I lie back in bed, happy with this plan. “It’s only you I want to talk to anyway. Yes it’d be cool to have my friends here, but it’s you I’m really missing.”

  “I wish I was there with you right now. How did today go?”

  I tell him about the competition so far, how everyone went out to eat and then to a bar. “I didn’t have to feel too out of place either and got to order a drink. The drinking age is only nineteen in Canada.”

  “Camila hasn’t been giving you a hard time?”

  “No, actually she’s been pretty friendly. But not in a weird way, I don’t think? We ended up sitting across from each other at dinner, and she kind of opened up about why she was here instead of at Apexx like she originally planned.”

  “Oh yeah? What’d she tell you?”

  “It was sad actually. She said everyone on the Shred Live cast, except you of course, would be there, and that she was worried they’d gang up on her.”

  “Gang up on her?” He sounds skeptical.

  “She said Donnie Guzman has been overly friendly with her and she made the mistake of going to some public events with him, like the Brazen opening. She didn’t feel like she could say no, but they were never dating. Anyway, she knows everyone thinks she got special treatment with the judging on the show because of him, but claims that if she did, it wasn’t intentional on her part.”

  “Huh. That’s not what she told me.”

  “What she told you? When?”

  “Just now, when I talked to her from your phone. I asked why she wasn’t at Apexx and she said she figured dropping out at the last minute would piss off Donnie. She claims she can’t shake him off and he won’t leave her alone.”

  “Maybe both stories are true. But I don’t really care about Camila. Not anymore. I mean, there was some hype after the season finale when everyone thought you two had some secret affair, but it died off pretty quickly. As long as she’s not giving me a hard time, her trying so hard to get in your pants on Shred Live is water under the bridge.”

  “You forgive easily, Jordan.”

  “It’s not worth my energy.” I let my towel drop, since I’m not wet anymore. “But now I’m thinking about your pants and getting inside them.” I love knowing that’s only for me, even if I don’t currently have access to it.

  Beck’s voice is strained when he responds. “You can’t say things like that, Jordan. Not right now.”

  “Why not? Where are you, anyway?”

  “I’m hiding on a patio chair at the hotel pool.”

  “You could go up to your room?” I’ve actually got no idea what I’m proposing but my skin is suddenly very hot.

  “I could, but currently I’m watching Naomi and Summer float around together in string bikinis, while a college basketball team drinking at the pool bar checks them out. The guys are waiting for a chance to pounce, and I have a feeling if Griff or I are distracted, the girls will be happy to receive the attention.”

  I have to laugh at the image he’s painted. I’m sure their sisters just wish Griff and Beck would leave so they can flirt with older guys. “Fine, I should call my phone and ask Camila or whoever has it now to hold onto it for me until tomorrow, or drop it at the front desk if she’s staying here.”

  My skin is still tight and achy when we hang up. It’s kind of astonishing to me that Beck’s voice alone can get me into this state. It’s not like we were talking about anything sexy.

  When I call my phone, Camila answers, telling me she’s at the same hotel and can drop it at my room. “It’s fine, I’m actually about to go to sleep. Would you mind leaving it at the front desk?”

  “You sure? I’m already on my way back. I’ll just be five minutes.”

  “Okay, if it’s not too much trouble. Thanks.”

  Maybe I should be more wary of Camila after her hostility toward me and her behavior on Shred Live, but it’s so much easier to think the best of people. At least, for me it is. As I finish up brushing my teeth, there’s a knock on my door and Camila is on the other side.

  She hands me my phone with a tight smile.

  “Thanks.” It comes out a little bit like a question, and I’m not sure why.

  “Hey, can we talk for just a minute? I know you’re about to go to sleep but I have some things I feel like really need to be said.”

  Studying her, I try to decide if I’m being naïve by giving her my time. I already kept things on peaceful, friendly terms during dinner, letting her pour her heart out about the shunning she’s experienced from the Shred Live cast.

