“Hudson?” Dex knelt beside him, a hand to his shoulder. “Hey, buddy. What happened?”

  “It’s my fault he’s gone,” Hudson said quietly, his hands on his drawn-up knees.

  “Who? Seb?”

  Hudson shook his head. “Alfie.”

  Dex sat down, his body pressed up against Hudson’s, offering comfort. Hudson’s inner wolf settled, feeling the warmth coming from his friend.

  “Who’s Alfie?”

  “My brother. You would have liked him.” Hudson couldn’t help his smile. “He was a cheeky bugger. Always up to some mischief. Quick-witted, so confident and smart. He was charming and handsome too. Wherever he went, he left a trail of admirers. Everyone wanted to be where he was.”

  “Sounds like quite the guy.”

  Hudson nodded, tears welling in his eyes once more. “We were inseparable.”

  “Want to tell me about it?”

  Hudson closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall. It had been so long since he’d talked about Alfie. Seb was the only one who knew the truth. “I’m afraid you might think less of me.”

  “Hey. You’re my friend. Nothing you say will change that. I know you, Hudson. You’re a good man. Whatever it is, you can tell me, but only if you want to.” Dex put his hand on Hudson’s arm, and Hudson opened his eyes. He rolled his head to look at Dex. The concern and affection in Dex’s bright blue eyes eased Hudson’s uncertainty.

  Hudson pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “My family comes from wealth. Old money passed down through generations. My great-grandfather was an earl or some such nonsense. I was never interested. Our name and wealth ensured my father never lost his place in society after he and my mother were infected with the virus. Unlike many, they embraced becoming Therian. My father used it to his advantage, boasting how his family had been gifted with an even greater strength. He’d always been an intimidating man, and after becoming Therian, no one dared speak against him.

  “I’m the youngest, before me came Alfie, then Millie, Evelyn, Lewis, Theo, and George. All of us born wolf Therians. We became a pack, one my father sought to mold in his image. He wanted our family to become one of the most influential Therian families in England. He believes Therians are superior to Humans. How can they not be? He’s one of them after all.” Hudson shook his head in disgust. “My father, Dr. Felix Colbourn, was, and still is, a strict man, very set in his ways. No matter what we were, he had certain expectations for all his children, paths he’d chosen for all of us. There was no question of who would do what. Our entire lives were mapped out, from what schools we would attend, to what age we would marry, and who we would marry. Therian of course.”

  Dex frowned. “That sounds… harsh.”

  Hudson shrugged. “It was expected. My brothers and sisters fell into line, eager to please my parents and make them proud. They wanted the money and prestige. Alfie and I, we didn’t want our lives dictated. We couldn’t understand why it was so important to them. Everything had to be perfect. As the youngest, I was spoiled. Given everything I asked for. It was easier to placate me than spend the effort required to understand me. Whatever my siblings wanted, Alfie and I wanted the opposite, at times simply out of spite. We rebelled all through our youth. In our teens, we were always getting into trouble. We wanted to see how far we could push everyone.

  “My father decided Alfie and I would pursue a career in cardiology, but from a young age, we’d been fascinated by forensic science, the way puzzle pieces are discovered and examined to form a bigger picture. We wanted to help those no longer capable of helping themselves, and perhaps bring peace to those left behind. The THIRDS caught our interest, and when I brought it up at dinner one evening, my father was absolutely livid.”

  “Why? The THIRDS is an elite worldwide organization that does great things.”

  “It’s, to quote my father, ‘a lowly position for men who desire power but are too poor to rise to much else.’ Plus the idea of having any of his children working toward equality when Humans were so very much beneath us was simply too appalling for words.”

  Dex let out a scoff. “Charming.”

  “Quite. The arguments were never-ending, growing worse every time. They usually resulted in Alfie and I storming out and going on the piss.”

  “What’s that again?” Dex asked, pursing his lips in thought. “That’s different from taking the piss, right?”

  “It means binge drinking.”

  “Ah. Right.”

  Hudson let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. He let his head hang as the familiar anguish washed over him.

  “It was after we’d finished our residency. Evelyn was pregnant, and our family was throwing her a big bridal shower at a very grand seaside hotel in Cornwall. It was outdoors. Alfie and I decided we were going to tell our parents we’d applied to the THIRDS. It went as well as you can imagine. My father slapped me. Alfie and I got completely drunk off our arses. It was shambolic. Evelyn’s husband and my brothers confronted us, and when George pushed me, Alfie punched him. We took off, and they followed. They caught up to us round the back of the hotel near the overhang…” Hudson swallowed past the lump in his throat. A chill swept through him, and he shivered.

  “George grabbed my arm, and I swung at him. I was so drunk I could barely see straight. Unbalanced. Alfie caught me before I fell and pushed me back, but he was nearly as drunk as I was. He lost his balance and stumbled back. I scrambled to my feet in time to watch him fall off the side of the cliff.”

  Dex gasped, his hand tightening over Hudson’s arm, but Hudson barely felt it. He was numb, chilled to the bone. In front of him, he could see nothing but an expanse of dark ocean under a gray sky. The icy wind whipped at his tearstained face as he screamed, the sound drowned out by waves crashing against the cliff’s side.

