Dates from hell, p.14

  Dates from Hell, p.14

Dates from Hell
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  Excusing herself—ostensibly to visit the ladies’ room—Claire slipped from the table and made her escape.

  “Right on time,” Jill said cheerfully as Claire slid into the front passenger seat of her car a moment later. She was obviously looking forward to what was to come. Claire wasn’t. There were too many things that could go wrong.

  “Thanks,” she murmured as Jill handed her the photos. She handed back the snapshot of herself, then took the picture of Brad Cruise they’d ripped out of the magazine and hesitated as she squinted at it in the dark. “I don’t suppose you brought a flashlight or something?”

  “No, I didn’t think of it. Just a minute.” Jill dug through her purse briefly, then held out a small item.

  “A lighter?” Claire asked with surprise as she took it. “You don’t smoke.”

  “Ted smoked cigars once in a while and always forgot his lighter.”

  “Oh.” Claire glanced around nervously, but the parking lot appeared empty. She flicked the lighter on and concentrated on the picture once more.

  “Perfect.”

  The one word from Jill a moment later told Claire she’d finished the change. She let the lighter go out with relief. It had started to get warm under her thumb, distracting her, but she’d feared letting it go out before she was done.

  “Okay?” Claire asked, lifting her head.

  Jill flicked the interior car light on just long enough to look her over, then flicked it back off to avoid attracting attention.

  “As I said, perfect,” she assured her. “Come on.”

  Sighing, Claire slid out of the car and walked around to meet her, then handed back the magazine photo for her to put away.

  “Take my arm, like a gentleman,” Jill instructed as they started toward the entrance to the school.

  Claire took her arm, and mentally reminded herself that she was now a man, so she should pull out chairs, take Jill’s arm, and all those other little courtesies.

  “What are you doing?”

  Claire glanced at Jill with surprise. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re swaying your hips.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. You’re walking like a girl.”

  “I am a girl,” Claire said with irritation.

  “Not tonight you’re not,” Jill said firmly. “Think manly, try to swagger. And don’t talk.”

  “Anything else?” Claire asked dryly.

  “Yes.” Jill patted her hand and said, “Thank you…By the way, how is the date with Kyle going?”

  “Good…until I had to come out here,” Claire said, then recalled the incident with Magda and Ted and quickly related it to Jill who—fortunately—wasn’t upset.

  The registration table was empty when they reached the gym. They truly were going to be the last to enter. Jill paused outside the closed gym doors, took a deep breath, then glanced at her and said, “Show time. Just smile and nod and agree with anything I say. Okay?”

  Against her better judgment, Claire nodded her agreement, then added, “Just don’t leave me alone.”

  “Like I’d abandon Brad Cruise in the same room with a bimbo like Magda on the loose,” Jill said dryly, then pushed through the door. Still holding her arm, Claire pushed her own door open and entered with her, noting that everyone was now seated and servers were moving through the tables delivering the first entrée.

  “Perfect,” Jill whispered, pausing just inside the doors to peer around. Their entrance had not gone unnoticed. Several people had turned their way to see who had entered, then more people looked toward them as the first people nudged those next to them. A loud whispering began to move through the crowd, most of it made up of the name “Brad Cruise.”

  Claire forced herself to keep her head upright and not flinch and shrink behind Jill. She couldn’t have anyway; Jill was now sailing forward, forcing Claire to accompany her.

  “Where are we going to sit?” Claire asked, bending her head to Jill’s ear so she wasn’t overheard.

  “We’re sitting with Kyle.”

  “What?” Claire’s eyes widened in horror. “But—”

  “That way we can distract him from noticing you’re gone, so you don’t have to turn back so soon.”

  Claire thought this was a very bad idea, but it was too late to stop it; they were already halfway to the table where Kyle sat gaping at their approach. And no wonder, she supposed. It must be a bit disconcerting to see your sister enter the reunion on the arm of the biggest film star in the world.

  “Where are Magda and Ted?” Jill asked as they neared the table where Kyle, Bobby, and Meredith sat in a frozen tableau.

