Supporting her with two hands on her bottom as she wrapped her arms and legs around him, he stood. He carried her to the bedroom and that obscenely large bed.

  If they were going to do this anyway, going to pay the price in pain and regret tomorrow, they might as well go all in and do it right.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Alexis woke slowly as memories trickled into, and then flooded, her mind. She stretched and felt the pull of well-used muscles.

  She reached out one hand and encountered only cool sheets.

  Opening her eyes, her vision adjusted to the early dawn dimness of the bedroom. She didn’t need to turn on the lamp to know Kane’s side of the bed was empty.

  He could be in the bathroom. Or maybe he was out in the fully equipped kitchenette.

  The only thing better than waking after a night of amazing sex with Kane would be waking to a fresh cup of tea that he’d brewed for her.

  With that in mind she eased out of bed and searched the floor for something to put on.

  Kane had efficiently and enthusiastically divested her of all clothing last night. Pressed against his naked body next to her before she’d fallen to sleep last night, she’d seen no reason to put anything back on.

  A pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt she spotted would suffice for now. She bent to retrieve them and pull them on before she padded out, barefoot, into the living area.

  There was one light on near the door, but it was enough to show her Kane wasn’t in the room. She moved to the smaller bathroom attached to the living area. It was empty. She knew the larger bathroom attached to the bedroom had also been empty.

  Her chest felt tight as she tried to draw in a breath. She could delude herself that Kane had ran out to get them breakfast, but she knew it would be a lie.

  Kane was gone. Not just from the hotel, but possibly from Beijing, depending what time the bus left. And worst of all, she was pretty sure he was also gone from her life.

  She could cry. There was no one to see or hear her. But the tears didn’t seem to come. It was like they were stuck. Trapped in that bubble of pain filling her chest.

  But even though she seemed to have no tears to spill out of her dry eyes, stomach acid she had in plenty. Her stomach churned, threatening to erupt. She pressed a hand to her belly.

  Losing Kane was making her physically ill.

  The discomfort increased until she considered taking this pity party for one to the bathroom, just in case she needed to vomit.

  Before she could make that decision, the cell phone on the dining table by her computer setup rang.

  Kane.

  She dove for the phone, knocking into a chair on her way and stubbing her toe so hard tears of pain finally did fill her eyes.

  “Hello? Kane?”

  “No. Not Kane. Boy problems?” Charley asked, her coolness even more annoying this morning.

  Alexis frowned, hating that this woman had guessed so accurately. “No,” she denied.

  And Kane was definitely not a boy.

  He was all man. A man who had walked away from her and left a man-sized hole in her heart.

  She remembered the look of complete horror on his face over her cell’s passcode being his birthday. She struck the painful memory from her mind. Although, remembering how he’d loved her then left her wasn’t any less painful.

  “Want to talk about it?” Charley asked.

  Alexis’s eyes widened. “With you?”

  “Do you have anyone else you can talk with?” Charley asked pragmatically.

  Did she? No. Not so much. She couldn’t talk to her sister about Kane, for obvious reasons.

  Hey, Britt. So, I slept with your college boyfriend and he dumped me so I’m sad. Wanna have lunch when I’m back from my secret mission to China?

  Yeah. No.

  Alexis did have her hacker friend, but they didn’t have a girl talk kind of relationship. They discussed computers, not boys.

  But even with her lack of real friends, in no universe were she and Charley—or whatever her actual name was—friends.

  “I’m fine.” Alexis dismissed the offer with a lie and moved on. “Did you call for a reason?”

  “Yes, actually. I did. Have you made a decision about the position?”

  “Yes. I have.” She hadn’t until just a moment ago.

  But in light of Kane’s leaving and Charley’s eerily timed call, the answer had become clear.

  “And…” Charley prompted.

  “I have some demands.”

  Charley let out a chuckle. “Do you?

  “I do.” And either they’d accept them or tell her to take a hike. But at least she could try.

  Alexis held her breath and waited to see which it would be.

  “All right,” Charley agreed. “Let’s talk.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Kane slept for most of the bus ride back to Henan. Being able to bunk down and catch some sleep even in the most unaccommodating conditions was a skill he’d honed while a SEAL.

  Thankfully, exhaustion had won out over obsession and his mind quieted enough to let him sleep without thoughts of Alexis keeping him awake.

  Before he knew it, they were pulling up to the monastery and one of the brothers was shaking him by the shoulder.

  None of them had questioned him about his absence yesterday and last night. He did get a few looks and he knew they wondered. But as the only traveler who hadn’t pledged his life to the monastery, he had a feeling it was more curiosity about where he’d been than judgment for his being gone.

