“What I have to say will not take long,” Francesca said, so they both remained standing.

  Brenda was beginning to be concerned. “Is something wrong with Marius?”

  “Yes. You.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I want you to leave Marius alone. Stop sleeping with him. At least until after the competition in March.”

  Brenda couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Marius says that his voice has never been better.”

  Francesca shrugged. “He tells himself what he wants to hear. But I can tell that you’re draining him.”

  Brenda might think that Francesca was being unreasonable, but there was no denying that she completely believed what she was saying. “I know you have Marius’ best interests at heart,” Brenda began, determined to be civil, “And I appreciate that, but he is my husband, and --”

  “If you truly loved him, you’d give him up.”

  “What?”

  “He is the best tenor I’ve ever taught. His voice is a gift to the world. Do you think it’s fair to destroy that?

  “I’m not --” Brenda began defensively, then caught herself. “This really is none of your business.”

  “Marius’ career is my business,” she said haughtily. She glared at her. “I find it incomprehensible that someone as ordinary as you has caught his attention. You’re not an artist. You have no talent. You’re pretty, but the world is full of prettier women.”

  “That you also don’t want him to sleep with,” Brenda snapped.

  “I don’t expect him to be a monk,” Francesca said. “Complete celibacy may be unreasonable, but married to you, he could have sex every day.”

  And has been. “I’m going to pretend that we never had this conversation,” Brenda said, trying to control her anger, and started to walk back to the bank. “Good bye, and don’t bother me again at work.”

  “You’re destroying him,” Francesca repeated, but Brenda walked quickly to avoid hearing any more of her diatribe.

  That evening, she asked Marius how his singing practice was going. He said calmly, “Not so well. There’s a tightness in my throat. I might be coming down with a cold.”

  “Oh no, What are you going to do?”

  He smiled. “Don’t worry, moje serce. I will do what I always do: get more sleep, eat very simply and drink garlic juice.”

  “Garlic juice?”

  “Yes, fresh garlic juice. It’s good for the immune system.”

  “Keeps the vampires away, too.”

  He laughed. “Yes.”

  Brenda hesitated, remembering what Francesca had said. She wrinkled her nose. “If you’re going to smell like garlic, maybe you should sleep in the guest room.”

  Marius reached over and gave her a hug. “No. If I have to choose between sleeping next to you and taking the garlic, I’ll skip the garlic.”

  “But I want you to get well.”

  “I am well,” he insisted. “Well enough.”

  Was he telling himself what he wanted to hear? Brenda wondered. “I was just joking about the garlic,” she said. “Eat as much as you want. It won’t bother me.”

  Later that evening, when they were getting ready for bed, Brenda said, “Let’s skip sex tonight.”

  Marius frowned. “Is there a problem?”

  “No, I’d just like a break.”

  He kissed her gently. “Whatever you want.”

  Brenda’s heart ached. I want what’s best for you.

  They didn’t make love the next night either, because Brenda pretended to be sound asleep when he came in.

  The third evening, she asked him how his singing was doing.

  He beamed. “Marvelously. Francesca was pleased. I must not be getting that cold.”

  Brenda shuddered. The evidence was before her. She knew what she should do, but she didn’t know if she’d have the strength to do it.

  She must have grown pale, for he asked with concern, “Brenda?”

  She shook her head. “I’m fine, but I’ve got a headache. Maybe I’m getting a cold.”

  “I’ll make you some garlic juice.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  The next few days were particularly difficult. Brenda made love with Marius again because she couldn’t think of any more excuses not to, but every time they did, she felt guilty.

  She noticed how much time he spent with her, her friends and family: time he could have spent either practicing or working on his thesis. When she mentioned it to him, he said, “Do not fret, skarbie,” and kissed her forehead. He smoothed her hair, tucking it behind her ears. “I am doing well. But even if I weren’t, you are more important to me than the competition or my graduate degree.”

  His words bothered her.

  Was Francesca right? Was she ruining his life?

  She thought of Spock. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.

  #

  On Christmas Eve, one of their neighbors came by, selling homemade tamales. Brenda checked her wallet. She only had a ten, and she wanted to buy several dozen pork tamales. They’d make a perfect gift for her parents that evening and Kelly and Lars on Christmas Day. “Marius,” she called. “I need money. Do you have any cash?”

  He was working on his thesis at his laptop on the kitchen table. “I think so. My wallet’s on the dresser.”

  “I’ll be right back,” she told the woman. She hurried to their room and found his wallet on top of the dresser. She opened it up and saw a five dollar bill. Not enough. She looked through the other flaps, and saw something that made her gasp.

  A green card.

  She pulled it out. It had Marius’ name, picture, and date of birth.

  It looked real, and she knew he was not the kind of man to buy a fake ID.

  “Did you find it?” Marius asked from the other room.

  Money, he was talking about money. “Yes, I’ve got it,” she called and hastily put the green card back in his wallet.

  When did he get it? Had he gotten it before they were married? Was everything he’d ever told her a lie?

  Her stomach felt like a rock.

