“Come on, we can watch on our way back,” I said, gesturing them to the right and to the Forever 21. Luckily, since these ladies had no idea how Earth-girls shop and didn’t know what they were looking for, it went fast. Kazenburg acted as their guide, quickly picking out clothes that would mostly hide their monster characteristics, including overly large hats and whatever those arm-covering things are called. She even got baggy socks for Milkshake, which I didn’t know they even made anymore. I saw them on lots of Japanese anime and knew it had been popular there in the ‘90s—maybe they were making a comeback? I certainly hoped so, and they were damn cute on her.

  “Some of those for everyone,” I said, grinning wide.

  “Don’t smile like that,” Kazenburg said. “Makes you look like some creep.”

  “Aw, I think the creep look is sexy,” Kinara said, winking at me and trying on one of the baggy long socks. She lifted up her leg on a chair by the changing rooms, giving me a nice view of between her legs. Apparently, Kazenburg had forgotten about panties. She noticed, and quickly excused herself to take care of that.

  We bought it all, then dressed in the dressing room with some of the outfits, carrying the rest, and made our way out of there and toward the theater. It was warm out, but not overly hot. One of the L.A. area’s many amazing days. I made sure to lead us to the left and past the Apple store, where the water spray from the fountain wouldn’t hit Jalee. The show had nothing on Vegas and the Bellagio, but it was quite nice, with bursts and then swaying water, all to the tune of Sinatra.

  “Your world has its moments,” Kinara muttered.

  “It’s not all bad,” Milkshake agreed.

  Jalee just held my arm, pulling herself close to me. I wasn’t sure if it was out of affection or fright from the water, but I enjoyed it either way.

  “You don’t have work to do?” I asked Kazenburg.

  “This is my job at the moment,” she replied. “Taking care of you all. Seeing what I think of you. So far, I’m starting to think you really are as simple as you claim to be.”

  “I don’t think I used the word ‘simple.’”

  She shrugged.

  “What’s your story, anyway?” I asked, as we reached the area by the trolley, turning up the street to make our way to the theater. A whiff of the nearby Mexican restaurant caught my attention, but we had our destination in mind. Since it had been at least a few months since I had last watched the movie, I was pretty excited—and I’d never seen it on the big screen.

  “None of your business.”

  “Come on.” I waited, hoping that would be enough, but when she didn’t answer, I added, “You want to know about us. See if we’re… I don’t know, causing trouble and breaking rules. So… shouldn’t we then know about you as well?”

  “He has a point,” Kinara chimed in.

  “Oh, the sot has spoken.” Kazenburg shot me a half grin, then hid it.

  “The what?” Kinara said, oblivious.

  It wasn’t lost on me, though. “Wait, you’ve seen the movie?”

  Kazenburg kept walking, but when we had to wait at the crosswalk—me pulling at Kinara so she wouldn’t cross as cars barreled past—the cop said, “Of course. I was actually around when it first came out. It kind of bombed at the box office, only to become a cult classic later. Not because of me, though. I saw it three times in the theater back then.”

  The implications of this blew my mind. What else could she have possibly experienced during her life here on Earth? It wasn’t like the vampires of the Anne Rice books, who had to hide from people and only go out at night. No, this lady had lived an actual, full life here for a long time.

  “Wait, what other movies did you catch in the theaters?” I asked, suddenly liking her way more than I had even a minute ago.

  “You don’t want me to answer that,” she said with a laugh, “you’ll get green with envy.”

  “No, don’t tell me you—”

  “Star Wars,” she blurted out as if she couldn’t keep it in, then laughed at my reaction. “To add lemon juice to the cut, I was at the premiere. At least, the Chinese Theater one, anyway, back when all the studios thought it might be a bomb. That was back before it became Episode IV, and someone told me George had actually been in the area, though I never saw him.”

  “What… the… fuck.” I shook my head, amazed and not noticing that the light had turned and everyone but us was crossing.

  “Shall we?” Kazenburg said, and she started. The countdown was at five, so we had to run, the ladies laughing.