  “I don’t know,” Claire murmured, her gaze swiveling to the right, then pausing as she found the pair several tables over from their own. The couple were gaping openmouthed, but then everyone was, Claire thought as she whispered to Jill to look to their right. When she did, Jill’s shoulders straightened and a look of satisfaction crossed her face that made Claire glad she’d agreed to this. She just hoped she still felt that way at the end of the night.

  “Magda is ready to shriek and Ted looks like he just ate his shorts,” Jill said, glancing at Claire with amusement. The amusement vanished abruptly, and she forced them to a halt not three feet from the table.

  “What is it?” Claire hissed urgently as she noted the alarm on her friend’s face.

  Jill hesitated, then turned to fully face her. She put one hand on Claire’s chest and leaned up as if to kiss her. Claire instinctively turned her head to the side to avoid the kiss and hissed, “No kissing. I’m still Claire.”

  “Right,” Jill murmured, then Claire gasped as Jill took her hand away, ripping the Claire name tag away with it, as she added wryly, “No need to advertise it though.”

  The name tag had remained when she had changed. It was little things like this that were likely to catch them up in this charade, Claire thought grimly, but merely caught Jill’s arm in her hand as the blond continued on to the table.

  “Sorry we’re late,” Jill sang gaily as Kyle got to his feet.

  “Jill,” Kyle greeted, but his gaze was locked on Claire…or “Brad” really, she supposed. His expression was a combination of confusion and suspicion, then he turned his gaze to his sister to say, “I didn’t think you were coming tonight.”

  “Brad changed my mind,” she said lightly.

  “Jill, is that you?” Bobby Loth got to his feet as well to greet her, and Claire had no doubt Jill was grateful for the distraction. The blond turned quickly to greet the man and be introduced to Meredith, which—unfortunately—left Claire alone to face Kyle.

  “Kyle Lockhart,” he introduced himself and held out his hand.

  Claire automatically put her hand in it, forgetting that she was supposed to be a guy and should be giving a firm handshake. She barely held back her wince as his hand squeezed her own.

  “And you are?” Kyle asked when she kept her mouth shut.

  Much to Claire’s relief, Jill had been paying attention and suddenly whirled back saying, “Oh Kyle, you know who this is. Unfortunately Brad has a bad case of laryngitis, which is why I wasn’t sure I would be coming after all when Ted bowed out, but Brad bravely agreed to accompany me.”

  Claire blinked as Jill pressed a kiss to her cheek, then allowed her to urge her to a seat at the table. Jill had the good sense to seat her between herself and Meredith, keeping her away from Kyle and his questions. Claire felt herself relax a little as Meredith offered her a shy smile, until she quietly asked if “Brad” could sign her table napkin. Before Claire could panic too much, Jill leaned around Claire/Brad to say, “I’m sorry, Meredith. The one promise I had to make to get Brad here was that he wouldn’t have to sign autographs. He hurt his wrist on set a couple weeks ago and he’s trying to rest it up before he starts a new movie next week.”

  “Oh, I think I heard something about that,” Meredith said with understanding. “Didn’t you fall off a horse while filming your last movie and land badly on your wrist?”

  Claire turned blankly to Jill, who nodded solemnly and told Meredith, “He was lucky it was just a sprain and he didn’t break it.”

  Claire inwardly shook her head as Meredith cooed sympathetically. Honestly, where did they find out all this stuff? And why waste their time on it? The only thing she knew about Brad Cruise was that he was rich, good-looking, and an actor. Jill and Meredith seemed to know all sorts of details about him.

  “You don’t have name tags.”

  Claire stiffened at Kyle’s sharp comment, but Jill merely turned to smile at her brother. “The registration table was empty when we got here. I guess we were a bit late.”

  Kyle nodded and Claire was just starting to relax again when he said, “But it looked like it was a name tag you ripped off…Brad’s chest as you approached the table.”

  Claire felt her eyes widen in alarm. They hadn’t been far from the table when Jill had noted the Claire name tag and ripped it off. Had Kyle seen and been able to read it before his sister could take it away?