  This is what she got for procrastinating. She should have followed up with Marius and talked to another attorney.

  With trembling fingers, she pulled the card out again and looked for a date. It was in the lower right corner. He hadn’t had the green card long, but he hadn’t even mentioned it.

  In a daze, she remembered what he’d said when she proposed. He said he didn’t need help getting a green card, and obviously that was true.

  He hadn’t needed her at all.

  It made her question their entire relationship. Instead of being equals, both bringing something to the table, had he merely felt sorry for her? Had he been chivalrous, marrying the bald girl to protect her from her scummy ex?

  She knew he liked her, he enjoyed her company, he liked sleeping with her. But he was so easy-going, he could be happy with almost anyone.

  “Brenda?” Marius prompted.

  “Coming,” she said quickly. Today was Christmas Eve and tomorrow was Christmas. If she confronted Marius now, it would only make the holidays unpleasant and make her family worry. It was better to wait, so she could prepare what she wanted to say.

  That was wise.

  Either that, or she was just a procrastinating coward.

  Using the cash on hand, she bought two dozen tamales.

  Marius looked up from his laptop and said, “I’ve never eaten homemade tamales.”

  Brenda made herself smile, even though her heart was breaking. “Then you’re in for a treat.”

  #

  Somehow Brenda survived Christmas Eve at her parents’ house. Everyone came for hors d’oeuvres and desserts. First they sang carols and ate. Then her dad read Luke Chapter two, and finally, the grandkids opened their presents from Grandma and Grandpa. It was a loud, noisy gathering and more than one person asked if she had any interesting announcements to make. “No, I’m not pregnant.”

  “Are you sure you know what to do about that?” one of her brother-in-laws teased.

  She and Marius left the family party early, so they could attend a midnight service at his church. Brenda watched Marius as he sang with the congregation. He modified his voice so it blended in without being noticeably better or stronger.

  He’s a good man, she thought. Not perfect, but good.

  On the way home, Marius asked if there was anything wrong. “You’re very quiet today.”

  She evaded the issue. “Christmas always makes me reflective.”

  The next day, they visited Kelly and Lars. Danny was taking a nap while they sat in Kelly’s elegant living room and talked. Kelly sat on the couch with her bare feet tucked beneath her. Lars, looking more relaxed than Brenda had ever seen him in a ski-sweater and jeans, sat next to Kelly, his arm casually draped around her shoulders. He looked happy.

  She and Kelly exchanged Christmas ornaments as they had every year since they were twelve. Kelly asked, “What was your favorite gift this year?”

  Brenda smiled and held up the box she had received from Kelly only minutes before. “Obviously, this.”

  Kelly smiled. Ironically, they had both given each other ornaments that referred to their recent weddings. Kelly had bought one with a miniature couple holding hands and she had bought Kelly a glass snowflake with the words “Our First Christmas Together” and the year etched on it.

  Brenda turned to Lars. “What was your favorite gift?”

  Lars glanced down at Kelly with adoration. “A teddy bear.”

  Kelly returned his smile, then explained to Brenda, “I bought one for Lars and one for Danny.”

  That evening as they were getting ready for bed, Marius commented, “Lars and Kelly are very happy together. They seem as if they’ve been married a long time, rather than just a few months.”

  Brenda nodded. “They’ve known each other for eight years, and they’ve always been good friends.”

  “In eight years, I hope we are as close as they are,” Marius said and smiled at her.

  Brenda didn’t say anything. Her throat was too tight. But she refused to ruin Christmas. Instead she walked up to Marius and put her arms around him. One last time, she told herself. And kissed him.

  #

  In the morning, she woke and dressed for work. She joined Marius in the living room. He was doing his early morning stretches. Although it was technically still a holiday and he didn’t have to report to the University, he liked to keep on schedule. He’d told her once that his body and his voice did better when he followed a disciplined routine. He glanced at her as she came into the room.

  You can do this, she told herself.

  She said briskly, “You remember the temporary manager position in Oklahoma?”

  Marius balanced himself on one leg. “Yes.”

  “Well, I’m taking it, and I’ll be moving up there this weekend.”

  Marius looked at her blankly. “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m leaving you, Marius. It’s not forever, hopefully, but it’s six months, and I think it will be a good breather for both of us.”

  Marius was dumbfounded. “What? Does this have something to do with Steven?”

  That would be a convenient lie, but she couldn’t be that cruel, to make him think that she had rejected him for another man. “No. I didn’t want to say anything before Christmas, but the holidays are over now, and I need to do what’s best for me.”

  “But I thought we were happy together.”

  “We have been,” Brenda agreed. “But I think a relationship should be built on honesty and trust.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She’d thought it about it for days, and she had to use a reason that would make sense. “Your green card, Marius. When did you get it?”

  #

  The green card? Marius felt as if he had walked into a movie halfway through. This entire conversation didn’t make sense.

  “When did you get it?” Brenda repeated.

  “This past week,” he said quickly. “I meant to tell you, but with the holidays and all my practicing, it slipped my mind.”

