Another broken promise. She could only guess at how many other promises her husband had broken.

  Something else rested next to the shopping bag. With determined steps, she walked toward the dresser and opened it wide enough to find a box—a cigar box, of all things. She glared at it as if it were a poisonous snake that was prepared to strike and dig its fangs into her tender skin. She gingerly lifted the lid, and, seeing its contents, she leaped backward. If there was anything more to be discovered, she didn’t have the heart to find out, and she quickly vacated the room, slamming the door behind her.

  She checked the time and knew Zach was due home any minute. Mentally, she prepared herself for the upcoming confrontation. In the past, it had been far too easy to ignore what should have been obvious. Laurel had to accept that she’d been willfully blind. All along, she suspected things weren’t right between them. With school, worries about her nana, and the holiday program, it had been far too convenient to look the other way. To pretend.

  She couldn’t—wouldn’t—turn blind eyes to this any longer.

  Within a few minutes, Laurel heard the faint click of the front door opening and closing. Zach was home. She braced herself, drawing deep into her inner core for strength, readying herself to face him.

  “Laurel?” Zach’s voice echoed through the house.

  With her hands folded primly in front of her, she stepped out from the hallway into the living room. Zach had removed his coat and hung it in the front closet.

  He smiled when he turned to see her. “You just got home?” he asked, his smile warm and open. If he had been able to read her mood, it was clear he was deciding to ignore it. She recognized those signs, seeing how she’d often used the same avoidance tactic. Talking around a subject, looking to avoid any chance of a squabble or conflict—these strategies had become far too comfortable in their marriage.

  She didn’t answer until she noticed he was waiting for her response. “No…I’ve been here for a while now.”

  “Are you cold? Is the furnace acting up again?”

  She blinked, finding his question odd. He must have read her puzzlement, because he grinned. “You’re wearing your coat.”

  “Oh.” She’d completely forgotten she had it on. Now that she thought about it, she had no idea where her purse was, either, and had to assume it remained in her car.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, as she walked past him and went outside to retrieve her purse.

  “I’m good,” she said as she returned to the house, purse in hand.

  “I know you’re feeling the pressure of this holiday program.”

  “I said there isn’t a problem.” Her words were sharp, cold.

  He continued to stare at her and apparently thought a change of subject might help. “Did you find time to call about Mrs. Miracle’s references?”

  “I did. Everything checked out.”

  “That’s great.” He continued to watch her every move.

  Laurel could tell he was trying to gauge her mood. She went into the kitchen, needing to lean her back against the counter, for it seemed her knees were once again ready to fail her.

  As she knew he would, Zach followed.

  “I had a great day. The project I’ve been working on is coming together nicely.” He paused, waiting for a response from her.

  All Laurel was capable of was a simple, singular nod. The lump in her throat tightened, and for the briefest of moments she was tempted to forget what she’d discovered that afternoon. But she knew she couldn’t.

  “I got a call after school,” she managed to state, without specifics.

  Zach opened the refrigerator door and reached for an apple. “What’s for dinner?”

  “I’d rather talk about the phone call.”

  “Okay. What was it about?” he said, taking a big crunching bite of his apple. He seemed totally oblivious to what was about to happen.

  “It was from Mary Swindoll.”

  The words fell between them like an explosion, which, indeed, they were. Explosive. Zach’s eyes rounded, and he carefully, methodically, set the apple down on the kitchen counter. His nonchalant attitude was gone.

  “Aren’t you going to ask me what she had to say?” She gestured toward him, indicating that she looked for him to explain why she would receive a cold call from the agency.

  “She told you about the website?”

  “Oh, she told me much more than that.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down in his throat as he swallowed a few times, realizing where the conversation was going. He stuffed his hands into the back pockets of his Dockers as Laurel continued.

  “I’ll admit that it came as a complete surprise to learn that you’d gone behind my back and resubmitted our adoption application. Why, Zach? Why would you do that? I’d told you that after losing Jonathan, I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t put my heart through that kind of torture ever again. And you agreed. Only recently, you told me…” The knot in her throat grew so fast it became impossible to finish the sentence.

  “I know I should have told you. I…I thought…you know…I thought that we shouldn’t close the door entirely. I figured that by not telling you what I’d done, that I was protecting you. Protecting your heart. If a baby did become available for adoption, then it would be a sweet surprise. I know how badly you wanted to be a mother, and I did it for you, Laurel. For us.” He stretched out his arms as though pleading for her to understand, to believe he’d never do anything to intentionally hurt her.

  “Don’t kid yourself, Zach. It wasn’t for us. You did it for you, for the dream of fatherhood, because of your own desires for a family.”

  “Laurel, that’s not true.”

  She denied his words with a hard shake of her head. “After Jonathan, it was the end for me. You knew this. I told you this.”

  “I know, which is why—”

  “You didn’t return the baby clothes, did you? Don’t bother to deny it. I found them in the dresser. And the cigars.”

