“Interesting.” Jelric said more to himself.

  “Is it?” I asked him. “It sounds like the girl’s unstable.” Another reason she should be taken far from this castle. Because we both knew what happened with the unstable ones.

  “Does it?” Jelric countered. “You had nightmares after Elynn.”

  I rolled my eyes. Sometimes I wished Jelric didn’t know my every secret. Thank fuck he didn’t know about the new ones. The ones of her. Because there had been more. A lot more. The damn girl was haunting my every sleeping hour, no matter what I did to stop it. What I did to exhaust myself.

  Nela didn’t react. She knew all about Elynn anyway, they’d trained together back when they were new recruits. We’d helped pull each other out of our grief when she’d died.

  “Anything else? Has she done any magic?” I asked diverting the conversation back to where it should be.

  Nela shook her head. “Oh but she does play the stringlet.” Nela said before necking the rest of her drink.

  “What?” Jelric said confused. “Are you sure?”

  “Pretty certain, she’s been teaching the maid how to play it all afternoon.”

  “Bet you enjoyed that.” I said laughing.

  “It’s not actually that bad.” Nela grinned. “The Fae girl is quite good. The maid not so much, but I’m sure she’ll learn.”

  “Well while you’re busy being serenaded I want you to find out more about her, whatever you can. We need to know if she can be trusted or not.” I replied.

  Nela nodded before bowing and leaving us to it.

  We both knew she couldn’t risk being gone long or the girl might suspect something.

  “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I asked Jelric.

  He let out a low sigh. “You’ve never questioned me before.”

  “No. But considering how this went the last time we were in this position.”

  “We don’t know that we are here again.”

  “The signs are there.” I said louder, more forcefully than I intended.

  He paused, scrutinising me. “I’m not a fool. I won’t let history repeat itself.”

  “And yet the girl is still here. In this castle.”

  “We have no proof she would do the same. That she would behave the same.”

  I snarled. “You have no proof that she won’t. That she isn’t exactly like every single one before her.”

  Jelric tutted. “Not every one.” He stated. “Only one was mad. Only one was the cause.”

  I shook my head. It sounded like semantics to me. And I wasn’t willing to risk every person in this city on such an argument.

  “Let Nela do her job.” Jelric said. “You know her. You trust her. If there’s anything amiss she’ll see it.”

  I met his gaze but didn’t reply.

  I needed to sleep.

  To really sleep.

  I headed for the door wondering how much alcohol might do the job.

  “Perhaps you will allow me to train her.”

  I paused at the door. “You want to increase her powers?”

  He shook his head. “Not increase. Hone. If there’s something wrong perhaps I will pick it up.”

  I narrowed my eyes. I wanted to say no. I wanted to deny him the way I had every time he’d made the request since she’d arrived. “If there’s a risk…”

  “With respect Prince Fain, I don’t think the High King will be happy we’ve waited so long.”

  “I’m sure when he learns of the circumstances.” I snarled. But he was right. Uther wouldn’t be happy. He’d want some progress at least. “Fine.” I said. “Start training her. But only the basics. And I mean basics.”

  Jelric nodded as I left him to it.

  Morning came not a moment too soon. I’d sat by the fire, watching the flames turn to embers.

  And then finally to ash.

  Refusing to sleep. Refusing to even shut my eyes.

  Mira was curled up on the couch opposite me. For a moment I wondered where exactly her rooms where, where she actually was meant to sleep. I glanced to where Indi was asleep and Nela was reading.

  Neither of them seemed to leave me either. Like they were all perpetual shadows.

  I got up, feeling the chill in the air and grabbed a log. I chucked it onto the ash and then wrung my hands. What was the next step?

  “Want a hand?” Nela said.

  I turned nodding. What idiot didn’t even know how to make a fire?

  She pulled the log off, stacked a few smaller ones and then placed it on top. “If you start with the big one it won’t take.” She said.

  I nodded. Grateful that she wasn’t mocking me for my ignorance.

  As she struck the flint and the spark took light I stepped back side eyeing her. “Do they teach you that as a soldier?” I asked.

  “Yes. But I knew before. My father taught me.”

  “How long have you been in his army?”

  “Ten years.” She said. “I joined up when I was sixteen. After he died.”

  “I’m sorry.” I murmured.

  She gave me a tight smile. “No need. He died in his bed. Peaceful. How every man would wish to go.”

  “What made you join then?”

  She let out a small laugh. “Did you think the only motivation a soldier has to fight is revenge? No, I chose to fight because it’s what I wanted to do, what I’ve always wanted to do.”

  “But why?”

  She tilted her head, scrutinising me. “Why would I not fight?”

  I shrugged. Remembering what Indi had disclosed last night. The battle that she’d fought in, the battle she’d almost died in. “You have to kill people.” I said quietly.

  “I have killed people.” She corrected me, stoking the fire a little as she did. “Not everyone can live in these castles safe and sound unless others are willing to fight for it.”

  I gritted my teeth. It felt like we were back to the same old sensitive subject.

  “I don’t want to fight.” I murmured.

  She folded her arms. “No one wants to fight. No one wants to take lives. But we do what is necessary.”

