“Mal,” I said. “I don’t know if I’m ready.” She took a step towards me, but I held a hand up. “Seriously guys. This is…”

  “Hell,” Malaki said. “Believe me, I know it.”

  “So do I,” Silao said. “Rus, we’re behind you a thousand percent here. But you’re—”

  “Wallowing,” Justin added with a roll of his eyes at me. Prick. “You need a kick up your fucking ass.”

  I lowered my head at Silao. “Of course you do. I…”

  You’re ready, Apex said. Trust them

  You think I’m ready?

  You’ve been ready for a week, easy. You really are wallowing, pretending.

  He was right. My mind was a mess, and my body had recovered. “Can you give Mal and me a minute?”

  Malaki glared at the others. She didn’t need to tell them; they left. “What is it?”

  “I need help,” I admitted.

  “We’ll all help you, you know that.”

  “Up here, you know.” I tapped the side of my head. “I don’t feel right.”

  “I know.” Malaki wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me lightly. “I know.”

  I hadn’t spoken with her about it. I hadn’t spoken with anyone. Just constantly pushed and pushed. “How did you—” I whispered to her.

  “I eventually asked for help. I can put you in touch with her. She’s a very good psychiatrist at M-Corp’s finest institute.”

  I nodded into her shoulder. The weight I was carrying inside my mind eased a little. “This year’s been a lot.”

  Malaki eased back from me. “But look how far you’ve come. Seriously, Ruslan, you’ve done amazing. I was stuck in rehab a lot longer than this, and I let my grief for my sister and mom swallow me up and eat me alive. You can’t do that. I won’t let you wallow anymore. I need you.”

  “I need you, too,” I admitted. “I miss the skies.”

  She smiled, and it was such a beautiful smile. “The skies miss you. So does our fireteam.”

  “If I’m leaving, it is not in a wheelchair,” I said and shook my head. “You also don’t have to sneak me out. I can go at any time. I need to let them know. They deserve that.”

  “I’ll let them know,” she said.

  Malaki moved to the door, and I glanced around the room. There was nothing here of me that I needed. The clothes were mostly slacks and Ts, and what I wanted, I had on.

  Back straight, head high, I walked to her and then out of Jim’s home to the helo pad.

  The new helos were more than I could have asked for. I ached to be up there. Malaki knew it, so did the others.

  This was no walk of shame. This was a walk of pride and accomplishments. Jim, Alba, and Bobby waited at the side of their helo pad.

  “You’ve done us all proud,” Jim said. “Be good to see you in the skies once again.”

  “Thank you.” I sniffed.

  “Get out of here,” Bobby growled at me as I went to hug him. The massive bear of a man could crush me in a heartbeat, but he had been and was the gentlest of them all. Even Alba had rougher hands than he had.

  “Be good, friend.”

  Bobby patted me on the back and then he let go.

  Jim and Alba hugged me, per usual. “See you again.” Jim sniffed.

  I laughed. “No matter how much I say I won’t, you know I might.”

  “We’re here anytime for you,” Alba said wiping her tears away then turning to her husband for comfort.

  When I turned back to the helos, the others were already in, and Justin’s blades were turning. I ran for it, slipping in beside Malaki. The dashboard was a wash of high-end tech. There were no old bottle dials here; this was HD all the way. I ran over all that I could see. It was pretty much still the same as any other helo, just much higher quality tech. There were still buttons, and I felt the first few in line just to make sure I could tell the differences without looking. She was perfect. The thrum of her engine around us was almost silent, yet powerful.

  “This is fucking amazing,” I said. “So much energy.”

  “All ours.” She grinned.

  “Drones?”

  “They gave us two for now. We can get upgrades for you as we progress and as the squad earns money. There’s a direct split now, percentage for each of us. Your drones get one, and so does our tech. When we’ve enough, we can spend it on the things we want. What we need.”

  “That’s something I wasn’t expecting.”

