What kind of bloody madness was this? He’d never felt this way about a female. Not even ones that he liked very well and had known much longer than this miss.

  It did not make sense, yet the desire was very real. “Did you come to visit with Rogue?” he asked softly.

  “Aye,” she answered. “But I doona think he is receivin’ visitors.”

  Ethan chuckled. There was a comfort and calmness about her that Ethan needed at the moment.

  Fanella watched Rogue and then Lady, but not him. “May I ask ye a question?” she said softly.

  “Of course.”

  “Have I offended ye?”

  Ethan’s body stilled for but a moment. He’d thought she had a question about the parrots, not him.

  Then she looked at him. “Have I?”

  “Why would you believe that you have?”

  A blush stained her cheeks and he feared he may know her reasoning.

  “We kissed and then ye dinna speak to me again and disappeared soon after. I just wanted to ken if I was the reason ye were avoidin’ the gatherin’s.”

  Ethan blew out a sigh. The truth was not something he was ready to share.

  “Tell me honestly, was my kiss so horrible that ye feared I might want another one and ye needed to put distance between us instead of havin’ ta tell me that ye dinna want to ever kiss me again?”

  Where the blazes had Fanella gotten such a ludicrous idea? Her kiss had been heaven, and perhaps altered his soul, but poorly done, it was not.

  “Ethan, please answer me.”

  Yes, she deserved an answer, and the truth. “To be honest, Fanella, I did put distance between us, and I have been avoiding you because of that kiss.”

  She turned away from him immediately but not before he saw the tears.

  Bloody hell, he had to explain.

  “It isn’t what you think.”

  “Then what is it?” she demanded, though pain laced her voice.

  “I thought that once I kissed you I could forget about kissing you again.”

  She slowly turned her head and looked over her shoulder, a frown upon those delightful lips. “Did ye get yer wish?”

  “Nay.”

  “Then I am sorry for ye,” she retorted as she marched toward the door.

  Yet, she wasn’t so quick that she was able to get away and Ethan maneuvered himself so that he blocked her path.

  “I don’t believe you do understand, Fanella.”

  “I’d prefer not to be humiliated with an explanation, if ye doona mind.”

  Though she was hurt, he couldn’t help but smile, nor could he resist the urge to tease. “May I ask you a question?”

  She bit the corner of her lip but did not look at him. “Aye. What do ye wish ta ken.”

  “Was my kiss so horrible that you couldn’t bring yourself to look for me?”

  Her head snapped up as shock filled those lovely grey eyes.

  “How do I know you weren’t also avoiding me?”

  “Ye ken I wasna!” she argued in outrage.

  “Do I? If you wished for me, why did you not seek me out?”

  Her mouth popped open. “I willna chase after a man, especially a rogue like ye,” she bit out then turned from him as if she wished to go around and escape this conversation.

  Ethan truly couldn’t blame her, but he was having such a lovely time. In the short period that he’d known Fanella, he’d seen various shades of her personality and moods, but never anger, shock or outrage, which he found equally as enjoyable as her joy, laughter, fanciful imagination and teasing.

  “Please don’t go,” he finally asked. If she left now, he might never get a chance to explain.

  “Why should I stay?” She asked, not turning around to look at him.

  “You deserve the truth.”

  Her shoulders stiffened and she drew in a breath.

  “Did you know the first time I thought about kissing you was on those stairs as you were sneaking down to the dungeon? I didn’t even know you, but I wanted to kiss you.” He took a step in her direction. “Then as we drank wine in the cell and talked, I had wanted to kiss you several times, but didn’t.”

  Fanella slowly turned toward him, her delicate eyebrows drawn together in a frown.

  “I nearly kissed you when we were up on the watchtower, and would have, had your sister not called up to us.”

  The blush stained her cheeks again.

  “But, as your brother glowered at me, I put all thoughts of kissing you from my mind as we returned downstairs, and kept it from my mind, the best I could, until my aunt left us alone.”

