I watched her reflection with red cheeks as she cupped her sex and grabbed it and said, “Harness that pussy. Don’t let no man ever own you. You own him. You take what God gave you and you let that little dicked fucker think he’s in control, but you call the shots. Never forget it.” She nodded, encouraging me to follow her lead.

  I grabbed my crotch just as a man would grab his dick and I felt like I could rule the world all that day. I prissed around in the attic in that red lace chemise grabbing my pussy and my tits, getting to know my body, learning what I liked and didn’t like just as Jazz told me to. I really believed her. And maybe what she said worked for her, but I would never be free.

  Chapter 12

  Sara

  “SARA. WAKE UP!” HARLEY shakes my shoulder, rousing me from my sleep. I must’ve dozed off while I was reading. I don’t know why Gypsy’s diary is so appealing to me, but it is like it calls to me. Like she calls to me and wants me to know her story.

  I won’t let her memory be forgotten. I won’t let her suffering have been in vain. One day I will honor her memory. Hers and my aunt Sarah’s. I plan on living my life to the fullest, not only for them but for me. I will show everyone they were wrong to count me out.

  “What’s this?” Harley turns the diary over in her hands, trying to make out the faded cover.

  “Nothing,” I snap, snatching it from her grasp.

  “Okay. Geez. Calm down.”

  She takes a seat on the edge of her bed. “So, your dad is pretty intense. I thought my dad was tough but man. Your old man.” She lets out a low whistle.

  “He’s not that bad.” I fold my arms over my chest wondering if my dad is still upset with me.

  “You missed all the excitement anyway.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, my dad told me not to say anything, but your dad attacked grandpa Grim in the chapel. My dad had to get between them. He roughed him up good. And your mom, wow. She has a mouth on her. She really has your dad by the balls.” She giggles. “She literally grabbed your dad by the balls and threatened him, said if he ever touched Grim again she would cut them off. I mean, she has some big damn balls herself to challenge him like that in front of the club.”

  I would laugh if it weren’t my parents she was speaking of. Why do I feel like this is my fault? I really screwed up.

  I need to go apologize.

  “Do you know where my parents are?”

  “Your mom left with Grim and I don’t know where your dad went but he was pissed. Your mom is probably at Grim’s or the Roadhouse.”

  “I need to go find my dad. Do you think your dad would let me borrow a car? I have my license.”

  “My dad, no way.” My face falls. “It’s a good thing he isn’t here though.” Harley’s lips curl into a sneaky smirk. “It’s actually just us here. Everyone is over at the Roadhouse. There’s a party in Foxie’s memory. We aren’t allowed in, but we don’t have to go as ourselves.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, on nights like tonight, everyone will be partying. My dad never stays at them long and when he does, there are private, smaller parties. I happen to know a guy who can get us in, if we can alter our appearance.”

  “How? If my folks see us...I will be in really deep shit.”

  “Trust me. My parents are kinky. My mom has all these wigs and costumes in her closet. I think she wears them and they like role play or something.”

  “Harley! I didn’t need those details.” I scrunch up my nose but then say, “Really?”

  She snorts. “Yeah, this one time my brothers got into the wigs and I got into the costumes and stuff when we had a babysitter. Let’s just say when mom saw me parading around the living room waving her glass dildo around like a wand threatening to turn my brothers into toads with it we had a long awkward talk.”

  Covering my hand with my mouth I can’t stop laughing. “No way! What did she say to you?”

  “Some weird talk about adults and spicing things up.” She rolls her baby blues and laughs with me. “I got grounded by my dad, but mom bought me a new purse later that week.”

  “So, have you done this before?”

  “Snuck into the Roadhouse? Girl, please. I have been sneaking in since I was in seventh grade. I used to hide and watch but...” She turns her head, blushing.

  “You’ve got a biker, don’t you?”

  “No, but I do have a biker’s son who is allowed to attend the parties! Come on. We need to hurry!” Grabbing my hand, she pulls me down the hallway to her parent’s closet.

  Grim

  Pulling up at the funeral home, I don’t know what will happen. I knew Striker was in the chapel and I knew he’d would react the way he did. Guess I wanted to be punished for what I’ve done. I don’t feel good about it. I’ve killed a lot of people in my life. I have a lot to answer for. I know the devil will come for me one day. I thought maybe that day would be today.

  I get off my bike and slowly make my way inside. Striker put a hurtin’ on me. My face looks and feels like it’s been hit by a meat tenderizer. I’m an old bastard and can take it though. I’ve taken a lot of hits in my day.

  The funeral director is getting ready to close the casket and I don’t see Striker or Rebel, but I know that they are still here.

  I can’t bear to gaze upon Foxie in her casket knowing I put her there. Knowing she ruined my Goddamn life. Knowing that I ruined hers.

  “You can’t do it, can you.” My son-in-law stands behind me, pressing a gun to the back of my head.

  “If you’re planning on shooting me, get on with it and save me the bullshit.”

  “Death would be too good for you.” I hear the click of the safety and turn around.

  “Suppose it would. Killing me wouldn’t make ye feel any better no how. Besides, my daughter would never lay with ye again if you did.”

