“We’ve had a good life. I don’t know how you can pretend we didn’t.” His mother looked back and forth. “We did what was best. Your people wanted him to run and turn into an animal. She is like that. It’s what she does…” Her voice trailed off and her hands fell to her side.

  “Go to her. What do you have here? A big empty house? You can be a doctor there too.

  Megan is there. Don’t you want to be with her? Live in a Pack? You have no idea the amazing future you have awaiting you. If you only take the courage to grab it.” His father hugged him and comfort bloomed again.

  “Thank you, Dad. I have to go.” He turned and his mother grabbed his arm.

  “I did it because I love you.”

  “I know you do. But I am what she is too. What Dad is and I have to find a way to make this work because I love her. I’ve been spending so much time denying what I am that I lost sight of that. I have to go. If you call her again I won’t protect you from a whole bunch of pissed-off Warden wolves.” He hugged her and jogged to his car.

  What a fool he’d been.

  He dialed Layla and Sid’s house and got the machine. He dialed Megan but got her damned voicemail. He called Lex and Nina’s and finally got someone to answer.

  “Nina, this is Shane. Is Megan there?”

  “Shane who? I don’t know any Shane.” Nina’s voice was dry but the hostility came

  through loud and clear.

  “Okayokay so I deserve that. But I’m trying to make things right. Can I talk to her?” He narrowly missed rear-ending a semi truck.

  She’s not here. She and Adam are out at the coast for the weekend.” And she hung up.

  The coast? What the hell? It didn’t matter. He had work to do and a woman to really claim. He’d deal with whatever the hell was going on when he arrived.

  She needed the distraction. Megan lay in the sun, of the water soothing jangled nerves as she tried to nap. Unsuccessfully.

  She’d never had trouble sleeping before but damn if she wasn’t resorting to the herbal teas her grandmother made to try and get some rest. She missed him and his calls didn’t help her resolve to let him go. Damn it.

  Her muscles hurt, her head hurt and she wanted him.Shesmell him on her skin, to feel him against her body at night.Shemake him pancakes and bacon in the mornings and listen to the rumble of his voice through the wall of his chest as she sat snuggled against him.

  It was unfair, that’s what it was. Unfair. Why couldn’t he love her enough? He was so incredible, so sexy and intelligent and truly caring but he just couldn’t give over enough.

  Gah! Speaking of unfair, that’s what she was being. She knew it was way more complicated than him not loving her enough. In truth, her heart hurt for him because he was raised to fear and hate what he was. Where she was raised to love herself and her roots, he was raised to be ashamed. It was a wonder he was as strong and good a man as he was after the job his mother did on him. And his father too, she supposed. Her father went on runs with her once every two weeks, just to be with her. His father, from what she, had to hide his behavior as a wolf, if he ran at all. It was unimaginable to her, to be estranged from your own wolf, your identity! To not be close to your family. To not have the comfort of a Pack. She wanted that for Shane, knew it would help heal some of his

  hurts but he was afraid.

  She’d been with Adam the night before. He’d listened to her cry, handed her tissues and at the end, he’d told her she had to make some choices about where she planned to go.

  “You can keep this up and slowly fade away. You can fight for him, force him to see what he’s missing. Or you can let go, accept he won’t ever come to you and move on.

  I’m here for you no matter what, I love you. But you cannot go on this way.” He’d kissed her on the top of her head, tucked her hair behind her ear and had gone.

  His words echoed in her head as she pondered her options for the millionth time but just could not truly consider letting go.

  “You’re thinking about him again.”

  She cracked an eye open to find Nina leaning down, holding out a glass of iced tea.

  “What of it? Are you the thought patrol?”

  “Don’t try to out-bitch the master.” Nina stretched out next to her on a chaise lounge.

  “Just because you saved my life a few dozen times doesn’t give you the right to be snippy with me.”

  Megan rolled her eyes and sipped her tea. “Living with your bitchy ass has given me a lifetime pass. I can’t believe you told him I was at the coast with Adam.”

