Fucking awesome.

  So, I close my eyes, spin in a circle, fall on my ass, pick myself up, and point.

  “That way,” I mutter. “I’m going that way.”

  I must have been under that Z pile for a while, because I don’t even see traces of footprints in the snow. Sure, the shit is coming down hard as ever, but there’s no way footprints can fill up that fast. Can they? Again, my ignorance of Midwest weather is a bummer.

  I walk like fifty miles before I hear a sound that isn’t the howling of freezing ass cold wind. Okay, I probably walk maybe ten miles. Five. Two? One mile. I at least stumble along the road for one mile. You gotta give me one, man.

  I look around, trying to figure out what the noise is, when I see two dots of light directly behind me. Headlights! Yes! Or no? Shit, I have no idea if those are good headlights or bad headlights. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I stumble to the side of the road and into snow up to my chest as I fall into the drainage ditch. I duck down and wait as the vehicle gets closer and closer.

  Then it starts to go by, and I realize I have panicked for the wrong reason. It’s a bus! It’s the bus! And, irony not lost on me, it’s a short bus. Of course it is.

  I wave my hand and start yelling for it to stop, but it just rolls on by with Stuart at the wheel. I see Elsbeth’s face, Critter’s, Rafe’s, all pressed to the foggy glass windows, their eyes searching through the storm. But they don’t see me. Why would they? I’m buried in snow, down in a ditch, and the storm is not helping. Again with the fuck, fuck, fuck!

  “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!” I scream at the top of my lungs.

  Brake lights come on, and the bus skids to a stop.

  No way.

  The side door opens and Elsbeth jumps out, her blades at the ready. She spins about, her eyes scanning the scene.

  “EL!” I scream. “EL! OVER HERE!”

  I wave the crowbar over my head, and that catches her attention. She sprints to me, then falls into the same ditch I’m stuck in.

  “Hey, Long Pork,” she smiles. “We lost you.”

  “And now you’ve found me. Thanks for that,” I say. “Any chance you can help me get out of this shit? My scrotum is frozen to the insides of my thighs. It’s not feeling so great.”

  “That is too much information, Long Pork,” Elsbeth says, and uses her vastly superior physical skills to get us both out of the ditch. “I know all about too much information. Telling people about your frozen scrotum is too much information. Don’t say it again.”

  “Words to live by,” I smile, then look at the bus. “Short bus, huh?”

  Elsbeth shrugs. “Critter thinks it’s perfect for us.”

  “So do I, El,” I smile as she helps me to the bus. “So do I.”

  Chapter Ten

  I don’t think Lourdes is as happy as I am with the hugging.

  “You stink, Jace,” she says as she shoves me away.

  “Jace!”

  “Dad!”

  I run from the short bus and into the arms of my wife and son. Now,they are all about the hugging!

  “Where’s Greta?” Stella asks as she pushes me away and looks towards the bus. “Jace? Where is Greta?”

  “We’re going to go back for her,” I say. “Don’t worry.”

  “Don’t worry?” she snaps. “Are you fucking joking? I’m fucking terrified! Why isn’t she with you?”

  “Too many shotguns,” Elsbeth says as she comes up behind us. “Those guys like shotguns. Lots of shotguns.”

  “She ain’t kiddin’ there,” Critter agrees. “Them’s boys do like their shotguns.”

  “And their antiquated ideas of gender roles,” I say. “Men get shotguns, women get chores. And total subjugation, apparently.” I see the horror on my wife’s face and wince. “Shit. That probably wasn’t what you wanted to hear.”

  “Jace, you have to go get our daughter!” Stella yells.

  “We’re already on it,” Lourdes says as she cinches a pack on her back and slings her M4 over her shoulder. “I have six men ready. If anyone wants to join, I won’t argue.”

  “Six? Just six?” Stella barks. “That’s not enough!”

  “With my men, that’s plenty,” Lourdes says, and looks at the RVs that are circled together in a rest area parking lot. The snow is still coming down hard, but it looks like she’s made sure the asphalt is cleared and there’s sand and salt spread everywhere. “I can’t risk taking more. Not if we have to deal with another herd.”

