“Mandy, I’m not into the school thing at all. I’m passing because you’re helping me. Anyway, I have a meeting with this record label guy who’s coming to hear me play at Tink’s. If he likes what he hears, I might be going to LA in the fall to record a demo.”

  That nervous feeling in my stomach expanded. Billie’s dream was to go to Los Angeles and become a big singing sensation. She wrote amazing songs and had incredible skill playing a guitar, as well as a voice that made people stop and take notice. I wanted her to succeed more than anything, but I was afraid she’d leave everything behind—mainly me.

  “Your dream will come true. I have a good feeling about this.” I smiled and started to climb off the bed to use the bathroom, but Billie clasped the back of my head. Her eyes were like lasers, trying to reach into my brain. I closed my eyes, afraid I’d start crying.

  “Mandy, talk to me. Are you angry at me? Did I do something wrong?”

  I shook my head, unable to open my eyes. When Billie started kissing around my mouth, I cut off a sob and held her. I hid my face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent. She smelled so fresh and clean, I wanted to lick her skin and let her taste dissolve on my tongue. I’d never done that before, given her a hickey. Maybe I would tonight.

  “Babe, you’re scaring me.” She lifted my head, and I sniffed and blinked back those stupid tears forming in my eyes.

  “I’m afraid you’re going to hit it big and forget me and all of this.” I motioned around her cluttered bedroom full of music industry magazines, her CD collection, and piles of discarded clothes.

  “Whatever happens, I’ll never, ever forget you! My music makes me believe I’m worth something and I belong somewhere. But you, Amanda Barkley, own me. If I didn’t have you in my life, I would hate it. I-I love you.”

  “Y-you love me?” I whispered. Billie had never said it before.

  She kissed me, and our lips clung to one another. I couldn’t stop kissing her. We landed back on the bed, and in between all those wonderful kisses, I told her I loved her, too.

  We both gasped for breath, overcome with emotion. Soon my T-shirt and bra, as well as my underwear and jeans, and Billie’s, flew across the room. We wrapped our arms around one another and tangled our legs together.

  “No matter what happens, I want you with me always, even if it means moving across country.” She ran her palms over my shoulders and chest. “Say you’ll want to be with me no matter what.”

  “Yes, no matter what,” I said, and with a kiss, showed her how much.

  Billie did the same with her amazing kisses and touches, making my body hum with consuming pleasure.

  That night would stay with me forever….

  A child’s shriek brought me out of my memory and I sat up, wincing from the concrete digging into my back. A scraping sound off to my right invaded the nature sounds, and I stiffened. Billie dropped down next to me as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, hoping my aggravation came through loud and clear.

  She rested her forearms on her knees and smiled. “I saw you leave your house and followed you.”

  “Now you’re a stalker?” I shifted away to put more space between us.

  If she noticed, she didn’t react or make a comment. She focused on the ground. “I used to love when we came here to study. We were so carefree then with no problems or drama.”

  I peeked at her from the corner of my eye. It was on the tip of my tongue to demand she explain further, but that would mean I would have to stay in her company, and I couldn’t trust myself to keep from kissing her. “We’ll never be able to go back to what we had when we were seventeen. Too much time has passed and we now live—”

  “Give it a rest.” She twisted around with a huffy look. “I know you’re angry, and you still have this grudge against me, but enough is enough. Give it a rest.”

  I shot to my feet and lifted my fist, trembling with rage.

  She stood and held out her arms. “Would it make you feel better if you hit me?”

  I dropped my hand. I had never hit anyone. Billie brought out all these crazy emotions to the surface and it scared me.

  “Hitting you won’t make the hurt go away.” I rubbed my chest where it stung.

  She took a step in closer, and when she stroked the side of my face and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, I didn’t push her away. It had been too long since another person—a lover—had touched me. Even though I was ticked off by Billie’s sudden reappearance in my life, I still responded to her. She had been the only one who made me feel special.

