As the door to the room swings open, my heart almost stops in my chest. Ian’s face comes into view. His hair is a mess, sloppy and hanging over his eyes. He has leg chains and handcuffs hanging from his body, which is covered in the same orange jumpsuit as the other people.

  “Ian,” I whisper, choking back the tears I promised myself I wouldn’t shed. What a dumbass I was to think I wouldn’t cry when I saw him this way.

  Maybe the reality didn’t hit me, or I lied to myself, thinking this moment would be so different.

  His face is covered by dark hair, and he’s clearly given up on shaving. He’s skinnier than he was the day he said goodbye. Only a few pounds, but when someone is as thin as he was to begin with, any weight loss is noticeable.

  Ian’s face brightens as soon as his gaze lands on us. He walks a little taller and lighter than he did when he first stepped through the door.

  I want to run to him, throw my arms around his thin frame, and tell him how much I’ve missed him. I start to stand, but Nevin grabs my forearm, holding me still.

  “Don’t,” Nevin commands.

  I glare at him, wanting to rip my arm out of his grasp, but I don’t want to jeopardize my time with Ian.

  “They’ll kick you out.”

  I curl my fist, holding back my anger. I’m not mad at Nevin. He’s trying to do right by Ian and me, but it doesn’t make it easier to swallow. He’s the only one I can be mad at, and it’s not fair of me at all either.

  “Nev. Lu,” Ian says softly as he sits down, and the guard attaches his handcuffs to the table like somehow he’s going to escape. “God, I’m so happy to see your faces.”

  “Brother,” Nevin whispers, his voice cracking. “You look like…”

  It’s the first bit of emotion I’ve heard come out of Nevin that isn’t snark or anger.

  “Don’t say ‘shit,’” Ian tells him, somehow laughing. “No other way to look in here, but you know that.”

  Nevin nods, holding his words inside.

  “You look good, Ian,” I say, somehow not crying like a baby when he turns his gaze totally on me.

  “You’re not a good liar, Luna.” He smiles, and my inside melt. For the first time in weeks, things almost feel normal, but it’s hard to forget where we are.

  “No. Really. You don’t look as bad as I thought you would,” I say, instantly biting my tongue. I’m a complete idiot. That wasn’t a nice thing to say, but I said it. I can’t take it back.

  Thankfully, Ian laughs again. “I missed you, babe.”

  “Missed you too,” I whisper, not able to say it any louder because my throat’s starting to close as my nose itches.

  Fuck. Do not cry. Do not sob. Hold it together for him, Luna. He’s probably miserable enough. He doesn’t need to see you cry like a freaking baby.

  I take a deep breath, reminding myself I’m here to bring him joy, not my depression.

  “Are you doing okay?” Nevin asks him.

  “I’m fine. I’ve been better, but I’m all right.”

  Nevin blows out a breath, looking mildly relieved.

  “Are they treating you okay?” I ask Ian.

  “I’ve definitely been treated worse,” Ian replies, and I know he’s talking about his father.

  Nevin places his arms on the table, leaning forward. “You should’ve kept your mouth shut. I was close to being out. What the hell were you thinking, Ian?”

  Ian glances down before bringing his gaze back to his brother. “I should’ve gone in to begin with. I never should’ve let you go in my place. I already stole ten years of your life. I didn’t want my actions to follow you forever.”

  Nevin shakes his head. “That’s bullshit. Your ass would be dead if I didn’t do it. It was worth every day in prison as long as I knew you were okay. You should’ve kept your mouth shut.”

  “I am okay with everything,” Ian tells him, adjusting in his seat.

  Nevin growls as his eyes darken. “No one behind bars is okay.”

  “Are you coming to the sentencing?” Ian asks me, ignoring his brother.

  I nod. “I planned on it.”

  “I think you should skip it,” Ian says, twisting his wrists in the handcuffs.

  I rock back as if he’s hit me. “What? Why?”

  Nevin grunts, changing up his noises at least. “I agree.”

  I turn to Nevin, narrowing my eyes as I lift my chin. “I didn’t ask you.”

