Not really. Nothing about what he was feeling was okay after being celibate for a year.

  Until now he’d managed to focus on prayer and practice. Focus enough to keep sex out of the forefront of his mind, except for a few embarrassing dreams when he’d first arrived.

  Sex was certainly up front and center in his mind now. Right there with the realization that Alexis was Brittany’s little sister. Though no longer little.

  But that wasn’t the true reason he was fighting the attraction—denying it existed since the first day she set foot in the monastery.

  He grabbed her hands in his. “I’m too broken for this. For you.”

  “Maybe I can help—”

  “No. You can’t fix me. Only I can do that.”

  “Let me help you.”

  He shook his head. “Your computers won’t solve what’s inside me.”

  “I think you’re wrong. We can prove you were innocent. We can save a man’s life. We can expose who’s behind the horrors in Xinxiang to the world and get all those people held there released. That won’t heal you?”

  “We can’t do all that.”

  “We can try,” she said with wide-eyed sincerity.

  Damn her and her hope. It shredded him. Half of him wanted to haul her against him and absorb her light. The other half wanted to take out his frustration on a wall and then run back to the monks to hide.

  As she gazed up at him with desire filling her already-irresistible eyes, the first half won.

  He grasped her arms and yanked her close. Their bodies pressed together from chest to thighs. It wasn’t enough. He dipped his head and caught her lips with his.

  Alexis sucked in a sharp breath and then leaned into the kiss. She wrapped her arms around him.

  She held him close and he couldn’t deny how good it felt.

  Not just her soft body against his hard one. But the way her embrace enveloped his very soul. Eased his mind. Calmed his spirit.

  No amount of meditation had affected him the way this small amount of contact did.

  The kiss got hot and heavy fast until it was on its way to become a full blow make-out session. Not a surprise for a man who’d been living as a monk for a year, he supposed. But it was also not fair to Alexis.

  He couldn’t be the man she deserved. That thought nagged at him as he hoisted her up onto the table and stepped between her thighs.

  That put them face-to-face. Close enough he could feel her quick breaths tickle his skin.

  “Lexi.” He didn’t know if he uttered her name to beg her to give him permission or plead with her to tell him to stop.

  It didn’t matter what he wanted because it seemed she had an agenda of her own. She leaned closer, running her fingers along the neckline of the course fabric of his tunic.

  Her gaze followed her fingers before she raised it to meet his eyes.

  “Kane.” She didn’t speak more than his name.

  No words were needed to tell him what she wanted. It was clear in her heavily lidded gaze.

  Her face went out of focus and she leaned closer to touch her lips to his.

  His relief at the feel of her mouth against his was tempered by his doubt.

  Doubt that she truly understood there could be no relationship for them. No future. Just this. Raw animal need. A need he shouldn’t give in to but was going to anyway.

  His concerns soon fled as her soft, chaste kiss turned hot when she kissed him more deeply.

  When the smallest sound of pleasure escaped from her throat, his self-control, which had already been wavering, broke.

  He unleashed all of the pent-up desire he’d buried for a year.

  Bracketing her soft face between his work-roughened palms, he thrust his tongue between her lips.

  It wasn’t enough. He couldn’t get close enough so he dropped his hands to her hips and hauled her body closer to his.

  The hard length that tented his baggy cotton pants pressed against the juncture of her thighs. The feeling, even while they were separated by their clothing, had a low groan escaping his throat.

  He moved against her, increasing the friction and the pressure until both of their breaths came in gasps stifled by the ongoing depth of their kiss.

  What they were doing felt even more sinful given what he was wearing.

  His one solace was that he was wearing what he wore to train and not the full robes worn for prayer. Especially when she reached between them and stroked him.

  His lids squeezed tighter as he absorbed the painfully good feeling of her touch. Then common sense—or perhaps guilt—took over.

  He pulled away from the kiss and grabbed her hand as she was about to slip it inside his pants. “Alexis.”

  “Mmm?” she responded.

  “This—us—can’t be anything more than this. You have to be okay with there being nothing more. Just right here, right now.”

  “All right,” she said, her answer unconvincing.

  “I need to know you truly understand what I’m saying.”

  “I understand.” She moved back in.

  A short laugh escaped him. This was no laughing matter, but her continued stubbornness was so characteristic of her and so frustrating, all he could do was laugh. “I don’t believe you.”

  She straightened her spine and set her shoulders, pinning him with a determined stare. “Kane Lee. I’ve wanted to kiss you since I was thirteen years old and plotting my sister’s death so I could steal you from her.”

  A breath escaped him as did a smile. “Oh.”

  “So if you think I haven’t thought this through or I don’t know what I’m doing, you’re wrong.”

  “Okay,” he agreed.

  “Then why aren’t we naked and in bed yet? As much as I’m disturbingly turned on by your monk outfit, I’m ready to pretend we’re just two normal people for a little while.”

  He let out a breath. “This is anything but normal.”

  But as he hoisted her up with a palm beneath each of her butt cheeks, he too was ready to pretend it was. That they were.