  “They want to reward people for getting as far as we have. The drones were a nice incentive.”

  “That’s great. It really is incentive.”

  Malaki started flight protocol, though only just landing. It was much faster than a dry run.

  I stared at the controls, a little lost even if I’d seen them before.

  “You’ll get used to her fast. Want to take her up?”

  “Thought you’d never ask.”

  Malaki let go of the cyclic and spoke through to FC. I checked the feel and eyed over all the gauges. “All green,” I said.

  “Course is set for the wall,” Justin’s voice came through comms. “Follow me.”

  “Who made you boss?” I returned. “You follow me.”

  With the skill I knew I had, I eased the collective up and our new bird took to the air smoother than anything I could ever have dreamed of.

  Justin’s laugh came through, but he did indeed follow me.

  72-Shay/Janet

  Shay stood before Anada and Janet, his eyes low. He hadn’t had a telling off the day he’d gotten home after delivering the TAP. They’d avoided him for the most part. Now though, weeks later it seemed they were ready to talk to him. To deal him the blows he’d been waiting for. He almost expected them to kick him out, and that had his stomach in knots. These weeks had just passed so slowly.

  Ever on eggshells to what might happen, all he had done today was refuse a job from Korel and told Anada. Then, only then, had she blown up in his face.

  “I’m sorry,” Shay said.

  “You had no idea what you were doing?” Anada scolded him.

  Shay’s face heated and he dropped his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

  “Anada, go easy on him,” Janet said.

  “Easy on him?” Anada turned on her girlfriend. “I put my own reputation on the line getting him those jobs and now he’s refusing them?”

  Janet put a hand on Anada’s arm, but she shrugged it away. “Baby,” she said. “I’m sure he understands what he did, where he went wrong. That it won’t happen again, right, but he should have the right to say no to a job.”

  Janet looked at Shay who couldn’t meet either of their gazes. They shouldn’t have trusted him; he wasn’t inconspicuous enough. Pim poked him in the face. Talk to them.

  I’m still scared they’ll kick me out.

  Talk to them.

  Shay looked up and saw something he didn’t think he would. Tears. Anada reached for him and pulled him into her arms. “You scared me—us—half to death. Please, please don’t do that again.”

  “You could have talked to me sooner,” Shay said.

  “I couldn’t. I had to let it settle,” Anada said.

  A world of emotions threatened to engulf him as he felt the warmth of another human body against his. One that cared for him.

  “He didn’t pay me,” Shay said.

  Janet put her hand on her hips. “Because you got into trouble?”

  “He said I was more trouble than I was worth, so yeah, I guess.”

  “Oh, right.” Janet’s face changed, her eyes darkened. “Now you should have told us that sooner.”

  “Jay,” Anada urged. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  “You might have got into trouble,” Janet said. “But you still delivered and that was your job. Who else was with you is not his problem. If you needed help, you needed help. Did he pay for them to come in and save your ass?”

  “No,” Shay retorted.

  “Then he should still give you what he owes you. That job was very high risk, and he knew it.”

  Shay tried to get away from Anada, but she wasn’t letting go and held on tight.

  He traded glances with Anada. Janet’s eyes glazed over, and she started pacing the room.

  “She has a direct link to Korel?”

  “She’s the biggest reporter around here. Everyone knows her; everyone wants information off her when they need something. If he didn’t have a direct line to her, and vice versa, there would be something wrong.”

  A moment later, Janet knelt in front of the both of them. “Money will be in your bank now. He knows it was his risk and your risk to go. You were lucky you had friends to call on.”

  “I’m not sure they’re friends,” Shay replied.

  Anada let him go, and he stepped away slightly. “Believe me, if they need something or you need it, do you not think they’d answer for you?”

  “Really?”

  “You got that piece of tech to someone who really needed it. So yes, I do.”

  Shay smiled at that. “You’re not going to kick me out, are you?”

  “What? Why would you even think that?”

