“Denying your feelings doesn’t move you forward.”

  “Correct. I learned that a long time ago, but there’s a difference in deciding you don’t want to feel a certain way, and in denying you feel that way. For instance, my first instinct was to feel anger, so I asked who I would be angry with, and there’s no one to aim my resentment and fury at. I can be angry at the situation, but that won’t help me deal with it. So, if I can’t aim it a specific somewhere, maybe it isn’t anger. Without a focus, anger is just frustration, right? Frustration won’t help me deal with it either, but it’s how I feel, and knowing how I feel is a good first step. I’m not explaining this right, but it is possible to decide you don’t feel that way without being in denial.”

  “I’m impressed. Okay, so you’re frustrated. What next? Is there something you want to do about it, or are you okay acknowledging your frustration and just letting it go for a little while.”

  She shook her head and glared at him. “Bastard.”

  “I thought you weren’t angry?”

  She shook her head again. “I’m not angry, I’m frustrated, but that has nothing to do with my calling you names.” She sighed. “You’re right. I’m going to want to beat it, to be restrained without freaking. You knew that already.”

  “I figured, yeah. We’ll go slow with it, though, and it might take months before you’re in more than a climbing harness with your hands free, understood?”

  She tilted her head back, feeling the cool water on her scalp. She kept leaning back, sinking her head until only her nose and mouth were out of the water. With the water in her ears, she could hear the pool pump, but no longer heard the birds and other noises one hears on a working ranch. She took a few breaths and pulled her head back up to look at him.

  “I’m not going to try to negotiate anything at this time. We’ll start out with your ideas, and if I think we need to move faster then we’ll talk about it. If I think you’re moving too fast, same thing, we’ll talk about it.”

  Marcus must’ve realized she was finished with the conversation, because he nodded to acknowledge what she’d said, but changed the subject. “Jonah has invited us for dinner.”

  “Yeah, I told him I’d need to talk to you, but it would probably be okay. Did you have other plans for us? I’d kind of like to stay, if it’s okay with you.”

  “I’m fine with staying, but you need to understand a few things. He told you he’ll have a guest?”

  “Yes, someone submissive to him, but they aren’t in a relationship, but he knows him pretty good, apparently.”

  “Right, his name is Billy, and he belongs to another Master. Billy’s Master is out of town, and he’s loaned Billy to Jonah for the night. From what I gather, Jonah is good friends with Billy’s Master, and this isn’t the first time Jonah has had access to Billy, because it sounds like Jonah is well aware of what Billy’s needs are.”

  Marcus turned a little, so the sun wouldn’t be in his eyes as much. “We haven’t talked about formal rules versus casual, I don’t think. For a full-time submissive, casual rules are in play most of the time, and formal rules are for scenes. Every couple gets to negotiate their own rules, but generally speaking, formal rules often require an honorific every time the submissive speaks.”

  “And Jonah asked if that would be okay while we eat?”

  “I told him it should be fine, which led to the question of how to introduce you and I to Billy. He needs to know we aren’t vanilla, or he’ll feel self-conscious about being outed as a submissive to people who don’t get it. However, Billy’s formal speech rules require he show respect to all Doms, and Jonah was worried it would weird me out. I told him it was fine to introduce both of us as Doms, and that I’d explain things to you, which I believe I just did.”

  “Is that common? To own someone to the extent you can loan them out?”

  “Not so much in the hetero world. It happens, but I wouldn’t call it common. I’m not sure about the gay BDSM scene.” He shrugged. “I don’t believe it matters how common it is, it only matters that some people choose to play by those rules. You know my housekeeper is basically on loan to me while she’s in my home — her Master has given me access to her ass or her mouth, and has given me the option to use a few implements on her if she doesn’t perform up to standards. If one of Kyle’s kinks was to be owned to the extent he could be loaned out, would you do it for him?”

