5

  Cherry didn’t see Jed in the parking lot at the corn maze. “Thanks, Will.”

  “Yep.” Her brother watched her get out. Watched her unlock her car. Watched and waited until Cherry buckled, adjusted the air, set the music, and finally pulled out of the lot ahead of him. Annoyance sang through her, but she couldn’t fault him.

  Showing up at the hospital with Jed Forrester’s hand locked in hers was a big deal. Her siblings knew she dated, and her parents knew she wanted to. If only Cherry could unknot the multitude of issues boiling inside her, she’d know better what the next step should be.

  As it was, she made it back to the family farm where she’d grown up. She looked right at the first fork, and taking it would lead her past the cowboy cabins, past another road that led to Lee’s, and then past Will’s and out to Rissa’s and Travis’s. They’d taken up all the available family housing here at Sweet Water Falls Farm, and Cherry hadn’t minded.

  Until now.

  Lee had told her that Mama and Daddy would be moving into his house once he and Rosalie got married, and then he’d have the picturesque farmhouse where they’d all grown up. She made the left turn toward the white structure that usually made her smile on a dark night like this one.

  Hardly any lights shone in the windows though, and that kept her smile at bay. Mama and Daddy should’ve beaten her here, but she reminded herself that they were both older now—a lot older—and didn’t have to wait up for her. Mama had looked one breath away from passing out, and Lee had left first to bring them back.

  Her brother’s truck didn’t sit out front, which meant he wasn’t there. He had a son to take care of, and a fiancée to call, and Cherry couldn’t help the slight depressive feeling that overcame her as she brought her sedan to a stop. She retrieved her bag from the backseat and went inside the farmhouse.

  A candle burned on the front table, and Cherry went over to it, catching sight of the note that had been tucked under the edge of the jar. Peace touched her soul, and something inside her that had been ragged and torn healed. She reached out and ran her fingertips along the bottom edge of the paper, remembering all the times Mama had left a note for her exactly like this.

  Late nights after her rehearsals and plays, when her parents and younger siblings had come home ahead of her. Mama would always write her a note and list all of her favorite parts of the show. She made the other kids do the same, and Cherry looked up and down the dark hall to the right, wondering if her parents had kept that box of her memories after she’d left the farm, the town, and them behind.

  All of them.

  She exhaled, the truths she needed to tell them buried so deep, she could barely bring them to the surface anymore. Tears pricked her eyes, and she couldn’t imagine saying the things she’d kept bottled and dormant for so long.

  “You must,” she whispered to herself. “It’s time.”

  She slid the note out from underneath the jar and held it closer to the flame so she could read it. Lovely to see you, dear. I love you with my whole soul. See you in the morning. Mama

  Cherry pressed the note to her heartbeat, wishing she’d done things differently. Twelve years ago, if she’d acted out of faith instead of fear, what would her life had been like?

  She knew she wouldn’t be standing here, like this, filled with regret and wondering how to rid herself of it.

  PS. Any bedroom is ready for you. Take your pick.

  Cherry took the note with her and went down the hall. Mama and Daddy’s bedroom sat at the very end of the hallway, as Daddy had remodeled the farmhouse to make the master suite bigger, with a walk-in closet and en suite bathroom about fifteen years ago.

  Cherry’s old bedroom sat two doors down, but she didn’t go to that one. She’d shared with Rissa, and neither of them had lived there in a long time. Instead, she went in the first door she came to, which had been Lee’s room. He hadn’t wanted to share with the other boys, and Will and Travis had a bedroom on the opposite side of the hall that Cherry remembered smelling like old cheese and wet shoes most of the time.

  The memory made her smile, though it didn’t bring happiness to her nose. In Lee’s old room, she flipped on the light. Most traces of her brother had been removed, save for one. His FFA trophies, which he’d earned with perfection. Daddy had always been so proud of Lee, and he’d made a display case for the gold and silver it still housed.

  A family photo of the seven of them sat below the case, the bottom of the canvas almost touching the top of the dresser.