  For an inkling of a second his eyes brightened. “The store wouldn’t take the clothes back…I had the receipt and everything and the clerk said…Well, it doesn’t matter now. I knew that if you discovered them you’d be upset, so I prayed and I asked God for a sign…and then the cigars were from the gift exchange, and then I knew that God—”

  Zach couldn’t get his explanation out fast enough.

  “Zach, please. Stop. I can’t bear to hear another word.”

  His head sagged. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry, Laurel. I never intended to hurt you.”

  She believed that of him, but it didn’t change the bottom line. It didn’t change what his actions had so vividly spelled out to her in that moment of discovery. A sky writer couldn’t have made it any clearer.

  “Zach, I know this isn’t what you want to believe, but I need to say it. As much as I want to, I’ll never be able to give you a family. Those dreams we shared that summer as we looked up into the sky over Green Lake…I’m sorry, Zach.” She paused when her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry.”

  She took a moment before she was able to continue. “I gave it my all, but some of those dreams weren’t meant to be. You dreamed of having a family, and I can’t give you one.”

  “But you are my family,” Zach insisted.

  “Apparently, I’m not enough,” she said, jerking her hands to her face and smearing the tears across her cheeks.

  “That’s not true. You’re more than enough. You’re all the family I want. You’re all the family that I need.”

  “Your actions speak otherwise, far louder than your words.”

  “I love you, Laurel. You can’t question that.”

  “I don’t,” she whispered back, struggling to contain her tears, although raging emotions were ripping through her like a hot knife. “Loving me isn’t enough for you. You need more. You will always want more.”

  He lowered his eyes to the floor. “All I did was hang on to hope for us, Laurel. Yes, I put in our application. I was wrong to do it, and I was ready to withdraw it, but I asked God for a sign. That’s when I got the cigars in the gift exchange at the office.”

  “And because of those cigars, you now believe?”

  Eyes still downcast, he nodded. “I do. I believe. I honestly believe it’s going to happen for us.”

  That was all Laurel needed to hear. Staring sightlessly into the distance, she remained frozen, and her breathing slowed, as did her pulse. It felt like the entire fabric of their marriage had been ripping apart, and this was the last thread. His words had convinced her beyond any arguing or reasoning that Zach would never be fulfilled in their marriage without a child.

  “And that was why you brought both the baby clothes and the cigars to the house and hid them.” Straightening her shoulders, she looked up so he would know the seriousness of what she was about to say. “I…I can’t go on like this, Zach. I love you…I do. With everything I am, I love you. But I feel it would be best if I…if you found someone else.”

  He said nothing for several horrible seconds. “You don’t mean that. You can’t mean it.”

  Despite her grief, she knew in her heart it was the right thing to let him go. “I do, I really do.”

  They stood with only a few feet separating them, neither speaking. Zach’s shoulders slumped in defeat. After what seemed like an eternity, he walked out of the room. Laurel heard the front door of the house open and close.

  Shutting her eyes, she sank onto the floor, falling on her knees and weeping harder than she had in her life. Sobs racked her shoulders. Not only had she lost Jonathan, but along with that beautiful baby boy, her marriage was now gone. She finally had the courage to realize that she loved Zach enough to set him free, so he could have the wife and children he deserved.

  How long she stayed on her knees, Laurel didn’t know. She covered her face with both hands and wept for what seemed to be forever. When she heard the front door open, she sniffled and did her best to pull herself together to greet her grandmother and Mrs. Miracle.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Helen had no idea what had happened between Laurel and Zach. Mrs. Miracle had dropped her off after the Christmas dinner at the senior center; she was in high spirits, until she opened the door and caught sight of her granddaughter’s ravaged face.

  Laurel’s eyes had been red and puffy, her skin blotchy. Before Helen could find out what was wrong, her granddaughter had rushed off to bed. Zach was nowhere to be found. Worry and concern kept Helen awake most of the night.

  * * *

  —

  Come morning, when she heard Laurel in the kitchen, she tossed back her covers and climbed out of her warm bed. While she didn’t want to pry, she needed to know what had happened between Laurel and Zach, for her own peace of mind, if nothing else.

  Heading to the kitchen in her robe and slippers, Helen found her granddaughter leaning against the kitchen counter, her eyes closed, as if drawing deep inside herself for some inner strength.

  “Laurel, my love. What is it?”

  Laurel automatically moved into Helen’s arms, as though she was desperately in need of consolation. She pressed her head on her grandmother’s shoulder. Tears fell against Helen as her granddaughter spoke. “Zach…left.”

  “Left? He didn’t come home last night? How long will he be gone?”

  It was hard to make sense of Laurel’s muffled reply. It sounded like she said “forever.” That couldn’t possibly be right. Zach loved Laurel. Helen never doubted his heartfelt love and affection for her granddaughter.

  “He wants what I can’t give him.”

  “Oh Laurel…” Helen felt at a loss as to how best to comfort her precious granddaughter.