  “I just…”

  “Come on,” Janet egged him on. “Go wash up. I’ll get dinner started. Anada can take a break from stressing and help in the kitchen.”

  Shay nodded. “I could really do with cleaning up. It was tough out there today.”

  “You do stink.” Anada laughed and pushed him further away.

  Shay went off to shower with Pim hiding under his hood still. Once in the bathroom, he settled on the door, sucking in a breath.

  “They like you,” Pim whispered and hopped on the sink. “A lot.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I’m as soft as they are, because I like you, too.”

  Shay shook his head, stripped off and got in the shower. Memories of that last trip ran through his head.

  “They think I’ve gone over the tracks,” Shay had said as he watched them. “Some are moving over. Just a few are staying.”

  “That’s good!”

  No, no, it wasn’t good. Pim moved on his shoulder and Shay tried to settle him.

  I can protect you.

  Shay laughed. You can’t and you won’t. You’re too little.

  “I still can’t leave,” Shay said to Ruslan through the internal comms.

  Shay watched as the few gang members who were left started to systematically sweep the area.

  They’re going to find us, he said.

  Eventually, yes.

  “Team’s on their way.” Malaki came back to him a few moments later. “You’ll hear from someone called Tijan.”

  “That’s not a name,” Shay said, confused.

  “Nickname, call sign, I don’t know. That’s all I got,” the young woman said.

  “If I make it out of here, I’ll contact you,” Shay said. Then he disconnected.

  Tijan was something else. What seemed like hours later, Shay stood looking up at the man who had just saved him. Who had come and decimated the whole area, on his own. His back up was one other man, who came in after the rest were dead. Literally Tijan killed them all on his own. Malaki had said “team”; there was no team here.

  “We got you, kid,” Tijan said. “Come, I’ll get you to your destination.”

  Tijan was something out of his nightmares. Now Shay might never dream of anything else.

  That death and destruction.

  The blood.

  Shay shook the soap from his face, rinsed himself off.

  It won’t be like that again, right? he asked Pim.

  I don’t know.

  I hope not.

  ***

  Shay dressed in fresh clothes. Over the last few months, he’d had the money to get new ones. Thick, soft, warm pile which kept the winter chills away and the breeze.

  Dinner also smelled very good. In the kitchen, Janet could make pretty much anything, and out of nothing, too.

  He sat at the table while Anada put it in front of him. “I’m sorry for being so emotional.”

  “It’s okay,” Shay said, “I appreciate your concern.”

  Anada sat in front of him while Janet carried on behind them. “I mean it. Janet said I should tell you why I freaked out.”

  Shay reached for his water. “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “I had a son,” she said and her face paled.

  “Had?”

  “The world’s a cruel place, Shay. Lots and lots of people don’t make it to adulthood.”

  “Was he—was he my age?”

  Anada nodded and looked back to Janet who gave her a reassuring smile. “I wasn’t born around here. I was born in the dark.”

  “In the mines?” Shay asked. “I thought they weren’t allowed kids down there?”

  “They’re not now. At the time, families were encouraged because they worked harder, they could earn better, there were prospects.”

  “You grew up okay?”

  Anada smiled. “I did. I had schooling, and I had others around me. My parents were both working their way up to managers. I met someone and fell in love. He didn’t want to stay in the dark, so he worked really hard to prove he was better doing other jobs and we eventually came up here. I’d never seen daylight, the city. Everything here overwhelmed me.”

  “It sounds awful.” Shay sniffed, hurting for her.

  Janet came over, and reaching down, put a bowl of food out for Pim. Pim bounced off Shay’s shoulder and sat waiting to be told he could eat. Janet was always very careful, making him wait. Obedience was a thing for her. “Eat,” she said. “You earned it.”

  Shay turned his attention back to Anada. “What happened?”