  “I never meant to hurt you.” She ran her fingers down the side of my throat. It was so hard not to close my eyes and cherish her touch.

  “I need time to think things over, to get my emotions in check. Can you respect that for now? When I’m ready we can—”

  “Ready?” She snorted and rested her palm on my shoulder. “You’re never going to be ready. You’re making excuses because you’re scared of how I make you feel. I’m not going away like the last time. I’m here to stay.”

  I jerked my shoulder away and hugged my chest. I wanted to believe her. Part of me started to, but I was still uncertain, and, yes, afraid like she pointed out. If I allowed Billie back into my life and opened my heart and body to her and she left a second time, I didn’t think I would survive the aftermath.

  She didn’t force the issue anymore, just opened her messenger bag. Out came a square envelope.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “One of the reasons I came back was to celebrate Aunt Leah’s sixtieth birthday. Her party is next Saturday. You’re invited.”

  I didn’t take the envelope. Billie sighed and put it down on the step. “Your parents also. You have to come.”

  “Have to? You’re giving me an order?” I shook my head. “I work Saturday nights.”

  “Then take the night off,” she gritted out. Her face flushed, she tapped her foot.

  “What if I don’t?” I taunted her for my own perverse enjoyment.

  She rolled her tongue in between her teeth. “Then you won’t like what I’ll do next.”

  “What the fu—”

  She launched forward and enclosed me in her embrace. I had just landed my palms against her chest to thrust her away when her mouth came down on mine in a hard suction. I saw stars and tried moving my mouth away. Billie’s tongue flicked over my lips, close to slipping inside, but I lifted my arms up and broke her hold. I backed away, wiping my mouth and giving her a look that could kill.

  She smirked and ran her finger over her damp bottom lip. “Don’t mess with me. You might not like the consequences. Or maybe you will?” She walked backward and winked. “Come to the party. My aunt would love to see you there. We’ll talk then.”

  “Is this an ultimatum?” I wanted to curse at the hoarseness in my voice and how my lips continued tingling.

  “You can think of it that way. We’ve wasted enough time because we’re both too stubborn. It ends now.” She pointed her finger at me as she descended the steps onto the track. “You can see me before the party, if you want. If not, we’ll finish this next Saturday.”

  Stunned, I watched her walk away. It would be so easy to give in and see her before the time she requested—no, ordered. She was right, I was stubborn. If she wanted to see me, it would be on my terms.

  I took the envelope but didn’t open it. After another brisk walk around the park, I headed back home. If I did go to her aunt’s party, would I wear something to seduce or something more along the lines of protection?

  Chapter Five

  I had lost a piece of myself when Billie had left me. But if I wanted, I could regain everything I once had. All I had to do was accept Billie in my life again…take the chance. Perhaps it was time I did?

  I almost stayed home, but I refused to be a coward. Mom and Dad were all set to go to the party, but then she wasn’t feeling too well. She had horrible cramping in her legs and took a muscle relaxer, which made her sleepy. Dad wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone, so with their gift in hand, I went alone.

  Wanting to impress, I’d shopped the day before and bought a yellow strapless dress with a sweetheart neckline. A bright, sexy number and one Billie would appreciate. She’d always thought I looked best in bright colors, and I wanted to show I was willing to hear her out and would try to forgive and forget. I was tired of fighting. Each night leading up to Saturday left me with little sleep. I tossed and turned, searching for relief in my heart and body that only Billie could give.

  Tonight she would give me the relief I needed. This time I wouldn’t fight her.

  The temperature had dropped drastically with a storm forecasted to arrive by midnight. The ominous dark clouds and strong winds reminded me too much of the night when Mom had her car accident and almost died.

  The wind flipped my hair around as I entered the restaurant where the party was held, but I didn’t care. The windblown look went well along with my bronze eye shadow and peach blush and lip gloss. I had experimented with my makeup and decided on a more casual, breezy style for tonight’s celebration. I’d even given myself a French pedicure and manicure. I felt confident and self-assured. This time, Billie would be the one stunned silent.