  “Look, okay yeah so I’ll give you the living with me means you can be snippy point. Like a thousand times more than you are. Thank God you’re the calm Warden, that’s all I can say. Well no,” Nina laughed, “I can say loads more, but you know what I mean.

  Anyhoodle, he needed to realize he could lose you. You have an Anchor. Adam would love to step into Shane’s place. Anyway, you’re at poolside with me, close enough. Your man needs to suck it up and deal. Good lord, look at you! If I was into girls I’d be all over you and stuff.”

  Megan choked on her tea a moment. “Um, thanks. Backatcha . But Adam isn’t like that!

  And also, you know he could be here now, Shane that is, and he’s not. So apparently he wasn’t that shaken up by the idea of me canoodling with Adam at the shore.”

  “Canoodling is such a weird word. Who made that shit up anyway?”

  “Focus! Everyone keeps saying stuff about Adam and it’s pissing me off. He has never made a single romantic advance toward me. He has encouraged me over and over to fight for Shane. He’s an honorable wolf and he’s my friend.” She growled and took a sip of her tea. “Anyway, you saidanyhoodle , that’s sort of a connected term in some sense isn’t it?”

  “Now who needs to focus?”

  She laughed. “You’re a bad influence on me. Don’t you have a husband to torment or?”

  “He’s off with Gabby and your dad. Daddy and Grandpa all day long, she’s going to be hell to get to bed tonight. Hey, let’s go outorso I don’t have to do it.” Nina grabbed her hand and squeezed and that meant so much. Nina knew her so well, knew how tormented she was and was there for her.

  “I’m having dinner with Adam at The Dahlia Lounge. Come with us. The whole gang will be there. ThenHiro can be on Gabby duty with Lex and my dad.”

  “Okay. Let’s go now so Lex can’t give me those damned eyes of his. You know the ones that resulted in Gabby’s existence to begin with.”

  “Ew.”

  “Don’t knock it. Hey, let’s call Layla too. Come on, Megan, she wants you to confide in her. She feels so lost right now.”

  Megan got up and pulled her T-shirt on and slid into her sandals. “Fine.”

  “You two are both stupid. She loves you.” Nina got up and followed her through the house, pausing to call Lex and tell him going to dinner.

  “I never said she didn’t love me. Again with all that assumption. Lay and I talk every day I’ll have you know. She and I are fine, we worked through this mess, or the best we could. And this time when you borrow my stuff you have to give it back.”

  “You love my quirky ways. Admit it.” Nina smirked as she belted in and Megan pulled down the long drive.

  “I admit no such thing. You stretch out my shoes, your child gets cereal bar gunk on my clothes and there are so many cheerios and goldfish in my seats I could live for a week if I got stranded. Your husband has put me in charge of your safety and you’re a magnet for trouble. You’re unbearably nosy, you have horrible taste in music and you eat marshmallow Peeps, which are disgusting.”

  “Like I said, you love my quirky ways. And all the more Peeps for me, bitch. Shut up with the whining now so I can call Layla.”

  Nina dialed and made arrangements while Megan tried to not think about any of this shit and failed.

  Chapter Eleven

  Tired but still running on the adrenaline of finally making a decision, Shane pulled into the driveway. Her car was there and when he opened the door, he heard the low rumble of music from inside.

  On the porch, his bag slipped from his fingers as he caught sight of her, curled up in a chair, looking out her back window.AniDiFranco’s “Grey” played on her stereo and the immense wall of her sadness swept him up and nearly knocked him to his knees.

  He whispered her name and she turned toward the front window next to her door and saw him. Her eyes were reddened and he knew he was the reason.

  She shook her head and he tapped three times. “Please, please open the door.”

  She stood and his heart slowed a moment as he took in how bad she looked. Her eyes were swollen, and dark smudges marked just below. Still, she was the most thing he’d ever seen.

  “Please.”