  “They aren’t stopping,” Stuart says to Stella. “I don’t know why, but the Zs just keep coming. We’ll go get Greta, but the rest of you have to be ready to move.” He nods at the RVs. “Even with the vehicles, you can still get overwhelmed.”

  “We won’t be long,” I say. “We put a plan together on the way here. We’ll get in and out before they even know what’s hit them.”

  “Well, that ain’t true,” Critter grins. “They’re gonna know exactly what hit them. They just won’t know we’re the reason. I love this plan.”

  “Jace? What do you mean we? You’re going too?” Stella asks.

  “Yeah, I need to,” I say. “I think I know where Greta is being held, if she isn’t in the Tomb.”

  “The Tomb?” Stella cries.

  “It’s just a mine,” I say. “But I have to go so we can get to her right away. There isn’t much margin for mistakes with this plan.”

  “Yet you always find those mistakes, Dad,” Charlie says. “I better come with.”

  “You aren’t going anywhere!” Stella snaps, and jams a finger into Charlie’s chest. He winces and backs away quickly.

  “Ow, Mom, knock it off,” he complains.

  “He re-injured his chest wound when we crashed,” Stella says. She looks me up and down. “What about you?”

  “Oh, you know me,” I grin. “Not a scratch.”

  “His leg is fucked, and he can’t keep his thoughts in his head,” Rafe says.

  “My leg is not fucked,” I argue. “But the second part is true. The filter is pretty much gone. Adios. Kaput. Sayonara. Ta ta. See ya later, alligator. Hasta la vista—.”

  “We get the idea,” Stella says. She looks me in the eye, and then nods. “Fine, but I’m coming with.”

  “No, you are not,” Lourdes says. “I need you here in charge. You’re the best for the job. Coordinate with the Fitzpatricks, John, and Reaper. Have everyone prepped and ready to run as soon as we get back or if a Z herd comes. I’m counting on you, Stella.”

  Stella opens her mouth to protest, then there’s noise from over by the RVs. It looks like one of the cannies is in a shouting match with one of the Fitzpatrick brothers. Stella sighs, and shakes her head.

  “Okay, I’ll stay,” she says. “But you keep my husband safe, Lourdes. I’m counting on you for that.”

  “I think you have the easier job,” Lourdes says despite the shouting match escalating so that now Melissa and Mr. Flips are involved. I’m not sure if they are trying to break it up, or if they’re taking sides. “See?”

  “Go,” Stella says to me. “Bring my baby girl back.”

  “Will do, love of my life,” I smile. “That’s a promise.”

  “Hey, Stella?” Elsbeth says as we all turn and head for the short bus.

  “Yeah, El?” Stella replies.

  “Keep everyone close,” Elsbeth says. “Don’t let them wander around. They need to stay close. Wanderers may go missing. Just sayin’.”

  Stella looks at me, and I shrug.

  “Not a fucking clue,” I say.

  “Something we should know?” Lourdes asks Elsbeth.

  “I just said what you need to know,” Elsbeth sighs. “Weren’t you listening? Why don’t people listen to me?” She turns and steps onto the bus, still talking. “I have things to say, and no one listens. Then they get mad when I don’t have things to say. They should listen when I do, not ask when I don’t. Stupid people. Dumb, stupid people. Cannies listen better.”

  “So, El’s all fired up,” I say. I grab my wife and son one more time for a quick hug, then turn and follow Elsbeth onto the bus. “Fare thee well, family! I shall return triumphant and with our lost daughter! Count on me!”

  Stella shakes her head and points a finger at Lourdes. “Not a scratch.”

  “How about I agree to bring him back with all limbs?” Lourdes asks.

  “That’ll do,” Stella says.

  “Yeah, good luck with that,” Charlie says, following Lourdes onto the bus.

  “Hey, get the fuck off,” I snap. “You’re staying here and helping your mother.”

  “Oh, come on,” Charlie whines.

  I tap him on the chest just like Stella did. He winces, and folds his arms across his chest.

  “Charlie!” Stella yells. “Stop fucking around, and get over here!”

  The shouts from the Fitzpatricks and the cannies get worse, and Stella turns on her heels, all her anger and frustration aimed at them.

