But as we stood there in silence, Anthony stroking my hair as I leaned into him, I just… breathed. The dam broke in a way, but it was like it had been eroding and crumbling for so long, the release didn’t come in the form of a violent flood. Just a sting in my eyes and a heavy exhalation against his shoulder.

  After a long, long time, he broke the silence. “I know it’s hard. But I’m glad you got to see your parents this Christmas.”

  “Me too.” I drew back, letting my gaze drift toward my family on the other side of the glass slider. “I don’t think I was as ready as I thought I was.” My own words pressed my shoulders down harder. “I don’t think there’s anything that can prepare you for your parents dying. Especially not dying this slowly.” I shakily wiped my eyes. “I just never thought it would happen while I was so… helpless. I can’t do anything for them. I can’t help them. I can’t even come down here and give my mom a break, you know?”

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured, rubbing my back gently.

  “Don’t get me wrong, okay?” I wiped a few more tears off my cheeks. “I’m really glad we came. This is—it’s probably Dad’s last Christmas, you know? I’m glad I didn’t miss it.”

  “But it’s still hard.” He drew me in a little closer. “And it’s okay if it’s hard.”

  I released a breath. “I know. It’s still…” Then I sighed. “God, I’m sorry. You didn’t sign up for—”

  “I signed up for being there for you,” he whispered. “That’s what boyfriends do.”

  “I know. But… I mean, you’ve done so much for me…” I ran my fingers through his hair. “This all feels so… one-sided.”

  “It isn’t.” Anthony took my hand and pressed a kiss to the middle of my palm. “It doesn’t have to be quid pro quo.”

  “But it should be give and take. And all I’ve done is take.”

  He was already shaking his head. “No. You haven’t.”

  I stared at him. “You took me in off the street. You outfitted me to hell and back so I could go back out there, and then you kept me in your house anyway. And you…” I gestured at my parents’ house.

  The soft smile made me weak. “And I enjoy being with you. It might not sound like a lot, but just being there—being my friend, and now this—I can’t tell you how much I’ve been needing that.” He tipped up my chin and kissed me gently. “You think you owe me or that you’re not pulling your weight, but the way I see it, you’re giving as good as you’re getting.”

  “How can I be?” I whispered.

  His eyes unfocused for a moment as if he were getting his thoughts in order. Then he looked at me again. “Right now, you’re going through a lot of shit. You need more than I do. A year from now, things could be going smoothly for you, and I could be laid up from an injury or something.” He stroked his thumb along my jaw. “Then I might not be able to do much for you, but my gut tells me you’d be there for me.”

  “Absolutely,” I breathed.

  Anthony smiled again. “That’s how relationships work, you know? Sometimes one person needs more than the other. Then later on, the other needs more. I’m not keeping score. I just… I want to be here for you right now and give you what you need. Because I care about you. Not because I’m expecting you to reciprocate or because I think you owe me. You don’t.” He kissed me again, letting it linger for a few heartbeats. “I’m happy when I’m with you. That’s what matters to me.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. “Being with you is the closest to happy I’ve been in a long, long time.”

  “Perfect,” he said, and claimed my mouth.

  God, I really was the luckiest man alive.

  The thought almost made me laugh, if only because I didn’t know how else to react to it. With everything I’d been through, with everything I was still going through, “lucky” hadn’t been an adjective I’d have picked to describe myself. Not for a very, very long time.

  But standing out here in the arms of a man who’d saved my life…

  Holding him in the warm light of my childhood home on Christmas Eve…

  Knowing my dog and I would be spending yet another night safe, warm, and fed…

  Fuck yeah. I was the luckiest man on the damn planet.

  I touched my forehead to his. “Thank you again. I know I keep saying that, but…” I ran out of breath. “Just. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Anthony carded his fingers through my hair, which I loved. “I’m serious, by the way. There’s no quid pro quo here. What I want is you, and for you to be happy. Full stop.”

