No matter how hard I try to like her, Aiden’s fiancée makes the job really difficult. We don’t click. Kirsten is like this foreign body, trying to force herself into our previously perfectly balanced ecosystem. Well maybe not perfectly balanced, seeing how I’ve been spinning on my unrequited-love axis for fifteen years, but at least we had a certain harmony, until she showed up. Kirsten just isn’t one of us.

  “Have you guys picked a honeymoon destination yet?” Jace asks, switching subject again after probably noticing how I’m staring daggers at the bride-to-be.

  “Yeah,” Kirsten says. “We’re going to Anguilla for two weeks of sunshine and relax…”

  As we listen to Kirsten list how many pools and restaurants the resort has, and all the excursions she’s planning for them, I try really hard not to do a mental rain dance targeted at the Caribbean island for the second half of February. But gosh, if I can’t hear the drums in my head.

  The bride-to-be monopolizes the conversation for most of the dinner, allowing me to get away with only making a polite comment now and then, and mostly tuning out what is being said. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate even if the topics being discussed were more interesting. Not when Jace can’t stop watching me. I catch him looking at me, and I can’t help but stare back. Funny thing how my eyes keep dropping to his lips.

  The lips that are supposed to give me a goodnight kiss.

  I look back up again, and Jace has his eyes locked on my face. Did he catch me staring at his mouth? His gaze is so intense that I suspect he might have. My heart thumps in my chest. I panic and excuse myself to the restroom.

  When I return to the table, the server is already clearing our plates. I sit down, looking at my lap just as the server’s hand reaches down to pull up my skirt. I jump out of my chair and almost slap his hand away. Too late, I realize what’s really going on as the server eyes me perplexedly, holding my black napkin in his hands. This must be one of those fancy places where they fold your napkin when you go to the bathroom and place it back on your lap when you come back.

  “Is everything all right, ma’am?” the server asks.

  “Yes, yes, sorry,” I say, getting back in my chair. “I was just err…” That’s when I make the mistake of meeting Jace’s eye. He smirks and raises an eyebrow teasingly as if to say, I want to see how you’re going to end that phrase.

  “Never mind,” I say. And sit rigidly as the server finally places the napkin on my legs.

  Job completed with no further incidents, he asks, “Would anyone care for dessert?”

  While he rolls out the options, Jace leans in and asks, “Were you about to slap that poor server?”

  “Shut up,” I hiss. “I thought he was lifting my skirt.”

  “Falsely accused of being a perv. Oh my gosh, how much do I have to tip him now?”

  “Keep being such a smarty pants and that’ll be the least of your problems.”

  When the bill finally arrives, I have mixed feelings about leaving. Between the bridal shop and the restaurant, I’m maxed out on my Kirsten tolerance levels. But I want the Jace part of the night to continue.

  We get our coats and are about to leave when Kirsten announces she needs a last-minute bathroom run.

  “I’ll wait for her,” Aiden says. “You guys go ahead.”

  The temperatures outside are freezing, but at least there’s no wind. To keep warm, I sneak my hands under Jace’s unbuttoned coat, lacing my fingers on the small of his back like I’ve done a million times before. Only tonight it feels different. Instead of accepting my embrace like a rigid rod as he usually is around me, Jace hugs me back. My long down jacket is zipped up, so he places his warm hands on the small of my back.

  I gaze up at him. In the dim light of the streetlights, his eyes are the color of dark ice and they’re smoldering. Jace stares hard at me as if trying to figure something out. Can he sense the shift between us, the same as I do? I’ve always been pretty much able to guess what Jace was thinking, but now I can’t. I can’t even decipher my own thoughts anymore, let alone his. The only thing I’m sure of is that I want him to kiss me, and not just to prove Kirsten wrong.

  I bite my lower lip and he steps in even closer, his eyes traveling down to my mouth as if he were thinking the same thing.