  “What a weird custom,” Jalee said, but her eyes were darting between the cop and me. “Is this… something we need to worry about?”

  Reaching the sidewalk, I asked, “What?”

  “Dude, you’re crushing on this cop monster harrrd,” Kinara explained.

  “Even I see that,” Milkshake added. “Not that it bothers me.”

  Jalee grunted. “Depending on her intentions. She might be only trying to impress him, to get him to think with his southern head, so she can get information from him.”

  “Hey,” I protested. “Am I so easily…” I let that argument die, realizing that I was definitely so easily swayed. It was all so new to me, after all.

  “Or maybe…” Kazenburg said, “it’s been so long that I had myself a pack, that I’m on the lookout. After what I saw today, you can’t really blame me.”

  “I can,” a familiar voice said, and we turned to see Ahlaksiz there, glaring. “It’s been too long.” In a whisper that I wasn’t sure we were meant to hear, she added, “Bloodsong.”

  The cop suddenly slunk into the alley next to the theater, which we’d apparently reached. Her eyes had gone green, which I didn’t like, and her teeth had extended like vampire fangs. Ahlaksiz advanced, but I stepped forward, between them.

  “Move aside,” Ahlaksiz growled.

  “Not here.” My eyes shifted from one side to the other, reminding her we were surrounded by people.

  She took a deep breath, then nodded. At least the cop, whose name was apparently Bloodsong and, for some reason, Ahlaksiz knew this, hadn’t moved one bit.

  “Can someone tell us what’s going on?” Milkshake said. “Do I need to summon my new sword?”

  “No.” I turned to Ahlaksiz and Bloodsong for an explanation. My mind was running through ideas of why they could be at odds—maybe the latter was secretly one of these evil monsters we were after? God, I hoped not.

  It was Ahlaksiz who spoke up first. “This is… my daughter.”

  We all went wide-eyed at that. It had been the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth.

  “How does that make you attack her?” I asked.

  “Not attack. I… only want to know why she’s here. She swore to—you,” she turned to her daughter, “you swore to never come back here.”

  The green faded from Bloodsong’s face, and she even had a slight grin forming. It gave her a bit of an evil look, but was also hot. “You tried to send me back. What’d you expect?”

  “Still waiting for an explanation,” Kinara noted.

  With a deep sigh, Ahlaksiz motioned us all out of the walkway. Once we were alongside the red bricks of the alley, she elaborated. “My daughter was never supposed to be here.”

  “But she got through?” Kinara asked.

  “No, I mean… I mated with a human, and we thought babies were impossible. Clearly, they weren’t.”

  My mind started to spin. Not only did that mean Bloodsong was actually half human, but all this free-cumming into the ladies over the last couple days might not have been as safe as we thought. Judging by their wide-eyed stares, they were having the same realization.

  “You can’t be here,” Ahlaksiz said, shaking her head. “Not with him and everything he’s getting himself into.”

  “I’m at least a thousand years old,” Bloodsong countered. “I lost track, but… stop coddling me.”

  “He won’t satisfy you. I’ve seen—”

  “Whoa,” I interrupted, looking to my ladies for support there.

  “I wasn’t referring to your goods,” Ahlaksiz said, frowning. “Can you stop assuming everything and everyone is talking or thinking about your penis?”

  Feeling ashamed, I pretended to zip my mouth, letting her do this thing.

  “What were you going to say then?” Bloodsong asked.

  Ahlaksiz looked my way, frowned, and waved her hand. “Forget about it.”

  Now I had to wonder if I’d been right in my assumption of what she was going to say, but at a glance back to my ladies, I didn’t care. They made any past insecurities vanish.

  “I’m not here to be satisfied,” Bloodsong said. “Just to clarify. I’m here on official business.”

  “You’re still with them, then?” Ahlaksiz asked.

  The daughter nodded.

  “Is that a bad thing?” I asked.