  “Is that really enough?” As soon as the words were out, I cringed, because Jesus Christ, that sounded pathetic.

  He just smiled, though. “Honestly? It’s exactly what I need and what I want. I’ve been with someone who has money and buys me expensive cars and…” He shook his head. “That’s not what I wanted then, and it isn’t what I want now. I’m getting everything I want and need out of this. I promise.”

  I searched his expression, sure there had to be a catch or that he wasn’t being completely honest. But all I found in those beautiful brown eyes was sincerity. “You’re amazing. You know that?” He opened his mouth to respond, but I put my finger to his lips. “Don’t argue with me. You are. So just live with it.”

  He blinked, but then he laughed, and he nudged my hand away so he could kiss me again. I grinned against his lips before losing myself in that kiss.

  We needed to go back inside and rejoin the family, and we would. A few minutes of this wouldn’t be the end of the world, though, so I wasn’t in any hurry to see this moment end.

  Holding him like this with everything he’d said echoing in my ears, I couldn’t help thinking this had felt inevitable from the start. Of course it hadn’t even crossed my mind to hook up with him, never mind start dating him or having all these feelings for him, until we’d known each other a while. Still, in hindsight, it just seemed like this had been the road we were on from day one, even if neither of us had realized it.

  It was hard to believe we’d known each other for less than two months. He was one of those people who landed in my life and seemed like he’d been here forever.

  And although it was far, far too soon to be thinking about the long term…

  I hoped he’d be here forever.

  Chapter 35

  Anthony

  Wyatt warned me when we got back to the hotel that it would probably be a rough night. I wasn’t surprised. Though the time we’d spent with his family had been happy and fun, there was that undercurrent of stress and worry that was impossible to ignore. His dad was sick. His mom was exhausted. And something kept passing between Wyatt and Jon that reminded me of Simon and me—when two people were resolutely refusing to talk about something that was going to fester until they did talk about it.

  By the time we made it back to the hotel, exhaustion had been radiating off Wyatt. He’d even given the minibar a longing look, though he hadn’t indulged.

  And it was no surprise at all when a nightmare had us all wide awake.

  Lily was the first to react. She switched on the light, and she jostled me out of a sound sleep when she ran over me to get to Wyatt. By the time my brain had caught up, she was already on his chest and licking his face.

  Wyatt, thank God, was awake, too. His eyes were closed, but he was petting Lily with trembling hands.

  I slid closer to both of them. “Hey. You okay?”

  Eyes still closed, he swallowed hard and nodded. His voice came out hoarse as he said, “I’m good.”

  I patted Lily’s side. Hopefully that wouldn’t distract her, but she deserved the praise.

  “I’m sorry,” he croaked, wiping a shaky hand over his face. “I knew this would happen tonight. I should’ve—”

  “Don’t,” I whispered, and kissed his temple again. “I just want you to be okay.”

  His laugh was bitter and dry. “God, I fucking wish.” He swallowed again, harder this time, and his voice almost cracked as he said, “That’s the one thing I want more than anything in the world—to just… be okay.”

  I stroked his hair, not sure how to respond.

  “It’s exhausting,” he whispered. “Everything in my life is—I mean, my head’s fucked up, so everything else is too. I can’t get away from it. My dad, my mental health, my financial situation—I can’t sleep. I can’t have conversations without dodging landmines. I can’t…” He sighed, turning exhausted, wet eyes on me. “I miss being okay.”

  “I know you do.” I had no idea what else to say, because I couldn’t imagine.

  Wyatt gently urged Lily to get up. She reluctantly did, pausing to lick his chin.

  “I’m okay, baby,” he said as he patted her shoulder. “You did good. I’m okay.”

  Her tail wagged tentatively, and he let a faint smile break through. Well, there was that. I didn’t know what to do or say in these moments, but Lily always seemed to know what he needed.