  “You’ve murdered both my parents. To think I used to look up to you.” He shakes his head and pulls his glasses off, cleaning them on his shirt.

  “Want me to say, I’m sorry for what I did? Not gonna happen. Slim knew what would come for him when he did the things that he did. I loved your father better than anyone. But you damn well knew as good as I did, it was him or me and well, fuck. I’m a selfish bastard. Your mother coulda took that shit to the grave. I gave her what she wanted. I ended her suffering.”

  “I know. Brian Hagen was here. Delivered letters. She left one for each of us. You, Rebel, Karly, me, and my sperm donor.”

  He reaches into his cut and pulls out the envelopes. “Here. Read it.” He squeezes my shoulder and walks out with Rebel following behind him.

  Fuck.

  “Why did you do this to us, Foxie Lady?” I look down at the woman I thought I knew but the tears I should be shedding won’t come.

  Chapter 13

  Karly

  I HAVE BEEN SITTING at the bar with Romeo for over thirty minutes in silence. I don’t think either of us knows what to say. It’s been so many years. We’ve left so much unsaid but at the same time I feel like I have said all I ever needed to, to this man. He was my first lover, but he is also the father of my husband and I am afraid of what he will do if he finds out I am even sitting next to him.

  “Do you think they are okay?” I break the ice.

  “Yeah, they’ll work their shit out.”

  I nod and glance around the room. A feeling of déjà vu sweeps over me. My world used to begin and end with this clubhouse, with this club. I never thought I would have a life outside of Drag Creek, but I do. It’s a good life. One I wouldn’t trade for anything but there are times when I miss the excitement, the danger, and the power.

  That is something I haven’t been able to admit for some time, but my kids are almost grown, and my father is getting older. I know I said I would never come back but Foxie dying has put things into perspective. Things have changed.

  I wonder if my husband wants to come back. If he wants to reclaim his place next to his brother and our son.

  Now I have my chance to ask him. He just walked in.

  Nash finds me immediately but when he sees who sits at the bar next to me he does something I am not expecting; he smiles. What’s wrong with him? A pissed off husband I can deal with but the grin he is wearing terrifies me. I don’t see any blood, so I take it as a good sign he hasn’t killed my father, at least not yet anyway. I know he harbors ill feelings from Slim’s death and I don’t begrudge him for them, but it puts me in an awkward position.

  Making his way across the room, he is so damn sexy and scary as hell. I feel transported in time seeing him in his old cut from the days of our youth.

  I’ll never forget those days they shaped us into who we are today.

  “We okay?” He questions.

  I nod and pull him into me for a hug. I need his arms around me. Today has been hard for us all.

  “Romeo, I should have known I’d find you sniffing around my wife. This is for you.” He reaches into his cut and at first, I am afraid he is going to pull out a gun, but it is only an envelope.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s from my mother. She left one for you too,” he tells me and hands me one with my birthname written in her penmanship.

  “Read it,” he demands.

  “Okay.” I nod and give him a faint smile.

  Baby,

  If you are reading this, well then, I met my end. If I know your father at all he will tell you what I have done. I am sure you hate me for my actions. I know I do. I probably hate myself enough for us all, but you must know that I did love you. I thought of you as my own child. The daughter I always wanted, but never had.

  You were the closest thing to your father’s heart that I ever had, and I never wanted to hurt you. Any of you. I was stupid and impulsive. I was irate and there is no excuse for what I stole from you, but I tried my best to give you the love your mother never would. Please take care of Thomas. He loves you. He loves you and your children so much. He’d do anything for you, but I beg of you don’t bring him back home. I fear that he will die if you do. He has too much of Slim’s influence instilled in him. He was his father and he always wanted to do him proud.

  You did good with Colt/Cole. My grandson is one fine young man. I hope you know that any mother would be proud to call you her daughter.

  All my love,

  Foxie

  I look up at my husband with tear stained eyes, uncertain of what to do.

  I was on the verge of asking him to make this our home again until he gave me this letter.

  Romeo is at a table alone reading his letter. I don’t know what Foxie’s final words to him are, but I can tell they are affecting the man greatly.

  “Maybe you should uh...um...maybe you could...”

  “Spit it out, Karly.”

  I nudge him in the ribs with my elbow and nod to Romeo.

  “Nope. Not happening but I tell you what. Why don’t you ask him to dance?”

  “What? Why would you say that to me?” I shake my head.

  “Because you care about him and he’s hurting. Go on. I promise, it’s okay. I know you love me. He doesn’t stand a chance in hell of stealing you away. You’re mine. Always. Now go make an old man happy. Just not too happy.” He gives me a gentle push, but I nearly trip over my feet. Why is he doing this to me? What in the hell did his mother write to him? I don’t have any right to pry, but now I really want to know.

  “Wait.” He grabs my hand and pulls me into his chest. I tip my head up and look at him, wondering if this is some sort of test. However, his mouth comes down on mine with the tenderest of kisses. “I love you.”

  “I love you,” I whisper. “But, honey. I don’t need to dance with him.”

  “No, but he needs a friend and if it has to be you...if our daughter wants to know him...I gotta try to accept him into our lives one way or another.”

