the covers with me, she’d waited patiently in silence, offering bits of gossip or notes from class, while I sighed and blinked at nothing.

  But her trust in me was about to be deeply shaken. Unlike myself, Maeve coveted rank and acclaim. As she should. She had earned hers through hard work and excellent leadership.

  If I were forced to give legitimate answers in class, she was about to lose a great deal of standing, and everyone would know how much of a fraud I was.

  It might be seen as a threat to her… and others, whose position and life-long assignment would suffer.

  Some might consider my whole academic career one dirty trick I had saved in my back pocket to unseat them weeks before their graduation. A contender they had been fooled into considering unworthy of their concern on the academic front.

  After all, she and my other dear sisters had not chosen the list. They had chosen military acclaim.

  Worse, I would now be in a position of authority over all of them. An assistant instructor. The general might even force me to move from the student dorm to the teachers’ apartments. Upstairs.

  Why couldn’t we just lay there and cuddle forever? Never talk about school or male expectations. We could pretend that nothing in the world was amiss and dream the day away.

  “Just one more day.” That’s all I’d said, though I did put my arm around her middle to let her know she was welcome to nap with me.

  “Even the humans have been asking where you went. Tamsyn took your normal shift standing guard at Field 27. Your farmers don’t like it when you’re not there. They think you’re lucky.”

  Why were we still talking when napping was an option? “I’m confined to the girls’ dorms for another five days.”

  Pulling the sheet over our heads to make a private little tent for two, Maeve grew conspiratorial. “Well, they gave me something for you. I smuggled in cookies.”

  A carefully wrapped package came out of her pocket to rest on the pillow between us.

  Cookies—my ultimate favorite thing I may or may not have eaten a bite or two of on the rare occasion a human might pass me a deeply forbidden treat.

  Outside food was absolutely not allowed to hybrid students. Our diets were specifically engineered for ultimate nutritional value. Meat cubes. Vegetable patties. Nutrition designed to help our complex systems develop properly.

  Junk food was an extravagance that could not be wasted on a growing hybrid.

  Humans seemed less concerned about their general state of health. After all, they were not government-funded military experiments. They had the luxury of sugar and chocolate.

  Fortunately, the ones I had been working with for the last four years were also really nice. All women, save the occasional very young boy. One of them was a particularly good baker.

  She’d made me a cake on my birthday when I’d come of age. Even the armed watcher standing on the parapet above had not reported my behavior when I’d eaten a slice.

  I could have died of pure decadence that foggy afternoon.

  Chocolate ganache was a magnificent creation. Smooth and sweet and rich and… dear God… maybe as wonderful as the fog.

  But it seemed even the promise of forbidden sugar was not enough to rouse me from my current despair. I pushed the illicit package back toward Maeve. “You should eat them. Becca makes really good cookies.”

  “This isn’t like you. Why won't you leave your room?” Her pert nose wrinkled. “You need a shower. Everyone is imagining the worst. Think of the littles. They are worried about you.”

  Closing my eyes to my beautiful friend once again, I muttered, “Everyone is right.”

  Maeve had endured enough of my moping. And she certainly was not going to tolerate my refusal of a treat she’d risked her ranking to procure for me. “I will go from being nice, straight to violence, if you do not comply. Explain what is going on. Now!”

  What was I even supposed to say? How much was confession, and how much was just social suicide? “I will not be allowed to graduate.”

  She looked deeply relieved. “Thank God that’s it! We all thought you’d been given the position of surveyor.”

  I could not help but begin to openly cry at that word. At the broken dream and unfairness of life.

  Sobbing, I said, “You don’t understand. I want to be a surveyor.”

  “That’s ridiculous." She smiled, patting me kindly. "Don’t be silly.”

  Nauseous and deeply ashamed, I confessed, “I’ve thrown every test since I was eight to guarantee that’s where I would be placed. He knew. And now he won’t let me leave.”

  There it was. A look of confusion followed by skepticism. “Why though? Why would you do that?”

