He unwrapped and removed his hands from mine. The absence of his hand sent me into a panic. Without him, I was alone in this town. I hated being this dependent on someone, especially so soon. Did that mean I was pathetic? I hope not. Instantly, he scooted me closer and wrapped his right arm around me. “Much better,” I whispered to him.

  The preacher welcomed everyone to the Celebration of Life for Gran. There’s no way I could do this. I needed help. I couldn’t say goodbye to my absolute best friend. My shoulders shrunk, my eyes watered, and my lip shook. I was about to lose it. Zack squeezed my shoulder. I took a breath. I knew I was holding my breath; I always do that when I panic. I inhaled, counted to ten. Exhaled, counted to ten. He squeezed my shoulder again, bringing me back to reality. It’s time to say goodbye to Gran and everyone in this town officially.

  I walked up to the podium, looked at Zack, back to Gran’s casket, and then back to the crowd. Most of the people in this room knew me from when I was born. Others knew of me and heard the lies that spread through like wildfire. Some respected me, others resented me. Everyone shuffled in their seats, and I heard mumbles of, ‘I’m so shocked she is alive.’

  ‘It’s amazing she’s even showing up after putting her parents through all the drug problems.’

  ‘That poor girl has been through so much. Then she just abandons her town like she’s better than everyone.’

  The whispers continued. I honestly didn’t know if they were ever going to stop. Regardless, I had to get through this so I could leave this nightmare once and for all.

  Tears built, and I felt as if I couldn’t go on. I wasn’t going to have a panic attack today. I wasn’t going to let the rumors tell my story. This wasn’t about me. This was for Gran. So, I pushed all of my emotions inside of me and got it all out and over with while I was ahead.

  “Before I read the Eulogy I wrote for Gran, I want to clear up a few things I have heard since returning for one day.”

  Fighting back the tears, I continued, “first, I have not, am not, nor will I ever be a drug addict. My ex-boyfriend kidnapped me when he discovered I was pregnant with twins, continued to assault me, starve me, and almost killed me nearly six years ago. Once the call was made to DHS, the police and a social worker showed up to check on me. The person who I will not name left me for dead. I already lost our twins. My sugar was dangerously low, and I went into a coma. Because of the situation he left me in; I had no way of being identified but by my phone. Nobody knew they airlifted me to Atlanta. So, when the person told my parents all the lies and I was gone for over a year, they accepted I was dead. That’s the funeral you attended. I was on my deathbed, but I survived that, moved to Texas, and started my life there over.” The tears were pouring down my face. I wanted to run back to Texas and forget about this nightmare. “Mrs. Evelina Haynes, my gran, my savior, is the one who made all of this happen. She saved my life so I would have never asked of her, nor would I have thought anyone possible of doing. She saved me from the past that almost killed me. So, yes, I will show my face after so many years. I will come pay respects to my grandmother, who was more of an angel to me than most people in this congregation.” I took a deep breath. I was getting angry, and I felt my tone changing. I’m pretty sure the resting bitch face wasn’t resting any longer.

  I was revealing all of my truths, the truths which kept me away from Bradford. I couldn’t leave anything out. “My parents disowned me, my siblings don’t know me, nor do they care for me, but Gran, the reason we are all here, believed in me. That’s why I am reading her eulogy and why she left me her legacy. Because I always was honest with her, I talked to her every day, and she was my best friend.”

  “So, I hope this clears up the rumors. So, moving on. The reason we are all here.” I took a deep breath. I felt confident after clearing up the confusion. I knew the town would talk, but I didn’t care. I had to do this for Gran. Taking a deep breath, looking towards the doors, and then back to Zack, I continued to read the tribute to Gran.

  Taking a deep breath, I had to speak about the woman who was my butterfly and always kept my hopes alive. “Evelina Marie Haynes lived an amazingly long and fulfilling life. She was born in Bradford, Arkansas on July 2, 1939, and lived to be 84 years old. She was the mother of three children: Katerina, Thomas, and Beverly. Six grandkids: Raelynn, Josh, Ariana, Noel, Katherine, and Rebecca. And Great Grandchildren: Lucy, Abigail, Jasmine, and Harper.”

  “Evelina, as most of you, may have known her, and Ms. Haynes, for those of you who stayed to your roots, but she was always my gran. She lived the best life.”

  Smiling, I got the rest out. The memories were alive, and she was speaking through me. I continued again. “She was married to my grandpa for over 65 years. Before losing him, they supplied the farmer’s market with fruits and vegetables from their farm. She did that until last year, when my brother took over the business. Still today, their garden feeds all of Bradford, Arkansas.” Everyone applauded and cheered for Gran.

  “Gran was one of the first few women in Bradford to get a high school diploma, and later in life, get a college degree. She taught English and Literature Arts at our High School. She was on the town council for 45 years and her house, built by her mother in 1902, has been put into the town’s Historic district and will remain as part of the Haynes legacy. The Haynes and Davis family were two of the founding residents of Bradford. They accomplished so much, even without the resources needed.” I would make sure her legacy was known and never forgotten.

