She was so angry at him, but equally disgusted with herself for trusting him, for being deceived by him. She was a smart, independent woman. How had she let a man manipulate her into a relationship where she held no authority for a second time in her life? And she couldn’t blame this one on youthful gullibility. She’d walked right into it despite her experience.

  “At least I’m trying to make our relationship a success,” he insisted. “When I see something’s not working for us, I try to fix it.”

  “No,” she said. “You try to control it and us.” And she’d let him by not confronting him—by not even seeing his actions for what they were.

  “That’s better than what you do,” he said, making her raise her eyebrow in challenge. “Whenever things get difficult, you back off—like you’re giving up. It’s like you want to drive home the point that you don’t need me.”

  “I don’t need you,” she declared, and then stopped herself from going on. This was spiraling out of control. They both stood there, chests heaving in anger. Talking wasn’t going to make this better. Not right now, when they were both hurting and furious. “It’s best if I leave.” She moved to get in her truck, but he got in front of her again. “Get out of my way.”

  “Please. Don’t drive now. You’re upset, and that’s not good for you or the baby. Let’s calm down. Would you just hear me out a little longer?” He must have assumed her silence was permission. “I know we’re both stressed with the baby coming, but can’t you see that I care for you and our kid? That’s why being practical with Twister matters so much to me.”

  “You view your actions as practical?” Had he somehow convinced himself of that?

  “Yeah, of course. I need to be a good provider for the baby, and that means making my business as successful as possible. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings, but I need to take care of the ranch, so I can take care of my kid. He or she will inherit this place. I’ve got to be a good steward of the land so I can pass it to the next generation. And I can’t…I can’t be the one who lets this place go from excellent and profitable to just okay. I’d be letting down my dad, Luke, and my kid if I allowed that to happen.”

  “Jake,” she started and stopped as a sudden blinding clarity hit her. He was aching in his own way, caught between the past and the future, which had completely taken away his present, and he didn’t even realize it. He saw himself as a steward, not the owner, of the Thorne Ranch. He didn’t view it as something truly his. Instead, he seemed to expect his father or late brother or future generations to step forward and hold him to account for every choice that he made. With that mindset, it was no wonder that he wasn’t willing to listen to her—that he didn’t even seem to be willing to listen to himself or his own instincts.

  Understanding where he was coming from didn’t do a thing to fix the situation, though. Nothing would change until he got over that mindset, and no matter what she said, he’d be too damned stubborn to see it. The fight went out of her, leaving just sadness for him, for her, for their baby. She could see now that he did mean well, but there was so much at stake here. “Jake, I know you’re going to be a great dad, but I need more than that. I need a partner, someone who will listen to me and share responsibility.” Someone who’ll see the whole picture instead of getting locked in tunnel vision on someone else’s expectations, she thought but didn’t say. She didn’t think he was ready to hear that yet. Maybe he never would be.

  “You take over and make decisions,” she explained, “and in that process, you’ll do what you think is best for me, even if it directly contradicts what I tell you I need. My mom lived that existence, and I won’t. I won’t, Jake,” she repeated.

  “What are you saying?” he asked. “Are you saying we’re through? I don’t want that. Please, give us another chance. I’ll try to listen better in the future. I’ll try to be what you need.”

  “You can say that, but are you willing to say you were wrong to do any of those things I listed? Can you see why hauling me into the ER wasn’t the thing to do? Can you see why your plan for Twister upset me? Maybe if you can admit to being wrong or give me a genuine apology, we can try again.” She paused, waiting for him to speak, but he didn’t. “You can’t do it, can you?”

  “I did what I thought was best,” he said. “I’m not going to lie to you and try to claim otherwise.”

