When he heard Mack come in, talking loudly about a traffic stop he’d just conducted, Brian felt irritation surge through him. Hadn’t he taught that kid anything about professional behavior?

  “Kilpatrick,” Brian hollered from the doorway to his office. “We don’t talk about shit. We write a report. Be professional.”

  “I was just—”

  “No,” he snapped. “I don’t want to hear anything that starts with I was just. Do your job, do it right, or you’ll be looking for a new field of work.” Brian retreated into his office and slammed the door shut. Over the next few hours, he heard practically nothing from the outer office. Either they’d all gone home, or they’d learned to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner. He didn’t really give a damn either way.

  “Brian, your lunch date’s here.” Sofia cautiously poked her head into his office at noon.

  “Who?” he asked, a little part of him hoping that Caitlin had changed her mind and returned to town.

  “Amy, your sister-in-law,” Sofia said, speaking slowly. “It’s on your calendar.”

  Shit, it was, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. “Yeah, I forgot. Tell her I’m not coming, would you? Too damn much stuff to do.”

  “If that’s what you want.” Sofia studied him.

  “Why are you questioning me?” he growled. “Go.”

  He knew he was being an ass, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. He was the boss. If he wanted to wallow in his misery for a time, then he would.

  “He says he’s too busy,” he heard Sofia explain to Amy. “Maybe you can reschedule for another day.” Sofia’s voice dropped then, and he could catch only occasional words from her conversation with Amy. He listened more closely.

  Like a bear with a sore butt…been like this since Caitlin left…someone’s got to talk…

  “I know you’re talking about me.” His patience snapped as he exited the office to confront the women. “I’m busy, Amy. Leave me alone,” he said to his sister-in-law. Not once before in his life had he taken that tone with her, and he expected her to shout back, but she just shot a look at Sofia, who shook her head.

  “What did I tell you?” Sofia said, and Brian was just about to tell her to mind her own business when Amy spoke.

  “We’re coming in to talk,” Amy declared in the tone he’d heard her use when her son was throwing a tantrum. Sofia took up a position right behind Amy, and he knew he’d lost. They weren’t going to back down.

  “Fine,” he said disgusted with it all. “Let’s get it over with.” He stalked back into his office and sat in his desk chair. Amy and Sofia took the seats opposite him. He wanted to shrink under their concerned gazes. Instead, he glowered, trying to put them off.

  “Not once in the years that I’ve known you have you snapped at me,” Amy started, her tone firm. “Not once. You’re a mess. You look like the walking dead.”

  “So?” he said.

  “So we’re having an intervention,” Amy declared.

  He rolled his eyes at the term. “Don’t need it.”

  “Everyone else thinks differently. You’re not fooling anyone, Brian. The woman you’re in love with recently left town, and you’re not dealing well,” Amy said. “What no one can figure out is why did you let Caitlin go?”

  “I didn’t get a choice,” he said. “She refused to stay here, and I can’t leave. There’s nothing to be done.”

  “What do you mean you can’t leave?” Amy questioned. “Of course you can. You could resign as sheriff and go be with Caitlin and your baby in Austin. There are plenty of jobs in the city for someone with your qualifications.”

  “I can’t,” he said again. Amy didn’t understand that the situation was so much more complicated than that. “When I leave, people get hurt. Why doesn’t anyone get that?”

  “Because it’s bullshit.” Sofia dove into the conversation. “Every life in town is not solely dependent on you being on duty twenty-four/seven. You’ve made sure that we’re all so well trained that even the rookie out there managed to de-escalate a knife fight in a bar exactly by the book.”

  “That’s not the only time I was needed,” Brian countered.

  Sofia leaned forward, and he knew by the flash in her dark eyes that he was in for it. “Are you talking about the night you took Sue to the hospital? I could have driven her as easily as you did.”

  He shook his head, not accepting the answer. “What about the argument between the council members?”