  Fanella sucked in a breath and studied him as if she were bracing herself for terrible news. At least she was stoic when necessary.

  “It occurred to me that if I finally kissed you, I’d be cured of wanting to kiss you and it wouldn’t happen again.”

  “I see.”

  “No, Fanella, you don’t. The kiss cured me of nothing. All it did was increase my desire to kiss you more.”

  Her lips parted as if stunned.

  “I distanced myself so that I could stop thinking about you and wanting you.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” he echoed. Did she not understand?

  Perhaps she didn’t. “You belong in Scotland or England. I belong in Louisiana. We only just met, and I thought it best if I don’t let my attraction and feelings develop into anything that could never be.” He’d never been so honest with anyone before in his life, at least not about emotions. This was all new to him as he’d never felt so strongly about someone before.

  The corners of her lips tipped up. “My kiss wasna so horrible then?”

  “Is that what you’ve taken from this conversation?” Did his confession of caring for her mean nothing?

  “It’s all that’s concerned me these past few days.”

  Ethan wanted to laugh that Fanella thought she kissed so horribly that she’d sent him into hiding. “Do you now understand why I think it is best if we avoid one another.”

  Instead of agreeing, Fanella hooked her arms about his neck. “What I think is that we need to explore what this is between us.” Then she attempted to kiss him again, but Ethan pulled away.

  “Exploring may not be the wisest decision.” Especially since the exploring he wished to do involved far more than kissing.

  “We should come to know the other. Spend time together. We may only like kissin’ but not really like the other person when this holiday is over.”

  Ethan snorted. Did she think that was even possible?

  “There is much I doona ken about ye and the same fer ye about me,” she explained. “There is a likin’ but does that mean we should stay away from the other because of what might happen?”

  Perhaps she was correct. He did have a liking for Fanella, and a desire, but it wasn’t love. At least, he didn’t think so. Perhaps all they’d be in the end would be kissing friends.

  Or, he could be heartbroken when he sailed for home.

  Was it worth the risk to his heart?

  Ethan looked down into Fanella’s warm grey eyes and knew he was willing to risk his heart. It had never been in danger before; he’d be a fool not to enjoy her company over these next days. And if he was heartbroken in the end, he would still survive, and perhaps be a better man because of it. “We should explore.”

  A smile burst upon her lips just before he lowered his mouth to hers.

  “Ethan are you in here?”

  The two of them pulled apart just as the door flew open.

  “Close it,” Fanella and Ethan called at the same time, right after Constance and Miss Jesse entered.

  Those two had the worst timing of anyone. It was almost as if they waited to interrupt at the most inconvenient moment. “Is there something you needed?”

  “Our aunt requests your presence.” Constance issued the words as if it were a proclamation. “As this is the winter solstice, we are to gather greenery and bring in the yule log for decorating before it is burned tonight.”

  “Once we have everything, we are going to set about decorating the castle and hanging the mistletoe.” Jesse stared at her sister in a knowing manner. Had Fanella told her of their earlier kiss?

  “I can’t leave Rogue and Lady right now. They’ve been flying, screaming, plucking feathers and biting,” he argued just as he realized that the birds had grown silent.

  “They look fine to me.” Miss Jesse nodded to the parrots.

  Constance tilted her head and frowned. “Are they…”

  Ethan turned to the birds and his mouth opened in shock and panic surged that three innocent misses were witnessing something that they shouldn’t. “Everyone out,” he quickly ordered, pushing Fanella and their sisters from the conservatory. Just as he gained the door, he glanced back one more time. His eyes had not deceived him. Rogue and Lady were mating.

  “We’ll tell Her Grace that ye’ll be along,” Jesse giggled as she and Constance hurried away.

  “I doona think anythin’ was wrong with the parrots.” Fanella laughed.