  Ahlaksiz frowned, considering the question. “Debatable, but not necessarily. Just… be careful, here. The people she works with care more about keeping monsters safe than true balance or justice.”

  “I haven’t completely turned my back on our kind, if that’s what you mean,” Bloodsong shot back.

  They stared at each other for a few seconds, after which I stepped in and said. “We’re just here to watch a film. All that other stuff can come later.”

  “Is that so?” Ahlaksiz didn’t take her eyes away from her daughter for a second.

  “Sure is,” Bloodsong replied. “Making myself some new friends.” She wrapped her arm around Milkshake’s shoulders, careful with the wing-things.

  “I’ll analyze the image,” Ahlaksiz said, giving it a rest. She turned and walked off. She paused at the corner, looking back. “When I’ve figured this out, I’ll find you. Enjoy the movie.”

  Her daughter flipped her off, causing her mom to frown, then walk off. This was all so confusing, but I looked forward to seeing where this went. Mostly, I looked forward to seeing the movie.

  All the tension was erased the moment the movie theater screen lit up with the image of Fred Savage playing the old pixelated baseball game at the start of the movie. We had our popcorn and root beers, along with some Sour Patch Kids and a box of Milk Duds.

  Kinara nearly crawled on top of me in confusion at the movie, then insisted we move forward as she got more into it. I forgot that her vision wasn’t so good, so in spite of it not being great on our necks, we obliged. And honestly, it was better up there. As if we were in the movie, and soon I was right there on the ship grinning as the ladies clutched my hands at the sight of the flesh-eating eels.

  “They’re like my pets back home,” Kinara whispered to me.

  Milkshake leaned over from the seat on the other side of her. “Where can we get some?”

  I chuckled, shaking my head as I whispered, “They don’t really exist. It’s only a story—made up.”

  “But we can see them right there!” Kinara countered. She leaned forward, hand up as if to reach out and touch them.

  “Shut the fuck up,” someone said two rows back.

  Normal me would’ve ignored that, maybe even whispered an apology. The last couple of days had changed me, though so I spun, finger pointed and roaming as I said, “Whoever said that to my woman better apologize or get the hell out of here right now!”

  Of course, a huge dude stood up. Not that it worried me—some normal human couldn’t compare to the hunter we’d taken down, and I had my posse.

  “Wanna say that again, tough guy?” the man asked.

  “Down in front,” a woman from the rear said, then a door opened to send in a beam of light, and an employee entered to see what the problem was.

  At that, I quickly sat down. No way in hell was I going to get kicked out of a showing of my favorite movie.

  “You want me to kill them all?” Jalee asked, a flash of blue lighting up her eyes.

  “No,” I hissed, a finger to my lips for silence.

  Bloodsong was on the other side of her, and leaned over to whisper, “In this world, we try to avoid violence and death.”

  “Do we need to halt the movie?” the employee asked.

  I motioned with my hands in front of me for my team to be silent, to not cause any trouble. The rest of the theater was silent, too, as the grandpa on the screen explained that Buttercup wasn’t going to die.

  “This guy won’t shut his hole up!” the large man said, causing us to lose focus when Andre hit the eel over the head to pull Buttercup free.

  Others booed him.

  “Boo me?” he said, but at this point I had sunk down in my seat, so couldn’t be sure what was going on back there. He sounded closer, though.

  “Sir…” The movie paused, lights going on a second later. “Come with me.”

  I couldn’t believe it—the man was getting kicked out.

  “Sir?”

  Wait… I looked over to see the movie theater employee standing at the end of the aisle. The large man was behind her, looking pissed, both with their eyes on me.

  “Kill them now?” Jalee whispered.

  “No.”

  I considered my options, my chest thumping and palms sweating. Getting kicked out was not an option. We hadn’t even finished the popcorn! To my relief, that’s when Bloodsong stood.

  “It’s okay, I’ll vouch for him,” she said.

  A look of confusion crossed over the employee’s face, and she glanced at the large man, then back at us again.

