The seconds continued to click up, and when she put the device back in place, Lee still wasn’t speaking. “I mean it, Lee,” she said. “I don’t want to deal with you when you’re all surly and sour. And I know that comes when a man like you doesn’t get the proper amount of rest.”

  “I’m goin’ in right now,” he said. “Night, my rose.” He hung up this time, and Rosalie let her arm fall back to her side.

  My rose.

  Oh, how she wanted to be his. At the same time, he gave her permission to be herself too, and Rosalie had never really had that until James had left. Even then, he hadn’t listened to her. She hadn’t wanted the divorce, and just like everything in their relationship, James decided for her.

  Lee hadn’t been willing to give up control of their kiss, but he hadn’t seemed like that dominance would bleed into other parts of their relationship. A sigh came from her mouth as she started back toward her bedroom. All she could think about was what life would be like if he’d come inside with her instead of driving back to his cabin.

  If they were married, and they didn’t have to part at the strike of midnight, how different would her life be? How different would Autumn’s life be?

  Rosalie climbed between the sheets of her bed, which had always been a luxury to her. Now, it felt cold and somber as she reached to switch off the lamp and then closed her eyes. A fantasy played behind her eyelids, and it wasn’t of Lee coming inside this house with her. It was of her and Autumn following him inside that pretty log cabin out on the edge of the woods. Her final thought before she drifted away was of how Thumper could possibly survive out there with the threat of coyotes and dogs.

  “Say thank you,” Rosalie prompted as Tess handed the flowered dish of butter to Autumn.

  “Thank you, Tess,” Autumn said dutifully, and Rosalie went back to spreading the raspberry jam on her scone.

  “You’re welcome, sweetie,” Tess said, smiling at the little girl. Her attention switched to Rosalie, who quickly took a bite of her pastry. “How was the wedding?”

  Rosalie nodded in an over-emphasized way, glancing at Tess’s husband, Frank. He didn’t seem to care about the conversation, and he helped their son with his quiche and looked back at his phone.

  She lifted one hand to hide the food in her mouth. “Good,” she said, hoping that would be the end of it.

  “The Coopers know how to throw a party,” Tess said. “Or so I’ve heard.” She seemed to be fishing for something, but Rosalie didn’t know what.

  “How was the movie?” she asked, trying to get the conversation onto something else. Yes, the wedding had been wonderful. The kiss with the cowboy phenomenal. The dreams vivid. He’d called her that morning too, not one minute past nine o’clock, and Rosalie could still feel the vibrations of his laughter over the phone.

  He’d wanted to see her that day, but Rosalie didn’t want to try to find someone to babysit Autumn. Running her business and being a single mother had been hard enough for Rosalie from Day One, and adding a boyfriend to the mix sure hadn’t made anything easier.

  Lee hadn’t suggested that he could meet Autumn, but Rosalie knew he wouldn’t mind if the girl tagged along while they strolled around his ranch, hand-in-hand, talking the afternoon hours away. Instead, Rosalie had gotten a text from Tess about this brunch, and she’d opted for that.

  Now, she was second-guessing everything in her life. Autumn was young; she wouldn’t even know what a boyfriend was. Rosalie was allowed to date. For some reason, Rosalie didn’t feel ready to take Lee to that level yet.

  “It was great,” Tess said, her voice doing that high-pitched raising thing it did when she was trying to be cool and casual. Really, she had something to say—something that Rosalie wouldn’t like. “We missed you and Autumn, but it was okay.”

  Rosalie understood this code, but she wasn’t going to let Tess guilt her into going to the movies with her instead of out with Handsome on a Friday night. “We’ll have to go see it again,” she said, reaching over to tap Baylor, Tess’s boy, on the head. “Right, Bay? You’ll come with us to see Left Right again, won’t you?”

  “Can I, Dad?” Baylor asked, and Rosalie grinned at him. When she looked back at Tess, she didn’t miss the knowing glint in her eyes.

  Rosalie calmly took a bite of her quiche and said, “Tess, this is so good. You have to give me the recipe.”