  At least for a little while.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Kane carried Alexis to the bed, like she’d imagined him doing countless times in her teens—and admittedly, in her adulthood too. Especially recently.

  From her position on her back as she lay sideways across the mattress she could see the ornate décor of the room’s headboard. That was until Kane’s face blocked out the view. Then she was treated to the perfection of his deep brown eyes focused solely on her.

  How many hours had she spent wishing he’d see her—truly see her—back when he’d been dating her sister? And now, he did.

  And they were about to have sex.

  Holy shit.

  The flutter of excitement felt as if it would burst out of her chest.

  She felt fifteen again. Like it was only yesterday. She remembered hiding in her room and crying her eyes out when she heard Kane had left for the Navy after dumping her sister.

  Kane’s mouth on hers drove away those painful memories and the pleasure shot through her, settling low in her belly until it turned into a craving so strong it hurt.

  Pleasure and pain—that is exactly what loving Kane Lee would bring her. And she didn’t care. She wanted it. Wanted him.

  She didn’t care if she had to risk the agony of losing him just to get to have him.

  His words echoed in her brain. This—us—can’t be anything more than this.

  He was wrong. It could. They could. And they would. He’d see. She’d show him.

  Kane pawed at her clothes while taking her mouth. She would have helped him except that she was more focused on getting her hands beneath his clothes.

  She needed to touch him, skin-on-skin. Being separated by so much fabric was frustrating. The fact the fabric comprised his monk clothes was a surreal reminder of how much stood between them. But she could fix that. Get rid of the clothes at least. The rest might not be so easy to erase.

  Was he dedicated to the monastery?

  Was he there to heal or just hide?

  She’d show him she could heal him. They could do it together.

  Her fingertips finally connected with the hard warm muscles of his torso. She splayed her fingers to cover as much skin as she could.

  Six hours of kung fu a day had done wonders for Kane’s already fit physique.

  There was something to be said for living like a monk…and though she was ashamed to think it, she loved that part of his life with the Shaolin meant celibacy.

  She was the only woman he’d been with and it showed.

  He was a starving man and her body was his sustenance. She was happy to be that for him.

  The frenzy with which he rocked against her while stroking his tongue inside her mouth increased. He was like a man possessed.

  She realized he wasn’t thinking so she had to. It would be up to her to get them undressed. She could manage her own buttons and zipper, but the tiny knotted buttons on the side of his wrap-around tunic confounded her.

  Bracing a hand on each side of his face, she held far enough away she could see him.

  “Kane. Take this all off.” She tugged at the front of his top.

  He nodded. That was the only indication he’d heard and understood her since he didn’t move right away. Instead, he just stared into her eyes.

  Finally, he rose to sit back on his knees. As she watched, he slowly stripped off the top and gave her a view of his hard lean chest and abs. He was perfection. And all hers. At least for now.

  He stood to kick off his shoes and then the pants were gone too.

  Kane stood before her in all his naked glory and it was breathtaking.

  She’d thought he’d been beautiful performing the dance that was kung fu when she’d spied on his practice. But his movements were just as captivating now as he walked back to the edge of the bed. His stride smooth like the sleekest leopard.

  He crawled over her on the mattress like a tiger stalking prey.

  Reaching for her, he made quick work of pulling her top up and over her head. He paused in undressing her to lean low and draw one nipple into his mouth, sucking on it through the lace of her bra.

  He popped her other breast out and laved her flesh with his tongue, ramping up her need.

  Eyes squeezed closed, head thrown back, she absorbed every sensation assaulting her. The heat of his mouth. The hard feel of his knees between hers, spreading her legs wide. His hands sliding down her ribcage to land on her waist.

  Kane unfastened her pants then tugged them down as far as he could, only moving to get them past her knees and off her feet.

  Happy she’d gotten new undergarments along with her new outfits, she watched his gaze travel down her body.

  His nostrils flared as he drew in a sharp breath through his nose. Then those undergarments were history. Tugged off and tossed aside as Kane moved over her.

  The gasp she let out when his fingers met her core was captured by his mouth covering hers. He worked her with his hand until she was keening with pleasure. Until she was bucking with a climax.

  His restraint so far had been admirable, but it was obvious that the sound of her coming put an end to it. With a nearly feral groan, he yanked her legs wider, positioned himself between them and plunged inside her. And the pleasure she thought couldn’t be surpassed was.

  She wanted this today and every day. And she’d do anything to get it.

  Being completely filled by Kane robbed her of her breath and her sanity. He moved over her, stroking inside.

  She’d started taking birth control pills in college. Not because she had all that much sex, which she hadn’t, and definitely nothing like this. But because it controlled a painful flow that felt like she was going to die each month. She had never been more grateful for a pharmaceutical as now. She could love Kane, he could love her, freely and with abandon.

  Good thing, too, because as his strokes sped and his breaths became pants and then grunts, there was no stopping him now. No room for logistics and rational thought about birth control with them this far into it.

  He came with a shudder and a shout. With his back bowed and face raised to the ceiling he seemed as majestic as a dragon. Then he collapsed over her, heavy and spent. She welcomed his weight on top of her, even if she had to turn her head to be able to breathe.