  Cherry hefted her bag onto the queen-sized bed and clicked on the lamp on the nightstand. Then she turned off the overhead light—she didn’t like them shining down into her eyes—and closed the door softly behind her.

  Only then did she feel like she could relax, and she quickly changed into her pajamas and climbed under the thick quilt that Mama had made herself. She and Granny used to sew, crochet, and quilt every Monday, and Cherry could still see the two of them in her mind as plain as day. They’d be in the huge sun porch off the back of the house when Cherry and the other children got off the bus after school.

  Granny would have something delicious to feed everyone for dinner, and the farmhouse vibrated with laughter and joy, fun and familial fighting, and most of all, love.

  Cherry hadn’t felt those things in such a long time—well, besides the arguing she did with her siblings. She heard about that plenty, and she certainly wasn’t blameless for some of the fights that had happened over the years.

  She leaned her head back against the puffy pillows, wondering who else Mama and Daddy had hosted in this room. Surely not very many people, and yet the room waited as if Mama had known Cherry would need it one day.

  She sucked back the tears threatening to overflow and reached for her phone. She went to the conversation with Jed, their interactions from that afternoon and evening flowing through her mind. They had a unique relationship, that was for sure, and Cherry’s chest caved in on itself when she thought about telling him about her past indiscretions.

  Do you have any secrets? she asked him, wondering if it was too late for him to be awake. The clock hadn’t quite ticked to ten yet, but he was a farmer and would be up by five, most likely.

  She texted her fellow counselor in San Antonio, Willie, and told her about her new nephew. Willie gave all the right answers, with the appropriate number of exclamation points, and Cherry smiled at her phone.

  She messaged Lee, as she hadn’t had much time with him alone, and she wanted to know what he thought of her and Jed. She asked him, once again thinking it might be too late to get an answer.

  With her phone resting—silently—on the nightstand, she got out her toiletries and went across the hall to brush her teeth. Everything felt too old and too small in this farmhouse, and she told herself it was just because she hadn’t been here in a while. Eating a few meals at the huge family dining table didn’t count, and she knew it. She hadn’t stayed here and slept here and let her spirit feel the inner breathings of this house, this life, where she’d thrived for a long time.

  She felt those things now as the very walls whispered things to her she’d long forgotten. She didn’t have to elbow Lee or Rissa out of the way to answer the rotary phone, because she knew the caller would be Sabrina. She didn’t have to stretch the cord as far as she could to get into the second bedroom, where she’d close the door right over the cord just to talk in private.

  Lee had disconnected the cord at the base once, and boy, had she been mad. He didn’t care, because he had a call coming in from someone about some experiment they were doing with cow’s milk, and the moment he’d snapped the cord back into the phone, it had rung and he’d answered it.

  She brushed her teeth, thinking of when she’d challenged Travis to a race down to the pond, and they’d both come back bloody. Mama had been so mad—first about the mud, and then about the blood. She’d taken care of them while lecturing up a storm, Texas-mama style that Cherry didn’t soon forget.

  Daddy worked long hours, and while he was stern and didn’t put up with whiny children, he’d always hugged her tight—so tight, Cherry thought her spindly ribs might crack—and told her he loved her each and every night before she went to bed.

  She’d never once thought her parents didn’t love her, and that only made what she’d done so much harder for her to swallow. By the time she finished brushing her teeth, tears streamed down her face. She tried to stem them, but one couldn’t stop the tide simply because they wanted to.

  In between sobs, she darted back across the hall and closed the door, hoping she wouldn’t wake her parents. A forty-six-year-old sobbing past their bedtime was the last thing they needed tonight.

  Thankfully, Cherry had plenty of experience stuffing unpleasant things onto shelves and hiding them behind easier things to think about. She controlled her emotions and stopped the tears. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she picked up her phone and found messages from both Lee and Jed.

  Lee had said, I think if he makes you happy, Cherry, you should do what you can to be with him. Isn’t that what you told me?