  She finally got up enough that he could sit up, and he pressed his elbows into his thighs as he kneaded his temples. “This fucking sucks.”

  I sat beside him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Is there anything I can do?”

  He pushed out a long breath as he leaned against me. “There isn’t anything anyone can do. But…” He tipped up his chin and kissed me softly. “This helps a lot. I’m sorry it fucks up your sleep, though.”

  “I’ll be fine.” I pulled him closer and stroked his hair. “I’m just glad you have Lily for when I’m not there. She’s good at what she does.”

  Wyatt relaxed a little, and as he petted her, he said, “Don’t know what I’d do without her.” After a moment, he lifted his head and met my gaze. “It’s… I’ve weathered this for a long time either on my own or with her. But having you here—that helps too. A lot.”

  I managed a tired smile as I carded my fingers through his hair. “Just tell me if there’s anything more I can do.”

  He just kissed me lightly and leaned against me again.

  I closed my eyes and held him. This hadn’t been the worst night since we’d been sleeping together. Sometimes the nightmares came on so fast and fierce, even Lily couldn’t wake him up before he was thrashing and shouting. She’d been ahead of the dreams tonight, though, and I was grateful for that.

  After a while, Wyatt said, “I think the worst part is knowing I’ll never be completely okay. Some things will get better, but other things…” He sighed. “My leg will grow back before some of this other shit ever goes away, you know?”

  I grimaced. “That’s a lot. I’m sorry.”

  “But I have a lot of support.” He took my hand and met my gaze with a faint smile. “You’ve made a big difference. Today was hard in a lot of ways, but I’m really, really glad we did this. Even if…” He gestured at his head.

  “Just say the word if there’s any other way I can help.”

  Wyatt was already shaking his head, and his smile came more fully to life. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

  He kissed me before I could argue, so I didn’t.

  I was glad I could help him through the hard stuff. And I was glad I’d come to Oregon with him, both to support him and just… to be with him.

  I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.

  We weren’t due back at the family’s house until about eleven. Though Christmas morning breakfast was a tradition, his mom had decided it would be brunch this year.

  That gave us time to sleep in a little and make up for last night. After all, nightmares never came alone—there’d been three that I could recall. It was for the best we both had a chance to catch up on sleep instead of showing up looking like zombies and worrying the family.

  It also gave me a chance to call my parents, who were spending the holidays in Greece. I was thrilled they were finally getting to see the world; though I was often hesitant to spend money on myself, I happily sent them anywhere they wanted to go in the most luxurious accommodations I could find. After all the sacrifices they’d made for me, they deserved it.

  “You really need to come here someday yourself!” Mom exclaimed from the deck of their Santorini hotel. “It’s beautiful, and the food is amazing!”

  “It’s on my bucket list,” I said with a smile. “That’s why I sent you guys there—so you could tell me if it’s worth visiting.”

  Dad tsked. “Ah, there it is. We’re just your travel reviewers.”

  With the most playfully indifferent shrug I could muster, I said, “Pretty much, yeah.”

  My parents laughed. They regaled me with all the adventures they’d been having, and how they’d met another couple who knew some of the hole-in-the-wall restaurants the locals visited.

  “Make sure you write them down for me,” I said. “Those are the best places to eat!”

  “They’ve been amazing so far,” Dad said. “Well, except that one place. Ugh. What a disgrace.”

  Mom also grimaced. “We should’ve known it was bad when it was empty on a Friday night.”

  And of course, the conversation eventually landed in a predictable spot:

  “Where’s Simon?” Mom asked. “Aren’t you two visiting his family?”

  “We are,” I lied through my teeth. “He’s taking a shower, and then we’re heading over. I’ll tell him you said hi, though.”

  “Tell him and the whole family we said Merry Christmas.”

  “Will do.”

