I wasn’t surprised by his comment, or the endearment. Damian had a habit of mocking himself sometimes, and I’d almost gotten used to him throwing out outrageous compliments to me.

  I inhaled deeply as he stepped right in front of me, and I wallowed in his scent. “Are you such a bad man, then?” I asked as I looked up at him.

  Damian was a complicated guy, but I wanted to understand him.

  “When it comes to you, I think that answer would probably be yes. You’re way too good for a man like me, Nicole, but I can’t stop chasing you.”

  I inhaled sharply as his hands landed on my shoulders.

  One simple touch from this man was all it took to unnerve me.

  He’d made it a point to have his hands on me at every opportunity, calling it practice for the big event.

  Every female hormone in my body rose up and demanded satisfaction the second he got close enough to touch. Or smell. Or taste.

  Get a grip, Nicole. If you’re going to meet him as an equal, and eventually offer yourself up for a crazy affair, you can’t run away from the way he makes you feel.

  I lifted my chin and held his gaze. “I’m not a child, Damian. I don’t think I need protection.”

  He wrapped a powerful arm around my waist. “Famous last words, sweetheart. You’d be better off to run, but that wouldn’t work. I’d probably catch you.”

  I followed my instincts and let my arms creep around his neck.

  God, he smelled good.

  He felt good.

  I let my fingers play in the short, coarse locks at the back of his head, delighted when I found that his hair had some wayward curl at the very ends. No doubt Damian powered them down ruthlessly to achieve his well-put-together appearance. But that tiny human irregularity made him seem a little more approachable.

  “What if I don’t really want to run away?” I asked breathlessly.

  He smoothed his thumb over my lips. “Then I’d say you’re in serious danger of being thoroughly kissed, and then seduced,” he replied coarsely.

  Memories of that damn kiss shot through my mind like a runaway train.

  The heat.

  The desire.

  The loss of any semblance of control.

  Drowning in a passion so intense that all I could think about was finding a way to get closer to him.

  As my body trembled with need, I had to wonder what it would feel like to experience that damn kiss completely sober.

  Would it be the same, or would all of those sensations lose their potency if there was no alcohol to intensify their strength?

  When he put his hands on my jean-clad hips and jerked me forward until I could feel the hard length of him, I knew I needed answers to my questions.

  I had to know what it would be like to kiss him when I wasn’t drunk.

  “Then I guess you’ll have to kiss me,” I murmured softly.

  “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been not to kiss you, Nicole? Tonight? At your office? When we were alone on Monday? It’s like fucking torture to touch you and not pull you into my arms and kiss you senseless.” His voice sounded tormented.

  “It’s been hard for me, too.” The confession tumbled out of me without a second thought, and Damian’s mouth slowly descended until I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips.

  “Not nearly as hard as it’s been for me,” he groaned, right before his mouth crushed over mine.

  Then, I couldn’t say another word, even if I wanted to speak.

  All I could do was feel.

  The longing was much sharper this time, and it was instantaneous, starting from the second his lips touched mine. I tightened my arms around his neck and let the raw hunger throbbing through my body try to find satisfaction by just surrendering to the fierce embrace.

  He tightened his grip on my body, one arm tightly around my waist, and the other behind my head.

  I moaned against his mouth as he devoured mine.

  If anything, this kiss was more intense than the one before it.

  Hotter.

  More sensual.

  More overwhelming.

  “Damian,” I whispered when he finally pulled back to nibble on my bottom lip.

  I needed more.

  So much more.

  The liquid heat flooding between my thighs scorched me, and every part of me was taut with an unsatisfied craving that was pulling me apart, piece by piece.

  “Relax, sweetheart,” he crooned beside my ear right before his mouth skimmed over the tender skin of my neck.

  Relax? Oh, hell, no. That wasn’t going to happen.

  I moaned as his heated breath wafted over my ear, leaving me shaking with desperation.

  I melted.

  I sighed.

  I moved into every single touch.

  Maybe I was terrified by the unchecked passion flowing between the two of us, but not enough to make me want to stop it.

  I couldn’t bear to make this kind of pleasure come to an end too soon.

  I could feel Damian’s chest heaving as his forehead rested on mine. “Bloody hell, Nicole!” he rasped. “I can’t do this without wanting to get you naked.”

  I panted for a second before I answered. “I guess I’m finding out that I can’t, either.”

  My heart was racing, and my body was forcefully protesting the fact that Damian had mellowed his sensual assault.

  As my rational mind started to function, I realized that I had my hands fisted in his hair; I’d been holding on for dear life.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled as I relaxed my hands. “Did that hurt?”

  “Oh, fuck, no,” he said huskily. “You could yank every hair from my head, and I wouldn’t complain as long as I could touch you. The way your body responds to me is hotter than hell, Nicole. I can’t kiss you without wanting to fuck you. It’s just not possible.”

  “I lose control when you kiss me,” I said, my voice slightly wary now that I was more coherent.

  This damn kiss had been even more powerful than the one on the plane.

  So yeah, I had my answers.

  The alcohol hadn’t done a damn thing to strengthen my desire.