  “It slipped your mind?” Brenda laughed derisively.

  Perhaps that wasn’t technically correct. It hadn’t slipped his mind, but he had avoided the issue, fearing that mentioning it would cause the kind of discussion he now found himself in.

  “When were you planning to tell me -- on our tenth wedding anniversary?”

  “I never said I was marrying you for a green card.”

  “No, but you knew that’s what I thought.”

  Deep in his heart, he had known that, and he’d used it to his advantage to get what he wanted, to marry her. “I’m sorry. I should have explained my situation.”

  “How did you get it -- you’re not married to someone else, are you?”

  Marius flinched. “I’m not Steven.”

  Brenda paled, but her voice remained steady. “No. He was a lying, cheating, manipulative scumbag. I’m assuming that you at least have been faithful to me.”

  “I have.”

  “So your only problem is not being completely and totally honest.”

  Was anyone ever completely honest? “Let me explain,” he began desperately.

  “Go ahead.” She folded her hands in front of herself defensively. “I’ll try to listen.”

  He sent a quick prayer heavenward. “I have a diversity visa.” At her look of incomprehension, he added, “It’s like a lottery. People from different countries apply and every year, fifty thousand get permanent resident status.”

  “When did you know about this?”

  “I knew I was eligible in May.”

  “Before I proposed.”

  “Yes, but there was no guarantee. I had to fill out forms, be interviewed.”

  “And yet, you decided to keep this information from me.”

  “Until it was finalized, yes. But I did tell you that you didn’t need to worry about my visa. My student visa was still in effect, and even if I didn’t get the diversity visa, I probably could have gotten another visa later, based on employment and my college degree.”

  She sank down into one of the kitchen chairs. “So you didn’t really need me at all.”

  “Not for a visa, no. And I told you that.”

  “I must not have been listening.” She looked at him sharply. “If you didn’t need to marry me -- why did you?”

  Now was the time to be completely honest. No more provocation. “Because I loved you, Brenda.”

  “You didn’t even know me. I was practically a stranger. How could you love me?”

  “I loved you from the moment I first saw you.”

  “That’s crazy.”

  “I know,” he admitted. “But that’s how I felt. It was like a bolt of lightning to my heart. Suddenly you were there and there was no room for anyone else.” Please believe me, he thought desperately.

  Brenda’s eyes narrowed. “I think too much Opera has messed up your mind.”

  “But I do love you,” he repeated, approaching her. “And I think you’re beginning to love me.”

  She held up her hand to stop him. “No, it’s too much. You’re a nice guy, but you’re too intense. You’re smothering me. I feel trapped.”

  He took a step backwards. “If you don’t like the words, I won’t use them. We’ll be friends and have the practical marriage you wanted.”

  Brenda hesitated, and for a few seconds he hoped that she would accept his plan. But then she glanced at her watch, and she was cool and professional again. “I’m sorry. I’m running late.” She reached for her purse.

  “What about getting pregnant?” Marius asked. “Don’t you still want a baby?”

  “Yes, but not right now.” She smiled faintly. “Actually, one of the good things about separating now is that we don’t have any children to worry about.”

  There was nothing good about separating.

  She walked toward the door as if was this was a normal morning, instead of the worst day of his life. “We can talk about this more tonight, but I’m still going to Oklahoma.”

  Don’t go, he thought, but didn’t dare say it. Had he ruined his chances with her by baring his soul? I love you, Brenda. My heart will die if you go.

  #

  Over the next two days, Brenda spent as much time as she could away from home, and when she was home, she avoided Marius by going to the guest room. She spoke with him a little, but only to lay down the law on their separation. She told him she didn’t want a divorce, she just needed time away from him. In a few months, after the MET competition, after she’d worked in Oklahoma, they could meet up again and decide their future.

  She hoped that they would have a future together, but she didn’t want to be his wife if it was going to ruin his career. He deserved better than that.

  He asked if he could call her, and she said “please no, just email me now and then.” If she heard his voice, she knew she’d weaken and return.

  He tried to apologize again for not telling her about the green card, but she dismissed it with a terse, “That’s water under the bridge now.”

  When he saw that he couldn’t change her mind, he stopped talking about it. When it was time to say good-bye, he kissed her briefly and asked her to let him know when she arrived safely.

  He was a kind man. Obviously too good for her. It would be much easier to leave him if he were a jerk like Steven.

  Once Brenda was out of sight from the house, she cried. Before whenever she broke up with a man, she’d go out with friends and get drunk. But she didn’t want a drink now. She needed a clear head to do what she had to do.

  That evening, she made one last phone call to Kelly.

  “What’s up?” Kelly asked.

  “I’m headed off to Oklahoma.”

  “For how long?”

  “Six months.”

  Kelly gasped. “Why?”

  “It’s a good job opportunity, to show I can be a manager,” Brenda said.

  “But what about Marius? Is he going with you?”

  This was the tricky part. “No, he needs to take his classes and prepare for the singing competition.”

  “But you’ll come down and visit.”

  “No. I’m taking a break. From my marriage. From Dallas.”