  “So that’s a no?” she asked. When he nodded, she marveled at his stubbornness, but her path was clear. “Then, it is over between us. We’re neighbors and we can be friends of a sort and we can figure out a way to raise our child cooperatively, but we can’t be more than that.” She was going to have to walk away, but first…she stepped closer, resting her hands on his shoulders, and kissed him. The kiss held none of the passion they could stir in each other, but it contained no anger either. Just grief for what they were both losing. “Bye, Jake.”

  She got in her truck and drove off without looking back. She managed to make it to her home before the tears swamped her. Her animal friends had always been good to her, but never more so than then. She lay on her bed with her cats on either side of her and her dogs at her feet. Just having them with her made her feel less alone, but she missed Jake. She wanted Jake, but she also knew that she’d done the right thing. There was no future for them.

  17

  Jake left his foreman in charge and drove to Darby Crossing for Julia’s ultrasound appointment. He didn’t know if he’d be welcome or not, but he was going. He just hoped it wouldn’t lead to another fight.

  It had been two weeks since their relationship had all gone to hell in one conversation. Since that day, he’d thrown himself into work. At night, he’d drunk too much whiskey, mostly in the barn or his bedroom. Bad habits, he knew, but the days and nights felt heavy and hard. Whiskey and work were his only reprieves.

  He’d woken that morning feeling more positive. If Julia was open to having him at the appointment, he’d take that as a first step toward rebuilding their friendship. She’d said that friendship was all it would be between them, and he could accept that so long as they could find a way to be co-parents. Being cut off from Julia was bad enough. He couldn’t be cut off from his kid as well.

  Somewhere at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey a few nights back, he’d come to terms with his and Julia’s breakup. It was a fact he couldn’t change, so he would just have to get over her. She’d been so calm in the end. Her anger with him had disappeared, and there had only been sadness. He wished he knew why that was. What had she realized in those moments? Would he be able to handle knowing? Maybe it was best not to ask.

  When he reached the doctor’s office, he didn’t see Julia in the waiting room. The receptionist explained that she was already in the ultrasound room and showed him back. When he walked in, Julia was alone, sitting on the exam table.

  “Jake,” she said. “I thought…I’m surprised to see you.” She gave him a tentative smile.

  Just seeing her was like getting kicked in the chest by a horse. Any notion that he was over her shattered instantly, and he confronted the truth that he’d been hiding from. He hadn’t been in a better mood today because he was coming to terms with being without her. His mood was entirely because he’d get to see her. He was going to get to stand by her side, the place he’d imagined himself being in his dreams for the future.

  “I hope it’s okay if I’m here,” he said, struggling to control his reaction to her. Showing her how he felt wouldn’t do him any good. “I can go if it makes you uncomfortable.” The last thing he wanted to do was walk out of that small room, but if that was what she told him to do, he would.

  “No, you should be here. I’m glad you are.” She didn’t get a chance to say more before the doctor came in.

  “Oh, you got back together,” the doctor exclaimed upon seeing the two of them.

  “No, no, we’re just friends,” Julia was quick to say, which was like salt in Jake’s open wounds. She must not be feeling what he was, despite the smile she’d given him. “Thanks for setting up these extra ultrasounds. I’ve been worried.”

  “We’ll see what things look like today,” the doctor said as he flipped on the ultrasound machine. “You’re past the first trimester, so we’re out of the danger zone. We’ll do additional scans as your pregnancy progresses just to make sure. Ready to get started?”

  The doctor squirted gel onto Julia’s stomach and began to move the imaging device around, stopping periodically.

  “Is everything okay?” Julia asked a few minutes later. Jake could hear her nervousness and wanted desperately to reach for her hand, to touch her in some way, but he held back.

  “Everything is fine. Let me take a few measurements and then I’ll turn the screen so you can see.” Slow seconds ticked by while they waited until the doctor swiveled the monitor. “Here we go.” He pointed to the screen. “You can clearly see the head and the curve of the spine. One arm is tucked underneath, but I saw it from a different angle. The baby is healthy and right on target.”