  Laurel broke away from Helen, reaching for a tissue to blow her nose. Pure grit and determination marked her words as she sniffled and stated, “Today is the school program. I’ve got to get myself together.”

  “Oh dear,” Helen whispered, pressing her fingers to her lips. “How will you manage?”

  “I…I don’t know, but I will. I have to. Everyone is counting on me.” Reaching for a second tissue, she dabbed at her eyes and forced a weak smile.

  “Have a cup of tea,” Helen advised, hoping that would help calm her granddaughter’s tender heart. “You’ll feel better.” Yet she knew that no amount of makeup would disguise Laurel’s ashen skin and red eyes.

  “All the tea in China isn’t going to fix this, Nana. I’ll get through today the way I’ve survived everything else. I’m not your granddaughter for nothing.” She kissed Helen on the cheek and bravely headed out the door.

  Helen quickly dressed and ate her breakfast of tea and toast even before her companion arrived. She could hardly wait for Mrs. Miracle to show up so she could get an insight into what had gone so terribly wrong. For the next fifteen minutes, she was anxious. This was bad. Something needed to be done. Mrs. Miracle would know what to do, and if she couldn’t count on an angel to intercede, then she didn’t know what would happen.

  “Oh my goodness. I’m so glad you’re here,” Helen burst out as soon as her companion entered the house.

  “What is it?” Mrs. Miracle asked, removing her coat and scarf.

  “It’s Laurel and Zach,” Helen anxiously explained. “Something’s happened. I saw it on Laurel’s face last night, then she broke down this morning when I asked her. Zach is gone and she said I shouldn’t expect him back. I think I know the root of the problem,” she said. “The door to the baby’s bedroom was open.”

  “Ah yes,” Mrs. Miracle returned in a soothing voice. “I know all about that. Nothing to worry yourself over, my dear.”

  “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation,” Helen said. “Did you hear me when I said Zach wasn’t coming home?”

  Mrs. Miracle went about pouring herself a cup of tea, apparently unconcerned. “I heard.”

  “And today, of all days, is the school program.”

  “Yes. All will be well. Helen, you need to trust,” she gently replied, as she tenderly patted Helen’s hand.

  Mrs. Miracle’s calm reassurances were exactly what she needed to hear. From the moment Helen had stepped into the kitchen and found her granddaughter an emotional mess, her heart had been racing like a fire engine, speeding to a blaze.

  “Relax, now, and join me with a cup of tea. Before you know it, it’ll be time to leave for the school.”

  “But will Laurel be okay? And Zach?”

  “They will, I promise.”

  Helen sipped her tea and took Mrs. Miracle at her word.

  * * *

  —

  The two spent the remainder of the day knitting and chatting together until it was time to head to the school for the afternoon program. All Helen could do was pray that Laurel had pulled herself together to see all of her hard work come to life for what was the biggest event of the school year.

  By the time Helen and Mrs. Miracle reached the school, it was abuzz with activity. Cars flooded the small parking lot, spilling onto the side streets surrounding the building. Parents and grandparents crowded the large space that served as an auditorium as well as a gym and a cafeteria. Neat, orderly rows of folding chairs had been set in place, facing the stage. Both sides had several small potted live Christmas trees of varying heights, strung with lights and handmade ornaments. Student artwork, all with holiday themes, was clipped on clotheslines along the remaining sides of the large gathering space.

  Helen watched as each grade paraded out in single file, to the delight of their families. Mrs. Miracle sat in the chair next to her. The older woman on her other side clasped her hands together in delight as she stretched one way and then another, attempting to find the child she had come to see.

  Leaning over to Helen, the woman whispered excitedly, “That’s my granddaughter.”

  “Which one?” Helen asked.

  “The second-grader in the red dress.”

  Several of the girls in line wore the same color dress. But Helen smiled back and whispered, “She’s adorable.”

  Such proud parents and grandparents, all around her.

  “That’s my granddaughter,” Helen said, leaning back to the other grandmother and pointing to Laurel. She was grateful to see that all traces of Laurel’s emotional breakdown were erased from her face. How Laurel had managed to pull herself together, she could only speculate. “She’s the first-grade teacher,” Helen added.

  “Mrs. McCullough? I recognize her. My granddaughter had her last year. She’s a wonderful teacher. My daughter was the homeroom parent for her class, and she said all the children loved her.”

  “Yes, she’s a special young woman,” Helen said proudly.

  The program was about to start, and the room quieted as the principal, Mr. Adams, stood to welcome the audience with a content look on his face at the high rate of attendance.

  “First, I want to say how pleased we are here at Ronald Reagan Elementary to welcome the families of our students,” he began. “The students and staff have worked hard to put together this holiday program. I want to especially thank Mrs. McCullough for overseeing this entire event. Please turn off your cellphones so the children’s hard work can be our primary focus this afternoon. Without further delay,” Mr. Adams declared, “let the show begin!”

  Helen silently said a prayer for Laurel and the children. Laurel had worked hard, putting in a copious amount of her own time to bring the talents of each class together so that every student participated in one way or another.