We didn’t have to be in a relationship for that to happen, but it would help. And I found that I wanted it. I wanted the closeness, the easy intimacy and companionship…the love she’d so freely offered. Considering how angry she was going to be now, I was sure those things would be denied to me. I should have known better from the beginning, since nothing in my life had come easily. Nothing had come without its share of disappointments and regrets.

  She’d be yet another one after I revealed the situation with Bruce.

  “All right. How do we draw Bruce out so we can end this?” Chance asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “We pressure him,” Colin explained. “We make it look like Alex is leaving on a mission soon, so he’s forced to take action. If you returned to a base, he wouldn’t be able to get at you. He’ll know that.”

  “That could work,” I agreed. It wouldn’t take much to give the appearance of leaving…but for it to work, Soledad would have to believe it, too. I hated doing that to her, hated forcing her and Luke away, but it was the only thing I could do.

  12

  SOLEDAD

  Ipaced restlessly from window to window at Lily and Colin’s house. It didn’t take a genius to know that something was terribly wrong. Tragically wrong, based on Alex’s reaction to a little package on the doorstep. Why had that flipped him out? Why had he sent me and Luke away?

  “Colin called,” Lily said, coming in from the kitchen. “They’re on their way here.”

  “Thanks.” I appreciated the warm welcome Lily had given me, but I suspected that Colin’s wife knew something of what was going on, while I was completely in the dark. I’d tried asking questions, but they were gently rebuffed and deflected with the assertion that Alex needed to explain everything himself. Instead, Lily told me the story of why the house was so well fortified.

  Lily’s tale had angered me. Lily was kind and beautiful, and some creep had tried to take advantage of that. I gathered it hadn’t ended well for the bad guys, but the house remained on lockdown. I supposed I was lucky to be there, where it was safe, but questions pounded in my mind.

  What kind of threat had Alex so worried? Where had it originated? Had it been hanging over our heads since Alex returned from his last mission? What about Luke? How could he have let our child be in danger?

  I stopped stalking around when Colin’s truck pulled in the driveway. I went to the front door, ready to yank it open and demand answers, but stopped myself. If Alex and I were going to have a fight, I didn’t want an audience, no matter how nice and helpful Colin and Lily had been.

  I took two steps back, folded my arms across my chest, and faced the door when it opened. Alex came in and gave me a silent nod. His face was unreadable.

  “We’re going to clear out for a while so you two can talk,” Lily said, her hand on her husband’s arm. “I just checked on Luke. He’s asleep in the nursery upstairs,” she added for Alex’s benefit.

  “Call if you need anything,” Colin said before picking up his daughter and ushering his family out the door. “We’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

  “Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” I observed. “Did you ask them to go?”

  “No,” Alex said, stepping closer, “but I’m glad for some privacy.”

  What did that mean? What was his explanation for forcing me out of the house today? Just how bad was the situation?

  “Tell me,” I demanded. “Tell me now, Alex. Or so help me…”

  Alex scrubbed a hand over his face and blew out a breath. “I made an enemy on my last mission, a fellow SEAL. I reported him for misconduct.”

  “I thought you all were the good guys.” My image of the SEALs was that they were squeaky-clean, upstanding types like Alex and his family.

  “Most of us are, most of the time,” Alex said, sounding like he wanted to defend his buddies, “but Bruce is a bad apple. Here’s what happened.”

  I listened in disbelief while Alex told me about Bruce and his drug dealing, his reprimand, the threats against us, and finally the package left on our doorstep that day. When Alex finished, he looked at me, apparently waiting for my reaction, but I could say nothing as my mind worked to process all he’d told me and the ramifications. This was far worse than anything I’d imagined. From what Alex explained, a highly trained SEAL was set on revenge against Alex—and perhaps me and Luke as well.

  And then a slew of questions came.

  “How long have you known he was after you, after us?” I demanded.

  “Since about a week after I got home. I got a tip from a buddy.”