  “They raised families, educated, and ensured the growth of our small town. I grew up here and still have fond memories of walking down our town square to see the memorial placed for my great-grandmother, designed, and constructed by Gran, Evelina Haynes.

  “One of Gran’s favorite actresses was Sophia Loren. She loved how unapologetic Sophia Loren was for being herself. Gran was the same way. It’s only fair that I mention two of Sophia’s quotes to describe Gran.

  “I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.”and,“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.”

  “Gran's beautiful blue eyes made you see the sky and everything good with the world. She loved with her heart and her soul guided her every move.

  “She was the most vibrant piece of my life. And it’s hard to turn that light off knowing how dark the world can be.

  “Gran had a thumb for keeping life living. She kept me alive. She was the first person to hold me when I was born. Then, when my twin brother was born, she held both of us simultaneously. She would help my mom and dad with us for many years. And though mom and dad struggled, we never knew because Gran kept everything alive.

  “Gran Haynes, I hope you’re looking down on all of us and talking to Grampy and having the best cup of coffee in heaven. Nothing beats yours. Gran lived through wars being fought and won. Civil rights movement, women getting their rights to vote. Women can wear jeans. She lived through everything and is my hero. Gran stood alongside those fighting for our rights as women to go to school, vote, and even work. Gran made a difference.

  “I remember when I was 16 years old, and Gran taught me how to drive her beat up Mustang. She taught me to drive, parallel park, and even how to do every type of turn. She taught me how to change the oil in a car, how to change a tire, and how to never have to depend on a man. She believed in me when everyone faded away. She taught everyone in our family how to cook and raise a house, even the men. She taught us all how to grow and raise our food if we were ever where the food was limited. She wouldn’t let us starve. We could take care of ourselves. That’s how Gran was. She always had two feet in front of her, twelve steps ahead, and planned everything out hour by hour and day by day. However, she didn’t plan to say goodbye so soon. To close, I’d like to read a poem I wrote for her. As childish as it may seem, this is for you, Gran.” I said, preparing to read the poem. I took another deep breath, looked at Zack and closed my eyes as I recited it from my heart.

  “My grandmother is better than anything on this earth.

  She’s far more precious than anything I’d ever put first.

  She was beautiful, and she owned the entire place.

  She was never evil to anyone or anything.

  Gran had a heart of gold open to the world.

  My gran was a beautiful woman, and when she was younger, a gorgeous girl.

  She had style; she had class, and she didn’t hold back

  The filter she protected would break if tempted.

  Gran had lessons for all to learn,

  I'm not talking about watching the water or the macaroni burn.

  Gran would watch a situation, sit back, and laugh.

  Then, the important questions would come. She would be the one to ask.

  Never judging, always urging for better

  Gran loved to cook dinners and have family over

  She especially loved to play card games and watch the kids play with Dover

  Her entire essence would light up the room.

  Curing us all our demons and our doom and gloom.

  Evelina Marie Haynes lived to be 84 and is gone way too soon.

  Forever waiting to hug your neck, to hear you say, ‘I love you.’”

  So many people were in the church crying. I looked up at the sky and said, “Thank you for your time and for choosing to celebrate Evelina Haynes.”

  The tears were now pouring down my face as if it were a torrential downpour and my eyes were the clouds causing the flood.

  Grabbing my papers and running from the podium. It was too much for me to stay up there. I knew there would be others to go up and pay their respects. I needed to get out of there. I went straight for the door. I said what I needed to say; I did what I needed to do. I needed to breathe. Zack followed me. We sat on the first step at the church, and I leaned into him. How can one person be perfect?

  “Thanks for coming here with me. I couldn’t sleep last night. This place causes my insomnia for so many reasons.” I rambled on and on.

  “I came for you. I couldn’t get you off my mind and I didn’t sleep either.” He said, rubbing my hair. I adjusted my head to his brick wall chest.

  “Why was I on your mind?” I asked.

  “To be honest, I want to kill the loser who put these scars on you, while also kissing every scar and protecting you to ensure nobody ever hurts you again.”

  “There are some scars in some weird places. Some you might not want to kiss.”

  “Raelynn, I might be older than you, but I would kiss every bit of your pain away, if I were able.”

  “I’m sure it would tickle your beard.” I laughed for the first time today.

  “What are your plans after leaving the church?”

  “I have to meet with the lawyer and settle the estate, sign it all to my brother, and then get a hotel for the rest of the time, waiting to get my car fixed.”

  “No hotel, you can stay with me. And why not keep your gran’s house? Because she left that for you.”

  “I can’t come back here. There are too many faulty memories, Zack. My parents hate me.”

  “Your gran loved you, and she left her legacy for you. Not your brother, not your sisters, you.”

  “What would I do with a house that big? I barely have enough stuff to take up the closet, let alone any of the rest of the house.”

  “We can figure that out later.” He said, biting his lip.

  “Why would you want me to stay, Zack?” I looked into his blue eyes, which were now tinting gray with the sun.

  “Your gran would want you to face your past and move on. Plus, I kind of like you.”

  “Our age difference doesn’t bother you?”

  “I'm 28. You realize that, right?”

  “I’m 43. Is that an issue?”

  “I’m old enough to be your daughter.”

  “I’m old enough to be your father.”