  Yes, she thumbed out. Thanks, Lee.

  She wasn’t sure if Jed made her happy or not. Honestly, with him, it was either hot or cold. She sure did like talking to him, and she liked having him at her side. She didn’t feel so alone, and she didn’t feel like life wasn’t worth living when she knew she could text or call him, and he’d be so glad to hear from her.

  At the same time, she knew she’d deliberately not called or texted him in the past to keep him from getting too close.

  “Gotta decide what you want,” she murmured to herself as she navigated over to his text.

  Sure, he’d said. Who doesn’t have secrets?

  Are they big or small? she sent him next, sure it would drive him crazy. He’d told her once that he’d rather call than text, because texting took both hands and too much time. She’d laughed and told him he couldn’t call her during work hours. So he’d called at night, almost every night, and Cherry had missed that so much in the past couple of months.

  Some of both, he said. What about you?

  I’ve got some of both too, she said. Her heart pounded as she typed, One really big one I’m scared to tell anyone.

  You can tell me, he said. Anything. Anytime.

  Maybe one day, she said, sure she was lying to him right there in writing. Night, Jed.

  Breakfast tomorrow, he said. I can’t wait to see you again.

  Cherry sighed as she plugged in her phone, and with those happy words—I can’t wait to see you again—revolving in her mind instead of all the things she’d done wrong in her life, she managed to fall asleep pretty quickly.

  “Thanks, Daddy.” She smiled up at her father as he finished pouring her coffee. She lifted it to her lips as it was, black and rich and deep. He made the best coffee in the world, and this smelled like the blend she’d gotten him for Father’s Day.

  “Sure,” he said. “What are you going to do today?”

  Cherry lowered her cup and looked over her shoulder. Mama hadn’t come into the kitchen yet, and it was half-past seven. “I have a breakfast date with Jed,” she said. “Then I thought I’d come back here and see if there’s anything you guys need from me.”

  Daddy reset the coffee pot on the burner and glanced up at her. “The back porch needs to be swept and covered.”

  “I can do it,” Cherry said.

  Daddy nodded, something sharp in his expression. “So you don’t want breakfast.” He wasn’t asking, and he started cracking eggs before she could respond.

  “No,” she said. “Thank you.”

  “Was Jed speakin’ true?” He didn’t look at her now but turned to pour the eggs into a pan. “Are you thinkin’ about getting a new job?”

  Cherry’s first instinct was to lie. Or at least put him off. She sighed as she tried to find the right thing to say. “I don’t know, Daddy. Maybe? I…” She looked around the farmhouse, almost expecting to find it dilapidated and falling down. It wasn’t.

  The Coopers still came here and cooked meals five days a week. Everyone helped Mama—except her.

  “I think I want to,” she said. “I just don’t know what I’d do here.”

  “Lee has far more work in that office than he can keep up with,” Daddy said, his bright green eyes harboring hope now. “You could work here.”

  Cherry didn’t want to snipe at him, but they’d had this conversation before. Many times. “It’s still not a good fit, Daddy,” she said slowly.

  “The boys are older,” he said, as if her brothers were the reason Cherry had left Sweet Water Falls twelve years ago. “Married or about to be. Their wives…” He chuckled and shook his head. “They tamed those boys, Cherry. It won’t be bad.”

  She stood and joined him in the kitchen. At his side, she looked up and gave him a small smile. “It’s not them,” she said. “It’s me. This isn’t…this isn’t for me.”

  Resignation bloomed in his eyes, and he nodded. “I know.”

  “I’m sorry.” She leaned her head against his bicep and looped her arm through his though he stirred the eggs. “Are you disappointed?”

  “In you? Never,” he said.

  Several beats of silence echoed through the house, and she stepped away from Daddy as he poured his eggs onto a plate. “What time does Mama get up?” she asked.

  “Usually ‘bout eight,” he said, not even looking toward the arched doorway that led into the foyer and then down the hallway. “Will or Lee come by to help her. She has a hard time first thing in the morning, and I can’t do as much as I used to.”