  “Brad was at a press conference before picking me up and still had his star pass on,” Jill lied glibly. “I removed it.”

  “Hmmm.” Kyle was silent for a minute, then glanced to the side. “I wonder what’s holding Claire up?”

  “Oh, you know women’s washrooms, they always have a terrible line. She’s probably still waiting to get into a stall.”

  Kyle turned his head slowly back and Claire felt the hair rise on the back of her neck at the look in his eyes. She’d seen it before. It was his “aha!” look and she nearly closed her eyes with a groan when he said, “Did I mention she’d gone to the ladies’ room?”

  Jill looked taken aback for a minute, then improvised with “I just assumed. Where else would she be?”

  Much to Claire’s relief, Bobby leaned toward Kyle then, claiming his attention, but she was tense now and impatient to get to the bathroom and return as Claire. They had agreed that she would stay through the entrée as Brad, then Jill would remind him he had to make a phone call and she could escape to change back. The entrée couldn’t come quick enough for her.

  Claire only grew more impatient to escape as the next twenty minutes passed. A few of their braver ex-classmates began to approach the table, eager to tell “Brad” how much they enjoyed his movies and requesting autographs. Jill did an excellent job of fending them off for her, but it was disconcerting to have people—mostly women—gushing to her about how “wonderful” he was. It was a great relief when Jill finally said, “Oh Brad, you were supposed to call your agent. Maybe you should do it now before the main course arrives.”

  “How can he make a phone call? I thought he had laryngitis,” Kyle commented.

  Claire had just closed her hand around the pictures Jill had passed to her under the table and started to get to her feet, but froze like a deer in headlights at this comment.

  “Yes, of course. I’d better go with him then, hadn’t I?” Jill said sweetly.

  “He knows,” Claire hissed as they headed for the exit at the back of the gymnasium, knowing the washrooms were in the side hall.

  “No he doesn’t,” Jill assured her. “How could he? Kyle doesn’t have any idea the destabilizer can do this. It’s only supposed to cause a chameleonlike effect, remember? He’s just freaked out that I have a date with a big star.”

  Claire was about to remind her that she didn’t really have a date with a big star, when Jill suddenly cursed and began to urge her to move faster.

  “Ted and Magda are closing in,” she hissed.

  “Great,” Claire muttered as they hurried out of the gym. They hadn’t gone far when Ted called out after them.

  Gritting her teeth, Jill gave her a push. “Go on, I’ll handle them.”

  Hand tightening on the pictures she still clutched, Claire hurried for the bathrooms, slowly becoming aware of the tap of high-heeled shoes following her. She glanced over her shoulder, expecting to find Jill had only paused long enough to make some quick excuse, then had followed, but instead, found that Jill had been stopped in the hall by Ted and it was Magda trailing after her.

  The Barbie doll look-alike gave her a sultry smile and picked up speed in an effort to catch up. Claire just panicked. Her heart lodged itself in her throat, and she broke into a run for the last few feet, and sped into the bathroom. Relaxing a little once the door swung shut behind her, Claire slowed to a walk and glanced around, relieved to find the bathroom was empty.

  She walked into the first empty booth, and started to close the stall door, then heard the bathroom door open again. Surprised, Claire paused, blinking at Magda as the woman hurried into the bathroom. The blond’s steps didn’t even slow; Magda rushed forward and straight into the booth, placing one hand on Claire’s chest and forcing her back against the stall wall as she closed and locked the stall door with her other hand.

  4

  “Oh Brad.”

  Claire stared in horror as Magda pressed eagerly up against her.

  “I saw you notice me when you came in with Jill, and felt sure you’d want me. How clever of you to lead me to the ladies’ room.”

  Oh dear, Claire thought faintly. She’d unthinkingly entered the ladies’ room rather than the men’s room and Magda was taking that as a come-on. And she couldn’t talk to explain otherwise.

  Catching at Magda’s hands as they wandered over her wide “Brad Cruise” chest, Claire used the only avenue of communication she had open to her and shook her head firmly. She then tried to slip past her to unbolt the door and get out; however, Magda wasn’t cooperating.