  Spinning around, I ask him, “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying welcome home, Karly. Welcome home, Baby.”

  “You don’t mean...”

  “Yeah. I do. It’s time and as much as I hate him for it, he’s my father. And despite everything you will always care about that man. Now, I’m not saying I want you alone with him but, I am saying—fuck. I don’t know what I’m doing, but go dance with the man. He needs someone and right now it has to be you.”

  “Nash, I really don’t think that this is a good idea.”

  “Just do it.”

  When I don’t budge, he drags me to where Romeo is sitting all alone nursing a beer.

  Nash pulls out a chair and orders me to sit, practically shoving me down into the chair. When he is satisfied he pulls up another seat.

  “We need to get some shit straight, old man. I don’t know what it is about you that makes all the women in my life care about you so Goddamned much but here we are. My daughter wants to know her grandfather. My wife cares about your sorry ass. Now don’t go getting any ideas, you dirty old fucker.”

  Romeo stays quiet. I think the man is speechless. The tension at the table is so thick I don’t know what else to do so I close my eyes and take a deep breath as Nash squeezes the top of my thigh. “Romeo, will you dance with me?”

  His head snaps up, his eyes darting around the table.

  “It’s okay. I understand, man.” Nash nods at him and Romeo holds out his hand.

  Romeo wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me close.

  “Have I died and gone to heaven, because I never thought I’d ever have ye in my arms again,” he says, his voice gruff.

  “I’m glad to see you haven’t changed,” I reply with a genuine smile. “Are you doing okay?”

  “I manage. Can’t complain. Well, I could but you don’t want to hear an old man’s regrets.”

  “Romeo...”

  “Yeah, sweetheart, I know. Let’s not ruin this with talk. Just let this old bastard enjoy the feel of your body one last time.”

  “You really are terrible, you know that, don’t you?”

  “Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” His eyes crinkle in the corners as he leans forward and brushes his lips over my hair. It’s as close as his lips will ever get.

  Dancing with him is bittersweet. I wouldn’t go back and change a thing, but my heart does hurt knowing he isn’t over me.

  Sara

  The Roadhouse is exactly how I imagined it to be. Motorcycles are lined up along the front as we drive around the back.

  Harley is like a damn wizard with makeup. The only thing that could give me away is my eyes. I’m wearing a blonde wig and heavy eye makeup. Even my clothes are badass too. I have on a leather vest that halters around my neck that pushes my boobs together and gives me awesome cleavage. The denim miniskirt I am wearing is a bit short, but I think it’s because of the heel on the boots I am wearing.

  The guy Harley is crushing on is cute. Too bad for me but she said he has friends.

  I can’t wait to see what the Roadhouse is like.

  Kyler, Harley’s crush, said it would be better if we go in through the back, so we can slip in and fit in with the crowd. He said if we went through the front we are more likely to attract attention. Attention that we don’t need.

  Harley smiles at me with her black stained lips. She went for a goth look and is rocking it with her little black dress and combat boots.

  Kyler parks the truck and gets out to come around to help us jump out. His truck has been lifted and I need a damn step ladder to climb in and out of it.

  I brace my hands on his shoulders as he grabs me around my waist and sets me down, doing the same for Harley. He’s wearing a prospect cut. Harley says he is trying to earn his patch and one day she will be his top bitch.

  Harley takes my hand in her own and Kyler’s with her other. The three of us walk through the back door. When it closes behind me the smell of smoke fills the air and music is blaring so loud I can feel it vibrating through my teeth.

  “Isn’t this great,” Harley whispers to me as we walk down the hallway.

  I squeeze her hand and let go, stepping out into the bar area.

  I’m overwhelmed as I take in the scene around me. Beer and liquor is flowing, and hands are wandering to asses and crotches. If I didn’t know these men I would think my life is in danger. They are rough and mean, but sexy as hell. No wonder my mom was so wild as a teenager. I almost feel like I got the shit end of the deal in this whole new identity thing. Well, my parents were already in the witness protection program when I was born, but damn Harley gets to come to these parties all the time and I am lucky to leave the house. My dad can be strict. He wants me to focus on getting an education. Says I will have time to party when I go to college.

  Harley winks at me and goes up a set of stairs leaving me on my own.

  That wasn’t the plan. She promised she would stay by my side.

  Now I am alone and don’t know what in the hell to do.

  I guess I could follow them, but I get the idea they want to be alone. So much for Kyler having a friend for me.

  An elbow slams into my chest and some sleazy woman says, “watch it,” as she steps out from behind the bar with a tray of drinks.

  I move to the side, hoping I am out of the way. I close my eyes again and when I open them I can’t believe what I am witnessing. My mom is dancing with Romeo. The man she had an affair with. The man my father has forbidden me from speaking to. Panicking, I glance around the room for my dad. If he sees this he will kill them.

  I start to go out to the dance floor to intervene but that would blow my cover. I don’t know what to do, but then I see my dad sitting at a table talking and laughing with one of the club members. What in the hell is going on here?

  Before I can step forward a firm hand grips my elbow. “You look ridiculous.” My brother.