  “You think I couldn’t handle those two old dudes?” Sofia challenged. “I called you because I knew how pissed you’d be if I didn’t. That’s what’s behind ninety percent of those phone calls I make to you. Every single one is a situation we could handle without you, but you always insist on having your hand in the action. The fact that you care so much makes you a good boss, and we respect that. But, Jesus, you need to take a step back because it’s controlling your life.”

  “Why do you feel compelled to always be here?” Amy asked in the tone he’d heard therapists use. “Is there something in particular you blame yourself for?”

  He looked away, not wanting to admit to it, not in front of her. He’d shirked his duties, and her husband had died as a result. He knew their marriage had been far from perfect, but they had loved each other, had had a child together.

  “I’m not leaving until you tell me,” Amy said, settling into her chair, “because I know there’s something.”

  He looked at her, and then at Sofia, who seemed to perceive what he wasn’t comfortable saying. His second in command stood. “I’ll be in the outer office. For the love of God, Brian, talk to her.”

  He waited until the door clicked close before speaking. If he told Amy, she’d understand why it was so important for him to stay and then she’d leave him alone. He nearly choked on the words, but he finally got them out. “It’s my fault Luke and Dad are dead. If I’d been here, if I’d taken on the responsibilities of sheriff at that time, the accident would never have happened.”

  “Oh, Brian, that’s just not true.” Amy’s expression was shocked. “Luke was at fault. He’s the one who ran the red light. No one else has any part of that guilt.”

  Brian shook his head. It wasn’t that simple. He knew it wasn’t. “If I’d done what I should have, you would still have a husband and Henry a father and grandfather.”

  “I’d told Luke over and over to slow down,” Amy said. “To be more cautious when he was driving. He never listened to me. I couldn’t make him understand the dangers. Does that make his death my fault?”

  “Of course not.” How could she think such a thing? “His death isn’t on you. You couldn’t control what he did.”

  “On those same grounds,” she spoke slowly, “it wasn’t your fault either. Luke did as he pleased. No one could control him. You know that to have been true about your brother.”

  He couldn’t deny that Luke had always been stubborn and strong-willed.

  “For that first year or two after the accident, I carried a lot of guilt about his death, too,” she said. “But grief counseling helped me see that I’m ultimately only responsible for myself, my feelings and reactions.”

  “I didn’t know you’d gone to counseling.” The entire family had been devastated by the deaths of Luke and their father. It seemed Amy was the only one wise enough to seek help.

  “I learned a lot,” she said, “like how not to feel bad about moving on with my life.”

  “You’ve done that, and I’m happy for you,” Brian said. Amy and his half-brother Cal were planning to marry later in the year. It had taken him and Jake some time to adjust to the idea, but he knew that Amy and Cal were good together, and Henry was so excited about having a daddy again.

  “It’s time you moved on as well. You’ve got to let the guilt and the grief go. They won’t do you any good. Trust me on that.” She paused. “You’ll never get what you want in your life if you carry the weight of all those ‘could have been’s around. Tell me the truth, Brian, what do you want? If you set aside your belief about the accident, would you choose Caitlin or this town?”

  “Caitlin,” he said, not able to stop her name from coming out.

  “Good.” Amy smiled. “Then get her back.”

  “It’s not that simple,” Brian argued. “As I said, she won’t stay and I can’t…”

  “But you can. You’ve got competent people to run this office. You can resign or take time off, and know you’re leaving things in good hands. Either way, you need to work it out with Caitlin.” Amy stood up. “We’ll get lunch another day. You’ve got a lot to think about.” She quietly left his office.

  He sat there for a while, pondering what she’d said. He wasn’t convinced that he could just walk away from the life he’d built for himself in Darby Crossing. At the same time, he also wasn’t convinced that he could live without Caitlin.

  17

  Caitlin had driven from Darby Crossing in a fog after parting with Brian. They’d said a polite goodbye, nothing more than what acquaintances might share, before she got on the road. Despite the temptation, she hadn’t looked in the rearview mirror to see if he was watching her drive away. She couldn’t look back. Only forward.