  But it isn’t in me to shut the door on someone, and I can’t help it, I’m curious what it is she wants to say. I open the door all the way, allowing her to step inside. There’s only one chair in the room, and I gesture for her to sit on it while I take the edge of the bed.

  “I just want to explain the footage from the season finale of Shred Live, and apologize.”

  I nod, trying to keep my expression neutral. She sounds so steady and sane now, but her behavior around Beck, constantly accosting him, inviting him to her room, appeared anything but. Sure, video footage can twist reality, but I’ve heard Beck’s version of events, and I really can’t imagine what her explanation will be besides that she was overcome by her desire for my boyfriend. I brace myself for the most awkward explanation of all time.

  She puffs out her cheeks and looks somewhere over my head.

  “I did try to get Beck to hook up with me, repeatedly, while we were filming and living at the Shred Live house. I knew he wasn’t responding how I hoped, but I kept trying for two reasons.” She laughs quietly to herself. “Fine, three reasons.”

  Yep, this is definitely one of the most awkward conversations of my life, not that I’m really contributing. I do say, “Okay,” prompting her to continue.

  “The first reason isn’t one I’m proud of. Well, none of them are, but this one is hardest to admit.”

  “You did it to get air time and buzz?” I guess.

  She finally makes eye contact, and seems surprised at my question. “Yes, actually. I guess I’m more obvious than I thought.” She laughs softly again, but doesn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as I feel. “I knew he’d make it to the season finale, and I knew he was the most popular, most famous person on the cast. Being on the show was a huge opportunity for me. I’ve been on the edges as a pro. I’ve never had consistent sponsorships and they barely paid the bills. I knew this was my chance to get to the next level, where I could actually count on earning a living from sponsors and people recognizing my name.”

  “So you decided the best way to get air time was to continually hit on Beck?” I try to keep the disgust out of my voice but I’m not sure I succeed.

  “I’m not as naturally talented as you or the Sarah Kases of the world. I love skateboarding and I’m good at it, sure, good enough to be in the pro circuit. But I’ll never get famous from skateboarding alone.”

  Feeling a headache coming on, I rub the space between my eyebrows. Why am I even asking questions or seeking to find the rationale behind her actions? It’s pointless. Not wanting to get into an analysis of this particular reason, I say tiredly, “The other two reasons?”

  “I wanted to piss off Sarah. Sarah Kase. She’s not just a bitch to you, Jordan. She’s always acted better than me. And sure, she’s better at skateboarding, but she treats me like trash. Kelly was the same way.”

  I swallow down the words threatening to rip from my throat. Kelly is Beck’s ex-girlfriend and Camila’s ex-best friend. Camila used to come on to Beck while he was with Kelly. When Kelly wouldn’t back off after Beck broke up with her, he made out with Camila to push Kelly away for good. It was easy for him to do, since Camila was always throwing herself at him. And his plan worked. I’d love to point out how screwed up Camila’s mindset is if she tries to hurt friends by hooking up with a guy they like. Maybe she needs to just pick nicer friends who treat her well?

  Instead, I murmur, “Yeah I saw the episode where Sarah tried to kiss Beck.”

  I don’t think Camila hears me, she’s back to looking contemplative and not making eye contact with me. “I mean, I realize now they were just jealous of me. Not for skateboarding, but for the attention I get for my looks.”

  Maybe if we were close friends, this statement wouldn’t be so obnoxious. It’s clear the woman is drop dead gorgeous and exudes sexuality. I’m sure looking the way she does comes with some complications, like friends getting jealous, but I’m definitely not the person she would want to open up with about this. To start, we’re not friends. Not even close. Is this her trying to change that, open up about her vulnerabilities? Not that being beautiful is necessarily a vulnerability, but… I shake my head. I’m exhausted and the pounding in my head is getting worse.

  “Thanks for explaining this to me, Camila. I’m super tired though and going to call it a night.” I stand up, and despite some definite ineptitude in appropriate social interaction, she follows my lead.