  She opened her mouth to say no, but then thought about it again and closed her mouth. A few seconds later, she started again. “Wow, that’s not what I was thinking at all. I was thinking it would be the Master’s kink, and the sub would just have to deal with it. I hadn’t considered it might be the sub’s kink. Does Kyle need it? I mean, I might be okay loaning him to a male Dom, but I’m not sure I’d be okay with another woman Topping him.”

  He smiled. “Puts a whole new spin on it, doesn’t it? To my knowledge, Kyle is only interested in belonging to you and has no interest in playing with others.”

  She nodded. “Speaking of Kyle, he’ll be exhausted when he gets home tonight. I’m glad he’s in such high demand, but he needs to learn to tell people he only does so many surgeries a week, and they’ll just have to wait their turn.”

  “Have you told him this?”

  “No. It’s his job, his business. I wouldn’t appreciate him telling me how to run any of my businesses.”

  “Fair warning, if I see you burning yourself out, I’ll voice my opinion about it.”

  “So you think I should tell Kyle he’s doing too much?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  Heather rolled her eyes. “Right. So I just treat Billy normal, and ignore that he’s addressing me as Ma’am, or whatever?”

  “Yes. He hasn’t been loaned to you, so you have no right to give him orders or expect anything from him. How he addresses you is between he and Jonah.”

  Heather nodded, and then let go of the noodle and stood. “I’m going to swim a few laps. Be back in a little bit.”

  Chapter 32

  Heather and Marcus used one of the ranch’s vacant guest rooms to shower and change, and as Scout escorted them on the walk from the guest house to Jonah’s house, they noted a pink Jeep in the driveway.

  “Looks like Billy’s already here,” Heather said.

  Marcus got a pained look on his face before saying, “I guess I was thinking whoever showed up would be... like Jonah.”

  Heather stopped and turned to him. “What, you mean someone who doesn’t act gay?”

  “Right, my problem, my issues. I’ll deal with it.”

  “So, it’s okay for someone to be gay as long as they don’t act gay?”

  “No, that’s not it at all. It’s just that I tend to get annoyed by the type of man who would drive a pink Jeep. I also get annoyed by women who talk about shoes and purses. It’s not a gender thing.”

  “You haven’t met him yet, so don’t judge him by the Jeep. Maybe he borrowed his sister’s car.”

  “Somehow, I don’t think that’s the case.”

  Heather laughed and started towards the house again. “Come on, Mister Macho. I’m sure you’ll survive. Jonah’s an awesome cook, so at least the food will be good.”

  “I’m coming. I’m glad you have Jonah to handle the farm, and that the two of you are as close as you seem to be. I like him.”

  “Even after he threatened you?”

  “Perhaps even more, because he cares enough about you to question me and then threaten my health if it happens again.”

  Heather rolled her eyes at him as she rang the doorbell. “The mysteries of testosterone. I’ll take your word for it.”

  The door opened and Jonah stepped back, motioning them in. “Heather, Marcus, I’m glad the two of you could make it. Did you have a good swim?”

  Heather reached towards him for a hug. “We did. Thanks. I saw a Jeep out front, does that mean your guest is here?”

  Jonah’s smile faded. “Yes, but he mouthed off within moments of arriving, so he’s recovering from a dozen cane strikes while doing some corner time. He’ll join us in another five minutes or so. A timer will ding to let him know when his corner time is finished.”

  Scout ran in and Marcus closed the door behind him. “How long has his Master been out of town?”

  “This is the fifth day.”

  Marcus nodded. “Understandable. I worry about Kyle while Heather will be off on her Everest trip. He’ll be fine, but he’s going to miss her. Actually, I kind of worry about myself a little, too. I’ve grown fond of having her around.”

  Jonah looked at Scout and opened the door again. “I’ll save you something good to eat, but you need to watch over the horses and customers right now. Go on, take care of the horses, boy.”