  Every sensation, every emotion, every single thing I’d felt had been…real.

  He plastered our bodies together like he couldn’t bear to let me go. “I want you to lose control, Nicole. I want you to trust that I’ll be there to take care of you when you come apart.”

  I buried my face in his shoulder as my body quaked with unsatisfied desire. “I need—”

  He interrupted. “I know what you need, Nicole. Let me give it to you.”

  I shook my head in confusion. “I’m not sure that I can.”

  Every cell in my body craved Damian Lancaster, but my brain couldn’t forget that sex was nothing to him. He’d told me he was capable of getting up, getting dressed, and leaving behind a woman he’d just fucked.

  I wasn’t sure I could deal with that kind of reaction from him. I felt too damn exposed with Damian.

  I didn’t expect him to promise me everything, or even give me some kind of commitment, but I did need to trust him.

  How would I feel if he wasn’t as shaken as I would be after a night of intense physical pleasure in his bed?

  Damian pulled back and kissed my forehead. “You’re thinking too much, Nicole. Tell me what’s in that beautiful head of yours.”

  I want you.

  I need you.

  And it’s scaring the hell out of me.

  “I-I—don’t have casual affairs, Damian. And I have a job to do.”

  He put his hands on my shoulders, and pinned me with a dark, brooding stare. “You want this, Nicole. Do you think I can’t feel that? Your body craves this. Just like I do.”

  I met his gaze firmly. I wasn’t going to tiptoe around the attraction between us anymore. “I do. I have no doubt that the sex would be earth-shattering. Maybe I just don’t entirely trust that you’ll be there with me after that happens.”

  My heart ached when I saw the disappointment in his eyes, and I instantly knew he wasn’t just feeling defeated over the fact that we weren’t going to rock each other’s world tonight.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  He shook his head. “No. I’ve given you a reason to feel that way. Don’t be sorry. The timing is just so fucked up. But I’ll make it right. Maybe I am a tosser sometimes, but I’m not quite the man you think I am, Nicole. We have time. We’ll figure this out. This kind of attraction is new for me, too, you know.”

  I nearly caved in when I saw the turbulence in his gaze, the uncertainty that he couldn’t quite hide.

  Should I tell him that I wanted to trust him, that maybe we could go slow and explore the madness of this undeniable chemistry together?

  Unfortunately, I never got that chance.

  Damian slowly released me with a throaty growl. “I’ll wait until you trust me. You deserve that.” He took my hand. “Walk me to the door and kick me out of here, woman, before I change my mind,” he demanded.

  I went with him, and he gave me a brief kiss on the forehead before he left.

  When he was gone, I closed the door and sagged against it, feeling relieved and disappointed at the same time.

  I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe slowly, trying to calm my body and mind.

  Eventually, I was going to give in to Damian Lancaster. He did something every single day that brought me closer to trusting him.

  I very much doubted that he knew what tonight’s early departure had said about him, and what those actions had proven to me just now.

  He had to have known that it wouldn’t have taken much to get me to fall into bed with him. God, I’d nearly been there when he’d let me go.

  Yet, he’d still wanted to gain my trust more than he wanted to fuck me into oblivion. He could have pushed me over the edge. Instead, he’d backed off because I didn’t completely trust him.

  “Oh, Damian,” I said in an awed whisper as I hefted myself off the door and walked toward the kitchen. “You really don’t have any idea how sweet you can be.”

  CHAPTER 17

  Damian

  “NO, MUM, I can’t tell her the truth right now,” I said as I talked to my mother on the phone the next morning.

  I’d explained Nicole’s entire plan for improving my reputation with the people of England.

  She’d been entirely on board except for the part about not telling Nicole that Dylan had been the source of the scandal, not me.

  “It’s not right, Damian. She should know the whole truth if she’s trying this hard to help you. She doesn’t know you have brothers?” my mother questioned.

  I let out an exasperated breath as I fastened my favorite Patek Philippe watch onto my wrist. I couldn’t say I was a collector of wristwatches, but I had a lot of them since I lived my life within a very tight schedule of obligations. “She knows about Leo,” I said in a clipped tone. “She doesn’t know I have a twin. Obviously, the enormous check I wrote to make Dylan’s existence disappear from the internet was well spent. Nicole has never said a word about him, and I sure as hell didn’t mention him.”

  “Your loyalty to your brother is going to get you into trouble,” she warned stiffly. “And how am I going to explain the family pictures?”

  “Take them down?” I suggested. I’d already made damn sure that any evidence of his existence was eliminated from my home in London.

  “I don’t understand why you can’t just tell her the truth,” she said firmly. “Certainly, someone will mention him here. You can’t erase his past entirely. He had a life here, Damian.”

  “I don’t want to erase his whole damn life,” I grumbled. “And nobody mentions Dylan to me. Ever. I think since most people have no idea where he is or what he’s doing, they assume he still can’t cope with his grief. So nobody says a word about him to me. They probably consider his absence a sensitive subject, which is just fine with me.”

  “You’ll still be taking a risk,” she warned me.