  There was a flurry of activity and chatter as the passengers and bags were unloaded. News had to be conveyed quickly before the silent evening meal began and speech was forbidden.

  He was looking forward to the peace of the silent meal—if he could keep his mind silent as well. That might be easier said than done.

  Grabbing his canvas bag, he slung it over his shoulder and turned toward the entrance, about to make his way to his room when his teacher intercepted him.

  “I heard you did well. That even the leader of our country praised the performance. That is nothing to take lightly.”

  Kane smiled. “The leader of your country, shifu. The leader of my country wasn’t there out of protest.”

  “Yes. I read the news. I also hear you did not spend the night with the brothers.” His teacher pinned him with an unwavering stare.

  Wow. News traveled fast. Who knew monks were such gossips?

  Kane pressed his lips together. Shame over his actions made it hard to answer. “Shifu—”

  The older man held up his hand. “No. You are not obligated to live as we live.”

  He shook his head, feeling to his core how wrong his recent actions were. “As long as I am honored to be here, I should live as you do. Uphold your rules.”

  “You are not a monk,” his teacher said simply.

  How many times had Kane said that recently? To Alexis. To Charley’s men. Yet it seemed deep down he felt disappointment in himself when he failed to live like he was one.

  “So Buddha will forgive me?” he asked, only half joking.

  “The only one who must forgive you is yourself.”

  His teacher always did have a knack for distilling things down to the simplest and most hard-hitting truths.

  Kane grunted in agreement. “Sometimes that is the hardest.”

  The other man nodded and then asked, “Will your friend be visiting again?”

  He was more than ready to end this uncomfortable conversation but it seemed they weren’t done yet. And that the topic had now turned to Alexis.

  “She will not.” He considered that and her. She was nothing if not unpredictable. “At least, not that I know of.”

  The other man nodded again. As if he could read what was in Kane’s mind and his heart, his teacher said, “You will not remain here forever. You will have a life other than this one again.”

  “What if I want to remain here forever?” Kane asked in jest.

  “Then you will be welcome. But that is not your path.”

  “I don’t know what my path is, shifu,” Kane admitted.

  “It will come.”

  “Maybe it came and ended. What if being a SEAL was my path and now that path is blocked?” He didn’t expect his teacher to know the answer, but it helped to finally voice a fear he had tried to bury for too long.

  “A man has many paths during his lifetime. You will find yours. And brother, remember, no man must walk his path alone. Perhaps you’ve already found someone to walk that path with you?” With that heavily laden comment, his teacher turned and left him to ponder that answer.

  He still wasn’t sure what he’d do for the long term. Still was torn about his life and is feelings and yes, torn about Alexis too.

  But he was certain of one thing. He didn’t have to decide anything now.

  For the immediate future, he was just fine here.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  After a couple of false starts, spring finally came to New York. Leaves unfurled, lawns greened and flowers bloomed, painting the brown landscape of late winter with a burst of hopeful color.

  The weeks passed but her heartache didn’t. Although Alexis supposed it lessoned a bit. Or maybe she’d just gotten used to that sick feeling of loss that hit her at the most predictable moments. Such as every night as she turned off the television and closed her eyes to try to sleep.

  She filled her sleepless nights with binge watching crappy TV shows. She survived her days by keeping busy with work and plans for her future.

  She’d already picked a full course-load of classes for the summer session. And she was killing it in the one class she’d been able to register and pay for before she’d left for China for this semester.

  Amazingly, Charley had agreed to everything Alexis had asked for. The organization would pay for her to complete her degree and give her the time she needed for classwork.

  In exchange, Alexis would work part time for them from home, intelligence gathering as they liked to call her doing research by way of some occasional hacking.

  After she had her degree, she’d agreed to work for Charley and the mysterious organization full time. Then—maybe—the secrets of the organization’s origins and affiliations would be revealed to her.

  Although she didn’t really hold out much hope for that. She had a feeling that secrets were on a need-to-know basis and she doubted Charley would think Alexis needed to know.

  There was one other thing she hoped for after she started working for Charley full time—wiping Kane’s record clean. Even if she never saw him again, she wanted to do that for him, if possible. If it was in Charley’s grasp to make it happen. But that was all at least a year away.

  Until then, thanks to the money she’d already been paid by Charley for going to China, she could pay her expenses without having to go back to work at the bar. No more slinging cheap drinks by night and mopping pee by day.

  Aside from her broken heart, things couldn’t be better.