  “You said there was one more thing?” I remember, wanting to soften the blow of pushing her out the door.

  “Oh yeah.” She laughs in earnest this time. “But that one’s obvious.”

  “It is?”

  “Yeah, Beckett Steele is hot. I did want to hook up with him. And maybe I should be apologizing for that too, but you can’t really blame me, right?” Her words might sound somewhat flippant, but her eyes tell a different story. Yikes. She definitely still wants him and if her hazy expression means anything, she’s imagined it in plenty of detail. She’s probably even imagining it right now.

  “Don’t worry, I know he’s with you now,” she offers in reassurance before we say goodnight and I shut the door. It would have been nice if she also told me she wasn’t going to pull any of that on him again, but I suppose the conversation could have gone worse. And it’s over now. She’s given me an explanation that will have to do, and will give me some peace of mind when I see her around at skateboarding events. If I really wanted to dig deeper I could have asked about whether she went in his room at night and spied on him like the footage showed, but part of me doesn’t want to confront that.

  I go straight back to the bathroom to brush my teeth again and use some mouthwash. That weird conversation might have given Camila some peace, and at least I feel more comfortable dismissing the entire situation and leaving it as water under the bridge like I told Beck earlier. But it still left a bad taste in my mouth.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jordan

  I spend all of Friday contemplating if it’s foolish to try a 720 in the finals. Yes I’ve landed it three times now, but that’s only three times, all on the same ramp behind the Jay Beach house. I’m familiar with that setup, the slope and everything about it. But as I sit by watching the guys compete on Friday, there’s a burning inside me and I can’t seem to put it out. When they let the women on the course for a practice session in the afternoon, the burning only gets stronger. I’m not about to practice in front of an audience. If I try the 720, it will be a surprise to everyone, even Beck. I want to be the only one putting expectations on myself. No matter how many times I land a trick like that in practice, there’s always a chance it won’t come together at the moment I need it to.

  When I wake up Saturday morning and make my way to the park, that fire inside of me hasn’t diminished. I want so badly to try a 720 at this competition, even if my rationale is flawed. Beck thought I should practice the trick at other parks besides Jay Beach, get comfortable with it before considering giving it a shot at a contest. He has faith I’ll be ready by the X Games, but now I don’t want that to be my first time revealing it to the world. Or attempting to reveal it. There will be enough pressure on me there as it is. And by then, if I do practice at other parks like Beck suggests, there could be buzz about it. I don’t want buzz. I want to shock myself and land this thing in front of an audience. And I want to shock the audience too.

  For the first time in my life, I don’t want to be an unknown. I want to be a skateboarder people respect and look up to, and I want to deserve it on my own merits, not because I’m Beckett Steele’s girlfriend. I want to do something gutsy and maybe a little crazy.

  As it turns out, it doesn’t really end up being a decision at all. It just kind of happens. Okay fine, 720s don’t kind of “just happen” by accident, but that deep burn to do it overcomes me to the point my body obeys whether my mind okays it or not.

  One minute I’m doing my run as planned, and the next I see the vert in front of me and I’m going for a 720. It plays out quickly in my mind, and I know I must have been dreaming about it all night. Crouching low, I swoop up until I’m horizontal to the ground. My hand grasps my board as my body launches above the coping and into the air. There’s no opportunity for my mind to second-guess what the hell is going on because my body is operating of its own accord, spinning in the air. The movements are tight and confident, and before I know it, I’ve completed two cycles and gravity is pulling me back down.

  There’s a brief flash of alarm – this is really happening – but I surrender. My head and its doubts and anxieties snap off and let my body control the next few seconds. The landing is smooth – the most solid of the handful of 720s I’ve stuck thus far – and the rest of my run is a haze. I nearly miss hearing the buzzer sound the end of the session. That could be because the crowd is cheering so loudly, but more likely it’s because I’m in a vacuum, all functions above my shoulders and neck checked out as I rely exclusively on the rest of my body to carry me through.