  The hostess at the front gave me directions to the party. Groups of people filled the room. I searched the area but couldn’t spot Billie.

  “Amanda! I’m so happy you came.”

  Billie’s Aunt Leah and I hugged. She was overall a very cheerful person. After Billie’s mom had died from breast cancer, she and Uncle Felix took Billie in, no questions asked.

  “Happy birthday.” I gave her the gift certificate to a day spa in town.

  “Thank you, dear. Where are your parents?”

  “Mom’s not feeling too well. Dad stayed home with her,” I explained.

  Leah’s smile faltered, and she rubbed my arm. “I’ll make sure to stop by tomorrow and visit your mom.” Someone called for Leah and she left.

  Soon enough, I felt self-conscious, standing by myself. I scanned the room and headed for the bar where I could get a drink and…oh.

  Billie stood in the back corner, talking on the phone. Ivy’s arm slung around her shoulder. Both women wore tight, black cocktail dresses and matching high-heeled sandals. I took a breath, ready to join them, but Billie finished the call. She said something and Ivy clapped. They hugged and Ivy kissed her on the mouth. I stopped in my tracks, my heart plunging to the floor. Everything around me moved in slow motion. The kiss went on forever. Billie then cupped Ivy by the back of her head and their foreheads rested against one together.

  Billie used to do the same to me, especially after some heavy kissing. How dare she do the same with someone else!

  They smiled at one another, lost in their own world. I turned around and stomped over to the bar. I didn’t just order one glass of wine, but two, and drank them both down.

  ***

  Billie talked with many of the guests, the majority of the time with Ivy by her side. I kept to the corners, hiding behind groups of people or making small talk. I drank two more glasses of wine during the hour, which helped numb me.

  I waited for Billie to seek me out, but not once did she try to. I almost approached her, but then her uncle came over to me and we talked. Felix was a pretty okay guy but a chatterbox. More than half of what he said, I tuned out, concentrating on Billie and how happy she looked.

  When my head started spinning and my vision grew fuzzy from the wine, I knew I’d had enough. To regain control before Billie and I came in contact, I went to the women’s room. I gave myself a pep talk in the mirror, trying to trick myself into thinking the kiss Billie and Ivy shared was nothing more than simple affection between two friends.

  I left the bathroom to find Mother Nature’s fury in the huge windows in the foyer. Part of me wanted to stand outside and let the rain to pour over me and cleanse my soul. I jumped when a streak of lightning zipped down in the distance then a loud boom of thunder crashed.

  “I love wild storms like the one we’re having.”

  I continued to focus on the scene out the window even though Billie had joined me. It would have been easy to fall back against her instead of this constant push and pull we did.

  “I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You look incredible in this dress,” she whispered, and started to wrap her arms around my waist.

  I twisted around to face her. “Don’t touch me right now.”

  “Why?” She clasped my hip, and I swatted her away.

  “Shouldn’t you be with your girlfriend?” I stepped back, putting space between us.

  “Girlfriend? What are you talking about?” She looked confused. “If you mean Ivy, I told you, we’re just friends—”

  “Just friends?” I released a hollow laugh. “Your definition of friends must be different from mine. I saw you both kissing after you got off your cell. You two stuck together, and you didn’t look for me.”

  “Mandy, I can explain the call and why Ivy and I kissed, which isn’t what you’re thinking. Also, you should have come up to me, but you were probably hiding like you’ve been doing since I got back in town.”

  I dug my nails into my leg to keep from slapping Billie’s smirk off her face. I was so stupid to have come here. She’d been playing me for a fool. I was sick of it.

  The entire building shook as more thunder crashed overhead. Soon it would start raining, and I wanted to be home before it did. All I wanted to do was hide under my covers and go to sleep and forget Billie Layne existed.