  “No.” I said. “I don’t want to be that. To become that.”

  She grabbed my shoulder, pulling me around. “Listen to me, because no one else will say this, you have to fight. Just as I do. Just as Indi does. You have to fight, to help us.”

  “I don’t even know how to.” I snapped.

  “Jelric will teach you. This is your world too Alice. You can’t just sit on the side-lines and play the scared girl act forever.”

  I shook my head. Perhaps she’d seen it. Perhaps she knew what I was, at my core. That I was a coward. That I was nothing like the brave fighter they all hoped I was.

  I opened my mouth to argue. To respond. But Mira yawned loudly and we both turned.

  “Is breakfast here yet?” She asked.

  Nela smirked. “Any minute now.”

  We, all of us, wolfed down the food when it arrived. Nela kept shooting me looks. Silent communication that whatever our discussion had been, it wasn’t over.

  I ignored them as best I could, keeping my focus on my breakfast.

  When we were done Mira suggested we go for another walk and I was more than happy to do so. To get out of this damn room. To get some fresh air too if I could.

  Mira led the way. Or at least Nela and Indi let her. Perhaps she had the same idea as me because I found myself in a garden that seemed to traverse the space between the Upper Castle and part of the Lower.

  A waft of fresh air scented with the nearby flowers hit me as we walked through arched stone entrance.

  I closed my eyes breathing it in. The sun was hot but the warmth of it felt good on my skin. It felt like I’d not been outside since forever. At least not in any peaceful way.

  The gardens were a mix of ornamental beds and wilder patches to the sides, reminding me of the ones back at Hollingshurst. A thick stone wall circled the whole space making the space feel intimate despite the publicness of it.

  The few people we passed stared openly at me just like every time I’d been out.

  The attention was uncomfortable to say the least and I wondered if my fate was to wear a damn bag over my head just to be inconspicuous.

  I wanted to be invisible. I hated how everyone seemed to look and stare or worse, whisper. I felt like some sort of oddity that was fair game for everyone here.

  As I half darted behind a bush to avoid the stares of a crowd a servant appeared all but stopping us in our tracks.

  “Her Highness requests a moment of your company.” He said looking right at me. Making clear exactly who he was referring to out of our group.

  Mira took a sharp inhale of air at the words. “The High Queen.” She half whispered.

  Behind him I could make out a dark haired woman in a huge ballgown type dress under a silk canopy that I guess was meant to protect her from the sun.

  I raised an eyebrow at Nela, who shrugged her ascent, before following the servant over.

  “Here she is.” The High Queen said so loudly everyone nearby could hear. “Come sit beside me.” She pointed to the chair opposite her.

  I hid the wince as best I could, walking over and sat down, noting that one of the servants offered Mira a chair out of earshot but still in the shade.

  Was I meant to curtsey? It was too late now.

  “Apologies for the dramatic entrance.” The High Queen said quietly once the servants had withdrawn. “I have to put on a good show for the common people.”

  I nodded like I understood. Like any of this was normal.

  The High Queen had a heart shaped face, with dark eyes that seemed to draw you in. The fabric of her dress looked so soft, so luxurious I wanted to reach out and touch it. A huge ruby glinted on her finger and a sting of diamonds circled her cleavage. Even the crown on her head was encrusted with jewels. Like she couldn’t cover enough of her body with them.

  She must have been middle aged but she looked young, she looked still youthful like it was only just catching up with her.

  I said nothing at her honesty but waited for her to speak.

  What was the etiquette for speaking with a High Queen?

  Mira had taught me a little, like how to curtesy, even if I was still very wobbly, but nothing had prepared me for this kind of meeting. I made a mental note to ask more. To research more because all too soon I’d be meeting her husband and when I did I wanted to be prepared. Really prepared.

  “I heard the rumours about you, and Prince Rillon confirmed them to me.” The High Queen said.

  “You’re the High King’s wife?” I asked not that I wasn’t sure but how else did I make conversation with such a person?

  “Yes, High King Uther is my husband, though truth be told he’d have got rid of me years ago if he could.” She replied before sipping her tea.

  I frowned surprised. Was it normal for queens to be so open about their marital woes?

  The High Queen saw my face and laughed a little. “Oh everyone knows it.” She said waving her hand. “He has a mistress, a beautiful slip of a girl and a fine heir from his first wife. If it wasn’t for that I’d be for the sludge pile.”

  “What happened to his first wife?” I replied.

  “Dead. Died giving birth to their son. The noblest sacrifice a queen can do.” She said flatly. “No other wife can compare with that.”

  “Then why don’t you leave him?”

  “Leave him? My dear, perhaps where you come from women have better rights. Here, sadly, I am little more than a chattel, a piece of furniture to be brought out at feasts and dusted down for Wintertide before being stored away in a box the rest of the year. I am a possession no more. And possessions do not have any rights.”

  She didn’t look like she needed dusting down. Every inch of her seemed to sparkle as though she had servants up all night polishing her jewels before she put them on.

  “I am the High King’s possession too.” I muttered remembering how everyone stated it so robotically at every given opportunity.