  Chapter 12

  Fanella spent a good portion of the afternoon fighting giggles. It wasn’t right that she should have viewed the parrots mating, but it also wasn’t something she’d not seen before. Well, not parrots, but there were a number of animals on their estate and no matter how often her brothers tried to shield her from their natural inclinations, she’d come across her fair share of couplings between the sheep, cats and birds, that it hardly shocked her any longer. However, witnessing Ethan’s face turn pinker than the roses in her mother’s garden had been quite delightful, and the reason she had a difficult time controlling her laughter, no matter how inappropriate the cause.

  “Who ever thought to bring mistletoe and greenery into a home in the first place?” Jesse asked.

  They’d been sitting around large trestle tables in the great hall where some of the men were tying limbs from an evergreen together so that it could be hung for decoration. Some of the women were fashioning bows, while Fanella, Ethan, Jesse and Constance were helping separate the mistletoe and tying it together with ribbon so that it could be hung.

  “The Druids first gathered mistletoe because it grew on the scarred oak tree and they saw it as a symbol of hope, peace and harmony. Sprigs were hung to bring good fortune,” Claresta explained.

  “Mistletoe also has an odd history of being an antidote for poison, even though it is thought to be poisonous, and to promote female fertility.”

  “Perhaps we should hang some in the conservatory,” Fanella whispered to Ethan only to witness his cheeks turn pink.

  “Hush,” he ordered under his breath.

  “What have ye said to cause Mr. Copeland embarrassment, Fanella?” Duncan demanded.

  This time her cheeks warmed, but she couldn’t tell him, especially in a room full of Copelands, MacGregors and Grants, a mixture of males and females.

  Beside her Jesse snorted and Constance giggled.

  Had they heard her comment? She certainly hoped that wasn’t the case.

  “Fanella?” Duncan demanded after glancing at Jesse then back to her.

  “It is nothin’. I’ll explain later.” She kicked Jesse beneath the table to get her to sober her humor before they both were in trouble.

  Instead of quieting, Jesse and Constance laughed harder.

  “It’s Rogue and Lady,” Constance finally stated. “We know why they were behaving oddly.”

  “Is that so?” Her Grace asked with interest, which made Fanella wish to crawl beneath the table.

  Fanella ducked her chin and hoped nobody noticed her as she tied another ribbon around a few sprigs of mistletoe. Perhaps she should visit the watchtower again. The cold wind would take the heat from her face.

  There was silence around their table as if the others were waiting for an explanation, one she wouldn’t be giving.

  “Ethan, have you determined what caused Rogue and Lady to act uncharacteristically?” True concern filled the tone of Her Grace and Fanella wished the floor would open and swallow her whole. One did not explain such to a duchess.

  “We um…” Ethan cleared his throat. “It’s just that… well…I’m sorry, but they witnessed something they should not have in the conservatory.”

  Fanella cast a glance at him from the corner of her eye. She didn’t think it was possible for anyone’s face to turn so red. Ethan was likely to burst into flames if this topic of conversation was not ceased. As it was, her face burned hotter than Hades.

  For a moment silence surrounded them until the other guests of Her Grace understood the meaning. A few gasped and others giggled, but many returned to their work because this wasn’t a topic to be discussed in polite company.

  “Jesse, go to yer chamber,” Duncan ordered.

  “Why?” she demanded. “It wasna my fault that…”

  “It is that yer speakin’ of it.”

  After blowing out a sigh, Jesse rose from the table.

  “You as well, Constance,” Darius, Ethan’s older brother and heir apparent told his younger sister. “You know better than to discuss such matters.”

  Duncan then focused on Fanella.

  “Ye willna be sending me to my chamber. Yer the one who pressed for the explanation.”

  As soon as they gathered everything to begin decorating the common rooms, Her Grace had cornered Ethan with all manner of questions as to when the eggs would be produced, the number he expected, when would they hatch and how soon the chicks would be on their own. Ethan had no answers for her because the two had never mated before.