  After we’d ended the call, I indulged in a moment of self-loathing. I hated lying to them. I hated that I couldn’t even tell my parents what was going on with Simon and me. They wouldn’t go to the press or anything, but my mom would worry herself sick over both of us for as long as we had to keep things a secret. It was easier to just let them think everything was fine. Fortunately, Simon and I always stayed in a hotel when we visited his folks, since while they were absolutely lovely people and had plenty of room, they were… a lot. We both needed the escape to a hotel to decompress each night.

  Weirdly, I wasn’t hit with much sadness or nostalgia about those trips. I’d adored his family and enjoyed the visits, but I didn’t miss them as much as I was relieved to be done with Simon. Right now, I felt about as sad about losing them as I had a favorite sweatshirt my ex-girlfriend had stolen—kinda bummed, but hardly mourning.

  Something told me that meant Simon and I should’ve broken up a long time ago.

  I glanced up as Wyatt and Lily came out of the bathroom. His hair was wet and his jaw was freshly shaved, a towel around his waist and all his ink on display.

  The melancholy fluttered away, replaced by that little jump in my heartrate that happened every time I saw him.

  He met my gaze and paused, eyeing me. “What?”

  “Nothing.” I got up and came closer. Tugging at his towel, I murmured against his lips, “Just wondering if I get to open my Christmas present?”

  Wyatt laughed softly, sliding his hands up my back. “We need to leave in like twenty minutes.” He nipped my lower lip. “Think that’s enough time?”

  I pulled the towel free and let it drop to the floor. “More than enough time.”

  Chapter 36

  Wyatt

  Christmas morning at my parents’ house was as perfect as it could be under the circumstances. We’d started later than usual because Dad needed some extra time to get moving, which had also given Anthony and me a chance to sleep in and enjoy a little one-on-one time. After we’d arrived, Jon and I made brunch to give Mom a break. My oldest brother, Derek, was still on the East Coast, but he called, so we all had a chance to talk to him and the kids.

  Considering how I’d been expecting to spend this Christmas just a few weeks ago, I had no complaints. As we settled in to open gifts in the living room, I was just grateful that the man sitting beside me had turned my world on its head.

  I came so close to missing this.

  My brother situated himself by the modest pile of presents so he could distribute them to everyone. That gave me another little pang of sadness; Dad had always been the one to hand out gifts, but it was just too hard for him to get up and down anymore.

  He was here, though. Awake, alert, and smiling as he tore open some wrapping paper to reveal a new ereader. He watched my mom happily as she opened up the new set of mixing bowls she’d asked him for. And he seemed to enjoy watching my brother, me, and Anthony unwrapping the jackets he’d bought all three of us.

  “I hope that’s the right size, Anthony,” he said. “If it’s not, there’s a gift receipt so you can exchange it.”

  “No, it’s great.” Anthony smiled. “If it’s a little big, it’ll be perfect to put a few extra layers on, especially when I’m in Winnipeg or something in the dead of winter.”

  “Ooh, that sounds way too cold.” Mom chafed her arms. “No, thank you.”

  “Right?” Anthony made a face. “Every year I hope we’ll play up there in like October or April, but no, it’s always the middle of February or something.” He rolled his eyes.

  “Aww.” I nudged him with my elbow. “And they make you spend the whole time outside and not in a swanky hotel, don’t they?”

  “Hey.” He nudged me back. “We still have to walk from the bus!”

  “Mmhmm, and this is the world’s smallest violin…”

  Anthony laughed and elbowed me. “Shut up.”

  We continued through gifts. I was relieved I’d been able to spare some of my VA money to buy some small things for my family. A new pair of gloves for Mom since hers had holes in them. A gift card for Dad to load up that ereader, since he apparently blew through a lot of books at his chemo appointments. The wallet Jon had been asking for to replace his before it fell apart.

  There wasn’t much I could give Anthony, since God knew he had everything, but he’d left one of his favorite travel mugs on a bus recently. I’d found one that had a grumpy-looking gray cat with the words, Fine, here’s your coffee. Now feed us, human.