  “Good luck,” Frank said, finally looking up from his phone. “She doesn’t give it to anyone.”

  “I would,” Tess said slowly. She locked eyes with Rosalie again. “For the right payment.” Her eyebrows went up, but Rosalie shook her head. “Fine,” Tess said into her next bite of brunch.

  Rosalie was finally left alone to enjoy her perfectly baked broccoli cheese quiche, but her insecurities about why she needed more time before she introduced Autumn to Lee wouldn’t stop needling her.

  16

  Lee grunted as he lifted the hay bale from the field to the trailer, immediately moving to get to the next one. He followed behind Mack and Gary, who both worked on his side of the tractor towing the trailer. Will and Trav and Chris worked the other side. Lee rarely worked the agricultural side of the farm, but when the hay needed to be brought in, they pulled over everyone they could find, including him.

  He’d worked the farm for the past thirty-five years, and most days, he thought he was completely immune to the heat and humidity in the Coastal Bend of Texas. Today, he’d been wrong about that. Today, he felt like his skin had turned to wax and was slowly melting off his bones.

  He told himself to keep moving. Pick up a bale, throw it up on the trailer. Two more cowboys worked up there, arranging the bales into neat stacks they’d then have to unload and put on the conveyor up to the hay loft.

  Lee would have to get back to the administration office before that happened, but he knew the rest of his men would keep working until this field was cleared and put away. He didn’t dare look up and around to estimate how many hours that would take. He’d done every job there was to do at Sweet Water Falls Farm, something Daddy had made sure all of the boys had done. That way, they could appreciate what they were asking their cowboys and cowgirls to do.

  They didn’t currently employ any cowgirls, which made housing a lot easier for Lee. They’d reached their maximum of clients for their milk and cream too, and Lee, Clarissa, and Will worked the morning shift to get their daily orders satisfied. Travis oversaw the entire milking operation, and Lee had missed his brother’s presence and administration help while he’d been on his honeymoon.

  Trav and Shay had certainly entertained the family for the past two Sunday afternoons with stories of all their fun in the Canadian Rockies. Lee could admit he’d like to travel more, especially to a climate with mountains and snow. He’d only seen such things once, when he’d gone to Salt Lake City for their new milking system training.

  “Ho, there,” someone yelled, and the steady growling of the tractor waned. Everyone looked up and toward the sound of the voice, and Lee found Floyd riding a horse toward them. Lee needed more time in the saddle, out under the evening sky, nothing but stars and constellations between him and the Lord.

  That was where he did his best thinking, and that was where he’d remembered who he was and what he wanted out of life. Years ago, it was where he’d felt strongly that he needed to cut Martha loose from this life she hadn’t liked, and Lee had always found solutions to his parenting troubles while on the back of his horse.

  Rosalie wasn’t really a trouble, nor a problem. Lee drove to town more often now than he had in six years, even when he’d been dating other women. He sure liked seeing her, and the way he’d jogged over to her in the grocery parking lot a couple of nights ago, swept her off her feet while she giggled, and then kissed her in broad daylight spoke of that.

  He tossed his bale of hay onto the wagon and started to go around it. The difference in motion—he was now walking against its movement instead of with it—made a powerful wave of vertigo hit him, and Lee threw his hand out to catch himself. On what, he had no idea.

  Lee knew he was going to fall before it happened, but he couldn’t stop himself. His gloved fingers scrambled along the edge of the trailer, but they couldn’t catch it. He stumbled to his knees, and then went all the way to the ground as the world spun and spun and spun.

  Voices called out, and he wasn’t sure if one of them was his or not. He pressed his eyes closed, the strangest feelings zipping through him. The way Ford’s rice crispy cereal popped and crackled in his milk in the morning was how bright spots of light seemed on the backs of his eyelids.

  Everything twirled, and Lee felt the astronomically fast rotation of the Earth as he lay on it, unable to move. Someone touched his arm, and he jerked away from the pressure. Somewhere in the back of his mind, his name came through in Will’s voice, but he couldn’t answer.

  More shouting, and Lee just wanted them to all be quiet. He was fine. He just needed a minute to breathe.