  “What?” My voice rose before I forced myself to control it. “That long, and you didn’t tell me? What were you thinking?” My anger was barely in check. “Would he harm Luke?”

  Alex didn’t answer for a long minute, so I stepped closer to him and poked his chest. “Answer me. Honestly.”

  “Yes, if it would hurt me. And it would.” He added the last quietly. He didn’t have to tell me that harming his son would harm him, but that didn’t negate my anger.

  “My God. Didn’t you think I should know about this?” I gave him another poke.

  “I didn’t want you to worry.” His blue eyes met mine, emotions raw in them.

  “I’m worried now,” I said. Terrified was the right word. Not for myself, but for what this man might do to my baby.

  “I can protect you and Luke,” Alex insisted. “It’s why I added the security system.”

  “I’d figured that out,” I snapped, then forced myself to adjust my tone. “I should have asked more questions, but I thought you were just being a cautious dad. I should have known there was something behind the sudden need for protection.”

  I thought back over the past weeks, during which I’d rarely gone anywhere without Alex. He hadn’t forbidden me from going—I would have asked questions then—but just the same, he’d controlled my movements and kept Luke confined to the fenced backyard for outdoor time. The one time I’d gone out without Alex’s knowledge, my morning run and coffee stop, he’d questioned me about it later. Now I understood why. A sudden sick feeling hit me.

  “What does this man look like?” I asked, remembering the man in the café.

  “My size. Blond hair, hawklike nose. He was wearing a blue baseball cap when he dropped off the package. I can pull up a picture of him if you want to see.”

  “I’ve seen him.”

  “Where?” Alex’s posture went rigid.

  “At the coffee shop, when I went for a run a few days ago. He looked me over, and then I saw his car parked on our street.”

  Alex swore under his breath. “Did he say anything to you?”

  “No. I wish I’d known to be on my guard. A little honesty would have helped.”

  “I can protect you,” he repeated. “I will protect you.”

  I didn’t doubt that, but I hated the fact that he hadn’t told me. I was opening my mouth to voice that again when the horrible truth hit me. This was why Alex hadn’t returned to active duty: he could only protect me and Luke by sticking close by. He wasn’t with us because of his attachment to me and Luke but because he felt obligated to protect us from the danger he’d indirectly caused. I backed away from him and sank down on the couch, dropping my face into my hands.

  “Soledad,” he said after a moment’s silence. “Talk to me.”

  I wanted to snap back at him that he hadn’t talked to me, but I had a bigger concern. “You stayed home because of this,” I said, accusing him, “didn’t you?”

  “Of course I did. I couldn’t leave you and Luke exposed,” he said with the conviction of a man sure that he’d done the right thing.

  He sounded like he thought that was noble. And looking at it from his perspective, maybe it was. He’d sacrificed the career he loved for us. But it wasn’t that simple, my heart told me. He’d stayed not because he wanted a relationship with me, not because he wanted us to be a family, but because of an external threat. I fought back the sob rising in my throat, forcing myself to be calm. I had to see this conversation through.

  “I thought you wanted to be with me. And Luke,” I said. “I thought you’d changed. But you haven’t. You’re the same man I broke up with a year ago, aren’t you?” I looked at him, but he stood as still as a statue, completely unlike himself. “Dammit, I didn’t want to believe that. I wanted so much to think you were with me because you…because you loved me. I told myself that’s why you made love to me. I suppose I hoped you wanted us to be together as much as I did. I feel so stupid.” I shook my head, remembering all the lies I’d allowed myself to believe. “I guess I didn’t learn my lesson the first time around with you. Joke’s on me.”

  “I’m leaving on a mission soon,” he said after a minute of silence, a minute in which I berated myself for falling into the same trap twice.

  “Of course you are.” I didn’t even try to keep the bitterness from my tone.

  “Before I go,” he continued, “I need to see you safely settled somewhere away from here. I was thinking you and Luke could stay with your aunt in Philadelphia for a while, until this is settled.”