  She took a deep breath and moved to the door, standing in it to block his access.

  “What are you doing here?” Tears thickened her voice, cut to his heart, and his own blurred his vision just a moment.

  If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

  The track changed fromAni to Snow Patrol.

  “It’s like themixtape of our relationship.” He ate up every detail of her face, even the tears.

  “I can’t see you, Shane. It’s too much. Don’t make me tell you to leave again. It was hard enough the first time.” She took a step back but he reached out, cupped her cheek and she halted, leaning into his touch. Her breath hitched and he thumbed away her tears.

  “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. Give me a chance. A real one. Will you help me? Help me be a wolf? Help me accept us both?”

  “All that I am, all that I ever was… I want to love you but you’ve hurt me. I’m afraid if I let you in again you’ll destroy me.”

  He fell to his knees and buried his face against her belly. Her scent surrounded him, buffeted him, made him. Her fingers slid through his hair, against his scalp, down his neck.

  She sighed and he felt her resistance melt, and resolved to do whatever it took to make things right. To love her the way she was meant to be loved instead of the way he’d made her feel until then.

  “Open yourself then. To me. Come inside and let me touch you and your wolf.”

  Overjoyed and awed by her strength, he stood on shaky legs and grabbed his bag.

  “If you come through this door, you’re going to do this right? Because honestly I can’t take it if you reject me.”

  He kissed her, softly, just a breath of his lips against hers. “I’m fucking freaked out, but I trust you. I can’t promise it’ll be easy but I want to do this and I want you to help me. I

  just don’t know how.”

  “Come on then. Let me show you.”

  Her hands shook as she closed the door and locked it. “Come in. Why don’t you put your bag over there.” She indicated a space next to her couch. She wasn’t ready to invite him to unload in the bedroom yet.

  He did and turned to her. “I am so sorry. I…” He shrugged and she knew. She understood. But knowing didn’t mean she was ready to just let him hurt her again. She had to be sure he was ready to stand at her side.

  She touched him, his energy vibrated through his skin, his muscles taut against her palm.

  “Let’s take this one step at a time,?”

  They sat and he pulled her to him, holding her, breathing her in and she relaxed, needing the contact as much as he did.

  “Why are you here? Now instead of two weeks ago?”

  “Let me go back more okay? When I met you, when I Claimed you, I wanted you. It wasn’t just about fucking you, no matter what you think. I let my wolf take over in a way I hadn’t in many years, not more than a handful of times over my life. But then, okay so you came to my house and you held a mirror up to me and it sucked. You’re this fully formed person! I am not. I couldn’t handle it. So I pushed you away and then you left and I should have stopped you then but Ididn’tmy dad and Sid came to me and they said a lot of stuff that made sense and it gave me an excuse to finally reach out and call you and then of course I got to know you and the more I got to know you, the more I fell for you.”

  Sheinterrupt, to tell him he was fully formed but being stupid, but instead she let him talk. The way he rushed through his sentences told her if she interrupted he’d never get out what he needed to say.

  So she threaded her fingers through his and let him talk.

  “And I came up here and you were just so vivid. So full of life and so self-assured. You move with purpose, Megan. You take everything head on and that is so amazing, so sexy.

  I’m in awe of it. That night whenyourun with me?Iso badly but I couldn’t get it out of my head. My foreignness. What if I did it wrong? What if you were better at it than I was? What if you were disgusted by me?”

  He paused and she heard him swallow. She ached forhim,shake his mother and show her what she’d done to her child.

  “And so I opened myself to you the only way I felt I could and still be good at it. I don’t know! When we were together in bed, I felt like werewere totally connected but now I see you must have felt used, like it’s all I cared about. But that’s not how it was. Not how it is.

  “Back in Vegas I went to my parents’ house, a few days ago, and I confronted my mother about her call to you. When she told me what she’d said, I, my God, I didn’t know what to do or say to her. My father apologized for the way I was raised and urged me to come to you. I left and did some planning. But I went back to him the next day and we ran. As wolves. The last time we did that I was twenty-two! He apologized for not being a stronger force in my life, offered to come up here with me to help.”

