“Alright!” Travis exclaimed, surveying the table with a critical eye. “I think we’ve got enough food to feed about two dozen people, so what do you say we go ahead and eat?”

  Alex agreed and padded into the living room. “Alright, girls –”

  “And Juniper!” Lizzie said loudly, climbing off of the couch and hopping up and down with excitement.

  Alex glanced at Juniper and chuckled. “Yes, and Juniper. Food’s ready. Why don’t ya’ll come ahead and take your seats?”

  His girls practically sprinted in that direction, but just as Juniper was about to follow, her phone started ringing. She pulled it out of her purse and frowned when she saw who was calling.

  “Do you mind if I take this?” she asked, an apologetic expression on her face. “I’ll be really quick, and you guys can start without me.”

  “Sure,” Alex answered readily enough, although he couldn’t help being curious. “Take your time.”

  He followed his girls into the dining room and took his place beside his father at the head of the table. He still had a pretty good view of Juniper, though, and he could hear her low murmur into the phone. Neither one instilled him with any kind of confidence. Her face, moments ago alight with laughter, was now drawn with concern. Then he heard her tell whoever was on the other line that she could come in right away, and his stomach sank.

  He told himself to mind his own business, that she would tell him what was going on when and if she wanted him to know. Then he promptly rose and left the table without excusing himself, joining Juniper just as she hung up her phone.

  “Hey,” he said softly, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

  “No,” she answered with a frown. She ran a distracted hand through her hair, leaving it disheveled. “Not really. That was Margot. She said someone came in for their order, except it wasn’t there. Apparently, I was distracted and accidentally left it at the farm with the rest of the pieces instead of bringing it in like I was supposed to.”

  Alex swallowed hard. Was he part of the reason why she was distracted? She’d been spending a lot of time with him lately, and he knew that this was a particularly busy period for her business. Was he making problems for her? “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No, but thank you. Margot is friends with one of my uncle’s ranch hands—she’d sent him a text asking if he could pick the item up and run it over and he replied while she was on the phone with me, saying that he was on his way. So crisis averted, I guess.” The look on her face didn’t match her words.

  “It sounds like everything worked out okay,” he said tentatively.

  She gave him a half-hearted smile. “You’re right. Why don’t we go eat?”

  Alex agreed that it was just the thing to do, but he could see that the incident was still weighing heavily on her mind. She was only moving her food around on her plate without taking many bites when Travis finally broke the silence.

  “Having not made any of this food myself, I’m happy to report that it’s delicious.” He said, smacking his lips with satisfaction. “And I’m also happy to reiterate, Juniper, that it sure is nice to see you again. Feels like it’s been a lifetime, doesn’t it?”

  She laughed, but Alex could tell her heart wasn’t in it. “I guess it kind of has been. Or at least, it’s been quite a few years since I’ve been to one of the Harvey holiday gatherings, anyway.”

  “But you still fit in nicely, don’t you?” He was wearing his mischievous half-smile, and Alex didn’t like seeing that one bit.

  “I think so,” she said with a nervous laugh, glancing briefly in Alex’s direction.

  If Travis could see that he was making her uncomfortable, he didn’t let on. “Excellent. I think so, too. And I think it’s awesome that you can be here for the girls, and for my big brother.”

  “It is,” Alex said quickly. “It’s been really good for the girls, having her around from time to time.”

  He could feel the change in Juniper before he saw it. Then he looked at her face, saw the way it fell, and knew he had put his foot in his mouth. He could see that she wanted something more from him, and like a chump, he had failed to deliver. But he didn’t know what he’d done wrong. Juniper coming by had been good for the girls. He was grateful for that. How was it a bad thing for him to say so? Yet it clearly was.

  The rest of the table must have sensed it, too, because the meal finished in relative silence, and quickly. As soon as she was done, Juniper stood quickly. “This was so nice, but I should really get back to the shop and help Margot out.”

  Alex started to nod, feeling all around lousy now, but Lizzie protested loudly.

  “But I want you to read to us!” she demanded, her little face full of hope. “Read The Night Before Christmas!” She turned to look at Sophia. “That’s the tradition, right?”

  Sophia nodded. “Yeah, that’s the one that Mom used to read to us every year after brunch.”

  “Alright. I can manage that much before I go.” The girls all looked pleased, but Alex felt uneasy, and couldn’t quite explain why. He loved that the girls enjoyed Juniper’s company so much, and he hoped he was right in thinking that she had fun with them, too. But something about her reading this story that Fiona used to read…it didn’t seem right somehow.

  Then again, maybe that wasn’t his real problem after all. Maybe that unease he felt was because the connection seemed too easy and natural between Juniper and his daughters…but the connection between him and Juniper felt oddly frayed. After all, while Juniper had quickly given in to Lizzie’s request and had followed the girls into the other room, he couldn’t help noticing that she did not look at him once.

  15

  Alex stood in the doorway leading from the kitchen to the living room. He told himself to go in and join Juniper and the girls. He knew how much they would like it if he did, especially Thora, who was always so sensitive to the moods and needs of others. He couldn’t make himself do it, though. He couldn’t force himself to put one foot in front of the other, so he just stayed there, watching.