  “HEY!” she yells. “KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF NOW, ALL OF YOU!”

  “Don’t let her kill anyone,” I say to Charlie as Stuart starts up the bus. “She’s in that kind of mood.”

  “Will do,” Charlie says as the bus door closes.

  I give a quick wave, then grab a seat. Right next to Critter.

  “Wait, why aren’t you staying?” I ask. “You’re the official leader here.”

  “And miss this fight?” Critter laughs. “I can’t wait to see what happens to that Kelvin asshole. Runnin’ a God con on everyone. I ain’t exactly religious, but that just pisses me off.”

  “It’s not fake,” I say. “The guy actually believes he’s chosen by God. I’m not saying he isn’t crooked and corrupt and playing everyone, but he does believe what he says.”

  “Then kill him if you get a chance,” Lourdes says. “I know the type. He’ll sacrifice everyone around him and then himself just to win. If he truly believes, he’ll think his glory is in death, not life.”

  “Maybe,” I say. “I’m pretty sure he likes life.” I glance at Elsbeth who is sitting at the back of the bus, pissed and muttering to herself. “Plus, the guy seems to know a lot about the Consortium and Elsbeth’s ninja sisters. There’s more going on than just his cultish ways.”

  “What?” Lourdes asks. “How would some guy out in the middle of nowhere know about all of that?”

  “He’s ex-CIA,” I say. “Or something like that.”

  “That makes no sense,” Lourdes says. “What are the odds of us running into a company man?”

  “What are the odds of any of this shit?” Critter laughs. “Lady, if you haven’t noticed already, odds went out the window when the dead started standin’ up and chowin’ down. If you think there’s such a thing as coincidence in this world anymore, then you ain’t payin’ attention.”

  “As much as I want to wrap a logic blanket around this,” I say, “Critter’s got a point. Half the time I think it’s all out of our hands.” I look down at Stumpageddon. “Or hand, in my case.”

  “You sure this is how you want to do this?” Stuart asks, looking at us in the rearview mirror.

  “Only way in to that compound where they won’t notice us,” I say. “It sucks balls, but it’s a sound plan.”

  “And we have flashlights now.” Rafe grins, then looks at Lourdes. “Right? We have flashlights?”

  “Plenty,” Lourdes says. “And better.”

  “Then this’ll be a breeze,” Rafe smiles.

  “Who is this kid again?” Lourdes asks me.

  “A giant pain in my ass,” I say. “But he knows how to fight. And I think he’s as eager to get Greta back as I am.” I shudder. “Not that I’m thrilled about that, but I’ll deal with it when this shit is all over.”

  “It ain’t ever gonna be over,” Critter chuckles. “Ain’t no one listenin’?”

  “They never listen!” Elsbeth shouts from the back. “Assholes.”

  ***

  So, guess where we are? Come on, guess. GUESS!

  “Dude, who are you yelling at?” Rafe cries, his hands covering his ears as we step off the short bus.

  “Sorry. That was supposed to be my inside voice,” I apologize.

  “You failed on that one,” Rafe says.

  “Has he been this bad the whole time?” Lourdes asks.

  “Yes,” everyone answers. Well, everyone that’s been with me the past couple of days.

  “Should we gag him?” Lourdes asks. “We can’t have him alerting the enemy to our presence.”

  “I don’t need a gag,” I say before Critter can answer. He’d love for me to be gagged. “I can stay quiet. I promise.”

  “But can you keep up?” Stuart asks as he racks the slide on his M4, slings it, then racks the slide on his 9mm, and holsters that on his hip. “You’re favoring that leg a lot.”

  “That’s because it hurts like a mother fuck,” I say. “But it won’t slow me down. Or slow any of you down. My daughter is in there. I plan on being the first friendly face she sees.”

  “Second,” Elsbeth says. “My fault she got taken.”

  “How do you figure that?” I ask. “I’m her father.”

  “And I left the group because of…” She trails off, then kicks the snow with her left foot. “I shouldn’t have left. The shotgun guys wouldn’t have lived to take you. Any of you.”

  “Well, time to make up for that,” Critter says as he pumps a round into his own shotgun. “Let’s show these God fearin’ idiots who they need to really fear.”