  Jake stared at the screen, amazed at his first glimpse of his child. He could even see the flutter of a heartbeat. It was a surreal feeling. He looked at Julia, wanting to share the moment. Her eyes were glued to the monitor, but her face expressed her joy. It was all good to see, but it hurt, too, because it was a reminder of what he’d lost. He’d lost her, and the chance to see his kid every day. The desire to be with them both for the rest of their lives was overwhelming, but fruitless.

  “I’ll print some pictures for you and then send you an email with images and video attached. That way you can share with family and friends.” The doctor tapped buttons on the keyboard and a printer whirred. “I’ll see you at your next appointment.”

  A few minutes later, Jake walked out of the office with Julia. The days were getting cooler, and the nights longer, which was usually his favorite season of the year. He’d hardly noticed since he’d been so caught up in his own misery.

  “Would you like to have lunch with me? We could go to the diner,” she said, zipping up her jacket.

  He wanted to, wanted to stay with her for as long as he could, but that wouldn’t help him get over her and that was what he needed to do.

  “I’m supposed to go to Brian’s,” he said by way of an excuse, “but thanks.”

  “Oh.” She looked surprised at his refusal. “Sure, I’ll see you sometime.” She walked away toward her truck, leaving him standing in the parking lot and wondering if he’d just blown an opportunity.

  He needed to talk to somebody, and his brother was his best bet. Someone with a cool head was what he needed. So even though he’d made up the excuse about his brother expecting him, Jake drove the few blocks to Brian’s house and was glad to see his brother’s vehicle in the driveway.

  Brian opened the front door before Jake reached it. “Saw you pull up. What are you doing in town this time of day? Something wrong?”

  “No. I met Julia at an ultrasound appointment.” Jake pulled the picture the doctor had given him from his pocket and showed it to his brother.

  “Your kid looks just like mine,” Brian said as they walked through to his kitchen. He pulled an ultrasound image from the refrigerator to compare them. Caitlin and Brian’s baby was due about a month before his and Julia’s.

  “Guess so,” Jake said, looking between the images.

  “Can’t wait to see her.” Brian smoothed his finger over the picture before hanging it back up. “Is yours a girl or boy?”

  “Doc didn’t say, and we didn’t ask. Before, Julia and I hadn’t decided if we wanted to know. And now, we’re…”

  “Barely speaking to each other,” his brother supplied.

  “Yeah, something like that. It was okay between us today. Polite.” On the surface, it had been. Inside, he’d felt like shit.

  “So why the glum face?” Brian asked.

  Jake slumped down in a kitchen chair. “I don’t know how to get over her. I thought time would do it, but it hasn’t.”

  “It’s only been a few weeks.” Brian joined him at the table.

  “Yeah, and I thought I was doing okay, but as soon as I laid eyes on her today…” Jake shook his head. “This falling in love stuff sucks.”

  “Or it can be wonderful,” Brian pointed out. “You sure it’s too late to get her back? I heard the start of the argument, but I don’t know where it went from there. What if—”

  “No, it’s too late.” Since he knew he could admit anything to his brother, he went on. “She wanted me to say I was sorry about the mistakes I’d made, and I didn’t.”

  “You weren’t sorry?”

  “I am now.” A hundred times he’d wondered why he hadn’t swallowed his hurt and his pride and said the words she needed to hear. She’d given him a chance, and he’d blown it. “It’s over. All I can do now is support her through the pregnancy and do whatever to help raise the baby.”

  “So you’re looking to be her friend?” Brian clarified.

  He heard Julia’s voice in his head again, telling the doctor that they were just friends, and then asking him to lunch like they were old acquaintances who bumped into each other on the street. “I’ll do anything for her, but I can’t see her a lot. That’s too hard.” Jake hated admitting weakness to anyone, but he could with Brian.

  “Okay, let’s make a list of things you could do for her from a distance.” Brian grabbed for a pad of paper as Caitlin came into the kitchen.

