“What’s your secret, dude?” he presses his side against mine, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Chicks at this school are notoriously hard to attract, but they seem to flock to you.”

  I laugh into my cup before chugging the rest of it.

  “Maybe it’s the fact that they have zero chance with me that makes them want to try,” I cough out and pour myself another cup of the punch that Mike gave me earlier. “Seems like the universe is intentionally throwing it in my face that the only action I seem to be able to get is the exact opposite of what I want.”

  “So that means I have a chance?”

  I jump as Sean leans past me to grab a cup for himself, almost boxing me in against the punch dispenser. He’s one of the guys on the team, so it takes effort to suppress the reaction my body has to him being so close. In an effort to hide the flash of fear, I chug my second cup and excuse myself to find a bathroom.

  Upstairs is a lot less crowded, though still ridiculously loud. All I want to do is find somewhere that I can let the world stop spinning and catch my breath. Two cups of punch didn’t seem like much at the time, but it seems to be hitting me now.

  “You look like you could use a lie down.”

  I turn to the voice and see an absolutely gorgeous man wearing a sweatshirt with the fraternity’s letters on the front. I’m pretty sure I manage to nod my head because the next thing I know, he is pulling me into a room at the end of the hall and locking the door behind us.

  “This will keep the idiots out,” he explains and pulls the sweatshirt over his head to reveal a very fit upper body. “The downside to being a legacy on scholarship is needing to deal with this party bullshit periodically. I figure we can hang out here for a while and it will give enough plausible deniability that they’ll leave us alone for the rest of the night.”

  The alcohol has thoroughly scrambled my brain. Or maybe it’s the fact that I want to count this man’s abdominal muscles like I’m back to being four years old and watching that puppet vampire on Sesame Street – one ab muscle, two ab muscles…

  “You alright, man? You look a bit wrecked for this early in the night.”

  I nod and try to sit on the end of the bed, but my wonderful coordination has not improved with the introduction of alcohol into the mix. The next thing I know, I am on the floor looking up at Mr. Gorgeous while the pain from my knee has effectively cut through the haze that the punch was trying to put me under.

  “Dude, are you…”

  Before he can finish his question, there is a pounding at the door. I manage to somehow get into a seated position with my back against the side of his mattress while he goes to answer whoever is interrupting us. During the hushed conversation, I take the opportunity to readjust my brace and wince at the sharp spikes of pain radiating through my leg. One drunken stumble might have just undone weeks of healing. I’m such a fucking idiot.

  “Up we go, Sid,” the guy grunts out and lifts me up to sit on the bed. “How about you have a quick nap while I go take care of some things. I’ll help you get back to your dorm in a little while when I’m sure you can pass as sober.”

  He gently guides me to lay down on the bed and props a pillow underneath my knee to elevate it before he leaves the room. I didn’t even know that he noticed the brace. Hell, I didn’t even ask his name. Between the alcohol and the adrenaline leaving my system, it doesn’t take long for oblivion to claim me.

  JESSE’S DIARY

  DID I MISS MY CHANCE?

  Taylor and the girls dragged me to yet another frat party tonight. I totally understand why they seem to think it’s safer to go to these things with a guy friend, but I am really getting tired of dragging their drunk asses back to the dorm and distracting the night guard so that they can sneak in. I told them last time was the last time, but then I saw Sid standing outside the Omega Sigma Chi house after dropping the girls off. He looked like he wanted to leave, but then one of the guys from the coffee shop showed up with some of the hockey team.

  Couldn’t they see how uncomfortable he was? Instead of letting him go, they practically dragged him inside. I’m so going to be having a conversation with his boss about the fact that his boyfriend basically coerced my man roommate into going to the party.

  Of fucking course, I followed them inside. And just like I expected, every single fucking female was practically in heat. But did they bother with the guys who would actually be dickish enough to fuck them after drinking? No. They all swarmed my poor Sid.

  Mitch? Mike? I don’t remember his name, but one of the more decent guys from the hockey team managed to get him to the kitchen while I was still fending off some of the girls from my psych class. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my guard down. The O-Sigs have a rule for the punch that only those over twenty-one can get a cup for the punch bowl because of how potent it is. Most of their legacies are pre-law or poli-sci from pretty prominent families, so they don’t play around about it.

  So how the fuck did Sid end up with a cup at the punch bowl? And then he was cornered by that asshat Sean… By the time I got over there, they were gone and I was freaking the fuck out. Mike is hetero to the point that he forgets that anything else could even possibly exist, so I wasn’t worried about him being around my man Sid. He’s not a bigot, just an idiot. Sean on the other hand is a manwhore of epic proportions and questionable morals. He doesn’t care where he sticks his dick as long as it’s a warm and willing hole. And the willing part is questionable when alcohol is involved.

  To be honest, the only reason I know half of the shit I know is because Taylor’s older brother is on the hockey team with them. Ryan is a decent enough guy and honestly the only reason we’ve been to as many frat parties as we have despite being freshmen. With him as a legacy member of O-Sig, Taylor gets an open invite to all of the parties.