  “My husband fell in with the wrong gang. His job led to many opportunities that earned more and more money, but it wasn’t good work. It was illegal, drugs, tech. Shopping things that were—” Anada choked up and Janet put her hand on her shoulder. Anada sucked in a breath. “Shopping things that were taken from people without their permission.”

  “Hunters?” Shay asked.

  “Yes,” Anada said.

  Janet put three plates of food in front of them and Shay looked to her before he would even dare touch it.

  “Get it while it’s hot; she can still talk while we eat.”

  It wasn’t usually allowed, but it seemed that Anada and Janet both wanted this story to be out.

  “I got pregnant,” Anada said. “The pregnancy itself wasn’t easy. I had a lot of health issues, and they cost money. Money we could only get by more illegal underground jobs. Joel started to work for a hacker organization under Takemoto.”

  Shay shivered. “I know of them.”

  “Life settled, I had our son. Things were good, really good. We moved into an apartment much bigger than this, with much more money.”

  “But…”

  “But Takemoto wanted more and more from him. I didn’t know, but they threatened me, our son. Everything we’d built. If he didn’t do what they wanted, they were going to hurt us.”

  “So they did?”

  Anada pushed her food away. “They did, and not only did Joel lose his life, so did our son. They were going to kill me. I was lucky.”

  Janet reached over and put her hand on Anada’s, giving her a gentle squeeze. “That’s when she met me. I found her broken and on the run. I offered to give her somewhere to stay, to rebuild.”

  “It took me a long time,” Anada said, and the moment they shared looking into each other’s eyes warmed Shay on the inside. He put his hand to his heart. “Janet became everything I needed and more.”

  “I’m glad you have each other,” Shay said.

  “Me too,” Janet said and pushed Anada’s plate back towards her. “Me too.”

  “I’m sorry,” Shay said. “I didn’t mean to remind you of your son.”

  Anada smiled and nodded. “I know that. But you do, and I can’t help but care for you, care for you a lot. I wanted you to know how much, and what you mean for us.”

  Shay glanced over at Janet. “Yes,” she said. “To me, too.”

  He tried to stop them, to not let tears flow, but he couldn’t help it and he let out a sob. “I—I—”

  Both Janet and Anada were by his chair giving him a hug once more. “We love you,” Anada said. “You can’t get away from us now.”

  Janet pushed herself back slightly and wiped her own tears away. “I struggled to find you. I tried all my contacts, whoever that TAP was for, they held back a lot of information and details. Whoever they got to help you was above anyone I know. In skill and cost.”

  “I know,” Shay said. “I have met military men from the Armed Brigade, but this, this wasn’t them. This was a lot bigger, stronger.”

  “We have something to ask you,” Anada said, easing the conversation back to the three of them.

  “Ask?” Shay questioned, his glances to and from the both of them giving him no clues to their intentions.

  Pim had finished eating and he hopped up onto his shoulder looking at the food left on the table, still licking his lips.

  “No,” Janet warned Pim and then turned to Shay. “I’m going to be honest. We, well, we both want to adopt you.”

  Shay’s chest tightened, and he sucked in a breath. “What?”

  “Janet’s asked me to marry her,” Anada admitted, her smile lighting the whole room. “We want to get married, and we want you to become part of our family, legally.”

  “Really,” Shay gasped out. On one side he felt all the happiness he ever could, but then on the other all the trepidation of wanting something so badly it hurt him physically. Pim tucked himself closer and curled his tail around his neck to hold tight.

  Shay stroked his nose. “I’m okay,” he said. “I promise.”

  “Of course, only if you want,” Janet said. “Really.”

  73

  Six weeks had flown, and I’d pushed myself every single day; so had the rest of our squad. Justin’s side and mine, it was filled with blood, sweat, tears, and plenty of my frustration. I had also started to see the psychiatrist Malaki had passed me to; she was indeed very good, and talking to her helped a lot more than I thought it would. We worked through my processes, my pain, and frustration at not feeling adequate enough. Every week things were getting easier.