  Ian laughs. “I miss your attitude, Lu, but Nevin’s right.”

  “No, he’s not. I’m coming to hear what the judge says.”

  Ian frowns and closes his eyes. “I don’t want anyone there. Not even you, Nevin,” he says, but with his eyes open and trained on his brother. “I want to do it alone.”

  “Not happening,” Nevin mutters. “The guys and I will be there to speak on your behalf. You’re not doing this alone.”

  “I’ll be there too,” I promise, not taking no for an answer.

  “Fuck,” Ian grumbles. “It’s already going to be hard enough. I don’t think I can look at your faces that day.”

  Nevin slides his hand forward but moves it back in front of him as a guard takes a step toward us. “I get it. Trust me, I do. But you need us there. You just don’t know it yet.”

  Ian leans over the table and brushes his hair away from his forehead. He doesn’t reply at first, maybe thinking over what Nevin’s said.

  “Believe me, Ian. I’ve been in your shoes.”

  Ian straightens again and stares at his brother. “I know. I was there. I remember how shitty it was for me to watch them take you away, Nev. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want that for the guys. And I certainly don’t want that for Luna.”

  I blink, tilting my head like I must’ve heard him wrong. “Want to repeat that?”

  “You shouldn’t be there, Luna,” Ian states again.

  “I don’t know when you thought you became the boss of me, Ian Walsh, but I’m going to be there to support my friend, and there’s no way you’re going to stop me.”

  “Babe, you think this place is depressing, go to court at sentencing. Nothing more soul-crushing than that,” Nevin says, taking Ian’s side.

  “Are you going?” I shoot back at Nevin.

  “Of course, but he’s my brother.”

  “He’s my best friend,” I throw at him. “And friends are always there for each other.”

  He drags his hand down his face, muttering behind his palm, “Impossible.”

  “I don’t want this for you,” Ian tells me.

  I wave a hand around the room. “I don’t want this for you either.”

  “Listen to me,” Ian says, scooting closer to the table. “I only have a few more minutes.”

  My heart sinks. How do we only have a few minutes left? We just got here. We waited longer in the waiting room than we’ve had Ian with us. It’s not fair. Nothing about this is right.

  “Whatever happens at the sentencing, I need you to be there for each other,” Ian begs. “Nevin needs help figuring out what the hell happened the last ten years.”

  “Like hell I do,” Nevin interrupts, but he stops when Ian glares at him.

  “And Nevin, Luna will need someone to look out for her and her questionable choices.”

  “I do not,” I say, giving him the same glare he just gave his brother. “I’m more than capable.”

  “My time will be easier if I know you two have each other to lean on,” Ian adds. “I have enough shit to worry about than to think about you two out there, twisting in the wind.”

  “I’m not twisting in anything,” I tell Ian, fighting back all the emotions that resemble any form of sadness.

  “Promise me, Lu. Promise me you’ll look after Nevin. He needs someone like you in his life.”

  Nevin grunts his dissatisfaction with that statement and points at himself. “He’s right here, and he’s more than capable of taking care of himself.”

  “You also have the ability to shut out the entire world when the thing you need the most is people. And not just any people, but people who are going to treat you right, brother,” Ian explains. “Promise me you’ll be there for each other.” Ian stares at us, his eyes moving from Nevin to me and back.

  “I promise,” I mumble, hating that we’re here and he’s asking something like this of me because he won’t be around.

  “Me too,” Nevin adds with very little enthusiasm.

  “Don’t do your usual and shut her out, Nev. She’s good people, and you could use a little of that in your life right now.”

  “I love you, Ian,” I say, wishing I could give him a hug.

  “Love you too, Lu. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got this. Easy peasy.”

  “Said no one ever about doing time,” Nevin tells him.

  “Keep her safe…especially from her own reckless decisions,” Ian tells Nevin as the guard walks in our direction with a set of keys in his hand.

  “Could you be any more dramatic?” I ask Ian, rolling my eyes.

