Simon rolled his eyes. “So it’s my fault. Again.”

  “What did you want me to do?” I didn’t bother trying to hide my exasperation. “I wasn’t going to try to have sex with you when you wouldn’t even look at me.”

  He scowled, and I could hear the counterargument coming. Didn’t know exactly what he’d say, only that he was going to try to twist things to make me look like the bad guy. And quite frankly, I was done with that shit.

  “Look,” I said before he had a chance to speak. “We’re done. It’s over. I’m sorry if I didn’t make you feel like I wanted us to stay together. And the pressure we were under—that we’re still under—it fucked us up. I don’t think either of us can deny that. If the team hadn’t put our balls in a vise like that, maybe we’d have had an easier time. But the fact is… we’re done. And we still have to coexist.”

  Simon glared at me. “So what do you want? You just want me to pretend everything is sunshine and roses, and that I’m happy you’re with that asshole?”

  It took everything I had not to lash out in defense of Wyatt. I hated the way Simon talked about him, but this was damage control time. I needed us to come to some kind of agreement so we could function together until the season was over.

  So I swallowed my frustration and quietly said, “I’m not asking you to like anything. I’m not even asking you to like me. We just have to be teammates and convince the cameras we’re still a couple. Beyond that?” I shook my head. “No, I don’t expect you to be happy about it.”

  Simon scowled and looked away.

  “It’s like you said when we broke up,” I said gently. “We just have to get through this season, and then we’ll be able to show the team management that we can clearly coexist as exes. Then we won’t have to room together anymore or pretend everything is okay.” I exhaled. “It’s just a few more months.”

  “Yeah, easy for you to say,” he muttered. “You’re living in the big house with a brand-new piece of ass.”

  “Moving out was your choice,” I said. “You want to trade?” I gestured at the apartment around us. “You want us to move in here while you go back to the house?”

  “Us,” he spat. “Christ, you really are already shacking up, aren’t you? And I wasn’t supposed to get suspicious when some random ‘friend of a friend’”—he made viciously sarcastic air quotes—“had nowhere else to go?”

  “I never laid a hand on him until after we split up,” I growled. “Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn if you believe me or not. I never cheated on you, and that’s a fact. But you’re avoiding my question. Do you want the house? Would that make you happy? Because we’ll move out if—”

  “Keep the house,” he snarled. “I don’t want to live there now that I’ve seen what the two of you have done to that living room and kitchen.”

  I rolled my eyes. “No one made you look at the cameras.”

  “Whatever.”

  Ugh. For fuck’s sake. Why in the world had I tried so hard to stay with this man? Because it wasn’t all in the name of protecting our careers. I’d loved him. I’d wanted us to be together the way we’d talked about. All those nights of fantasizing about off season vacations and the post-retirement good life—I’d really believed in that. Now, the thought of spending another minute with this man—never mind till death do we part—made me sick.

  “We’re miserable, Simon,” I told him. “We were miserable the last year we were together, and we’re miserable now. The only solution is to agree to move forward until we can finally be open about breaking up.”

  He met my gaze with angry, hurt eyes. “Oh yeah. You’re definitely miserable. You’ve got—”

  “None of this has anything to do with Wyatt,” I snapped. “You’ve tried to make it about him at every turn, but this all comes back to you and me. No one else. And the solution comes down to you and me.” I spread my arms. “So tell me what I can do and what you’re willing to do.”

  He stared at the floor between us for a long moment. Knowing him, he wanted to fight. He wanted to rip everything we’d had to shreds and probably blame both Wyatt and me for everything. But right in front of my eyes, the fight went out of him. Slouching against the door, he looked absolutely drained.

  The impulse to cross the room and hug him was almost irresistible. I felt guilty for staying where I was; despite everything, there was still a part of me that loved and cared for this man. I didn’t enjoy seeing him upset or hurt. I wasn’t finding any thrill or satisfaction out of watching him squirm.

  But I had to keep the lines clear, and comforting him would just blur them.

  I stayed put, silently waiting for him to gather his thoughts and tell me where we went from here. Was this what it meant when someone said they had to be cruel to be kind? Because it sure felt like it.

  Finally, he pushed himself off the door and stood straight, meeting my gaze. “You’ve made your decision. So I guess all I can really do is make peace with it.”

  I bit back a retort that he’d made the decision. If he needed to blame this on me, then… God, fine. Whatever it took to put it all to bed. “Okay. So we just do our thing in front of the cameras and our teammates, and the rest of the time…”

  “I guess, so, yeah.” He stepped away from the door, leaving me a clear path out of the apartment. “Was there anything else?”

  “No.” I took a step toward the door, but hesitated. “I do want you to be happy, you know.”

  Simon didn’t speak. He wouldn’t even look at me.

  What else could I do but go?

  I left his apartment and walked down to my car. After I’d started the engine, I sat there for a moment, gazing up at Simon’s place.

  I wouldn’t call any of this closure. I wasn’t even sure we’d settled anything, honestly. All I could hope for was that he really could make peace with this—with the arrangement he’d wanted—and we could get to the end of this hockey season without killing each other.

  Sighing, I backed out of the space and headed back to the home we’d once shared in Medina.