  He still couldn’t put his finger on why things seemed so unsettled. Maybe it was having his brothers back at home after such a long, sometimes-strained absence that had him feeling so off-kilter. It was bringing up memories he was in no way ready to confront. Or, perhaps, it was seeing all three of his girls wearing perfect braids just like Fiona used to give them. Whatever the culprit, he was feeling more than a little overwhelmed. Juniper was stepping into more and more of the roles Fiona had once filled, come to think of it.

  If he hadn’t seen it before, what he was watching now made it impossible to ignore. There sat Juniper, cross-legged on the couch. Lizzie lounged in her lap, leaning back comfortably and absent-mindedly sucking her thumb. Sophia and Thora sat on either side of her, leaning in contentedly to see the book’s pictures as the pages turned. They looked completely comfortable, as if this were exactly where they belonged. As if they were a family.

  “She’s really good with them, isn’t she?”

  Alex started a little as Travis came up beside him and gave him a squeeze of the shoulder. Alex looked at him, a little wary, and saw that his brother wasn’t really watching Juniper and the girls. Travis was looking at him, and with an intensity Alex didn’t much care for.

  He nodded stiffly. “She is. I think they’ve enjoyed having her company from time to time.”

  “Sure, I bet they have.” Travis’ eyebrow went up, and Alex knew he wasn’t out of the woods with this conversation. “How come you didn’t mention that you were hooking up with Will’s old pal, though? Inquiring minds want to know.”

  Alex bridled a little at that. “It’s not like that, man. Don’t make everything sound so sordid. You’re the one-night stand king, not me. What Juniper and I have isn’t some kind of meaningless thing.”

  “Okay,” Travis said, speaking slowly now. “Sorry, didn’t realize it was such a touchy subject. But it is new, right? This thing between the two of you?”

  “Yes. It’s new. It’s very new, actually.”

  Travis paused before he spoke again, worrying at his bottom lip. “Look, I like Juniper. Always have. I guess I’m just a little surprised that you’re so comfortable with her spending time with the kiddos like this. It’s not a bad thing. If anything, I’m impressed. I was picturing you walling yourself off on this ranch and shutting the rest of the world out. Maybe you aren’t quite as closed off as I thought.” He bumped his shoulder against Alex’s. “I think this is good for you. For the girls, too. High time you woke yourself up and started living again, man.”

  He considered this, then smiled at the thought. He clapped Alex on the back before rejoining Will and their father in the kitchen. From the look of him, he had no idea what kind of bombshell he had just dropped in Alex’s lap.

  Travis thought he had just pointed out a good thing. Alex could see that plainly enough. Alex’s feelings on the matter, however, were very different. With astonishing clarity, Travis had just brought to the forefront all of Alex’s previously undefined reservations.

  He liked Juniper. He truly did. But at the same time, he knew that he really had opened himself up to her in a way that he hadn’t done in years. And opening your heart meant risking it—risking pain, risking betrayal, risking loss. It was one thing to put himself on the line. But was it fair to risk his daughters? Wasn’t it his job as a father to shield his girls from that kind of hurt?

  Things were moving faster with her than he could ever have imagined. It felt like a runaway train that he needed to take control of before it was too late. Seeing her like this today, like she was already a part of the family, was a shock to the system. Combined with Will’s previous warnings about not muddying the waters with Juniper unless he was ready to treat her the right way, his head felt like it was full of alarm bells clanging loudly.

  If it was too much for him now, after such a short amount of time, what would it feel like when they got a little further down the road? If he let their relationship keep going only to have things fall apart in the future, it would be a disaster. His daughters were growing attached to her so quickly, and they would be heartbroken to lose her. They had already been through more than enough tragedy in their tender young lives. For that matter, he wasn’t sure he could handle any more heartache of his own. There was a reason he’d spent the past few years walling himself off, as Travis had said. He worked so hard to protect his family, to keep them safe. Didn’t he have the right—no, the obligation—to protect himself, too? His girls needed him. The ranch needed him. His father needed him. He couldn’t let any of them down. Which meant it wasn’t right for him to take any risks with his heart.

  And with that, he knew what he needed to do.

  He stood as still as a stone while Juniper finished reading the story, her voice rising and falling with skill and animation as if she had read children’s books aloud a thousand times. When she was done, he stepped forward, holding up his hands as his daughters began angling for just one more story.

  “Come on now, girls,” he said with a chuckle that was entirely forced. “Let’s not take advantage of Juniper’s good nature. She already told us that she needs to get back to work, and it’s our job to let her go without making it too hard on her.”

  “Ugh,” Lizzie groaned dramatically, falling against the back of the couch in a heap of Christmas dress. “Okay, Daddy. But I don’t like it.”

  Thora nodded her agreement solemnly, while Sophia gave her sisters an indulgent smile.

  “Thank you for reading to them, Juniper,” Alex continued, his heart like a lead weight in his chest. “Now, why don’t you let me walk you to your car so you can be on your way?”