  “I could, but I won’t,” Ian replies, keeping a sense of humor when he’s surrounded by so much bad.

  “I’ll look out for her, Ian.”

  “And yourself.” Ian smiles at his brother. “I love you, Nev. You’d better be good when I get out. We have a lot of time to make up for.”

  “I’ll be waiting,” Nevin tells him.

  “Time’s up,” the guard says, and no one argues.

  “Bye, Ian,” I whisper, choking back the tears that are threatening to fall again.

  “Chin up, brother,” Nevin tells him.

  “Love you guys,” Ian replies as the guard unclips his cuffs from the table, hauling him away from us.

  My heart sinks as Ian shuffles toward the door. I don’t know how long it’ll be until I’m this close to him again. A few years ago, we weren’t even friends. But now, he’s the one I go to when I need solid advice without it becoming public knowledge in my family. He knows how to keep his mouth shut, which is something I never had before…not even with Rosie.

  I stare at Ian’s back, waiting for him to turn around.

  Look at me one more time.

  But when the door opens, Ian keeps his back to us, slipping through to the other side, and disappears.

  “Fuck,” Nevin mutters. “This shit isn’t right.”

  “It’s not,” I say, unable to blink or process what’s going to happen next. “Maybe I should talk to my uncles.”

  Nevin’s hand is back on my arm a second later, but the contact barely registers. “Don’t. Leave it be. Ian wouldn’t want that.”

  “Fine,” I snap as I get up from the table, done with this awful place, “But shit better not go wrong.”

  “It’s prison, Lu. Nothing goes right.”

  3

  NEVIN

  “What do you think is going to happen?” Finn asks as he sits next to me, wearing his best suit. “Think the judge will go easy on him?”

  I turn my head to the side, staring at my brother. I don’t want to tell him it’s a stupid question, but it is a stupid question. When does anyone, especially someone from law enforcement or the court, ever go easy on a Walsh? “We’ll find out soon enough,” I tell him, not having the heart to be a complete dick.

  Dylan, Rosie, and Luna appear at my side, taking the last three empty seats in our row. Luna sits next to me along with Sean and Quinn, making it a double whammy of chatterers flanking me. Dylan and I give each other a chin lift before he settles in with his wife.

  “Hey,” Luna whispers, smoothing out her black skirt.

  “Hey,” I say back, turning my face back toward the front of the courtroom.

  She leans over, her shoulder touching my arm. “What’s going to happen today? Will we get to talk to him?”

  I shake my head and peer down at her. She looks so hopeful, and I hate that I have to kill her positive vibes. “No. The judge will talk, maybe he’ll let us talk too, and then Ian’ll be sentenced and taken away.”

  “No last hug?” She chews on the corner of her lip as her eyebrows pull down and in.

  “No hugs, Lu. No touching at all.”

  “I don’t know how you did it,” she says, shaking her head.

  “Didn’t have a choice,” I tell her.

  “Are you going to speak today?” she asks me as everyone around us talks in hushed tones.

  I shrug. “If the judge allows me to, but I worry I’m too tied up in this case for my word to mean much.”

  She reaches over and takes my hand. “Your word means a lot to Ian, and I’m sure the judge will listen to you.”

  I like her optimism, even if it’s naïve. “I doubt they even listen to a word, Luna.”

  “You have to at least try,” she says.

  “I will.”

  The judge walks into the room, followed by Ian being escorted in through another door. His hands and feet are bound just like they were when Luna and I visited him. My brothers are stunned into silence seeing him like that for the first time.

  Ian smiles when his eyes land on us. No matter what he said, I know how I felt on the other side of this experience. Having the people you love around you means the world on one of your darkest days.

  The sentencing starts like they always do…well, at exactly how mine did ten years ago. The judge talks, and we hang on every word as if somehow he’s going to say something different.

  “This case is filled with special circumstances,” the judge states, giving everyone hope when there isn’t any.

  Even though I served time, I know it won’t be taken into account when determining Ian’s sentence. Neither will the fact that he overcame cancer, fighting an enemy he couldn’t see.