  I lean in slowly, giving him a chance to turn around, but he doesn’t. Even when my nose brushes his, he doesn’t take a step back. Our lips are so close I can feel the heat rolling off his body, the scent of his cologne filling my nostrils. I close my eyes and make that last inch of distance between us disappear, brushing my lips against his, softly.

  I pull back and open my heavy lids. This is when he should make a move. He doesn’t, though. He just keeps looking into my eyes, his lips parted slightly. I close the distance between us again, this time my kiss firm and deliberate.

  Jace doesn’t return the kiss, but he doesn’t reject it either. He lets me brush his lips with mine a few more times before I’m forced to pull back.

  That’s when the restaurant door opens and Aiden and Kirsten shuffle out.

  Okay, maybe Jace doesn’t want to kiss me for the sake of it, but he must at least fake it in front of them. Eyes pleading, I pull closer once again, whispering, “Jace, please, just for tonight, can you pretend you find me irresistible?” And then I press my lips back to his once more.

  13

  JACE

  All right, I’m not a saint. Only so much restraint I can muster before instinct takes over. I can no longer hold back. I don’t care if it’s not wise, or that I’m surely going to regret it later. I pull her firmly into my arms and kiss her back.

  It takes Lori a few seconds to catch up that the kiss is happening, but when she does, she doesn’t hold back either. The kiss is deep and searing. Lori returns the hug, her fingers twisting into the fabric of my sweater.

  My brain goes haywire. Is this really happening? I’m kissing the woman I’ve loved for years and she’s kissing me back. I want so much more, but I don’t know if I’ll get it. She’s not mine. This is just a ruse for her. And the way she’s been flirting is probably just Lori being on the rebound from Aiden getting married. But do I care? No.

  Because right now, right at this moment, she’s mine. I kiss her like I’m drowning, I kiss her like I’m starving, and I kiss her like I’m about to die. Lori’s lips are warm and soft, and her mouth tastes like mint and strawberries. With her body pressed against mine, the scent of her hair fills my senses. It’s just her and me and nothing else exists.

  Only when Kirsten whistles behind us, do we tear apart from each other.

  “Bravo!” Aiden’s fiancée applauds. “Gosh, you guys, go get a room.”

  Lori and I break apart. She looks at me, almost startled, and then her eyes fly to Aiden. Next, Lori’s gaze drops to the ground, her cheeks a deep red. Of course, I have to remember her heart doesn’t beat for me, it never has.

  To make things less awkward, I do what I do best, and pretend I don’t care. “That might actually be a good idea before we all turn into popsicles.”

  The goodbyes are slightly stilted after that. Kirsten gives us both a hug while I think Aiden looks at me oddly, but I can’t be sure.

  We finished the wine halfway through the main course and didn’t order another bottle. So we’re all good to drive at this point. We give our keys to the valet, but thankfully, Aiden’s SUV arrives first.

  He and Kirsten get in, and then it’s just me and Lori again. We keep silent until the driver comes back with her Tesla.

  Lori is looking uncertain, too. “Look, Jace…”

  Nuh-uh, whatever she’s about to say—thanks for the kissing, what a show you put up, or worse, she could ask me why I just kissed her like I’m really in love with her—I take the keys from the valet, round the car, and open the driver’s door for her.

  Lori follows me but hesitates to get in. “Listen, Jace…”

  “It’s okay, Lola,” I interrupt again, kissing her on the forehead. “We don’t have to make a big deal out of it.” I wink at her and add, “Drive carefully, text me when you get home.”

  I’m the image of insouciance, like that kiss didn’t affect me at all. After years spent practicing the attitude around Lori, it comes to me as second nature.

  Looking disappointed, Lori gets into the car. “Goodnight, I guess.”

  We say goodbye and I close the door on her, both literally and figuratively.

  Then her car pulls away and disappears into the night.

  Despite acting completely unaffected in front of her, on the drive home, I can’t help replaying the kiss in my head over and over again. But allowing myself to fantasize Lori and I could actually become more than friends is a huge mistake. Lori is in love with someone else. Maybe now that Aiden is getting married, she’s trying to convince herself that she’s over him, but it can’t have happened overnight. She’s doing what she can to survive, even if that is experimenting with me.