  What if Lady needed to sit on her eggs for months. Or, what if baby parrots didn’t leave the nest for months? He couldn’t return to Louisiana without Rogue and Lady, but could he take the chicks with them? Or, would the pair not suffer if the babies were left behind in the conservatory for Her Grace to love?

  The only thing Ethan knew for certain was that he needed to find a book on parrots, and soon. He should have done so before now, but he and the parrots had gotten along well and they hadn’t shown the slightest interest in mating, until this morning.

  Would this go on for days? Would he need to keep everyone from the conservatory and only enter to bring them fresh food?

  He knew that with some animals, the mating time could last for nearly a week. Is that how long it would last for Rogue and Lady?

  Blast, he didn’t need this complication in his life. Would he need to remain in England longer than necessary, waiting for the birds to hatch and be on their own?

  After Her Grace had left him, Fanella had come around the corner, dangling a bit of mistletoe tied in a bow from her finger.

  Perhaps remaining here longer wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

  Instead of hanging her sprig, she tucked it into her sleeve and smiled.

  Ethan’s body heated. It might not be wise to continue coming to know Fanella, but it was impossible to stay away. He’d tried and failed so now he’d take her advice and come to know her. But it wouldn’t matter if she was surrounded by mistletoe because he’d also make certain that others were always with them so that he wasn’t tempted to kiss her again, or do anything else that he shouldn’t.

  “A toast.”

  Ethan turned his attention to his uncle. He and Her Grace were seated on the tall dais, much like the duke and duchess would have been when the castle had been first built in the thirteenth century. To his uncle’s right was his only child, Lady Claresta and her betrothed, Donovan MacGregor.

  “In little over a sennight, Donovan MacGregor will join our family and I could not be happier for my daughter, because she is happy and loved.”

  Donovan was holding Claresta’s hand and brought it to his lips for a loving kiss.

  “But that is not the only family we have.” He studied Ethan and his siblings who were seated together at a lower trestle table, as if they were residents of the castle from the Middle Ages. “In these past months I’ve come to know my nieces and nephews from America. I don’t know how many of you will decide to remain in England, or how many will return home, but as long as you are here and I am alive, you have a home at Chatwell Castle.” He smiled. “It has been a joy and privilege, and I look forward to meeting the rest oftheir siblings.”

  Ethan glanced around and tried to clear the knot that suddenly grew in his throat. The hall was filled, which had been her Grace’s desire. She’d been the one who wished to celebrate the winter solstice as it had been in the past. The Yule log burned bright, having been started with the bark and ash of the year before along with a good dosing of brandy. So much greenery had been placed about for decorating that it smelled as if they were in the middle of a pine forest, and mistletoe dangled from every doorway.

  Seated at the trestle table next to theirs were the MacGregors. Behind, a table was filled with Trents, and another with the Grants. Everyone in the room was related by either blood or marriage even if many were still strangers to Ethan. In the end, it didn’t matter and as the meal concluded and the mulled wine flowed, Ethan couldn’t help but wonder who he might have been back in the thirteenth century. Would he have been a knight or a lowly stable hand?

  He chuckled and took a sip of his wine. Now he was beginning to think as Fanella, since she was the one who usually had these fanciful thoughts.

  In that moment, Ethan glanced to the table beyond theirs and met her eyes. They were warm with happiness and it pulled at his heart. Soon, he’d find a place to take her, where they could be alone and they could continue to come to know one another more.

  He set the wine aside and reminded himself once again that he would not be alone with Fanella, no matter how much he wished it. He’d not put temptation in his path when he wasn’t certain he could overcome it.

  Chapter 13

  Instead of taking tea in the parlor and leaving the men to their port, the guests of the duke and duchess remained within the great hall, but the guests moved about and visited. As much as Fanella wished to go to Ethan, she would not as she didn’t wish to draw the attention of Duncan, nor did she want anyone curious about their friendship.