  I drown out the judge, focusing on Ian as he stands next to his lawyer, swaying slightly. He’s nervous. I was too. I thought I’d throw up, but somehow I kept it down until I was back in my cell.

  Luna elbows me. “You going?”

  I blink, focusing on the judge as he stares out across the courtroom.

  “He’s waiting,” she tells me.

  I grab the back of the seat in front of me and pull myself to my feet. The judge stares me down as I shuffle forward. Ian turns his head, and his eyes meet mine, making my heart sink and my gut twist. Other people in my shoes would feel bad because of the unknown, but my sorrow comes from knowing too much about what Ian’s about to go through.

  I stand to the side of the table where Ian and his attorney sit and clear my throat. The judge looks up, dropping his pen as he leans back in his leather chair.

  I swallow, ignoring the sandpaper in my throat. This throws me right back to a decade ago when I begged the judge for my life, asking for him to be merciful. Each of my brothers did the same, and each of us was ignored and written off as a punk-ass kid who didn’t seem to grasp the gravity of the crime.

  “Your honor.” I pause and glance to my right, looking at Ian, pushing away any feelings I have of running as I unfold my written statement I spent hours crafting. “I’m here to talk to you about my brother Ian and to beg the court to take into account all he has been through, along with our entire family, for over a decade.”

  I turn my gaze back to the judge, who’s watching while he chews on an arm of his prescription eyeglasses. “Nothing about our life has been easy. We witnessed the daily physical abuse our mother endured since we were little. When our mother couldn’t take it anymore, she left us behind with the man who had laid hands on her for years. But she never thought about us or realized his hatred would turn to a new target…us. Maybe she didn’t care. Lord knows he never cared about us either.”

  I reach for a bottle of water that’s on the podium and take a large gulp to clear my mind and stop myself from getting too emotional. I’ve tried to forget the awful times in our house, blocking them out the best I could. But they always find a way back in. Talking about our childhood in front of everyone is difficult, but my brothers lived that life with me. We all went through it. We all remembered it. We’ll never forget it no matter how hard we may try.

  “No one in the community helped us. The police did nothing to stop my father from beating us. Broken bones, bruises. Nothing was enough for them to arrest my father for abuse. All we had was one another. We protected one another when no one else would. As we got older, Ian started to not feel well. The day our father died, Ian was having problems. Our father beat on him, calling him every name in the book. He hit me too that day. I’m pretty sure he raised a hand to all of us in a drunken rage, but my memory is a bit foggy since I was busy nursing my wounds.”

  I stop again, taking a few seconds to pull in some deep breaths. I can do this. I can get through this. I don’t have a choice if I have any hope for Ian’s future. “When my father raised a closed fist to my brother Finn, Ian had had enough, finding the closest thing next to him, and he hit my father over the head to stop him. Ian’s never been a violent person. He’s the nicest one of my brothers. He’s the kindest soul even with everything he’s been through. He only wanted my father to stop, and we all knew that when he was drunk, that wouldn’t happen until he passed out. It was an accident and nothing more. Ian did what he needed to in order to protect us and himself. He did something no one else would do, not even the people who vowed to serve and protect us because they knew my father and thought of him as a friend. It didn’t help that people in the community felt bad for my father since my mother left him with so many young kids. None of us deserved the life we were given. None of us deserved to be forgotten or beaten…especially not my brother Ian. When my father died, I confessed to the crime, wanting to make sure Ian got a chance to live without pain. Giving up a sliver of my life so my brother could know joy was worth it to me. We’ve been through enough since the day we were born. We deserve happiness. We deserve to be a family. We deserve to know what life is like without the threat of hurt just for existing. I ask you today to have mercy on my brother. For his sake and ours. Thank you.” I take a step back as I fold my statement, locking eyes one more time with Ian.

  His eyes are glassy, making it almost impossible for me not to get choked up. But when I turn around, Luna has her hand over her mouth, and tears are streaming down her face. She doesn’t meet my gaze as I stalk back to my seat next to her.