  “You want me to leave town—leave the state?” This was unreal. What else was he going to reveal to me? Because my ability to process the unexpected was down to nothing.

  “It’s for the best. That way you and Luke are out of Bruce’s reach,” he said. “If you can’t take Frankie with you, one of my brothers will take her.”

  I loved Frankie, I truly did. But at that moment, the fact that Alex was concerned about where my dog would go infuriated me. Did he not see that my heart was breaking? Did he not see that the little world I’d created for myself was crumbling? But he’d never shared that world with me. It was my mistake to think he had.

  Curse fulfilled, I thought. All of my mother’s warnings had been for naught. I’d been convinced this time was different, but it wasn’t. I loved a man who didn’t want me. I’d be on my own raising a child, as my mother, aunt, and grandmother had been before me. The multigenerational tragedy was probably some kind of record. Maybe I’d write a book about the Hayes family curse and get myself on a talk show.

  My only consolation, if I could find one, was that Alex’s love for Luke was genuine. He might not be with me, but he’d have some kind of relationship with his son. I hoped.

  “Soledad,” Alex said into a silence that had stretched while I tried to process everything that had happened in the past hours, “Soledad, I need you to⁠—”

  I held up my hand to stop his words. I didn’t want them, couldn’t sort through them. “I’ll call my aunt. I’m sure she’ll take me and Luke in. I’ll do whatever I need to for Luke’s sake, but I need some time to myself.” I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. This was too much. I’d prided myself on being strong and independent, but this was more than even I could take.

  “I get that. You’ll stay here with Luke and Frankie until you can get packed up to go. It’s safer for you.”

  Was that the real reason for forcing me to become his brother’s houseguest? Or was it that he wanted me out of his place? He wouldn’t answer those questions even if I asked him. And I had to admit that it did seem more secure here, with the fancy alarm system and Colin’s vigilance. I resented it, though, resented being foisted on Alex’s relatives, despite how nice they were. But I’d stay, because it was best for Luke, and that’s what mattered most.

  “Fine,” I said, and I could have left it at that, but here was my opportunity to tell Alex how much he’d hurt me. I doubted I’d get another chance, because he was going to run for it, run back to the service. I stood, eyed him, and let the words tumble out. “You know I’d always believed, always convinced myself that one day you would fully love me and commit to me. But you aren’t ever going to do that, are you? I’m never going to get more than a part of you.” I stared at him, but his face had become an impassive mask. What kind of man didn’t react to those words?

  Didn’t matter. I went on. “I know Luke’s arrival complicated things, but I thought we were making progress as a real family. And I wanted that. You have no idea how much.” I gulped in air, fortifying myself to speak. “I know about your past, about your parents, about your low expectations for others. Heck, my family history isn’t much better—but despite all that, I hoped for the best for us. Unlike you, I didn’t want to see the past as limiting, so why would I expect the worst? Why should I, and now Luke, exist in a cage that was forced upon us? But you’ve chosen to stay there, chosen to define yourself by the past and others’ actions. You won’t let yourself love anyone, because you might get hurt.” I expelled a shaky sigh, knowing that I would cry later but keeping myself together in the moment. “Well, I’m hurt now, and I suppose that’s my own fault, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I made the mistake of loving you twice. And if that means that I end up without you, so be it. At least I’ll have Luke. And I can love him as much as I want to. There’s no limit on a mother’s love.”

  Unlike your love, I silently added. Alex placed limits on everyone around him. He didn’t let himself love, and he didn’t allow people to get close to him, to love him, because it didn’t end well most of the time. But when it did, when love worked, it was magical. That’s what I’d hoped for with Alex, but it wasn’t to be because his past, his parents, had damaged him so much that he wouldn’t allow it.

  That alone made me want to cry. Instead, I took a silent pledge to make my son’s life so full of love and understanding that he’d never question those around him, never refuse to give his trust or affection.