  “Hi, Jake,” she said.

  “Caitlin, how you doing?” he asked. Her stomach was rounded, and she bumped it into the table as she took a seat.

  “I’m well, but you look like crap.” Caitlin scrutinized him.

  “Maybe you can help us,” Jake suggested. Getting a woman’s point of view could be what he needed. “We’re trying to brainstorm ways for me to support Julia without actually seeing her.”

  Caitlin gave him a doubtful look. “Okay, what do you have so far?” she asked. Brian held up the blank paper.

  “I need something big, I think,” Jake said. “What if I hire someone to care for her animals during the rest of the pregnancy? She’s going to get to the point where she can’t muck out horse stalls.”

  “I’ll put it on the list,” Brian said, writing. “You could help build her business. She told Sofia that she’s worried about this new vet clinic taking clients from her. You could advertise on her behalf or talk up her clinic.”

  “Yeah, that could work.” He liked that idea, since he so clearly remembered her saying that she needed the stud fees from Twister. Despite that, she’d returned the check he’d written to her, uncashed. He’d received it in the mail a few days earlier. “She mentioned she was worried about having to have a replacement vet while she was on maternity leave. I could start the search for someone and pay their salary.”

  “Guys?” Caitlin cut in and took the pen from Brian’s hand before he could write more. “Those are all very, um, thoughtful ideas—they really are. It’s good that you’re looking for ways to help her. But if you do any of those things, you’ll piss her off. Don’t interfere with her business or her ranch. Those are hers, and it’s not your place to go behind her back and make decisions for her. If she asks for help, give it. Other than that, let her manage those.”

  Jake sat back in his seat. At first he was annoyed, but it didn’t take him long to realize that Caitlin was right. He’d see the gestures as helpful, but Julia would perceive them as interfering. “I don’t suppose you’ve got any ideas.”

  “As a matter of fact, I do.” Caitlin was smiling. “Julia registered for baby items. Buy them for her. We know she wants those things, and she’s willing to let others purchase them, which is why she put them on the registry.”

  “That seems too simple, like it’s the easy way out,” Jake said.

  “It’s what she would want,” Caitlin insisted, leveling a look at him.

  He nodded, realizing she was right. This was the same thing that Julia had brought up in their fight—that he didn’t consider what she would want or what she would consider valuable. He and Brian had missed the boat with their ideas. He pulled out his phone. “She gave me access to the registry and her wish list. Should I just have the stuff shipped to her house?”

  “No,” Caitlin said. “You want this to be personal. You deliver the items, even if that means just leaving them on her front porch.”

  “She’s clever,” Jake said to his brother.

  “I know—I’m a lucky man.” Brian was smiling at his future wife. Jake felt a pang of jealousy. He wouldn’t ever have what they did. The sad part was that he’d never known he wanted it until recently. He’d lost his chance, almost at the same time he’d realized how important it was to him.

  “How about I make you boys some sandwiches while you shop?” Caitlin got up and moved toward the refrigerator, returning with cans of Coke for each of them.

  “I’ll help you.” Brian stood.

  As they made lunch, Jake scanned the list and began putting items in his online shopping cart. He’d have them shipped to his ranch and then take them to her place. He’d go when she was unlikely to be home, but just being on her place would give him some hints that she was okay, some connection with her. It was the most he could hope for.

  Before he left his brother’s house an hour later, Caitlin locked eyes with him. “She’s going to appreciate this gesture, but there’s something more you have to do. Talk to her. Texts, emails, whatever you can manage if you don’t want to have a face-to-face conversation, but open the lines of communication between the two of you. She needs that from you.”

  His future sister-in-law was right, he realized as he drove back to his ranch. Jake had been trying to protect his own heart by not seeing Julia, but loving and supporting her meant that he had to understand her needs and put them first.

  18

  “That’s adorable,” Sofia gushed as she pulled a mobile from a box.