  With a sigh, Bloodsong reached over, hand on my shoulder, and whispered, “If this doesn’t prove my trustworthiness, I don’t know what will.” Then she stepped over the seat behind us to reach the aisle, then headed over to join the employee. “I’ll help you escort him out.”

  “This is bullshit,” the man protested.

  “Sir, don’t make a scene.”

  Of course, he did, and a few seconds later he had an arm tweaked behind him and was being led out of there to applause. Apparently, everyone had forgotten that it had started with my group making noise, and that was fine with me.

  My former self would’ve worried about him waiting for me outside, or maybe his friends who were possibly still in the theater, but not anymore. And when the lights went off and the movie started again, I cheered with all the others.

  “Your world is so weird,” Kinara said, leaning into me and sticking a hand down my pants.

  “Whoa,” I hissed.

  She held it, nothing more, head on my shoulder. To my surprise, I learned that day that a perfect movie could be even more perfect.

  5

  When the movie was over, we emerged to a mid-afternoon warmth that caused me to pause and simply enjoy the moment. I was in a state of euphoria, and the large guy was there, glaring, but his buddies said something to him and they walked off. My monster girls rubbed their eyes, not used to the adjustment from dark to the light.

  “So that was a movie?” Milkshake asked.

  “That, my dears, was not only a movie,” I replied. “It was quite possibly the best movie ever made.”

  “It’s good,” Bloodsong countered, “but don’t you think you’ve set the bar high?”

  “What’ya mean?”

  “If it’s the best movie, and it’s the first they ever saw… that means many years of letdown as they hope to compare future movies to it.”

  “Damn. I hadn’t considered that.”

  “Of course, you might also not have realized that it’s not the best—that, for me, goes to Casablanca. But this one’s a close third.”

  “Third?”

  She grinned. “Fine, maybe second. It’s a tough call, between this and The Wild Bunch. The editing on that movie—”

  “What are you two going on about?” Jalee asked.

  “And what’s that?” Milkshake added, pointing at a huge ice-cream cone a kid had, walking by with his parents.

  I was happy to move on from the subject, as anyone not putting The Princess Bride at the top of their list simply didn’t make sense to me.

  “Ice cream,” Bloodsong said, and licked her lips. “Share a couple of cones?”

  “Don’t mind if we do,” I said, realizing that our recent diet was bound to add a few pounds, what with the hamburgers, shakes, fries, and now popcorn followed by ice cream. We’d figure out a way to balance it out eventually.

  We found the ice cream place, got two waffle cones with two flavors each, and found a table outside to sit at so we could people watch. Chocolate fudge, vanilla, strawberry, and pumpkin. My favorite flavors.

  Not surprisingly, Kinara wasn’t a fan. She pouted when they didn’t have any meat flavors, and tried blood orange but was disappointed. Milkshake was a huge fan, though, and especially liked swirling her tongue suggestively around the ice cream while making eye contact with me.

  “You want to lick some meat…” Milkshake motioned my way, but addressed Kinara, “I’m sure he won’t protest.”

  I grinned at the hopeful look Kinara gave me, but shook my head. “Out in the open like this, we’d get arrested. Or at least a slap on the wrist, I’m not really sure.”

  Bloodsong took a spoon of my pumpkin, closing her eyes as she tasted it, then eyed each of us in consideration.

  “Not to sound insulting to you, Ferris,” she said, but then turned to the others, “what is it about this human? What… draws you to him?”

  I wasn’t sure I would want to hear the answers.

  Kinara went first. “For me, it’s… him. I can’t pinpoint anything specific that monsters would normally be attracted to. He’s lacking in all the hair and fur we find sexy, has no horns, his dick—”

  “Maybe focus on the good?” I interrupted.

  “It’s not bad that it’s so small,” she whispered, at least sparing me that embarrassment from passersby. “Like I told you before, I actually like that it doesn’t hurt.”

  “Yeah, and you can hurt us in other ways,” Jalee added, hand on my knee. “Pain doesn’t have to only come from between a man’s legs.”