  He tried to pull in the air he needed, and slowly the spinning stopped. So had the tractor and all the yelling. He opened his eyes and found boots nearby. Several pairs, almost like everyone had lined up to protect him from something.

  He groaned as he tried to sit up, and Travis appeared in his vision. “Stay down,” he said firmly, even pushing Lee back with his palm against his shoulder.

  “Don’t push me,” Lee growled as he tried to resist Trav’s force. He couldn’t, and he fell back onto the ground. His chest heaved, and he looked up into the cloudless sky, wondering how he’d come to be in this position.

  “He’s awake,” Trav yelled, and boots came crunching through the dry hayfield. Will crouched down, and Lee tilted his head to look at his other brother. He held a phone to his ear.

  “Yes, he’s awake,” he said.

  “I’m fine,” Lee said. “Just a little dizzy.”

  “He says he’s dizzy.” Will pulled the phone away from his ear. “When did you eat last?”

  “I…don’t know.”

  Will frowned at him, stood, and walked a couple of paces away. Lee couldn’t change the fact that his brain wasn’t working all the way at the moment, and he did feel better down on the ground. His mouth felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton and bandages, all chemically and dry and gross. He gagged, and Trav hurried to roll him onto his side.

  “Will!” he yelled, and Will came trotting back. “He’s gonna throw up.”

  “Did he hit his head?”

  “No,” Lee groaned, trying to curl into himself. “I didn’t hit my head.”

  “He didn’t,” another cowboy confirmed.

  “Then why is he nauseous?” Will demanded.

  “It could be the heat,” Trav said. “A head injury isn’t the only reason someone throws up out here.”

  “You’re sure he didn’t hit his head?”

  “I didn’t hit my blasted head,” Lee yelled into the argument. “I just need to eat. Something to drink.”

  “Here, Boss.” Gary crouched down in front of him, a dripping bottle of water in his hand. He wore a look of concern and compassion, and Lee thought Trav and Will could take a leaf from the foreman’s book.

  Lee took the bottle and lifted it to Gary. The cool plastic soothed him, and he pressed the bottle to his forehead before taking a long drink. Some of the life he normally had returned, and Lee handed the empty bottle back to Gary.

  “Thanks,” Travis said, and Lee realized too late that he should’ve thanked Gary for the water. He reached out, and Gary offered him his hand. He pulled Lee to his feet, and Lee met the man’s eyes. They were about the same age, but Gary had a wife and two teen boys. They all lived here on the farm, and Lee had been so consumed in his own family he hadn’t taken much time to get to know the foreman.

  Gary worked the agriculture side of the ranch, so Will knew him better. Still, Lee could be gracious and kind. “Thank you,” he said, hearing how lame and late the words were as they left his mouth.

  “’Course,” Gary said. “You’re probably dehydrated.” He signaled to someone, and Floyd came over. “I’m gonna have Floyd take you to your truck.” The dark-haired cowboy took off his hat and wiped his black hair back before reseating the Stetson. “All you boys best be goin’.” He looked at Travis and Will, nodding each time.

  Will was still on the phone with the emergency operator, but he nodded back.

  “Why?” Lee asked. “We have work to do.”

  “You just fainted,” Travis said.

  “I did not,” Lee shot back. “I started to go the wrong way to see what Floyd needed, and I got dizzy. That’s all.”

  No one said anything in the expanse of silence after his sentence, and Lee looked around at all of them. He took one big breath after another. “Did I pass out?” he asked the closest man to him, who was Gary.

  “I think so, Boss,” he said.

  “You definitely did,” Mack said. “I said your name and shook your shoulder, and nothing.”

  Humiliation burned through Lee. He never lost control. He never showed weakness outside the walls of his own cabin. The frown lines between his eyes deepened, and he lowered his head. “I just got a little vertigo.”

  “You can’t be out here if you didn’t eat,” Gary said. “And we have strict drinking rules.”

  “I’ve been drinkin’,” Lee said. “I ate breakfast.”

  “Probably six or seven hours ago,” Gary said, nodding to Floyd. “He didn’t hear what you said.”

