His lover his god, p.9
His Lover. His God.,
p.9
“Bring him here.”
Antinous surveyed the movements and activities of the others living outside the veil. “Here? To Roman Egypt?”
“I will grant you freedom from any promises made to me and allow you and Hadrian to live in peace and die in each other’s arms in old age. This place before you is made of memories and has no effect on the past or future. It simply is.”
“Great Osiris, most generous of gods...”
“I cannot take his life. He must offer it.”
“I do not believe Adrian would be amenable to suicide.”
“Not suicide. If he bargains for your return as you did for Hadrian’s...”
“I understand. He must offer all he has. All he is.” Antinous sighed. “I don’t know if his feelings are strong enough.”
“We’ll see.”
Chapter Eighteen
Adrian couldn’t breathe. As if all life and breath were sucked from him, he struggled to keep every grain of sand in his hands. It was all he had left of Antinous. Is this the result of the timeline issue he’d mentioned? What cruel trick is it that I only just come to grips with who I was, and what we could be...and he burns before my eyes and all that remains is charcoal and sand? He closed his eyes. Osiris, hear me. Although I have no right to call upon you, or any god, for I am not devout, nor even slightly religious, I must see him returned to me. Antinous. What passed between us and what will pass between us in the future...I cannot forsake it. He wiped away tears, blackening his cheeks. “Teach me what I must do.”
He gave no thought to his tour, the activity at the ruins, his van. As if moved by unseen hands, he rose and then walked solemnly to the edge of the Nile. The pain with each step was unreal. The air burned him but he continued. “Osiris, here, along the banks of this most sacred river, during this fertile time of the inundation, I swear I will make an offering to you greater than any other. I believe. And that I offer. My belief. My devotion. What I am, is yours.”
He held fast to the handfuls of sooty sand as new horrors coursed through his body. It started at his toes and flowed upward through his veins. Fiery, searing pain. He gripped the sand tighter and withheld the cry of anguish stuck in his throat. He swallowed fear, agony, hopelessness...his life as he descended into the Nile.
EONS PASSED FOR ANTINOUS. Ages of loneliness and angst. Around him the memories ebbed and flowed, but he remained unseen. Unheard. Cold. He even wished for the angry spirit of the woman he’d killed to appear to break the monotony. This is the punishment for my arrogance. Adrian suffers and I, more so, for knowing it was I who caused his unhappiness.
He curled into a fetal position on the sand. He could walk around...observe the living memories about him, stand at the Nile’s edge and remember the feel of its coolness on a scorching day...but he could not interact. Truly, it was the cruelest death.
He closed his eyes. He was too dry for tears.
When he opened his eyes, he was in Hadrian’s arms. In their tent. The sound of soldiers echoed through the fabric. He heard laughter. Antinous bolted upright. “What is this? Further punishment for my godly arrogance?”
“No. This is your reward. It is mine, as well.”
The man looked like Hadrian. From the black curls to the taut muscles and well-worn sandals. “Are you he?”
“I am Adrian. At least a part of me is Adrian. I don’t understand it, either. I am emperor and tour guide. First century Roman and twenty-first century expat. Antinous...we are reunited.”
“This place is but memory.”
“When you brought me to Roman Egypt, was that memory or time travel?”
Antinous touched Hadrian’s chest. “It was both but neither. I used my divine prowess to join two timelines and bind you to your past.”
“And my future.”
“Osiris has forgiven my pridefulness.” Antinous had not removed his hand from Hadrian’s chest. He felt the warmth of the flesh. The sweat. The heat rising from pores and a heartbeat. There was a heartbeat. He raised Adrian’s hand and kissed the scarred palm. “It is you.”
“The great Osiris heard my prayers to be reunited with you. Perhaps this is the gentler scenario for the timeline. Adrian need not continue. His...my affairs...are in order. Truthfully, I am relieved I can embrace this...life.” He pressed Antinous’ hand to his chest with his own. “I know this world. I know Hadrian dies of old age safe in his bed, but in this world, you will be by my side. Of this I am certain. Our second chance lies in our shared past. We can make a future in this place.”
Antinous laughed. “This is our past, but you are Hadrian and Adrian, and with each breath, we are propelled into the future. So very confusing is this timeline.”
“I think the idea is not to think about it too hard. Just...” Adrian turned and waved his hand at the Nile. “Go with the flow.”
“Where you go, go I.”
Adrian pushed Antinous onto some pillows. “Put yourself to me. Inside me. I have waited nearly two thousand years and countless lifetimes to feel you deeply.”
Antinous fumbled with Adrian’s robes. “Hail Caesar.”
The End
Darragha Foster is an award-winning paranormal romance author who finds inspiration in everyday life. Even in the cold case at the grocer—where she’s no longer allowed. She also writes as JJ Andrews (Hexing Harlots series).
Find Darragha at:
darragha@darragha.com
TikTok: @darraghafoster
IG: @darragha
Facebook: Darragha Foster
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[1] Edgar Allen Poe, “Annabel Lee”
Darragha Foster, His Lover. His God.