  Then, amazingly, Kane began to snore.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kane woke to the sound of… what was that? A printer?

  It took a moment for him to remember where he was.

  After a year of waking in the monastery to the sound of one of the brothers banging on a board to wake them all, opening his eyes to see the elaborate hotel room surrounding him was disorienting, to say the least.

  It didn’t take long for memories to flood back. Alexis beneath him. Him losing himself in her. Then, nothing.

  Apparently, he’d fallen asleep. Not a surprise. Sleep at the monastery was a commodity he didn’t spare much time on.

  The question remained how long had he slept?

  He glanced at the window and saw the sun still up. That was encouraging, at least. What would the brothers think if he didn’t make it back tonight?

  After seeing him leave with Alexis, they’d think exactly what had happened. That he’d returned to the habits of secular life. Returned with a bang.

  Speaking of Alexis… Where was she? No doubt, in front of the computers.

  Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he marveled at the feel of carpeting beneath his bare feet.

  Glancing around, he located his clothing, but it wasn’t where he’d left it last night. It was folded neatly and piled on a nearby chair. He smiled at that. As well as at the subtle hint she’d left him—a hotel robe draped next to his clothes.

  She didn’t want him to go back to his monk-like ways just yet. He had to admit that after what they’d done together, he felt the temptation to stay here with her a little longer.

  It was an instinct he’d have to fight or he’d find himself back in the States. Jobless. Shamed. With a black mark on his military record and no sense of who he was or where to go.

  But it wouldn’t hurt to enjoy one or two amenities here at the hotel. Thoughts of a hot shower with a plush bath towel had him heading toward the bathroom—hotel bathrobe in hand.

  The hot pounding spray felt better than he’d imagined and he spent more time than he’d planned. By the time he coaxed himself out—suitably shamed for wasting water—dried off and dressed, the sun had set.

  He made his way toward the living area. They’d have to have the discussion about him heading back. Hopefully that town car was at her beck and call. But when he walked through the doorway the smell and then sight of a room service cart had thoughts of his imminent departure fleeing.

  She spun in the desk chair to face him as he wandered to the cart and lifted one silver cover. “Hi. I took the liberty of ordering dinner when I heard you in the shower. It just arrived so it should all still be hot.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I ordered something vegetarian just in case, because—well, you know—it seems there’s no meat at the monastery.”

  He laughed. “Yeah. I know.”

  “But I also ordered a burger and fries in case you wanted that. Apparently, the hotel caters to a lot of Westerners so...”

  “Yeah.” He thought about it for barely a second before pulling the lid off the burger he had already discovered and grabbing the plate.

  To hell with it. It wasn’t like he was on monastery grounds… or following the rest of the rules. He glanced at Alexis and remembered their time in bed.

  Damn, she looked good in sweatpants and a CUNY T-shirt. And dressed like that she looked even younger than her age. He pushed that thought aside

  He set the plate on the table and sat in the chair opposite her. The burger was definitely designed to please the hotel’s American guests. It was so large it took two hands to hold it.

  Guilt hit him as he thought of his brothers sitting down to a bowl of vegetables in broth. That didn’t stop him from opening his mouth wide—and then wider—to accommodate the burger and bun.

  The first bite filled his mouth with hot, flavorful juicy beef. He stifled a groan. He’d missed burgers. He hadn’t realized how much until just now.

  Glancing up, he saw Alexis smile as she watched him eat. “Good?”

  “Very.” Remembering his manners, he asked, “Aren’t you going to eat?”

  “I will soon. I’m having more fun watching you.”

  He rolled his eyes and groaned. “Please don’t.”

  “Sorry. I’ll stop teasing you.” Her fingers began tapping on the keyboard again, proving she was deep down some rabbit hole on the internet.

  “What are you working on?” he asked.

  “I’m trying to find who could possibly be the puppet master.”

  “And? Are you having any luck?” he asked while reaching for a slightly greasy, salty fry. It was like heaven as he chewed.

  Alexis wobbled her head. “Maybe? I’m not sure. There’s a lot of crap to cut through. And there’s a whole lot of reputation laundering going on.”

  He frowned. “I don’t know what that is.”

  “The Chinese government is basically hiring people in the public eye—TikTokers in particular—to post and talk about how great everything is here in China.”

  “Ah. So it’s like a public relations campaign.”

  She wobbled her head. “Kind of. But instead of buying ads they are buying personalities.”

  “Because people trust other people more than they believe advertising.”

  “Exactly. It’s why social media influencers work.” She beamed at him. “Not bad for a monk.”

  “Not a monk,” he corrected. “But thank you.”

  “So anyway, there are a couple of candidates for puppet master. Guys who seem to be there in the background too often to be a coincidence.”

  She drew in a breath and stood, moving to the cart and uncovering one plate and then another. She made her choice and moved back to the table to join him.

  “The problem is there’s no concrete proof of who it might be. But I did have an idea of how to flush them out.” She grabbed a fry of her own and crunched down on it.