  Scout ran outside and away from them, towards the barns, and Heather walked into the kitchen and looked into pots and pans, opening the lids and replacing them one by one. “You’ll be fine since you’ll be able to find others to play with. Kyle, on the other hand, is just going to have to deal, because I’m not loaning him out to anyone, so unless you want to see to his needs, he’ll be SOL. This looks really good, Jonah, you’ve gone all out.”

  “I enjoy having a chance to cook for others. I’m sorry Kyle couldn’t make it.”

  “He was way over-scheduled on surgeries today. He’ll probably fall into bed when he finally gets home.”

  Jonah looked at Marcus. “Your home, or his home?”

  The timer dinged in the living room, and Jonah held a finger up as he stepped into the other room.

  “Put your boxers on and come join us, Billy, and I’ll introduce you to our guests.”

  Billy walked into the room a few seconds later, subdued, but smiling. He was maybe five foot six inches tall, and slim, perhaps one hundred and twenty-five pounds. He had blond hair that was fashioned a lot like Heather’s, short in the back and longer in the front, but his was swooped across his forehead.

  Marcus reached for Heather and pulled her to his front, possessively wrapping his arms around her while Jonah handled the introductions. “Marcus, Heather, this is Billy. Billy, this is Marcus and Heather. They are both Dominants and you will show them respect.”

  “Permission to speak, Sir?”

  “You’re under formal speech restrictions tonight, but you do not have to ask permission to speak. You may talk or ask questions at will, just make sure you show respect.”

  “Thank you, Master J.” He looked at Marcus and Heather. “Hello Sir, Ma’am. Miss Heather, I’ve seen you at the T-wall before, haven’t I? Oh, and you made it into the finals at Castle Rock last year, and you kicked The Big E’s ass, right? Ma’am?”

  She smiled. “I did. You climb?”

  “Yes, Ma’am. I work at Vertical Fitness.”

  She looked at Jonah. “Did you know this?”

  “Well, yeah, but I hadn’t thought about it.”

  “Have you taken him back on the property any?”

  Jonah shook his head in the negative, and she decided to let it drop and not mention her own climbing wall. Instead she looked back at Billy and started asking him questions about which routes he preferred at Castle Rock and the T-wall, trying to get an idea of how good he might be.

  As they began to eat, the conversation drifted around, and Heather decided she liked Billy. Also, he seemed knowledgeable about climbing equipment, safety, and about the best climbing spots within a two hour drive. He seemed a little excitable, but he kept up with the conversation through a number of topics.

  At one point he bashfully asked, “So, the two of you... you’re a couple? Can I ask how that works, Ma’am, Sir? With both of you Dominant?”

  He was looking at Heather when he asked, and she was quiet a moment while she decided how much she wanted to share. Billy took that to mean he was out of line with the question. “I’m sorry if it’s none of my business, Ma’am. That’s okay, forget I—”

  Heather interrupted him. “No, it’s a valid question, I was just trying to figure out how to answer. I appear to be something of an anomaly — I’m a dominant masochist. So, Marcus gives me the pain I need, but he does it as my equal, not as someone Dominant to me. We say please and thank you to each other, and we work hard to not treat each other as we’d treat a submissive. I have a boyfriend who submits to me, and Marcus is still on the lookout for the perfect submissive or slave.”

  “What Heather is trying to say,” Marcus told him, “is that we’re currently a threesome, looking for our fourth. Since you and Heather apparently run in the same circles, I trust you’ll keep that to yourself. If Heather wants someone to know, she’ll tell them.”

  “Of course, Sir, just as I assume she’ll keep the nature of my relationship with Master Craig to herself. Most people know I’m gay, but no one in the climbing world knows I’m submissive, Sir.”

  Marcus nodded. “Perfect. How long have you been with your Master?”

  “We’ve known each other five years, and I’ve lived with him for three, Sir.”

  “Since you started with the personal questions, can I ask a few?” Heather asked. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to answer — if they’re too personal, it’s fine to decline to answer.”