  Chapter 40

  Wyatt

  “So?” I studied Anthony as he took off his jacket. “How’d it go?”

  “Well, it’s done.” He hung his jacket on the back of a barstool. “Can’t say it was the most fun thing I ever experienced, but it’s over.”

  “That’s good. And it went… as well as it could have?”

  He nodded and went around the island. As he pulled a glass down from the cabinet and moved to the fridge’s water dispenser, he said, “Rooming with him is still going to suck, but at least we’ve settled things as much as we ever will.” After he’d filled his glass, he took a deep swallow of water. “You want to hear some bullshit?”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Am I right in assuming it’s bullshit that came out of his mouth?”

  Anthony laughed dryly. “Ooh, yeah.”

  I leaned my hip against the island and hooked my thumbs in my pockets. “Well, now I’m definitely curious.”

  He took another drink, and as he put the glass down on the counter, he rolled his eyes. “He got mad because he thought you interfered with his plan.”

  I straightened. “What plan? And I interfered? How?”

  “I guess he thought that after he broke up with me, I’d fall all over myself to win him back. He’s convinced that I didn’t do that because I wanted you instead.” He paused. Then his humor faded, and he met my gaze. “Now that I think about it, he might be at least partly right.”

  “How so?”

  “I wasn’t going to come crawling back to him.” He paused. “I hope I wouldn’t have. Anyway.” He shook himself. “The part he’s right about is that by the time he realized I wasn’t trying to win him back, I was focused on you. He didn’t have a chance with me after he ended things, but he’s absolutely right that something better came along and made me realize how much I’d been missing with him.”

  I had no idea how to respond to that.

  “I know we’ve only been doing this for a little while.” Anthony came closer and rested a hand on my waist. “But I like this. What we’re doing. And, yeah, being with you definitely made me see that I don’t have to settle for him.”

  I blinked. “Oh. Really?”

  “Yes.” He leaned in to kiss me softly. “I like this. I like how I feel when I’m with you, and not just because you’re the lesser of two evils. To be honest…” He held my gaze for a couple of long seconds. “You’re everything I thought I had with him.”

  I was so caught off-guard, I didn’t know what to say. I’d expected him to be all up in his feelings when he came back from confronting Simon, but this? Pouring his heart out to me? Holy shit.

  And the more I thought about it, the more my heart sank, because while I might’ve been more appealing next to Simon, I was a package deal.

  “I like what we’re doing, too,” I whispered. “This is—all of it, it’s been amazing. But… Being with me is…” I swallowed hard, then blurted out, “What do I even bring to the table?”

  Anthony cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

  “Look at us, Anthony,” I whispered shakily. “Look at how we crossed paths, for God’s sake.”

  He furrowed his brow as if he were thinking about what I’d said. Then he half-shrugged. “Kind of seems like fate to me.”

  “It… I mean, maybe? And don’t get me wrong—you’ve completely changed my life for the better. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say you saved my life.” I pushed out a ragged breath. “I can’t… What have I done for you?”

  He stared at me as if he couldn’t comprehend what I was getting at.

  I leaned hard against the counter and laughed uncomfortably. “I’m not stupid, okay? You’re a rich, beautiful athlete. You could have any man you wanted. And I’m…” I gestured at myself. “Look at me.”

  “I am, and I don’t see anything lacking.”

  I laughed humorlessly. “Come on. I’m broke as hell. My body’s a mess and my mind is even worse. I can’t function without Lily making sure I don’t lose my mind whether I’m asleep or awake. I can’t convince the VA I’m disabled but I can’t convince an employer I’m able-bodied enough to work.” I almost choked on my own words as I whispered, “You can do so much better than me.”

  Anthony’s lips parted. “What? You think any of those things makes you someone I wouldn’t want?”

  The words “No one else wants this shitshow, why should you?” stuck in my throat, mostly because I couldn’t get enough air moving to say them.

  He reeled me in close and kissed my forehead. “You’re selling yourself incredibly short. Look at my ex, for God’s sake. He’s everything you’re worried you’re not—healthy, wealthy, employed…” Anthony drew back a little and waved his hand. “I’ve had a rich boyfriend who was in peak physical condition. Everything you’re worried about not bringing to the table? Simon brought it.” He shook his head. “And given the choice between the two of you? I’d pick you in a heartbeat. I was miserable with him because of all the things he wasn’t that you are.”

  I swallowed hard. I wanted so, so badly to believe that, but it didn’t seem possible. Yeah, we were great together. We had a lot of fun together and we clicked really well. But life with me was not set to easy mode.

  Before I could say anything more, Anthony cupped my face and pressed the softest, gentlest kiss to my lips. “You think you bring nothing to the table because life knocked you around before you got here.” He brushed his lips across mine again. “When I look at you, I see everything I could ever want in a man.”

  My eyes stung, and I dropped my gaze because I couldn’t handle looking at him.

  “Wyatt. Listen to me.” He cupped my face in both hands and ran the pad of his thumb along my cheekbone. “I don’t need or want anything from you that I’m not already getting in spades.”