  “I was there the next evening when my family went to identify… him.” Hudson murmured, staring out into nothingness. “Quite frankly, everyone was astonished by the pristine state Alfie was in and how quickly he’d been found. Within minutes of calling emergency services. It was astounding, really.

  “I won’t ever forget his face, so handsome, looking as if he were asleep. The medical examiner had been startled by the death. Alfie had somehow missed the rocks at the base of the cliff. He hit his head, but that wasn’t what killed him. The icy water and the current… the shock… he never stood a chance. We’d been shown mercy, and Alfie had been washed up near the cliff’s edge, so he didn’t sink down to the bottom of the ocean. God knows when he would have resurfaced and in what condition. I wanted to touch him, assure myself it was really him on that table, that he was really… gone, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I was frozen to the spot, afraid if I did, I would shatter.

  “My family blamed me. If I hadn’t been so spoiled, if I’d listened, done as they asked… The reasons were endless. Then I was accepted to the THIRDS, a position suddenly opened up at HQ in Manhattan. I didn’t hesitate. I needed to leave. My father cut me off. I sold what was mine, bought a plane ticket to New York City, and never looked back.

  “They tried contacting me. It seemed as if the phone calls would never cease. At first, I thought perhaps they wanted me back, but all they did was tell me how foolish I was. How I would never amount to anything on my own in America. My brother hired an investigator to keep an eye on me, which is how he discovered my relationship with Seb. George told my father all about the Hobbs family. My father demanded I leave Seb, and I told him to go to hell. He disowned me that very day, and I haven’t spoken to him since.”

  Dex cursed under his breath. He handed Hudson a napkin, and Hudson smiled as he took it. He blew his nose and frowned. “Seb is cross with me.”

  “Why?”

  Hudson explained, waiting for Dex to reassure him. Instead, Dex shook his head, his disapproval evident on his handsome face.

  “You know I love you, man, but that was a dick move.”

  Hudson frowned. That wasn’t what he’d been expecting. “Oh?”

  “You were trying to make him jealous.”

  Hudson opened his mouth to refute the accusation, but Dex held up a hand to stop him.

  “We both know Seb. He’s not the kind of guy to play games. From what you said, it sounds like you wanted his attention, he didn’t give it to you, and you got pissy. Trent was in the right place at the right time. You can’t get mad because Seb called you out on your behavior. You either want to be with him or you don’t, Hudson. You can’t push him away, and then when he does what you want him to, get mad.” Dex got up and held a hand out to him. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

  Hudson nodded. “Perhaps a shower and a cup of tea are in order.” He found it difficult to look Dex in the eye. “Forgive me. This is a happy occasion, and I’m being an arsehole.”

  Dex threw an arm around Hudson as he led him out into Dekatria. “All is forgiven, and if you need anything, you call me, okay?”

  Hudson nodded, allowing Dex to help him into his jacket before escorting him downstairs and outside. Dex called him a cab, made certain he was settled in the backseat, and instructed the driver where to take him. Hudson thanked Dex and let his head rest against the window so he could look out into the streets. He pulled his keys from his pocket so he’d have them ready when he got there. His head was fuzzy, and he dozed off before the cab driver roused him awake with a gentle shake to the shoulder.

  “Oh, terribly sorry.” He thanked the man and made a mental note to treat Dex to lunch for paying his cab fare and tip. Outside his home, he was digging through his pockets for his keys when he felt odd. Like he was being watched. Peering down one end of the softly lit residential street, he found it empty. Same with the other end. It was most likely his alcohol-riddled brain. Where the hell were his keys? He groaned when he remembered he’d taken them out of his pocket. They’d most likely fallen somewhere in the cab. He turned, and a silver gleam caught his eyes.

  “Thank bloody goodness.” They were right there on the pavement. He picked them up, frowning down at them. They must have fallen on his person somewhere, then onto the ground without him realizing. With a sigh, he headed for his front steps. The back of his eyes stung, and he turned to sit on his stoop. He gazed up at the sky, feeling miserable.

  “I miss you,” he murmured.

  His brother would have known what to do. He always did. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so alone. “How did I manage to lose two families, Alfie? That has to be some kind of record.” He shook his head before running a hand through his hair. “I suppose I should be grateful you’re not here to see how pathetic I’ve become. But then if you were here, I wouldn’t be so alone.” His mobile rang, and he tapped the screen before putting it to his ear. He hadn’t bothered looking at who it was.

  “Hudson?”

  The soft voice brought a smile to his face, and the ache in his chest eased. “Julia?”

  “Hello, sweetheart. I hope you don’t mind me calling. I was making myself a cup of tea, and when I sat down on the couch to watch TV, one of the photo albums was there. I must have left it out when I was dusting the bookcase. Anyway, I went to return it to the shelf, and a photograph of you fell out. I missed your voice.”

  Hudson swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I missed your voice too. I’m so glad you called.” Warmth spread through him, and he couldn’t help his smile as he stood to head inside, Julia’s sweet voice lifting his spirits. Her timing couldn’t have been more perfect, and as he walked into his house, he said a silent little thank-you to his brother, wherever he was.

