At one point he’d asked for ideas, and she’d insisted she had everything she could ever want. But then her eyes had shifted to the nursery, subconsciously. Jonathan’s room. Although she claimed she had everything, Zach knew better. He knew her heart’s desire. A baby.

  He’d badly wanted to tell her what he’d done, that he’d spoken to their caseworker at the adoption agency. If his wife knew that he’d asked that their names be reinstated she might come undone. After everything they’d been through, Laurel had given up. Zach could understand her reasons, but he didn’t see why it was necessary to close the door completely. Babies did come up for adoption. When he’d first spoken to Mary, she hadn’t encouraged him. But she hadn’t discouraged him, either. He would keep an open mind, and he was willing to wait. Unfortunately, Laurel didn’t feel the same way.

  The perfect opportunity to confess what he’d done had come the night they’d gone Christmas tree shopping. That night was just like when they’d first started dating. Laurel’s eyes had sparkled with laughter and Zach couldn’t find it in his heart to ruin their evening with talk of the very subject that brought such pain into their lives. He couldn’t do it. He recognized that Laurel suspected he was hiding something from her. He would tell her at some point, but not now. Not right before Christmas. He’d wait until after the first of the year. The timing would be better. A new year. A new hope. They could look toward the future together.

  The first things to catch his eye when he entered Macy’s were the festive decorations. A huge sign posted near the entrance announced B E L I E V E to all who entered the large store.

  How strange that I should see that sign, Zach thought to himself. That’s what Laurel has to do. She has to believe.

  The support columns were decorated with greenery and covered with large, bright ornaments of all shapes and sizes, while other displays hung down from the ceiling, greeting the shoppers. Tall Christmas trees dominated the entrance to each department, beautifully decorated.

  Zach wound his way through the throng of shoppers and found himself in the women’s section. He looked at a mannequin in a beautiful red-and-white-plaid dress with gold buttons down the front and pictured his wife in it. Laurel was beautiful. He never fully understood how a woman as sweet and lovable as she was found herself attracted to a computer nerd like himself.

  They’d met in college at a party where he’d felt out of place and awkward. He’d been sitting alone, nursing a beer, when she’d sat down next to him. He wanted to say something smart or funny, but his tongue seemed glued to the roof of his mouth. Laurel had taken the initiative and introduced herself, drawing him out of his shell. Their first date was in the library, studying together. Later they rode bikes around Green Lake and talked for hours. Laurel had done most of the talking, and that suited him. Zach liked the sound of her voice and marveled that she seemed to enjoy his company. He’d fallen for her immediately, and he counted his blessings every day that she’d agreed to be his wife.

  With his head full of babies and the secret he was keeping from Laurel, he made his way through the store until he found himself back in front of the mannequin with the lovely dress on. It would be perfect for her. Perfect.

  After he tracked down a salesclerk, he was pointed toward the appropriate rack. Zach found the size Laurel wore and swallowed hard at the price, deciding to buy it anyway. She would look stunning in it, and she deserved something new and pretty.

  Pleased with his purchase, he decided to look for a special gift for Nana. He paused by the escalator to get his bearings when he realized he was next to the infant and toddler department. Pain tightened his chest.

  Laurel had loved dressing Jonathan, and Nana had never been happier than when she rocked that precious baby in her arms. For a moment, he found it hard to breathe. The sense of loss felt like a kick in the gut as memories came back…memories of Jonathan being escorted from their home. He had wanted to shout at the unfairness of it all, but one of them needed to remain strong. On the outside, he’d put on a good front, but internally, he’d felt everything his wife had felt at that very moment, and more.

  Before he could find the escalator going down, a salesclerk appeared at his side.

  “Merry Christmas!” she said cheerfully, acting like he’d been the only customer that she’d had all day. “How may I help you?”

  At this point the only thing Zach was thinking was how best to get out of there. This was the last department he wanted to wade through.

  “Where would I find robes…robes like the one a grandmother would wear?” Laurel would appreciate him finding something special for Nana. She’d recently mentioned she wanted to buy her grandmother a warm robe for the winter months, with a new pair of cozy slippers, so he may as well save her the time while he was here.

  The clerk sighed. “That’s up on the next level, but unfortunately, the escalator broke a few minutes ago, and they’ve roped it off as a precaution. Something electrical, I overheard a supervisor saying. It’s put quite a damper on things, with our customers all rushing around to do holiday shopping. Maintenance is on it, and hopefully it will be up and running momentarily.”

  “All right, then, which way to the elevator?”

  “The elevator is at the opposite end of this floor, but I heard it’s taking people several minutes to get on. Patience is in short supply—I’m giving you fair warning,” she added sympathetically.

  It appeared that this exit strategy wasn’t going to work for Zach, either.

  “Come with me,” the saleswoman said, as though she was about to lead him to a secret passageway. She turned and fully expected Zach to follow.

  Thinking the salesclerk was leading him to the stairwell, Zach obediently trailed behind her.