  “Yes that is true. But all the Magi are too, technically, and they make a good life out of it.” She shrugged. “I cannot see your life being any worse than theirs.”

  “The Magi are too?” I half gasped.

  “Yes.” She said. “That surprises you?”

  “Well, they just seem pretty content, I guess I’d expect them to be more resentful that’s all.” I replied.

  She smirked at that. “Well the Magi are granted a lot of freedoms and all the Lesser Kings and Lords can use their services only because there would be uproar if Uther tried to stop it.” She said before trailing off. “They are a sanctimonious bunch though. They like to act superior to everyone. But your presence has undone that; they can’t be top dog while there is a Fae around.”

  “Still, they’re the High King’s possessions all the same though.” I stated.

  “But you are far more than that my dear. That’s why I wanted to see you. To meet you. To get the measure of you.” The High Queen stated.

  I frowned, stiffening at that. What exactly was she saying?

  “Where were you when you crossed over?” The High Queen asked sipping her tea as if she’d simply asked about the weather.

  For some reason I hesitated. Paused. But what did it matter anyway? “At my house, well the woods by my house.”

  “I see. And how often have you been in that particular part of the woods before?”

  “Never. It was my first time. I only just inherited the house.”

  “Interesting.” The High Queen said but I couldn’t see anything interesting in it.

  “How is it?” I asked.

  “Let me explain. You are, forgive the term, a freak of nature.” She said.

  It was hard not to react to that. To think of what the man had said when he’d tried to kill me. To think of my nightmare too.

  “…I wanted to understand what makes you different, how you are created. Where you crossed over is a part of that.”

  “Why do you want to know about it?” I replied.

  “Because I believe anyone can become Fae in the right circumstances.”

  “So you want to know how I am Fae to try and what, become Fae yourself?” I said.

  The High Queen simply smiled. A secretive smile that felt like I was a fellow conspirator, that she could be trusted.

  “What would Jelric say about your theory?” I asked.

  “Oh Jelric would dismiss it without a thought. As would any Magi because the very idea threatens their existence. Could you imagine, if anyone could become Fae then what need would we have for the Magi?” The High Queen said smirking.

  “But if anyone could become Fae it’d be utter carnage. Power like that shouldn’t be in just anyone’s hands.”

  “Now you sound like the Magi.” The High Queen said. “Perhaps my theory is nonsense, but I would like to know how Fae are created if only because I’m curious.”

  “Well I’d like to know too because then I could stop myself from being it.” I stated.

  “You would give up your power so easily?” The High Queen asked shocked.

  “I would.” I replied without hesitating for a second.

  “You are not at all how I imagined you to be.” She said frowning slightly like she didn’t understand me. “Ah Prince Fain come join us.”

  She stood up as I flinched looking around.

  Prince Fain looked momentarily like he’d been caught in some trap before he looked between the two of us. His face showing a micro-expression of something before it became that same perfect mask of cold.

  “I should be going.” I half whispered as I stood and clumsily curtseyed before going to leave.

  “I want to hold a ball in your honour.” The High Queen said. “Say you’ll come. It’ll be the finest ball of the year.”

  “As you wish.” I replied curtsying again and glancing at the Prince as I walked quickly away.

  I hadn’t seen him once since they’d proven what I was, that I was Fae.

  And yet all the anger, all the fury was still there.

  But worse, much worse, underneath all that emotion the image of him from my dream flashed through my mind and it was all I could do not to vomit right there on his god damn boots.

  “You’ve scared her away you beast.” The High Queen said as the she left.

  I kept my eyes on her, on the girl, as she sculked off with Indi and Nela close behind her.

  “Sit.” The High Queen said, patting the seat next to her.

  “What do you want Indyra?” I asked.

  “I’m still the High Queen, you could at least address me as that in front of the people.” The High Queen stated gesturing. Not that anyone was looking.

  “As you wish High Queen Indyra.” I said pointedly without smiling.

  “No wonder you scared her away. You’ve got no manners these days.”

  “No but I see the Fae girl has gotten some.” I replied.

  “How so?”

  “She curtseyed to you. That’s more than I got.” I stated.

  “Well what do you expect when you walk around with such a frown? Would it kill you to be nice every once in a while?” She asked.

  I rolled my eyes but said nothing.

  “I’m sure my husband will be very enamoured with his new toy.” She said quietly. “She seems just his type.”

  I watched her for a moment. Was that jealousy or spite?

  “Meaning what?” I asked.

  She smirked. “I wonder how long his current mistress will be warming his bed before he turfs her out for someone with a little more magic in her veins.” She said sipping her tea and watching me closely now for my reaction.

  “You really don’t learn do you?” I muttered.

  “Learn what?” She replied teasingly. “Perhaps it won’t be Uther, perhaps it’ll be your other brother who claims the prize.” She added.

  “What prize?” I snapped.

  She laughed. “Oh please, like you don’t know? I thought men could sniff it out, smell it like roses in the air.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I snapped.

  She let out another laugh. One far more mocking. “Yes, perhaps Rillon will be the one. It would make more sense. He’s far more the charmer than you and Uther are anyway.”