  About Alex, there was nothing I could do.

  13

  ALEX

  Iplaced some of Luke’s toys into a box, regretting that I wouldn’t see my son play with the little blue stuffed bear or the oversized plastic keys on a ring. I could hear Soledad in the master bedroom packing her things. Convincing her to leave with Luke had taken everything out of me. I didn’t want to be parted from her or my son, but I had no choice.

  Even now, I missed Luke, who’d stayed behind at Colin and Lily’s house. My sister-in-law was taking care of him, and I knew he was safe, but I hated having him out of reach. Over the past few days, I’d spent as much time as I could with Luke, knowing my son would soon be headed to Philadelphia to live with Soledad and her aunt, which was for the best if my scheme was going to work.

  My family and I had formulated a plan to smoke Bruce out. I had put around that I was leaving soon on a mission. To build the charade, I’d started my pre-mission schedule. I rose early to run ten miles and worked out in the afternoons. My goal was to be seen, so I’d stuck to the high school track and a popular gym downtown. I’d even carted some boxes to a storage facility and contacted my homeowner’s association to let them know I’d be gone for an indefinite amount of time. All clear signs to anyone looking that I was headed out with my SEAL team.

  I hoped Bruce believed it, because I wanted this done. I wanted to be out of danger, but more importantly, once it was over, I could tell Soledad the truth. As it was, she had to be convinced that I was leaving her as well, that I didn’t want a relationship with her. Otherwise, she’d never take Luke and go away—which they had to do.

  “I’m going next door to say goodbye to Gina.” Soledad leaned in the nursery door. It was the longest sentence she’d addressed to me in the past three days. She didn’t wait for my response but went down the stairs. After I heard the front door slam, I rapidly crossed to the master bedroom, where I could watch over her. She cut across the lawn, her arms swinging at her sides. A minute later, she was safely inside Gina’s house.

  I blew out a sigh. My nerves were raw between my worry about Bruce and the emotional impasse I was at with Soledad. I thought back to the end of our conversation, when I’d pretended not to care for her. I’d almost lost it, almost confessed everything when she’d confronted me at Colin’s house and openly confessed her love for me, her hopes for our future together.

  My SEAL training included techniques to resist various forms of torture, and I’d relied on those to get me through the moment when she’d laid her heart on the line. I’d had to dig deep to resist telling her how I felt. The toughest part had been not acknowledging how right she was about me. I had kept myself in a cage of my own making. I’d erected iron bars around my emotions…until recently, when Soledad and Luke had bent the bars and set me free. I longed to tell her that so much I’d literally bitten my tongue.

  And now I had to avoid her for fear she’d see through the front I’d constructed. I could hardly be in the same room with her. But I had to pretend a little longer, until the threat from Bruce was neutralized. Telling myself it was for the best was little consolation, but it was. It was best if Soledad didn’t know my true feelings, if she didn’t know how much I loved her and wanted to be with her.

  Shoving her away was the only way to ensure her and Luke’s safety. Because Soledad understood hope so much better than I did. If she thought there was hope for our future, she’d stay and fight Bruce alongside me. I couldn’t put her at risk like that, so I’d taken the words she’d spoken, controlling my reaction and hoping—a new concept for me—that there was a future for us.

  Because I saw that future. The three of us together, with maybe more children down the road, filling this house up to the brim again. I looked around the upstairs, seeing possibilities instead of difficulties. I was going to fight for her love, and I was a hell of a fighter.

  My fight was here now. Her tone had mocked me when I’d announced I was leaving on a mission—and she’d been right, because I could never leave them again. Never again could I travel the globe and put myself in danger with no definite date of return. That was no longer in me, and I didn’t regret it. My life had changed in the past months.

  I had changed.

  I’d loved Soledad a year ago at the time of our breakup, but fear had left me unable to speak the words. I could now—and I would, when this was over. As for Luke, I had lost my heart to that boy the second I’d seen him, and that was never going to change.