  Because she thinks of me as this womanizer bad boy she can’t hurt, if only she knew. But she doesn’t, because I never told her.

  I don’t regret kissing her, though. It was one hell of a kiss—the kind you want to remember for the rest of your life. I brush a hand over my mouth, remembering the sensation of the lips of an amazing woman pressed to mine. I don’t care if it wasn’t real.

  The streetlights blur past my car window as unfocused as my thoughts until I pull up into my underground garage and step out of the car. My steps echo on the concrete as I head to the exit.

  As the elevator climbs up, I can’t stop wondering what Lori wanted to say to me after the kiss. Why did I shut her down? Because I’m such a coward.

  I get into my apartment and it’s dark and quiet and so darn lonely, just like it’s been for years. I flop down on my couch, put my feet up on the table, and pull out my cell phone. Why? I don’t even know what I want to do—write to her?—when the screen lights up with an incoming text from Lori.

  From Lori:

  I’m home safe

  Glad to hear it, I type. Then I fidget with my phone and, going against every self-preservation instinct I have, I add:

  To Lori:

  Did you want to talk about something earlier?

  I hit send and wait for her response. It doesn’t take long.

  From Lori:

  You mean when you all but shoved me into my car?

  To Lori:

  Yes

  My fingers tap against the screen, my heart pounding as I wait for her response. It only takes a few seconds.

  From Lori:

  No, I just wanted to thank you for being such a good friend, I know I’ve put you in an impossible situation. I’m sorry

  My eyes widen and my stomach drops.

  Such. A. Good. Friend.

  The words haunt me from the screen. That’s all I’ll ever be to her. An effing friend.

  I drop the phone on my couch and don’t respond. These last few days I let my guard down and acted like an idiot. I can’t flirt with her, I can’t touch her, and I sure as hell can’t kiss her. Not if I want to keep my sanity, my heart whole. Not if she keeps telling me what a good effing friend I am.

  The madness stops tonight. From tomorrow on, I’ll go back to my old ways of keeping a healthy distance between Lori and myself. We only have a couple more wedding-related events to push through before Aiden is off on his honeymoon and we can call this whole farce off.

  I only have to survive another month before the wedding and then I’ll be free to go back to my old life of solitude and evasion.

  14

  LORI

  Jace’s not going to reply. If he didn’t in the last five minutes or so, he’s not going to. I know him too well, I’m too used to his disappearing acts. He pulls them on me every once in a while. Ghosts me for no apparent reason.

  Only maybe tonight he has a reason.

  I shouldn’t have told him thanks for the kissing, telling him what a great friend he is. That was a cop-out.

  But what was I supposed to say? Thanks for sweeping me off my feet? Thanks for kissing me like I’m the most desirable woman on the planet? Thanks for frying all my brain cells with your deft lips?

  Gosh, his mouth. I can’t stop thinking about the feel of his pillow lips pressed on mine, the graze of his teeth over my lower lip, the way he gently bit down on it before deepening the kiss.

  It was pure fire, pure electricity, pure Jace.

  But now he’s gone radio silent. He’s mad at me. I know it, even if he won’t say it. He’s probably mad that I forced him to kiss me and is sitting in his apartment, brooding and counting off the days until we can end this whole fake-dating sham.

  I stare at my phone, willing him to respond, to say something, anything. But the silence is deafening.

  After another five minutes of silent treatment, I drop the phone on my nightstand and go back to staring at the ceiling. I’m laying starfish-style in bed silhouetted in cats—two under my arms and two alongside my legs—and while I usually enjoy the companionship of my feline friends, tonight I’m feeling claustrophobic. Like I need to move.

  I’m itching all over, except for my lips, which are still tingling from Jace’s kiss.