  “As you can see, we’re having a sale to end all sales. Just look at this delightful outfit.” She held up a pink ruffled dress so small it could be sized only for a newborn. “Isn’t this the cutest dress you’ve ever seen?”

  Despite his discomfort, Zach smiled. The dress resembled something Scarlett O’Hara might have worn in Gone with the Wind. He had to admit that it was the perfect outfit to melt a daddy’s heart.

  “It’s adorable, isn’t it?” the clerk asked.

  “But I…”

  “The best part is the price tag,” the clerk said, showing it to Zach.

  Zach didn’t have any choice but to glance at the label. It was only a few dollars. That couldn’t be right. Seeing how much he’d paid for Laurel’s dress, this was a mere pittance. Then again, it was for a baby, and what did he know about the cost of baby clothes?

  “Who in their right mind could refuse a deal like this?” she asked.

  “Yes, but as I started to say, my wife and I don’t have children.”

  “Perhaps for a friend, then?” the woman suggested. “You’re young, and I’m sure you have family or friends starting families.”

  Zach hesitated. Laurel had recently mentioned that one of her teacher friends was pregnant. He didn’t know if the baby’s sex had been determined, but he reasoned that there would likely be an opportunity down the road to give this dress away as a baby shower gift. Besides, it would be less painful for him to pick up something instead of Laurel having to.

  The saleswoman appeared to be waiting for his answer.

  “Yes, I suppose.” Zach was beginning to feel uneasy. He wasn’t sure how to extract himself from this persistent woman. He wondered if the Macy’s staff was paid on commission, because she was certainly determined to make the sale.

  “At this price, it’s a steal, Mr. McCullough. I mean, really…this sale is something else. I’ve worked in this department for some time now, and I’ve never seen clothing discounted this much.”

  “Yes, well…” Zach anxiously looked around for a means of escape and found none. Then he realized that she had used his name. How on earth did she know his last name?

  “Would you look at this!” The saleswoman held up a tiny western outfit. It was a blue-jean jumper with a red-checkered shirt underneath, something Annie Oakley might have worn in a sharpshooting match.

  Zach smiled awkwardly. He liked this one as much as the first, though he didn’t admit that out loud to the salesclerk. He feared he might be losing it. Then again, if an adoption did come through and they had a girl…

  “How much is that one?” he found himself asking.

  “It’s the same price as the first dress I showed you.”

  “Nice,” he murmured.

  “I’m sure you’ll want this one, too.”

  Too? He hadn’t agreed to purchase the first dress. He had the feeling the only way to find his way out of this department was to buy the outfits and flee for his life. He looked around, surprised to find that he was the only shopper in the entire section. There’d been wall-to-wall people everywhere else in the busy store, but this department was all but deserted.

  “Would you like me to wrap these items for you?”

  Zach hesitated. If Laurel found out he’d spent money on baby clothes, there was no telling what she’d do. “Actually…uh…no, thank you.”

  The woman beamed at him, as if he was a brilliant shopper. She led the way to the checkout counter, chatting away like they were long-lost friends. Every now and again she’d pause and point out something else he was sure to need.

  Zach politely refused each item, but she didn’t appear to hear him. By the time they reached the register, the saleswoman had accumulated a small pile of clothes, all for a baby girl. She quickly started to ring up his purchase while he worked up his nerve to have her put everything back. Then she announced the total. He was surprised to hear that it was little more than what he’d pay for a lunch from his favorite food truck on the street below his office.

  Before he completely grasped what had happened, he’d given her the cash and she handed him the beautiful red shopping bag.

  “Will this be all for you this evening, Mr. McCullough? Oh, look—the escalator is working again. What great timing you seem to have.”

  Again, the clerk appeared to know him. Zach couldn’t recall ever meeting this relentless sales clerk, but he must have, at some point, somewhere. He was too frustrated with himself to ask, and he quickly thanked her and headed down the escalator. He slowly shook his head, lost in the events of the past few minutes. He’d been in search of a gift for Nana and ended up with a large bag of baby clothes. He couldn’t have explained the last fifteen minutes if he’d wanted to.

  On the sidewalk outside the store, Zach got a text from Laurel telling him the meeting with the parents was over and she was on her way home. He had no idea how he would explain to Laurel what he’d just done. He’d recklessly bought items they didn’t need because they were on sale. And to think that he was the one who repeatedly told Laurel, who had a hard time resisting a good sale, that one didn’t save money by spending money, no matter how good the price.

  By the time he arrived home, he’d beaten himself up mentally to the point that his stomach hurt.

  “I’m here,” Zach announced upon crossing the threshold, without a lot of enthusiasm.

  Laurel stuck her head out from inside the kitchen. “Your meeting must have gone on longer than expected.”

  Avoiding eye contact, Zach set the packages down on the floor as he removed his coat, hanging it up in the front closet. “The meeting let out early. I went Christmas shopping before coming home.”

  “It looks like you had success—why the glum face?”