  Caitlin parked at Maggie’s complex and made her way to her friend’s apartment. With her apartment sublet, she had no place else to go in the city. Caitlin knew she should have called or texted Maggie when she was on her way to Austin, but she was too scared that her best friend would turn her away.

  “Caitlin!” Maggie exclaimed and pulled her into a hug as soon as she opened the door. “Come in, come in.”

  Caitlin felt relief flood through her at her friend’s greeting. “It’s good to see you.” She stepped into her friend’s tidy apartment.

  “You, too. I’m glad we can finally clear the air in person,” Maggie said before they got past the foyer. “I should never have blamed you for what Seamus did. I hope you can forgive me for being a lousy friend when you were going through so much.”

  Caitlin didn’t mean to burst into tears, but she couldn’t stop them. It was so comforting to have her friend back, and she needed a friend so desperately at the moment.

  “Whoa, what’s this?” Maggie hugged her again. “Are these hormonal tears?”

  “Maybe.” Caitlin swiped at her eyes. The pregnancy made her emotions raw, but she’d mostly been able to control them. Yet right now, everything felt so overwhelming.

  “You need food, and you need to tell me all about what you’ve been doing. I’ve got a frozen pizza and chocolate ice cream for dessert.”

  “Sounds perfect,” Caitlin sniffed. “Is it okay if I crash with you for a few nights?”

  “Of course. Anything you need.”

  “Thanks.” While the pizza baked, they grabbed Caitlin’s bags from her car, so by the time they ate, she felt almost settled in.

  “Tell me about being pregnant,” Maggie said. “No, wait. Tell me about getting pregnant. I assume it’s the hottie sheriff’s kid, but I can’t figure the timing. You haven’t been living with him that long.”

  “We hooked up not long before I went back to Darby Crossing,” Caitlin said and spilled everything about that night when she’d unexpectedly met Brian at the country swing bar. Then she talked about living with Brian and how they’d rekindled their old romance. She told Maggie about how Brian had helped her pursue a police report that resulted in Seamus’s arrest and the restoration of their money for the tattoo parlor. By the time she was done, they’d eaten the pizza and giant bowls of ice cream.

  “I want to check my bank account,” Caitlin said, heading for her laptop. “The detective I spoke to last said the money would be restored any day now.” She logged into her account, something she hadn’t let herself do during her time in her hometown. Seeing the low balance was too upsetting, so she’d avoided it. Aurora had paid her by direct deposit, but Caitlin hadn’t touched any of the money she’d earned. If she needed something, she bought it out of her tips. “Here goes.” She clicked the last button and saw her balance appear. “Wow.”

  “Is it back?” Maggie came to lean over her shoulder.

  Caitlin saw a recent, large deposit, almost equal to the amount Seamus had stolen from her. But it was the amounts that had come in from her work at the diner that really caught her eye. The amounts were for more than she was supposed to have made. Aurora had overpaid her. She knew her old friend was generous, but she couldn’t accept the extra funds. She reached for her phone and sent a text to Aurora, asking how she could return the overpayment.

  You weren’t overpaid, sweetie, Aurora texted back.

  That’s more than I earned. Caitlin appreciated all Aurora had done for her, but she wasn’t taking charity.

  It’s exactly what you earned. Brian refused to take payment for housing. He told me if I took it out of your paycheck, he’d arrest me. That was followed by a smiley face emoji. I wondered when you’d notice.

  Fresh tears came to Caitlin’s eyes at what Brian had done for her.

  “Why did you break up with Brian?” Maggie asked after handing Caitlin the tissue box. Her friend had seen the text messages. “You didn’t get to that part of the story.”

  “What makes you think I broke up with him?” Caitlin sniffed.

  “Because you’re crying like your heart’s been cut in two,” Maggie said. “And why would you be here if it was going well with him?”