  Now if only she could focus and get her paper finished and turned in, she could go home. She’d order some Chinese take-out and watch the new episode of Kung Fu on the CW Network. It was a show about a college girl who ran away from home to train at a Shaolin monastery.

  It hurt, but she was used to pain, and watching the show made her feel closer to Kane on the other side of the world.

  With a sigh, she raised her gaze from the screen of her laptop and glanced around the coffee shop. Usually she could get a cappuccino with an extra shot of espresso and, fueled by caffeine, whip out the words.

  Not today.

  She couldn’t focus. And the longer she stared at the document on her screen, the worst that got.

  Her cell phone vibrating was a welcome distraction. She reached for it on the table behind the laptop and looked at the screen.

  No caller ID.

  She let out a huff. She’d promised herself to never answer another call that wasn’t from someone in her contacts list. Sticking to her resolve, she watched the cell vibrate in her hand.

  But as the call went unanswered, her agitation grew until it was like an itch that desperately needed to be scratched. One that would drive her mad if she didn’t do something about it. She put the cell down on the table but that didn’t help much.

  Her mind began to spin with theories. What if it was Kane calling her from the monastery? She’d never forgive herself if she missed his call.

  She dove for the phone, juggling it and almost dropping it in her haste before she swiped the screen and connected the call.

  “Hello?” she answered, breathless.

  “Hello, your vehicle warranty might be—”

  “Ugh!” She swiped the screen, terminating the computerized spam call before slapping the cell down on the table.

  That earned her a few sideways glances from the other patrons in the coffee shop. She cringed and considered explaining, but thought better of it.

  She let out another big sigh, about ready to give up on the coffee shop and her paper for today.

  “Problem?” The achingly familiar voice behind her had Alexis whipping around in her seat.

  “Kane,” she breathed.

  He was here. Live and in person. Here in New York. Not in China. She wanted to know how. Why? And for how long?

  But all she could come up with to ask was, “How did you know I was here?”

  “I didn’t. I was on my way to your apartment when I saw you inside through the window. I got your address from your parents.”

  She could barely respond as all the air seemed to leave her lungs. “Oh.”

  Her heart fluttered. He’d gone to the trouble to contact her parents to find out where she lived. He’d been on the way to see her.

  And, most importantly, he was wearing regular street clothes. Not a monk or a kung fu outfit. That change in itself seemed huge to her.

  “Can I sit?” he asked.

  “Of course. I’m sorry.” She slammed the laptop’s lid closed and had to use both of her shaking hands to safely transfer it to her bag.

  As he pulled out the chair opposite her, she sat open mouthed and speechless. She had so many questions. If only her mouth and her mind would connect and start working.

  All she could seem to do was stare at him and shake her head in disbelief.

  He smiled at her and said, “You look good.”

  Her? He was the one who looked good. Amazing. Smiling. Happy. Fit as hell in a tight white long-sleeved T-shirt and jeans that emphasized all those kung fu muscles he’d built.

  “You too,” she said.

  “Thanks.” He let out a breath. “So you probably have questions. I know I do.”

  “You do?” she asked before she realized that of course he would have questions.

  He’d gone back to Henan without knowing if she’d gone to work for the organization or not. For all he knew, she could officially be a Charley at this point and being a student was her cover.

  Kane nodded. “For instance, what are you doing tonight?”

  Her eyes widened. “Tonight?”

  “Yeah. I thought it was about time we went on a date.”

  “A date.” Jeez. All she could do was parrot what he said.

  He didn’t seem to mind as he tipped his head and looked amused. “Yes. A date. Now that I’m home there’s nothing stopping us. Unless you don’t want to…”

  “I want to,” she rushed to say.

  He grinned at her enthusiasm, but quickly sobered.

  Reaching out to take her hand in his, he said, “I owe you an apology for how I left in Beijing. I shouldn’t have snuck out.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “No. It’s not. I should have said a proper goodbye. I’m sorry. I’m hoping you’ll let me make it up to you.”

  “Okay,” she said, wondering if she should pinch herself since this seemed like a dream. “Are you really home for good?” she asked.

  “Yes. It took a minute, but I finally figured out what I want to do with my life.”

  “What?”

  “I applied and got accepted to teach at the school of Asian studies. It’s not much, but it’s a start.”

  “Wow. From SEAL, to monk, to college professor.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “I’m not a monk. If you’re done here, we can go to your apartment and I’ll prove it.”

  She stood, almost knocking her chair over in the process. “Definitely done here.”

  But her future with Kane was just beginning.

  Read more about Charley and the mysterious shadow organization in Shadow Pawn.

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