  Lee switched his gaze to the man who’d arrived on horseback, and he knew instantly that the news was not good. Floyd only added to the stress and anxiety already floating in the air by swallowing and exchanging a glance with Mack, then Gary.

  “It’s your mama,” he said. “She wasn’t doing well, and your daddy loaded her up and took her to the hospital.”

  Panic spiked inside Lee’s chest, and he spun toward Travis. “Let’s go.” He took a couple of long strides to his brother, suddenly wanting to grab onto someone and hold them as tightly as possible. He did that to Travis, who stood still and straight, so much like a statue, and gripped him back.

  Lee didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. He shouldn’t be the one breaking down right now. Everyone looked to him to be the strongest, the toughest, the very best. He shouldn’t need comfort from Travis or Will or Gary or anyone.

  As Lee stood there in the near-June Texas heat, afraid to let go of his younger brother just in case he broke, he realized how very fragile he’d become.

  “We’ve known she wouldn’t make it forever,” Will finally said, and Lee opened his eyes to find him standing only a pace away. He wore shutters over everything he must be feeling, and Lee found the courage to step away from his brother.

  “We don’t even know what’s going on,” Travis said, his voice slightly higher than normal. “We have to go find out.”

  “The emergency operator wouldn’t tell me anything,” Will said. “Said it’s a different system.”

  “We’ll call the hospital on the way in,” Lee said, reaching up to brush at his eyes just in case he’d teared up. He hadn’t, and relief flowed through him. He turned back to Gary and the other cowboys. “Gary, I’m sorry.”

  “Go,” Gary said. “No need to apologize. We’ve got things here.”

  Lee nodded once, put on his own stone mask, and faced his brothers again. He said nothing as he started for the corner of the field where he’d parked his truck. Will had come with him, but Trav had driven himself and a couple of other cowboys out to the harvest. The jangling of keys met his ears, and Trav said, “I’ll come get it later.”

  He jogged to catch up to Will and Lee, and none of them spoke. Lee had no idea what they were thinking, but he couldn’t accept the fact that he couldn’t eat lunch with Mama and Daddy every day. That he couldn’t find the relief he’d always found with the two of them.

  Yes, Mama had been sick for a long time. She’d fought really hard. He’d known. They’d all known, but that didn’t make anything going on around him any easier.

  The storm in his chest grew and grew until he couldn’t contain it. He broke into a run, ignoring Will as he called after him. He reached the truck first and banged against the hood like he could pound out his frustration and horror at what might happen that day.

  Boom, boom, boom!

  He got in the truck and started it, anxious to be going. His brothers walked still, and Lee didn’t know how they could be so calm. He knew they weren’t. They just dealt with things differently. Trav would need to yell at some point, and Will would box it all away until he put on his running shorts tomorrow morning.

  His phone rang, and Rosalie’s name sat there. Lee didn’t have a spare inch in his mind for her right now, but he swiped on the call. “Hey.” Even he could admit his voice barked at her instead of greeted her.

  “Oh, uh, hey,” she said. “What’s going on?”

  Lee didn’t know how to adequately explain. Will and Trav neared, and he maybe had ten seconds to talk to Rosalie alone. “I can’t talk right now,” he said, his voice gruff.

  “You sound upset.”

  “Do I, Rose? I suppose that’s because I am upset.” He shook his head. “I can’t talk.” He’d already said this.

  Will reached the passenger door and opened it.

  “I have to go.” Lee hung up and tossed his phone up on the dashboard. Will looked at it and slid all the way over so Travis could get in up front too. Lee strangled the steering wheel, wishing they lived closer to town.

  “In?” he asked.

  “Almost,” Trav said. Finally the door slammed shut, and Lee stomped on the accelerator.

  “Lee,” Will said.

  “What?” he barked. “We have to go. You two were walkin’ in the park, for crying out loud!”

  “We were not,” Travis said. “Pull yourself together.”

  “I am pulled together,” Lee yelled. “Don’t tell me to pull myself to together. I’m the one who holds everything together! All the time!”