  “This isn’t going to work. I can’t trust you.” I refused to meet her gaze. “It’s for the best if we stay away from one another—”

  “No!” Billie clutched my arms. Her wild expression stopped me from struggling. It was the first time I’d ever seen her so upset. I surrendered to her grip, those long fingers of hers.

  She must have sensed my compliance because she released my one arm and cupped my cheek. But when she dropped her forehead against mine, I jerked back and shook my head. The pain at seeing Billie do the same thing to Ivy an hour ago was still too fresh.

  Her mouth was a breath away from the top of my head. All I had to do was tilt my head back, lift up, and I could kiss her. How I wanted to, even with the hurt and anger I felt. I could accept her and use her for her body to relieve my frustrations that hadn’t been eased since she had left me.

  She continued playing with my hair, leaving a shiver in her wake. She inhaled through her nose and whispered my name. “I haven’t been completely honest. There’s another reason I came home, other than taking a break or coming back to celebrate my aunt’s birthday. I had to see you again, hoping you’d forgive me. I was so stupid for leaving without saying good-bye. I still do stupid things. A perfect example is not going to the doctor. You know how much I hate doctors?” Her voice shook and a wheeze came from her throat. I looked up then and my stomach lurched. Billie’s face had gone pale.

  I nodded, ignoring the tension surging through my body. “Do you mean you haven’t had a checkup or you were sick and waited until the last minute to go?”

  She swallowed hard. “Late last year, I thought I found a lump in my breast. I-I ignored it at first because the next time I checked, it seemed smaller. But then I started getting tired, and one time in the studio, I passed out. Ivy forced me to go to the doctor. He found some thickening around my breast.”

  “You have cancer?” I covered my mouth in shock.

  “I had a biopsy and the results were negative. It was only a scare. I fainted because I wasn’t sleeping or eating right and under a ton of stress. I constantly thought of my mom before she died and how much I missed her. I decided after my last album, I would take a break. I wanted to return to the place where I was happiest.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes with her shoulder. “I wanted to be with Aunt Leah and Uncle Felix and sleep in my old bedroom. I wanted to remember how it felt being safe with them, especially after my mom died.” This time, when she dropped her forehead against mine, I didn’t fight her.

  “Most importantly, I wanted to see you, the one I love most of all.”

  I opened my mouth, trying to find the right words to explain how I felt from what she just told me. I never got the chance. Billie placed her mouth on mine. Her lips were warm and dry. I wanted to moisten them, but I paused and enjoyed the moment, the one I’d waited six long years for.

  “Billie, Felix is asking for you.”

  Ivy stood there in a designer dress that would cost me a week’s paycheck. She shot me a warm smile.

  Billie dropped her arms and tilted her head to the right as if she expected me to say something.

  “You should see what your uncle wants.” I sat down and fiddled with the strap of my sandal. “I need to stop in the bathroom.”

  “Then you’ll come back to the party and sit with me?” she pled.

  “Sure.” I smiled brightly, hiding the fact I was ready to break down in tears. When the sky lit up and thunder crashed, I was surprised I didn’t fall to the floor in pieces.

  “Okay. Don’t take too long.” The old Billie was back, in control of the situation. She rolled back her shoulders and fluffed her hair.

  She’d have no argument from me. I concentrated on my sandal strap, anxious for her to leave. Finally, the sound of her footsteps dwindled. I peeked up. Ivy remained behind.

  “She told you about her health scare,” she stated.

  I rose from the chair and rubbed my arms. Rain hit the window and I froze. I couldn’t stay here. I was a total mess. I had to leave before I collapsed in a corner crying my eyes out.

  “Yes, she told me. It’s a lot to take in.” I willed my voice steady and opened my purse and took out my phone. I pretended to read a text message. “Damn, something’s come up with my mom. My dad wants me to come home. I should go.”