  “You don’t need or want all the bullshit, either,” I whispered unsteadily. “I sure as hell don’t, but it’s not like I have a choice about it, you know? You do.”

  “You’re right. I do have a choice.” He claimed my mouth and made my knees go weak. It wasn’t a hard, aggressive kiss. Not the kind that would have us stripping off our clothes right here in the kitchen. No, it was the kind that said he knew exactly what he had and what he wanted, and somehow, both of those were me, and… fuck. I had to grab on to his shoulders just to keep from melting to the floor, and he nudged me back up against the kitchen island as if he knew I needed the support. As if he needed the support.

  When he finally relented, I was shaking and he was panting.

  “I do have a choice,” he said again, “and my choice is you. Hands down.”

  “You, um…” I swallowed. “You make a very compelling argument.”

  We both laughed, which got some air moving again.

  Relaxing between him and the counter, I touched his face and kissed him, softer and lighter this time. “I don’t know if I can live up to what you deserve,” I said unsteadily. “But you better believe I’m gonna try.”

  His grin didn’t help with my balance at all. Neither did that long, indulgent kiss.

  “Maybe we should take this upstairs,” I murmured between kisses. “So I can get on that whole ‘trying to be what you deserve’ thing.”

  Anthony laughed almost soundlessly. “Mmm, you don’t have to worry about that part. But I won’t say no to going upstairs.”

  Well after the dust had settled and we were relaxing naked in his bed, Anthony was unnervingly quiet. He was still cuddled against me, an arm across my stomach and his head resting on my shoulder, but we hadn’t spoken in a long time. Though he was still awake, I got the feeling his thoughts were someplace else.

  “Hey.” I combed my fingers through his hair. “You still here?”

  “Yeah. I’m…” He exhaled and shifted onto his arm, pushing himself up so we could see each other. “Just thinking.”

  I watched him silently.

  His eyes unfocused for a moment as he seemed to gather his thoughts, and I just waited quietly for him to decide what he wanted to say. Finally, he met my gaze again. “I really want to do this with you. Wherever it goes, whatever happens—I’m in.” He laced our fingers together on my stomach. “But the secrecy…”

  My heart sank. Of course there had to be something. I knew this was too good to be—

  “I want us to be able to go public.”

  I tensed. “You… Are you serious?”

  Anthony nodded. “I’m tired of putting on a show just to keep my professional life on the rails. I think…” He chewed his lip. “I think I want to tell the team management. Let them know Simon and I broke up.” He paused, then closed his eyes and released a long breath. “God, now that I’ve said it out loud—I need to do it.”

  “But what about your career?”

  “I think if I sit everyone down,” he explained, “Coach, the GM, the PR director—whoever. If Simon and I sit them down, explain we’ve been basically separated for months now without it seriously affecting the team—I mean, it’s more or less what Simon had in mind, just now instead of at the end of the season.”

  “How do you think that’ll go?”

  “It’s hard to say. I think Simon is right that if they realize we’ve functioned as exes without issue, then we should be okay. We stop rooming together. We stop with the charade of a happy couple.” He half-shrugged. “Nothing on the ice changes, because nothing on the ice has changed.”

  “What if they don’t take it well, though?”

  Anthony released a breath. “Then… I mean, getting traded or waived is always a possibility anyway. They might still decide to stick to their guns.”

  “But they might also decide everything is fine as is.”

  He nodded. “It’s a risk. But I think I’m going to bring it up to Simon tomorrow.”

  “What if he’s not onboard?”

  Anthony pursed his lips. “Honestly? I’ve been following his lead from the start on this. He’s been in the driver’s seat for everything. I’m making the decision this time. Especially since it isn’t like he’ll be the one who gets traded if it blows up.” He ran his thumb alongside mine on my chest. “It isn’t much different from what we’d already planned to do—just sooner. And… so I can go public with you.”

  “You really want us to go public?” Admittedly, the thought of being out in public the way someone in his world had to be—that was intimidating.

  “We don’t have to make a big thing out of it,” he said. “I just want us to be able to go out and not worry if someone thinks we’re together.” A small smile formed. “I want us to be able to go out and be obviously a couple, you know?”

  Our earlier conversation was still fresh in my mind, but that didn’t stop me from being blown away by those words. That being visibly a couple was something he wanted. With me. This beautiful man who could have anyone was onboard with people knowing—looking at us and knowing—he was with me, warts and all.

  “I want that, too.” My voice came out surprisingly thick. “I’m just amazed that you do.”

  His smile melted my heart. “I think you’ll get used to the idea.” Then he pushed himself up for a long, lazy kiss.

  I hoped I didn’t get used to it. I wanted to be constantly in awe that someone this perfect thought I was worthy and desirable.

  For the first time in years, I was grateful for the painful twists and turns my life had taken. They still sucked, and I would probably always be angry over some of them.

  But there was more gratitude and peace than there’d been in a long, long time.

  Because by some miracle, all those painful twists and turns had led me into Anthony’s arms.

  Chapter 41

  Anthony

  I hadn’t been this nervous since the first time Simon had picked me up after he’d moved out. This was a different kind of nerves, though. Instead of worrying about the eggshells I was walking on, I was nervous about the bomb I was about to drop.