  Laughing as if she thought “Brad” was playing games, Magda shook her hands free to again run them over “Brad’s” body. “Don’t worry. Ted will keep Jill busy. He’s been steaming ever since we saw you arrive. Let them have their fun. We can have our own. I promise I’ll show you a better time than that homely little wannabe ever could.”

  Claire stiffened, indignant on her friend’s behalf. Magda was a cow, a man-stealing cow, she decided grimly, then found her ability to think buried under an avalanche of shock as Magda suddenly kissed her. For one moment, Claire was so stupefied she couldn’t think. When her brain did manage to function again, the only thing it spat out was the fact that in high school, the boys had all claimed Magda was an awesome kisser. Claire was no expert, but to her, Magda’s kiss was limp and sloppy. Wait till Jill heard, she thought, then regained enough sense to begin to struggle.

  Claire didn’t have to struggle hard this time. While she had been distracted by Magda’s kiss, the other woman had slid her hand down to where Brad’s groin should have been…and got the surprise of her life.

  Breaking the kiss, Magda said with shock, “You don’t have a penis!”

  “Yeah, well you’re a rotten kisser,” Claire growled in as manly a voice as she could manage. She then shoved her away, pushing her in the only direction available to her, toward the toilet. Unfortunately for the blond, it had obviously been cleaned recently and the toilet seat had been left up. Magda shrieked as she landed with a splash, then began to thrash and struggle to get out.

  Claire didn’t wait to see if she did. Unbolting the door, she hurried from the stall and straight out of the bathroom. She didn’t hesitate or glance around, but charged straight out of the women’s washroom and across the hall into the men’s room, then into the first open stall she saw.

  Slamming the booth door closed, Claire leaned her forehead against it and took several deep breaths, then groaned. This was bad. Magda would go out and tell everyone that Brad didn’t have a penis and Jill would be upset and—

  “Claire? Brad?”

  Stilling at the sound of Jill’s voice, Claire unbolted the door, opened it, and dragged Jill inside. “We have a problem.”

  “What happened?” Jill asked anxiously as she relocked the stall door. “I saw Magda follow you into the ladies’ room.”

  “She kissed me,” Claire blurted with disgust, then added, “And she is a really bad kisser. All those guys in high school must have been lying their heads off. They probably hadn’t even kissed her, because there is no way they would have thought what she gave me was a good kiss.”

  Jill stared at her blankly and then burst out laughing.

  “Go on, laugh,” Claire muttered. “But you won’t be laughing when you hear the rest.”

  Jill stopped at once, her eyes narrowing warily. “What?”

  “She grabbed me, only there was nothing to grab.”

  Jill blinked, slow to comprehend. “You mean…” Her gaze dropped to “Brad’s” groin.

  “Yes.”

  Jill frowned. “You mean, you don’t have a ‘package’?”

  “Was there a package in the picture?” Claire asked dryly, then answered herself, “No. There were pants. I have pants. No package.”

  “Oh, that’s just wrong,” Jill said unhappily and then dug around in her purse, coming up with a black marker. “Give me the picture.”

  Perplexed, Claire handed over the pictures she’d been clutching through all this and watched in amazement as Jill put a noticeable bump in Brad’s pants in the magazine photo. “What are you—?”

  “There! Now concentrate on the picture and give yourself a package.”

  “I’m supposed to be turning back to myself, Jill. I’m here with Kyle tonight, too.”

  “Not till we clear this matter up,” she said firmly. When Claire opened her mouth to argue, Jill added, “You agreed to be my date first.”

  Sighing, Claire lowered her head and concentrated on the picture, giving herself a definite bump where Brad’s package should have been.

  “Nice,” Jill said with approval, then turned to unlock the stall door. “Now we’d better get out of here before another guy comes in and sees us. Everyone would think we were having sex or something.”

  Jill had opened the stall door, but now paused as if reconsidering how bad an idea it would be for everyone to think she was having sex in the bathroom with Brad Cruise. Claire gave her a determined push forward. She just wanted to get this over with so she could get back to her date.

 
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