  FIVE

  “Don’t look at me like that.”

  Hudson popped a couple of Tylenol into his mouth and took a long swig of his bottled water. Nina was giving him that look. The “I can’t believe you did that” look. Apparently his workday was going to be as shite as the pounding in his head, but then he should have suspected as much, considering he’d started his day with a particularly gruesome autopsy. It was soon followed by phone calls and e-mails from a number of Therian solicitors who all believed their case was the most important case in the history of New York City and specifically wanted him to testify in court as their expert witness, not to mention were under the illusion Hudson was their personal circus poodle ready to jump through hoops on their command, because really, how long could a DNA analysis take? And surely cause of death could be easily determined by simply staring at a body long enough, and how dare he declare that piece of evidence contaminated—it had only been trampled on by four HPF officers, minimum.

  He was waiting on a toxicology report, a ballistics report, had two subpoenas to sign off on—pending an inquest he had yet to do—an inbox filled with inquiries from dozens of agents from Unit Alpha, and was scheduled for two court appearances this week, one involving a defense attorney who wouldn’t piss on Hudson if he were on fire, all because Hudson dared to turn him down for a date. It wasn’t even lunchtime.

  What he needed was another cup of tea and a bed he could crawl back into. What he didn’t need was a lecture from Nina. Last night he’d spent several hours catching up with Julia, and it had been wonderful, a ray of sunshine in his drab and cold existence. All right, that’s enough of that. He was done feeling sorry for himself. Too bad he wasn’t done with this blasted hangover. He’d been so swept up in his conversation with Julia, he’d forgotten to hydrate and was paying dearly for it this morning.

  “What were you thinking?”

  Hudson groaned as he took a seat behind his desk. He glanced at his tablet and the blinking blue light denoting freshly arrived e-mails, then promptly turned it over. Last time he checked his inbox, he’d wanted to howl mournfully and curl up on himself. “I was thinking, ‘Here’s a good-looking bloke who wants to dance with me. I’m pissed. Why not?’”

  “You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

  Hudson cursed under his breath. “First Dex, now you. I don’t see what was so blasted terrible. Seb and I are not together, Nina.” He was clearly not going to get any work done until she said her piece.

  “And who’s the one stopping that from happening?”

  Hudson removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not having this conversation.”

  “You never want to have this conversation.” Nina flopped down into the chair across from him.

  “Because it’s none of your bloody business,” he snapped. “Not anymore.”

  “That’s not true.” Her voice softened. “You’re my closest friend. You can’t pretend like the last ten years didn’t happen.”

  Hudson scoffed.

  “Don’t be petulant,” she ground out.

  Hudson peered at her. “You lied to me, Nina. For months.”

  “You know why I did. I said I was sorry, and I am.”

  Hudson reclined back in his plush chair, his arms crossed. “Well, that’s not good enough.”

  “What do you want from me? What more can I do to show you how sorry I am? Please, Hudson. You and him, you’re the most important men in my life. Don’t make me choose. I love him.”

  Hudson stilled. He looked up at her and saw tears in her deep brown eyes. “You… really love him?”

  “Yes.” She took his hand, a tear rolling down her flushed cheek. “It tore me up inside, not being able to tell you, but I never expected to… I never thought I would fall for him. The more I got to know him, the more I realized what he puts out there for everyone to see isn’t the man he is. He needed me, Hudson. He was all alone, in so much pain, terrified. How could I turn my back on him?”

  Hudson had never seen her like this. Nina was sweet, but she was also an incredibly strong woman, one who could have easily been out there in the field with any of Unit Alpha’s Defense agents, facing down threats. But she preferred the quiet of the lab, studying, dissecting, evaluating, investigating, reconstructing events, scenarios, causes of death. She was meticulous, and her sense of humor meshed perfectly with his. They kept each other and the other examiners from getting lost in the horrors they faced on the job. She was lighthearted, always smiling, laughing, playful, and the last person Hudson would have imagined could fall for a man like Rafe Hobbs.

  “Do you love him or pity him?”

  Nina’s glare was indignant. “I do not pity him. Do you pity Seb?”

  “Seb and Rafe are nothing alike.”

  “Really? You, me, the Hobbs family, we’re the only ones who know how much pain Seb endures every day just walking because if he didn’t push through it, he’d have a permanent limp. He goes to physical therapy every week, and the only reason he doesn’t take the needed level of pain pills is because he wants to stay in the field and not have it affect his job. So he suffers through it.”

  Hudson’s jaw clenched, but he remained silent.

  “When he’d come to your office, almost on a daily basis, I teased you that you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other, but I’m not stupid, Hudson. You think I didn’t see his eyes when he left here? I pretended not to know the real reason he was in here was because with you he felt safe enough to cry his fucking eyes out because his body hurt so goddamned much.”

  “That’s enough,” Hudson said quietly, the back of his eyes stinging. He didn’t need a reminder of the pain the man he loved suffered or of how much Hudson wished he could take that pain from him.