  Juniper was grateful for the blast of cold air that hit her in the face as she opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. Fond memories or not, the longer she’d been inside the Harvey house, the more off things had felt. She’d been so happy to get the invitation to the brunch, but once she’d been there, seated right by Alex, she’d been overwhelmed by the sense that she didn’t belong—not helped by the fact that Alex had emphasized how good she was for the girls, as if the two of them didn’t have any kind of relationship at all.

  She was sure that the food on the table had been delicious, but what little of it she had tried now tasted like ash in her mouth. She had so hoped that Margot would be right and things with Alex would feel better after the brunch. But hoping for something didn’t make it come true, and things definitely didn’t feel better to her right now. They felt infinitely worse, something she would not have thought possible when she woke up that morning.

  “Man, it feels like it dropped twenty degrees out here, doesn’t it?” Joining her on the porch, Alex stood several feet away and shifted restlessly from one foot to the other.

  Juniper laughed weakly. “It’s pretty cold, no two ways around it.”

  God, were they really standing around and talking about the weather? Wasn’t that what people did when they couldn’t come up with any kind of meaningful conversation? She had never thought of herself as a fanciful person, not the kind of woman prone to conjuring up a relationship where one didn’t really exist. That made it even harder for her to understand what was going on between them. There had been a connection between them, she was almost sure, but she certainly felt no trace of it now.

  Alex was the first to take the porch steps down to the gravel path leading away from the house. Juniper was glad, if for nothing else so they didn’t have to keep standing there and pretending things were normal.

  “So,” he spoke over his shoulder, not waiting for her to catch up so they could walk beside one another. “Do you think things will be okay?”

  “Okay?” She echoed. She was feeling more unsure by the second, and the question confused her. What exactly were they talking about? Did she think which things were going to be okay? Were they finally going to talk about their relationship—about where things were going between the two of them?

  He stopped when he got to her car and stood by the driver’s side door, his hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets. “Yeah, when you get back to the shop. You said the ranch hand was going to come and deliver the piece, right? Will the customer be upset about the delay? Margot seems like she’s got a good head on her shoulders. Do you think she managed to smooth everything out?”

  “Oh. Right. Yes, Margot is pretty great at handling snags when they come up. I’m sure the customers left completely satisfied.”

  Her voice sounded dull in her own ears, but she just couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm. Talking about work was a little better than discussing the weather, maybe, but it did nothing to put her at ease when it came to understanding how he felt about her. If anything, it only made it worse. This Christmas Eve brunch had made it very clear to her that her feelings for Alex were different than his for her. He had his family, and she was not even close to being a part of it.

  He’d almost seemed embarrassed by Travis’s implication that they were together. And before brunch had even started, he’d warned her that Will knew, as if that was some horrible revelation. Clearly, it bothered him to think that his family saw them as a couple. It felt so foolish now to remember how she’d hoped that this brunch would be the next step for them—him introducing her into his family in a more permanent way. Instead, he seemed intent on keeping her at arm’s length…or maybe even further away.

  So, this is what they mean when they talk about seeing the writing on the wall, she thought to herself, searching one last time for a scrap of the closeness she had so briefly felt with him. His face was closed off to her, though, and that felt like answer enough. All that was left now was to say it out loud. She squared her shoulders and stood up as straight as she could. If things were over between them, she had no desire to prolong the inevitable.

  “Alex?” she started quietly, willing her voice to remain steady despite the hammering of her heart. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course. You can ask anything you like.”

  She swallowed hard and forced herself to continue. “What’s going on with us right now? I know that’s not a question people like hearing, but I can tell that something is on your mind. It’s kind of felt that way all day. So, is there something you need to say to me?”

  For the briefest, heartbreaking moment, she allowed herself to believe that he would grin at her, shake his head, and tell her that she worried too much. Or maybe even pull her into his arms and apologize—say that he was upset about something else but not her, never her. When she saw his shoulders sag, though, she knew it was only a foolish fantasy. She hadn’t misread things, after all. Just because he didn’t relish the idea of letting her down didn’t mean he wasn’t going to do it anyway.

  He ran a hand through his hair, and Juniper was almost sure she saw it trembling. “Right. I guess there have been some things on my mind lately. They kind of came to a head for me this morning, during the brunch.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  He nodded. “I think we kind of have to. First of all, I want you to know how much I have appreciated your help getting things ready for a big Christmas for the girls. I know how much they have enjoyed spending time with you.”

  This again—as if the only part that mattered to him was the time she’d spent with his daughters. As if he didn’t value the time she’d spent with him at all. “But not you?” she forced herself to ask. It was physically painful to push the words out, but really, what other question was there? This was what she needed to know.

  “It’s not that,” he said, his tone almost pleading now. “Honestly, it’s not. But with my brothers home, and how complicated everything can be with the girls, I think adding anything more to my plate would be just too much for me right now. I think I need to put all of my focus on the ranch, and on my family. Making sure that they’re all okay. Does that make sense?”