  So when Sid went missing and I didn’t see Sean anymore either, I went to find Ryan. One of his brothers went to check his room for me and came back with him a few minutes later. I honestly didn’t mean to get the party shut down, but these guys take underage drinking very seriously, and the fact that they knew alcohol got served to Sid caused the usually calm Ryan to go postal.

  No lie – it took them twenty minutes to clear out everyone except for a handful of people. I saw Toby getting dragged off by his very upset boyfriends and started to panic when the only people left were my dorm mates – with Taylor getting reamed out by her brother – and the guys who live in the house.

  After sending Taylor and the girls back to the dorm with an escort from some of their pledges, Ryan led me upstairs to his room where I found my Sid passed out and half undressed in another man’s bed. Between the two of us, we managed to get him back to the dorm using Ryan’s car, but the image is burned into my brain. Ryan with his naked upper body and Sid half-dressed in his bed.

  How the fuck do I compete with a pre-med hockey god that is probably on his way to fucking sainthood?

  CHAPTER 17

  TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK

  Mr. Gorgeous: Let me know if any of the guys give u trouble

  I stare at the text from Ryan and feel a little bit of something warm and fuzzy inside. A couple days after the party, he came into the shop to apologize for what happened. Apparently, there is a rule at majority of the frat houses that red cups can only be given to those who are of legal drinking age. Mike got in some deep shit for giving me one, but it was cleared up pretty quickly when the president of Omega Sigma Chi came by after Ryan did.

  I look older than I am thanks to my size, and Toby apologized profusely for not sharing my age with them. He claims he forgot how young I am. Don put him on some sort of a punishment that has him squirming a lot. I don’t want to know the details.

  Looking back at the text from Ryan, I smirk before putting my phone away for class. For the last week or so I have been feeling a lot better than I had been right after the break. Even with the shitty experience that I had at my first college party, something managed to shake loose enough that my mood improved by quite a lot. Then again, it might also have something to do with my Economics professor accidentally letting his Valentine’s Day surprise for his soon-to-be fiancé slip out within my earshot and getting a bit of slack on my midterm deadlines for my silence.

  “Ugh, too much pink.”

  Lucky slides into his seat next to me, and I chuckle when he pulls out his pastel rainbow notebook that has a significant amount of pink on the cover. I understand what he means though. We are only a few days away from the over-commercialized Hallmark holiday, and half the campus looks like a bottle of Pepto has exploded on it.

  “You know Spencer has some good plans for you guys on Valentine’s Day, so don’t bother complaining,” I whisper while Professor Kierney is booting up her laptop for the outline of today’s class. “Meanwhile, I’m over here as the single sidekick to everyone else.”

  I don’t need to add that I’m also the only one of my friends who is so desperate to have someone to hold that I have answered a personal ad for a three-some for tonight. Saying something to Lucky is pointless considering he’s asexual and doesn’t really understand my desire to get pounded into a mattress. Hell, at this point I’m half tempted to go back for that backseat with what’s his name at Olive Garden.

  Time drags on throughout my classes and even my shift at the shop where Toby is still serving his punishment of being dish bitch and not allowed to use the dishwasher, but even the hilarity of him fighting the spicket hasn’t been enough to get me through the day unscathed. After locking up, I pull up my text chain with the guy for the date tonight.

  Me: I’m answering your ad for the 3some for V-day date

  Drew: ur over 18, right?

  Me: 19 and a freshman in college

  Drew: pic?

  Me: *image*

  Drew: oh you are adorable. Anthony will LOVE you

  Me: I’m not very experienced

  Drew: that’s fine. Any limits?

  Me: none that I know of

  Drew: sounds good. See you on Thursday then.

  Me: where am I going?

  Drew: Motel on First Ave. Meet at 10pm. Room 14

  What does one wear to a three-some? I have most of my clean clothing spread out across my bed and desk when Jesse comes in after his evening class. Things have gone back to weird between us again since the party, but I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe his irritation is because Taylor started seeing one of the guys from the hockey team?

  “What’s with the fashion show?” Jesse asks and pulls a can of soda out of the mini fridge and leaning against his desk.

  My stomach twists and I don’t really want to tell him my plans for the night. But that doesn’t make any sense. My silly crush on my roommate shouldn’t have anything to do with whether or not he knows what is going on with me. I mean, it’s not like my straight roommate doesn’t have experience with threesomes. I heard him talking to my brothers about some of the things he got up to in high school. Even though I know he’s cool with the LGBTQIA community, it is a whole other thing to expect him to talk about three guys getting it on in a motel room.

  “Got a date tonight,” I manage to mumble.

  Like he has every other time I’ve mentioned going out with anyone other than the crew from the coffee shop, Jesse grunts and throws on his headphones to check out something on his laptop. At the start of the school year, some small part of me wondered if he was being jealous. Now, I have come to realize that he just doesn’t want to know anything about my life. Like everyone else, he prefers my brothers, and I am okay with that.