  Alarm blipped through Cherry. Of course she knew her brothers had been stopping by to help Mama—and Daddy—in the morning. She’d just never lived it, seen it, had to breathe it in and accept it for what it was.

  Reality.

  “I can help her today,” she said, wondering if she could push her breakfast date to lunch. “Help her with her wig and sit with her during breakfast.”

  Daddy smiled and shook his head. “Nah. Go on your date. Mama is best later in the day, and she’ll want to talk to you.”

  Cherry didn’t want to only experience her mother when she was at her best, but she didn’t know how to argue this. She’d be here tomorrow morning too, and she’d simply tell Lee or Will or whoever usually came that she’d handle helping their mother then.

  “Okay,” she said. “I’m going to town to get those breakfast burritos from Hanna’s. Jed likes those with the spicy chorizo.”

  “So do I,” Daddy said, his face lit up again. “Get me one for later, would you?”

  She laughed and swept a kiss across her father’s forehead. “Sure, Daddy.” She turned to leave the kitchen, but she paused in the doorway and looked back to her daddy. He sat at the table alone, and it was far too big for him despite his impressive size.

  I’m sorry, she thought, her mouth moving through the words. Disappointed in you? Never.

  He wouldn’t say that if he knew the truth about what she’d done. She hurried out of the kitchen and down the hall to her computer. She had about ten minutes before she had to absolutely leave to get the burritos and then get back to Jed’s farm in time for breakfast.

  And she needed a new job closer to this farm, so Lee and Will didn’t have to shoulder their mother’s care alone anymore.

  A tiny part of her mind whispered about how close she’d be to Jed too, and she definitely counted him as a reason that it was time for her to come home. Finally.

  6

  Jed took the steps to his cabin two at a time, the scent of cherry perfume riding the air. Or maybe his excitement to see Cherry had conjured up the idea of cherry-scented everything. The stables he’d cleaned out and refreshed before dawn hadn’t even bothered him, not with this breakfast date on the horizon.

  He nearly rammed the door, as it didn’t quite unlatch in time. He managed to get it open, and he burst into his house, where he’d told Cherry to go ahead and enter. Running late, as usual, Jed’s heart pounded when the gorgeous woman spun from the back of the house, where the kitchen counter ran along the wall there.

  “Horses alive,” she said, her dark eyes wide. “Jed, you scared me.”

  “Sorry.” He jogged around his simple furniture and took her squealing into his arms. “I hate being late.” He leaned down to kiss her, as he hadn’t really been able to say goodbye properly last night. The movement between them stayed slow and easy, and wow, Jed could not get enough of this woman.

  She broke the kiss first, her eyes latching onto his for a moment before she dropped them to his collar. Her perfume held no cherries, but something bright and citrusy, which mingled with the more savory smell of whatever she’d brought for breakfast.

  They swayed together, and while Jed’s stomach tightened with hunger, he didn’t release her. “What’s with all the secret talk?” he whispered, keeping his face close to hers.

  She drew in a deep breath, her slight shoulders lifting as she did. “I don’t know.”

  “How was sleepin’ at your mama’s?”

  “Okay.” She tipped her face back again, and Jed touched his mouth to hers again. Heat and explosions moved between them, and he sure hoped she could feel them as strongly as he did.

  He pulled away first this time. “How long are you staying?” He brought her closer, and she laid her cheek against his chest. Jed could hold her like this forever, but he pushed on the brakes in his head. He couldn’t get too far ahead of himself. After all, he’d just asked her when she was leaving town to return to her job in San Antonio.

  The farm was moving into calving season, and they had a branding day coming up. Their second and final market day was the weekend after Thanksgiving, and if anything, Jed’s life was busier in the winter than any other time.

  Holidays, family obligations, work, and none of that took into account the commercial things they did at Forrester Farms. The corn maze would be transformed into a Christmas Corn Craze for the month of December, and that had to be done between Thanksgiving and the following Monday as well.