  “That’s a good one, Crit,” I say. “Wish I’d thought of that.”

  “Well, ya didn’t, so shut up,” Critter says as we trudge through the knee deep snow to the mouth of the pit’s back entrance.

  Dammit! I wanted you all to guess where we are, and there I go spoiling it.

  Yeah, we’re back at the pit. It’s the only way in that isn’t guarded. Well, not guarded the same way the compound is at the front of the mine. The pit’s guarded, but only to prevent an escape, not to prevent an assault. And we be bringin’ the assault, motherfuckers!

  I can tell by the glares that that last part was out loud.

  “I don’t need a gag,” I mutter as we switch on headlamps and flashlights and walk into the darkness of the pit’s back tunnel.

  He he, back tunnel. We are totally going into the pit’s asshole.

  Wait ... that’s not funny. That means I’m going in an asshole. Dammit! That metaphor totally backfired. Sigh.

  ***

  Once we are in the pit proper, Lourdes’s men fan out, the flashlights on the barrels of their carbines and rifles going dark. Why do they go dark? Because Lourdes had a nice surprise for all of us when we told her what we are up against.

  I feel a hand fumble at the side of my face, and suddenly the pit is illuminated by a greenish glow. Yay for night vision goggles! I knew that woman had some toys tucked away somewhere, I’m glad she trusts us enough to bring them out so we can all play.

  The pit is completely different when you aren’t fumbling about blind. I can see the various rock formations and boulders that dot the area. Rocks of various sizes are everywhere, and I quickly see just how lucky we were to even get out without tripping and breaking our necks. Gotta thank Elsbeth for that one.

  Slowly, making sure we don’t make too much noise, we work our way across the pit. Zs come at us, their hands outstretched like bad Frankenstein’s Monster imitators, but we take them down with ease. Some rifle butts to the temples, axes through skulls, and my trusty crowbar caving in more than a couple of heads.

  Why do I have a crowbar and not a gun? That’s a fine question. For some reason, no one wanted me to have a gun. No pistol, no rifle, not even a sawed off shotgun. Something about my unstable mental state. Now, I am all about caution, but I don’t see a connection with my verbal foibles and an inability to handle a firearm. I am a firearm handling motherfucker. I have to be one of the better shots in the convoy. And that’s with my left hand!

  Fuckers.

  But, hey, I have a crowbar and it rocks, so I’m not complaining.

  “Yes, you are,” Rafe whispers next to me.

  “Am I being too loud?” I ask.

  “No, just mumbling a lot,” Rafe says. “I think you’ve learned to keep the volume down.”

  Lourdes turns, and gives us the NVG bug eye glare. It’s not so much a glare, since we can’t see her eyes, as it is a sustained, silent chastisement. I’m married. I know what those are.

  Shit, I take that back. Never let Stella know I said that. Dammit, now my brain is betraying me in even worse ways. Why, brain, why?

  “I will kill you myself,” Lourdes says.

  “Sorry,” I whisper.

  We keep going.

  We must get somewhere that Elsbeth recognizes, because she holds up a hand and pushes some of Lourdes’s guys out of the way. She slowly moves to a large boulder and places her hand on it. A couple of Zs come around the side, but she snaps their necks and tosses them to the ground without even flinching.

  “The landing is just ahead,” she says, and then takes off.

  “Elsbeth! Wait!” Lourdes calls out as quietly as possible, but Elsbeth is already out of sight.

  We move around the boulder, and I can see the landing to the stairs about a hundred yards away. This is good and bad. Good we made it with only a few Zs to deal with; bad because there is at least six feet of rock to climb up to get onto the landing, and my leg is hurting way more than I’m letting on. I do not look forward to that climb.

  We’re fifty yards out when the pit turns into a blinding, migraine inducing, holy shit I think my retinas are on fire, hell. Someone just turned on the lights.

  “Hi, folks!” a voice calls out from in front of us. I know that voice. Reptile Jesus. “Jace! Welcome back! And you brought friends! Here I thought you weren’t a true believer. I have to thank you for having confidence in me enough to do a little recruiting while you were gone!”