  There aren’t any of my closest friends to high-five or hug when I dismount. However, the moment finally comes into focus when a few of the women I hung out with last night congratulate me in the way my friends would. It’s not quite the same, but I sense their excitement and wonder. A girl has landed a new trick at a competition for the first time. I’m not the first female to do a 720 but it’s never been completed in this particular setting, and there’s something special about that, even if it’s not necessarily making history.

  My vision clears and my brain turns back on, acknowledging the electric buzz in the air. The charge hums through my veins, forcing me to accept that the energy from the people around me is a result of what I just did.

  Well, I didn’t want to be an unknown anymore in the skateboarding world, and, as I let my eyes wander, it’s clear I’ve shattered that goal. This is exactly what I want to be recognized for, my skateboarding feats. A deep sense of pride washes over me. I’ve forced people to see the parts of me I want to be known for, and while I know it’s not always going to be easy with a boyfriend like Beckett Steele, it finally feels like I’m truly the one in the driver’s seat of my skateboarding career.

  Beck

  I missed it. I can’t believe I let her talk me out of going up to Vancouver. I can’t believe she went for it, and landed it, in competition. I mean, I can, but damn. That’s bold. It’s shocking to me even, and I’m the only one who knew she’d landed it a few times already.

  By the time Jordan called me Saturday night to tell me, I’d already heard. The event wasn’t big enough to be televised, but I was following the live feed on Twitter. Naomi, Summer, and Griff were with me. It was going on at the same time the Eileen show went live, so I was only half paying attention to watching myself on screen.

  She flew back Sunday night, but with meetings in LA this morning, I couldn’t be there to pick her up at the airport. Now it’s Monday, and she’s got classes tomorrow morning but I’m not waiting until Thursday night when classes are done like we usually do. Unfortunately, I get stuck in rush hour and by the time I pull into the condo parking lot, it feels like months not days since I’ve seen her. She opens the door before I reach her condo, and I know immediately I’m not alone in my desperation. Jordan nearly knocks me down with the force of her hug, and I drop my overnight bag in order to reciprocate.

  Her level of fame might have gone from minor to major since I last saw her, but she still feels and smells just like Jordan. She’s still my girl.

  “I can’t decide if I’m mad at you,” I tell her even as I bury my head in the crook of her neck and kiss behind her ear.

  “Mad at me?” Her voice sounds all throaty and I want to push her up along the wall right here, even if we’re outside where anyone could walk by.

  “Yeah. I wouldn’t have let you talk me out of coming up to Vancouver Saturday if I’d known you were going to go for the 720. You made me miss the most important thing that’s happened in your skateboarding career so far.”

  I pull away a few inches before I do follow through with feeling her up against the side of the building.

  Jordan eyes me, biting her lower lip. “Come on, let’s get inside where we can talk.”

  “Talk?” I guess I started it, but I hope that’s not all she has in mind.

  Jordan looks over her shoulder as she opens the door to her condo. “About why you’re mad at me. And then we can make up.”

  She flashes a knowing grin and I find myself nodding agreement.

  “Oh okay. I’m down with that.”

  Grabbing my bag, I let her lead me upstairs. Lucy is at the kitchen counter doing homework and she waves hello. I’d normally stop for a minute but Jordan’s as determined to get up to her room as I am so I settle for a quick wave.

  As soon as the door shuts behind me, I move to Jordan, gathering her in my arms like I had her before.

  “You were saying you think you’re mad at me?” she reminds me, even as she starts to unbutton the collared shirt I wore for my meetings earlier.

  “Yeah. I don’t want to miss these moments in your life, Jordan. The big ones. You could have given me a heads up.”

  She reaches the bottom button and her hands move to my shoulders, sliding the shirt off. I watch her take in my naked chest, the sight of her eyes devouring me making me forget again what we’re talking about. Jordan begins to pull her own shirt over her head and my hand instantly reaches to touch her bare skin as she throws the shirt to the side.