  Mostly okay.

  Blinking rapidly, I manage to keep my suddenly wet eyes from spilling over and wipe at my nose to hide the evidence that I am not okay with it at all. Jesse’s got his back to me, so I don’t have to worry about him seeing how much his dismissal hurts. I’m only going to be sharing this room with him for three more months, and then hopefully I can find somewhere else – somewhere I won’t feel haunted by things I can’t have.

  I tug on a pair of dark wash jeans and a green button down shirt without really giving a shit what I look like. It’s not like Drew and Anthony are going to actually care what clothing I have on considering the entire point is to have all three of us end up naked. After a swipe of deodorant on my underarms, I wave to my roommate and run out of the dorm. I think I need the extra time to get myself together before meeting up with my dates.

  The ride over to the motel on the bus isn’t exactly something that screams romance, but it will at least prevent a record of my going to a random motel on a school night. Mom has gotten it in her head that they need to track all of our rideshare accounts since Marc decided to go AWOL with his friends last month and missed curfew. I swear she only remembers that I am an adult when they need help with my siblings. I love her, but I am so tired.

  The motel is a couple of blocks away from the bus stop, so I concentrate on dodging puddles of slush while I make my way over there. The city is a bit more disturbing at night this far out from the university. I never thought I would miss the quiet nights in the middle of nowhere with the sky full of stars. But I’m starting to prefer those to the sickly glow of streetlights and shadows full of potential danger that the city brings out…Is that a needle?!

  Picking up the pace, I make it to the motel with a more than a few minutes to spare. Considering the lights are on in the room, I head straight for the door to knock. It takes less than a minute for the door to open, but when it does, I am not sure if I want to follow through. The man on the other side is easily older than my father. Silver hair halos his shiny bald head in a neat style, but I can’t seem to look away from the sagging skin on his chest above a rather significant beer belly.

  “Sid, right? You’re a little early. I’m Drew,” he says putting his arm around my waist to pull me into the room. “Anthony will be here shortly.”

  His head barely comes up to my shoulder. I can actually see the reflection of the overhead light on the top of his dome. Add in the nasally tone of his voice and this has gone from sexy fantasy come to life and is starting to creep into nightmare territory.

  Note to future self: get more information before committing to a hook-up in a sketchy motel.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and get ready in the bathroom while I finish setting up the room?”

  Drew pushes me towards the door on the other end of the motel room and I practically run for the safety of a locked door to put between us while I try to figure out what the hell I want to do.

  On the one hand, I have been trying to lose my damn virginity for almost six months now with zero success. My attempts have landed both myself and others in the hospital in addition to the unending embarrassment I have suffered. Tonight will definitely get me over that hurdle where I won’t feel the pressure anymore. Yet, on the other hand, I’m not sure if I am willing to look back and remember my first time as being with a man that even blind Aunt Betsy would wrinkle her nose at.

  After splashing lukewarm water on my face a few times, I unbutton the top few buttons on my shirt and use the mirror to force my facial expression into something resembling enthusiasm – or at least not revulsion – before I open the door to go back into the room. When I step out of the bathroom, it takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust to the suddenly lower light. As soon as they do, it takes my brain even longer to register what I am seeing.

  Anthony has obviously arrived considering Drew has another man under him while he slams into him from behind. The man on the bed is extremely thin with a hook nose, dark hair and a bright red scraggly beard. After about thirty seconds of me watching, Drew loses his rhythm and it’s obvious he’s just orgasmed inside of Anthony. The sound of his wail when he finishes makes me physically cringe as if someone just scratched a rusty nail down my back.

  Instead of retreating back into the bathroom, I just stare. Is this really what I have to look forward to? Drew pulls out of his parter’s ass and turns to smile at me. My eyes automatically drift down below his waist and I have to swallow forcibly to get rid of my revulsion at the fact that his entire waist area is covered in more than just lube.

  “Is this the tasty piece you found for us, Baby?”

  Anthony props himself up on his elbows to look at me over his shoulder, and I can’t help but stare at the disaster they managed to make of the bed in the short time I was in the bathroom. Before my brain can form a response, the smell finally hits me. There is no controlling my gag reflex at this point, but luckily my survival instincts take over. By the time I am done losing my entire fucking soul in addition to every meal I have eaten today, I realize I am far, far away from the motel.

  I pull out my phone to see if I can pull up the GPS to figure out where the closest bus stop is when I notice texts coming through from Drew.

  Drew: I didn’t think you would be so closed minded. This is the problem with young people these days. I could have helped you in your future career. We would have paid for everything. You know you need the money.

  I hurry up and block his number before more messages can come through. Just the thought of spending time around the two of them makes me gag again. Shaking my head, I open up the rideshare app and say fuck it. The bus won’t be back around this area for almost an hour and I absolutely do not want to be nearby when Drew and Anthony get cleaned up and leave the motel.