  “Touché.” We both laughed.

  He kissed me on my forehead, lifted my face up with his right hand, and brought my face to his. “I want to kiss you again.”

  “Okay.”

  He kissed me, and I swear I saw fireworks.

  “Let’s get out of here. We can get lunch and then go see your lawyer. But I’m pleading to you, sign nothing until you are sure you’re never coming back to Bradford. If not for me, for Gran.”

  “We’ll see,” I spoke. “Let’s go.”

  He stood up, offering his hand to help me up. Such a gentleman.

  Taking his hand, I gave him another hug.

  “Raelynn, Stop! I need to talk to you. We have unfinished business.” The voice that haunted my past screamed out to me. No, not yet. Not now.

  I looked at Zack, hoping he saw it in my eyes. I didn't want him to make a scene, but I didn’t want him to leave me alone. James approached us and went to give me a hug. Instantly and without thinking, I pulled back, flinching, thinking about him touching me.

  “There’s nothing to talk about, James. You may not be within 50 feet of me, so please leave me alone.” I pleaded.

  “You have your lumberjack here to help you, but we need to talk.”

  “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “Good, I have plenty to say. Can you ask your bodyguard to take a few steps so I can say what I need to say?”

  “No. He goes nowhere.”

  “Okay. Big guy, can I talk to this lady alone for a few minutes? You’ll have her back before long.”

  “Raelynn said no.”

  “Surely you can think for yourself.”

  “Zack, just sit in the truck. I'll stay here.” I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, placing it into the truck. I sent him a quick text.

  If I walk off with him or go anywhere with him, it is not of my own freewill, do not let me go away from your truck. I cannot stand up to him. I'm not strong enough.

  I sent the text, leaving the phone.

  “Say what you have to say and then leave me alone, please.”

  “You had me put in prison for five years and I got released two weeks before Gran passed away. Ironic, huh?”

  “Did you kill my gran?”

  “If I knew it was the one way to destroy you, I might have thought about it, but no. The autopsy says she died of natural causes.”

  “What do you have to say?”

  “I miss you, Rae. We had a good time until you left me.”

  “I left you because I was in a coma and hospitalized. I was under protective custody.” I paused, finding my strength. “You tried to kill me. You raped me. You mutilated my body. I’m covered in scars from neck to toes. I can’t go near smokers because the smell sends me back to when you wanted me dead. You killed our children. So don’t you dare blame any of this shit on me. You’re fine. I suffer from nightmares and am traumatized by the hell you put me through.” I stopped. He wasn’t getting that power back.

  “Rae, I was on drugs, and I’m sorry I did any of that to you. But prior to any of that happening, we were happy. I loved you and you loved me. Surely, we can try to build it back.” He reached for my shoulder, and I jumped back.

  “I have nothing for you. I have nothing to give you, and I want nothing from you,” I said robotically. I knew this would come, but I didn't expect it on the day I let go of Gran.

  “I can change your mind, Rae. Just give me a chance.” He put his hands on my face and pulled me closer to him. Tears poured down my face worse than before. I couldn’t lose this fight with him. I didn’t want to cause a scene. “Let me kiss you.” And he kissed me. I didn’t kiss back. I stood there stoically, waiting for him to leave me alone.

  “Nothing there but pain and poor memories.” I took another breath. “I forgive you for what you did to me, but I cannot let it go nor forget. Please leave me alone and never try to contact me again. Next time, I’ll call the police.” I turned around to enter the truck, James grabbed my hands, and pulled me with him toward his car.

  “You will never turn your back on me. You are mine and always will be mine.” He grabbed my arms and twisted the skin near my armpit, making it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt before. “Walk or I kill you.”

  “Just kill me. I might as well be dead, anyway. They already had my funeral.” I submitted. I gave up.

  I fell to my knees, looked down, and said, “Shoot me. Kill me. Put me out of my misery, please.”

  I saw a shadow of James pulling something out of his pocket. I believe it was a gun. I heard the clicks.

  And everything faded to black.

  Zack

  Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to do. Earlier that morning, I got dressed and headed to Raelynn’s home and escorted her to the funeral. I knew it would be hard on her. Dressed in a beautiful short black dress and black boots. Her eye makeup was simple black eyeliner and mascara. I saw a tint of blush and her hair was down, wavy, and still wet. I’m glad she got a shower. Grief was written on her face. Redness filled her eyes, her face still puffy from crying. I wanted to erase all the sadness from her world. I hoped she would let me. On the way over, I picked up some donuts and coffee, and a dozen lilies. I had a strong inkling she wasn’t a rose type of girl.

  I handed her the flowers; she signaled me to follow her into the house. Looking around, it was homey. It’s not at all what I figured it to be. There were family pictures, decorations, and furniture that looked to be steam cleaned every day. Everything had a place. Order. Neat.

  Walking through the hallway to the dining room, a table had place settings for 12 people. Two empty chairs and a bookshelf that was empty, but free of dust. There were boxes around the rooms. I’m guessing they planned on packing or moving things out before Raelynn took off. I’m sure she had specific things she wanted to take back with her. I wonder if I could get her to come with me. I thought to myself.