  “Where’s Nana?” he asked, trying to divert her questions.

  “She went to bed early. Mrs. Miracle left soon after I arrived home.”

  “Did you have dinner?” He was willing to talk about anything other than his shopping expedition. Tomorrow on his lunch break, he fully intended to return the baby clothes.

  Laurel followed him into the living room. “Why aren’t you looking at me?” she asked, full of concern.

  Zach shrugged. He sincerely wished that his wife didn’t know him so well. Unable to hide his regret, Zach’s face had been a dead giveaway. Laurel knew the moment he walked in the door that he was upset.

  “Zach, what’s wrong?”

  He wouldn’t be able to brush it off. Laurel had already guessed. Trapped, he knew there was nothing to do but confess.

  “I did something really stupid and I didn’t want you to know.”

  Her concern was immediate, as well it should be. He felt like an even bigger fool for his inability to hide it from her.

  She came to him and took his hand, her touch gentle as she stared up at him, her eyes full of curiosity and concern.

  Zach briefly closed his eyes, not wanting to tell her. The moment she saw the baby clothes she’d be devastated, and he wouldn’t blame her.

  “Did you gamble away our life savings?” she jokingly asked.

  “You know me better than that.”

  “You lost your job?”

  “No.”

  “Okay. You bought me an expensive Christmas gift and now you’re having buyer’s remorse,” she said. “Zach, please tell me you didn’t.”

  “I didn’t.” He recalled the dress he’d bought for his wife and determined that that was a perfectly normal secret to keep from his wife. But this was worse, much worse. He didn’t know what had come over him. He wasn’t an impulsive buyer. He weighed every dollar he spent. No way would he be able to explain what he’d done. He was the worst husband in the universe.

  “Come on, Zach. It can’t be that bad.”

  Getting the words out was difficult. “Like I said, my meeting got out early and I sort of got trapped in the infant and toddler department at Macy’s.”

  The color drained from Laurel’s face so fast that Zach felt the need to take hold of her shoulders and keep her upright. “I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry.”

  “What did you do?” she asked in a hoarse whisper.

  “I don’t know how it happened. I swear, Laurel, this salesclerk started showing me tiny outfits and for some weird reason, I couldn’t help myself. She kept telling me what a huge sale it was and that the prices were beyond belief, and they were. Before I realized what had happened, I had purchased a bunch of clothes for a newborn.”

  Laurel covered her mouth in utter disbelief. Tears instantly sprang to her eyes.

  Knowing how much his words and actions had hurt her nearly undid him. “Can you forgive me? I’ll return everything first thing tomorrow.”

  Laurel did her best to offer him a smile, her only sign of forgiveness. Her lips trembled with the effort. “You still think…”

  “No,” he rushed to tell her. “It wasn’t like that. I swear, Laurel.”

  “I’m not enough, am I?”

  To hear her say those words nearly gutted him. “You are. I love you more than life itself, Laurel, I swear it.”

  Her throat worked with a hard swallow as she nodded. “You’ll return everything?”

  “I promise. Everything goes back first thing tomorrow.”

  She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and accepted his apology. “I guess we’re more alike than I realized.”

  “How so?”

  “You couldn’t resist a good sale, after all.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Helen knew something was wrong. She heard Laurel and Zach talking, and even from this distance she could tell they were arguing. Because her hearing wasn’t as good as it had once been, Helen was unable to make out the gist of what had happened.

  What bothered Helen the most, however, was knowing there was a problem. Her instinct was to climb out of bed and find out what was wrong. The temptation was strong. Instead, she’d sat on the edge of her bed and weighed her options. The only drawback to having Laurel and Zach live with her had been knowing when to step in and offer help, and when to leave matters be. She concluded that the young couple didn’t need or want her to interfere.

  * * *

  —

  The following morning, Helen woke thirty minutes before Laurel was scheduled to leave for school. Her granddaughter sat at the table, mindlessly stirring oatmeal in her bowl, when Helen came into the kitchen.

  “Good morning,” she said, closely watching this grown woman whom she’d raised from the age of ten.

  “Morning, Nana,” Laurel said, hurriedly getting up from her chair. “Sit down and let me get you some tea.”

  Helen took a seat at the table. She would need to be blind to not notice Laurel’s pale face and the absentminded way she moved about the kitchen.

  “Are you feeling all right?” Helen asked, carefully approaching the subject. “This is flu season and you being with the children all day at school…”

  “I’m fine.”

  Her response offered no reassurance.

  “You’ve barely touched your oatmeal,” Helen said.

  “I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  Laurel set the tea in front of Helen and sat down.

  Unsure how hard to press her granddaughter, Helen waited a few minutes while she carefully sipped the hot liquid. She mulled over if her prying would do more harm than good until she could bear it no longer and had to know.

  “Is everything all right between you and Zach?”

  “Nana,” Laurel immediately protested. “What makes you ask that? We’re fine. Zach is the best thing that ever happened to me…I…” Her voice faded away.