  “If I ask you to run with me right now, would you?” She turned to look him in the eye.

  “Yes. I’d…I’ll admit I’m worried but yes, I would. I will. I want to have this with you.

  Do I want to hate what I am?”

  She shook her head. “I hope not. I love what you are. We can go slow. You ran with your father, that’s awesome. I want that with you. It’s important to me, I won’t lie. But we can take little steps. However, I can’t do this long distance thing. I just can’t. All cards on the table, I want a mate. I want a husband at my side have to come to Pack gatherings and do all the wolf stuff if it makes you but I am a werewolf and I am one openly. I want children, I won’t raise them to fear what they are.”

  “I made some calls over the last several days. I’m going to apply for my license to practice up here. I have some friends from medical school and Grace said she’d help me too. You were right, I did like her. She’s very much your advocate.” He grimaced. “She schooled me a bit onyoutoday , Nina, man oh man! She chewed me up and spit me out before she finally told me you weren’t at the coast at all but here. Anyway, I want to be here with you. I want to be your husband. I’ve never been in a Pack before. I’m not even particularly close to my family so I can’t promise it’s going to be smooth or easy but I want to try.”

  “Why? Why now? Two weeks ago you didn’t. Two weeks before that you didn’t. Why now?”

  “I’ve tried living without you and it sucks. I like you, Megan. And what’s more, I love you. The more I thought about you, about what we could have, the more I thought about what I didn’t have. I don’t have a full life, I do when I’m with you. And you know, Layla and my father and you too, you all served me some harsh truths about how I was raised and who I was taught to be. I’m choosing to not hate myself. I can be that with you. At your side I can be who I am. Or you make me want to work at it, at the very least.”

  For long moments she opened herself to their link. Letting herself feel just what he was saying openly and fully. She hadn’t done it since they first made the bond and he rushed through her, dizzying her, making her slightly drunk with him.

  Hope burst through her from the dying embers of just an hourbeforedesire .

  “Megan?” His pupils nearly swallowed all the color in his eye. “I know you felt like I was just using you for sex before and I’m sorry. But I’d love to…fuck, I’m dying to be inside you. I’ve been thinking of you nonstop, you know? Not just of you naked and beneath me but of your voice, the way your hair catches the light. Everything. But I can’t deny I don’t love to be with you naked and sweaty.”

  She stood and held a hand out. “Come on, I just put new sheets on the bed and the air conditioner is on in there. Let’s get sweaty.”

  The room was cool and the curtains had been drawn so it was dark, a refuge from the outside world. Even in the dark he could see her clearly as she reached to turn on a small bedside lamp.

  Without words she crossed the room and drew him closer to the bed. Slowly, she pulled his shirt up and over his head, her mouth leaving wet, hot kisses across his chest. Every place she touched burned, tingled with the electricity of their bond.

  He groaned, wanting her more, needing to crawl into her, taking refuge, being one with her in a way he’d craved since the very first moment he saw her at LAX. She called to him physically and emotionally from the start. It was more than the bond, it was simply her.

  “I love how you look. You’re so masculine, so handsome and strong.” Her lips moved against the sensitive skin of his neck as her hands smoothed down his back and grabbed hold of his ass, pulling him closer.

  “You’re going to kill me,” he moaned.

  “You’ll die happy,” she murmured as she dropped to her knees and unzipped his jeans.

  All the blood in his body rushed away from his head and straight to his cock as she pulled it free from his boxers. Eagerly, he kicked out of the pants and underwear, standing totally naked in front of her as she knelt.

  Beautiful.

  Slowly, agonizingly slowly, she leaned in and slid her tongue through the slick bead of pre-come on the head of his cock. Zings of sensation arced through him at the wet heat of her mouth as she surrounded his cock with it.