  Sniffing, so deeply, deeply sad, I met her eyes. “I want to go into the fog, and I don’t want to come back.”

  Our little tent was thrown off, Maeve sitting up to glare at me. “That’s crazy, Lorieyn. You’d die out there. What about your obligation to society? What about your sisters? You were going to just leave us?” Her voice had grown louder, resentment heightening her pitch.

  Essentially, yes, that had been my intention.

  What did they all think was going to happen after we left the academy? There were ten thousand hybrids who would absorb us into their societal structure. Our little school family would be broken, each of us with new positions, new leadership, new customs, new sisters. There was not any guarantee we might see one another often. I wasn’t even sure how deeply my kind was allowed to intrude into the burgeoning human city.

  Would we be allowed to meet at a restaurant and reminisce about our lives? Were friendships sustainable when dorms were exchanged for assorted barracks?

  Putting my weight on my forearm, I sat up and rubbed my greasy hair off my face. “I’m not asking you to understand, and I am sorry if your feelings are hurt, but I don’t belong here. I hear a song in the fog the same way the men claim they hear our song when they recognize a mate.”

  Eyes narrowed, she removed herself from my little bed. “Wanna know what I think? I think you hear what you want to hear. I mean, this is crazy! You’ve been given what may essentially be immortal life, the ability to survive on this planet in a way unaltered humanity could only dream of. To earn it, you must serve to your fullest capacity. All I hear from you is self-serving garbage. The fog? Who wants to go into the fog on purpose?”

  There was so much more to it. So much excitement right outside the boundary of the city. “Don’t you want to know what’s out there, Maeve? Think of all the undiscovered species. Think of the unmade maps. Satellites can’t see through the muck. Robotics are destroyed by wildlife in days. The only way to know what awaits is to walk out there and see it firsthand. Isn’t that a service? We need to mine to build, don’t we? How do you think we find those resources? We need sustenance. There may be multitudes of unknown food sources just waiting to be tasted.”

  My dear friend looked as if I had grown two heads. “This idealistic fantasy you are describing is not based on reality. The fog is deadly. Everything that lives in it is deadly. Whatever is going on with you….” Hesitating, it seemed as if Maeve chose her next words carefully. “The list. That's the answer. A mate will fix this confusion. The little kids adore you. Have a baby and grow our numbers. There is no shame in settling down and starting a family. You’d be highly regarded for your contribution.”

  It wasn’t bad advice, nor was it meant to be cruel, but it cut me deeply. “You sound like General Cyderial.”

  “He’s right. You may not be cut out for military service.” Her hands came up before her, Maeve softening her tone. “Don’t take it like that. All I am saying is that we all care about you.”

  “There’s more.” Now they would know just how deeply I had pissed off the general. “I’ve been promoted to Assistant Combat Instructor. I will be training the youngest recruits.”

  It was Maeve’s turn to look horrified.

  The clear delineation between student and professor allowed for no wiggle room. Not if a student wanted to be safe from horrendous punishments. I would no longer be my sisters’ equal. In their eyes, I would be duty-bound to report on every one of them. At least, that’s how most would see it.

  After all, soon, each of them would know I had lied about my skills. Their trust would be shaken.

  Now, I would be their superior in rank. They would not be able to confide in me. The itty-bitties might no longer sneak into my room to crawl into bed with me when they were scared or missed their mothers.

  At least a few would suspect I’d been reporting on them all along to receive the promotion.

  They would consider past injustices and wonder if I’d had a hand in them.

  Begging my friend to understand, I whispered, “I will be alienated.”

  “That doesn’t… make any sense. You’re not very good with a sword.” Calculations were adding up in her brilliant mind, as it all occurred to her at once. Her standing would be rocked by this as well. Including the rank of top in her class, which she'd been busting her ass for years to achieve. “Are you?”

  Yes. I was. “I don’t want your position, but he’s going to force me to take it away unless… I put my name on the list.”