  I close my eyes and try to relax, try to will the memories away. But they’re burning through my skin and mind as if they were seared onto both by a raging wildfire.

  All I can think about is the kiss.

  Kissing Jace was… uh… kind of earth-shattering. Sexy, hot, tingly, a bit of a punch in the gut?

  I get it, he’s a really hot guy. Objectively gorgeous. But he’s my best friend, he’s like my brother.

  Well, that’s not how kissing your brother should feel like. Not unless you’re Cersei Lannister, which I’m most definitely not.

  It’s weird. I’ve never seen him this way, like us potentially being more than just friends. It’s always been Aiden.

  But now… now Aiden is getting married and Jace has gone from being a block of ice with barbed wire wrapped all around himself and warning signs plastered all over with “I do not cuddle” written upfront, to being a flaming inferno of a guy who set ablaze every nerve ending in my body with his sexy mouth.

  What do I do now?

  I can’t go from being in love with one best friend to lusting after the other. Plus Jace doesn’t do relationships. And while my track record with dating isn’t stellar either, it’s only because the only guy I’ve ever wanted has never been available. I would want a stable relationship. While, for Jace, I suspect being a bachelor is more of a lifestyle choice. I’m not sure.

  Jace and I have always been able to talk about everything except his love life. Whenever I tried to talk to him about any of his flings or short-term girlfriends the barbed wire would come up, and he’d change the subject so fast I’d get whiplash.

  I should try to get some sleep. I scratch the heads of the cats closer to me and, slowly, their purring lulls me into a slumber. I can’t toss and turn—as per the feline silhouette I’m confined into—but when I wake up the next morning I feel like I’ve spent the entire night thrashing about, tormented by sexy dreams mixed in with even sexier memories.

  I get out of bed and decide to treat myself to store-bought coffee, and since I’m in a particularly despondent mood, I go to my favorite bookshop that doubles as a café.

  I order my breakfast and peruse the bookshelves for something to read. I end up reading the first few chapters of an enemies-to-lovers fantasy romance that does nothing to help me get a grip on my raging lust.

  I finish my breakfast and put the book back on the shelf, ordering an e-book copy from the bookshop website. I love paperbacks, but I literally can’t fit a single extra one into my loft. The rescue books take up all the available space and then some. But my e-reader can support my hoarding tendencies like a champ. No storing limits there.

  I browse the shelves a little longer and download a thriller that comes with a handwritten cardboard recommendation from one of the store clerks. Yeah, maybe reading a steamy romance isn’t the best way to cool off, but if I stick my head into a deep conspiracy mystery thriller maybe I can get out of the lust funk.

  After the bookshop, I drop off my chicken eggs at the farmers market stall where I donate them to be sold off for charity. The little money they make goes to a rescue that saves animals from food factories.

  I’m back in my loft before noon, and all I want to do is curl up on the sofa for an afternoon of reading. But I can’t. This afternoon I’m on duty at Jessica’s free clinic. It’s going to be Aiden and me today.

  A week ago, I’d be ecstatic I’d get to share an entire Kirsten-free afternoon with him. Since they started dating I never got alone time with him any other way.

  But dare I say I’d rather it be Jace today? Yeah, because I don’t like this tension between us. And whether or not I’ve fallen in lust with him, I can’t stand for him to be mad at me.

  I sigh. But that’s not how life works. You get A when you want B, and when you stop wanting B, that’s when you’re going to get it.

  Have I stopped wanting Aiden?

  I don’t know. Maybe? If nothing else, this afternoon will help me clarify that point.

  Even if it’s a little early for my shift, I put my coat on and get into the car. I turn the music on, loud enough for me to forget about everything as I sing my lungs out to “Speak Now” without even starting the car. I’d be lying if I said standing up at Aiden’s wedding at the ominous “speak now or forever hold your peace” beat hasn’t been my secret dream since he got engaged. Only today, I have more details placed into the fantasy. I know what Kirsten’s dress will look like, I have faces for the other bridesmaids and maid of honor.