  “You and I planned a business together. I came back to fulfill my half of the bargain.” There was truth to that. She just hadn’t wanted to return to Austin alone.

  Maggie tilted her head. “The truth, Cait. What happened? You’re obviously not happy about it.”

  “He picked his love for the town over his love for me.” She explained about Brian’s attachment to Darby Crossing and his fear that people wouldn’t be safe without him. Talking about it made him seem like a selfless hero. But she’d never doubted that he was the best man she’d ever known, so that wasn’t surprising. None of it was, including her heartache, her loneliness, and the sense of futility about it all.

  “I get that you don’t want to live there since your parents are shits and toxic as hell,” Maggie said. Her assessment of Caitlin’s parents almost made Caitlin smile. “But…”

  “What?” Caitlin asked.

  “Are you judging him too harshly? I mean, knowing that you’ll be second fiddle to a town is tough, and I don’t want to see you get your hopes raised and dashed by him when he doesn’t come through for you. You’ve got enough emotional scars from your parents. But…but I’m thinking he’s got some scars, too. If he really thinks that his brother and father died because he wasn’t there, that’s some serious baggage to haul around.”

  Maggie was right. Brian’s guilt wasn’t rational, but it was deep-seated. “I was hoping a change of environment would help. If he came here—”

  Maggie shook her head. “That’s not how it works. Say he came here and took a job on a local department or in private security. Don’t you think he’d throw himself into his work in the same way?”

  “Yeah,” Caitlin admitted. “Because that’s how he’s wired.” Caitlin had worried about that, but she thought it was worth the risk for them to be together.

  “No, Cait,” Maggie said. “He’s wired to help others, but what he’s experiencing is a compulsion to cover up the wounds he’s carrying.”

  “So it’s hopeless,” Caitlin said.

  “Not necessarily. He has some issues, but they aren’t about moving to the city. They’re about getting over the past. Do you think he’d be willing to work on that?”

  Caitlin shrugged, too close to tears again to risk saying anything. Maggie’s words had her second-guessing herself, but she felt strongly that if she hadn’t taken care of her needs and let him go when she had, then she would never be able to. She already loved him so much. Staying with him longer, pretending that things were okay between them, would only make the hurt greater when it inevitably ended between them.

  “Let’s talk about something else, okay?” Caitlin said, struggling to get her emotions under control. “Other than looking at storefronts, I have no idea what you’ve been up to for the past few months.”

  As Maggie talked about her baby nephew and a guy she’d gone out with twice, Caitlin tried to smile along. Inside, though, she couldn’t get past the thought that she’d just walked away from the best thing in her life.

  After they watched a movie together, Maggie went to bed, leaving Caitlin to sleep on the couch. She had pillows and a blanket, everything that should make her comfortable, but she couldn’t settle. She’d needed to pour her heart out to Maggie, and it helped in a way, but it also sharpened the edges of her grief.

  She sighed and stared at the ceiling. Her body was tired, but her mind was restless with “what ifs.” Her phone glowed with a notification and she grabbed for it, hoping it was a message from Brian. It wasn’t. Instead it was an update from a baby tracker app that Brian had shown her. The app sent messages about the current size and development of the baby.

  She read through the information, fighting the almost desperate need to call Brian and share it with him. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop there. She’d end up begging him to come join her in Austin. If he thought she needed him, he’d come. He couldn’t resist helping someone in need. And she could use that against him because she knew if she called, crying on the phone, claiming that she couldn’t do this without him, he’d quit his job and come.

  But that wasn’t fair to him, and she’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t manipulate people like her parents had, especially people she loved.

  She got off the couch and took her phone into the kitchen, placing it inside a drawer and sparing herself the temptation. Determinedly, she marched back to her makeshift bed and forced herself to lie down.

  She’d fallen in love with a man who had the qualities of a hero, she told herself, and she would not take advantage of that and pressure him to do something he would not choose to do.