  “Ma’am, you may ask anything you wish. I will answer any question my Master won’t have a problem with me sharing.”

  She looked at Jonah and then back to Billy. “I’m curious about the idea of being owned to the extent you can be loaned out. Is that your kink, or your Master’s? Or something both of you want?”

  “My Master is fifty-eight years old, and we love each other very much, but my sex drive is a great deal more... active... than his. He worries I’ll grow tired of him, that I’ll want more, so he makes sure I get it. I was kind of well-known for being a slut before we got together. I was also great at topping from the bottom, but my Master won’t have any of that. I can’t manipulate him at all. I don’t mind belonging to him completely, and I trust that he’ll only loan me out to people and situations he trusts. I’m his. Completely his. It’s just the way it is.”

  Marcus put his fork down and reached for Heather’s hand. “How does your Master feel about your climbing? Has he ever kept you from doing something he deemed too dangerous? Does he worry about you?”

  “You worry about Miss Heather, Sir? I understand that, just as I understand that my Master worries about me, but he trusts me to be safe — trusts that I’ll come home to him. He pays for me to go places I’d never be able to afford on my own. I know it’s hard for him to watch me, and I see him blanch when he looks at some of the pictures, but he’s very supportive.”

  “And he’s got abs like Heather,” Jonah said with a chuckle. “Doesn’t hurt that cliff climbing gives him an incredible physique.”

  Marcus laughed. “Heather invited me to go on a trail run with her, and she damn near killed me. I thought I was in good shape, but next to her, I’m a sloth.”

  “Where did you run, Sir?”

  “We parked at Signal Point,” Heather said, “and ran past Rainbow Lake up to Edward’s Point. Kyle has a bit of a problem with heights, and we’re trying to help him with that.”

  “You’re dating someone who’s afraid of heights? That’s messed up, Ma’am.”

  Heather’s phone rang, and she reached into her pants for it. When she saw it was Kyle, she gave a quick “excuse me” and then answered with, “Hey you, are you headed home?”

  “Just finished the final surgery. I need to walk through the surgical ICU and check on everyone before I head to Marcus’s house. How are the two of you getting along?”

  “Fine, we’re eating with Jonah. Why don’t you crash on the bed in the playroom, so Marcus and I can crawl into bed without waking you, but we’ll all be close in the morning. Marcus suggested we set the alarm thirty minutes earlier than needed.”

  “Of course, my Lady. I don’t have to be in the office until noon, I figure if I get to the hospital by nine, I’ll be able to check in on everyone with plenty of time. What time will you need to leave in the morning?”

  “I’m meeting Ranger at the airport at nine for some prep work. Eric will be there in time for lift off at ten.”

  “That should work out okay, then. If I wake up when you get in tonight I’ll see you then, otherwise, I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Please call or text me when you’re safely in bed. Call if you’re up to talking, if not then just text me. ’Kay?”

  “Of course, my Lady. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Be safe.”

  She pressed the end button and put the phone back in her pocket. “Sorry about that. I know it’s rude to talk on a cellphone during dinner, but... “

  Jonah waved his hand in a don’t worry about it motion. “No biggie. It’s nice seeing you all soft and gushy. I never thought I’d see you like that, and it looks good on you.”

  Heather rolled her eyes. “So what about you? Are you looking for the perfect sex slave, or are you happy to keep playing the field?”

  “I need someone who doesn’t mind scooping the shit out of the stalls, that’s what I need. The part-time girl will probably stick because she’s getting her horse boarded and riding lessons, but the college boy I hired last week is already looking like he’s done shoveling shit. None of them stay long, and I swear I’m not a harsh taskmaster with them.”

  Billy snorted and then caught himself and tried to cover it with a cough. Heather laughed, but Jonah looked at Billy and asked, “Problem, boy?”

  “No Sir. Not a problem, just a frog in my throat. It’s gone now. Sir.”

  “We’ll talk about that frog again later.”

  “Of course, Sir.”

  Chapter 33