  “It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” I answered. “I can steer Nicole around the people who might be bold enough to ask, and introduce her to the ones who won’t. She’s not officially working for me, Mum, so she hasn’t signed any kind of nondisclosure.”

  Her voice was softer as she asked, “Do you really think you need it, Damian?”

  “I can’t risk it,” I replied. “This isn’t just about me—”

  “I know, I know,” she interrupted. “You gave Dylan your promise. I just keep wondering when you’re going to see that your brother has used that promise to manipulate you, Damian.”

  “Do you really think I don’t know that?” I asked. “He’s taken advantage of the fact that I gave him my word, but I still can’t throw him to the damn wolves. Dylan is my twin. If our positions were reversed, he’d have my damn back. I know he would.”

  Mum sighed. “He probably would. And I’d be telling him the same things I’m telling you right now.”

  “Dylan seems like he’s starting to come around, Mum. He’s stayed put in Beverly Hills, and out of trouble.” I’d talked to Dylan every day, and I was starting to sense some remorse. “If I level with Nicole, I’m almost certain she’d insist that I put the blame where it belongs. She’s a straight shooter. I think she’d back out of the whole plan, and want to clear my name.”

  “Then she’s a sensible woman,” my mother replied.

  I smiled as I moved to the kitchen to drink the tea I’d brewed earlier. “Very. You’ll like her.”

  “I have a feeling you already like her,” Mum guessed.

  “Guilty,” I confessed readily. “She’s probably one of the most remarkable women I’ve ever met.”

  I wasn’t even going to pretend that I didn’t care about Nicole. Mum would spot that lie before it ever came out of my mouth.

  “Why do I get the feeling that bringing her here isn’t all about recovering your reputation?” she asked suspiciously.

  I grinned as I picked up my cup of tea. “She’s beautiful. Outspoken. Brilliant and educated. Can you blame me if I want to spend some time with her?”

  “It’s not normal for you, Damian. When have you ever cared about anything except your family and Lancaster International? I think you really care about this woman.”

  How did a son tell his mother that he wanted to shag a woman so badly that he felt like his balls were going to fall off if he didn’t?

  I had no idea how to explain that to the woman who had lovingly raised me, so I replied, “I already admitted that I like her.”

  “And does she feel the same way?” Mum asked.

  I leaned a hip on the kitchen counter. “I hope so.”

  I heard my mother expel a deep breath. “So maybe she’ll forgive you when she finds just how much you’ve hidden from her.”

  “I’m hoping she’ll never find out,” I explained. “She’ll have to return home to the States when this is over, and I’m hoping Dylan will shape up and come back to London after that, so there won’t be any need for Nicole’s agency to put out any major fires again. Ashworth Crisis Management can just do regular brand improvement for us in the future.”

  “And what happens to your relationship with Nicole?” she asked softly.

  “We stay friends, I hope.” Even as I said those words, my whole being protested, but I tried to shove those feelings aside.

  “And you’ll be okay with that?”

  I raked a hand through my hair in frustration. “Do I have a choice?”

  At the moment, I felt like my back was against the wall. I wanted Nicole, but if I told her the truth now, she was inevitably going to hate me for lying to her about Dylan.

  Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I was more afraid of Nicole’s reaction, or the fact that we had absolutely no nondisclosure signed to keep her from outing Dylan.

  Bloody hell! Maybe I’d always tried to never tell her a direct lie, but wasn’t all the shit that I didn’t tell her just as bad?

  I wanted the woman’s trust more than I’d wanted anything for a very long time, yet I didn’t deserve it.

  How fucked up was that?

  The line was silent for a moment before Mum finally answered. “You do have a choice, Damian. If you could put your damn duty and obligations to your brother and Lancaster International aside long enough to see your options. Don’t sacrifice your entire life for your brother, Damian. In his right mind, you know he wouldn’t want that, and the choice to come back into the family has to be his, not yours. I’ve talked to him on the phone. I think you could be right. He might be coming around, finally. He apologized for putting me into this media storm. I think you may have gotten through to him when you tossed him into the swimming pool, and forced his hand. I’m proud of you because you’re finally putting your foot down. But that has to come with letting him take responsibility for his own mistakes, too.”

  I rubbed a hand over the muscles in my neck in an effort to stop my damn head from hurting. “I don’t know if he’s ready for that yet.”

  I might be disgusted with Dylan, but my desire to protect him was still way too strong. What if he just needed a little more time…

  “You’re never going to know that until you let go,” Mum said sternly. “You’re a good brother and a good son, Damian. You always have been. You’ve always been driven by your sense of responsibility to everything and everyone—except yourself. If you like this woman, give her a chance to get to know the real you. Don’t screw this up by making her believe Dylan’s actions are yours. How can she ever trust you?”

  “Don’t you think I’ve asked myself that a million times?” I rasped. “It’s not like I want her to think that I don’t take anything seriously. But Dylan is my brother, my twin, and until a couple of years ago, my best mate. I can’t just turn my back on him.”

  “Of course not. We’ll be there for him, Damian. All of us will support him. But is it so wrong for me to want my eldest son to find his own happiness, too?”

  I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t all that sure what happiness looked like anymore, and probably hadn’t experienced it since my father had died.