She took a deep breath, like she was trying to hold herself together, and then she continued. “Honestly, after ending things with you, I just walked around in a fog. Nothing broke through it until the accident, and Emma—” He could hear her voice breaking and pulled her closer. Nicole clung to him, burrowing her head against his shoulder. “Losing her was horrible—but there was Grant, and he needed me. Honestly, I think he saved me. Taking care of him helped me remember how to take care of myself. And having a baby to love healed some of the hurt over what I’d lost. I was able to make peace with it—to love our baby, but to let the idea of him or her go. But I’m still so sorry, Michael—so sorry that I hurt you. That was never what I wanted. It was so hard, and I did what I thought I had to, to make it through. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be with you, or because I ever stopped loving you. I haven’t. Not ever.”

  “Nicole…” he said, and then fell silent. He wasn’t sure what to say. It was nothing close to what he’d thought, but it made perfect, terrible sense. Nicole had always handled anything difficult on her own, and fought like hell whenever anyone tried to help her. Michael had admired that about her when they were together. But this was a terrible side to that self-sufficiency that he had never expected. Michael hated to think of all the pain she’d gone through, made all the worse by the fact that she’d insisted on going through it alone. He didn’t know what to say, so he kissed her, trying to put everything he felt into it. His forgiveness, his understanding.

  Except…

  Michael thought about the other day, and pulled back. That first evening, when she’d gotten the threat against her salon. She’d been so clearly afraid and upset, but when he tried to comfort her, she’d refused to let him. Nicole had always stood on her own, even when they were together. She’d never wanted to lean on him.

  Michael brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her again. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that on your own. I would’ve been there for you, if you’d told me. You know that, don’t you?” It was urgent, and he was desperate to be certain that she knew that.

  Nicole was quiet for a moment too long. He shifted, sitting up. “Nicole. If something like this happened now, what would you do? If I was out on a dangerous security job, and you needed me, would you tell me?”

  Please, he thought. Please.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. Nicole shifted, easing away from him as if she already felt the need to stand on her own again. The loss of her felt like a wound. “It’s beside the point, right? It’s not like we’re getting a second chance. This is just tonight.”

  Michael wasn’t surprised, not by her answer and not by the sharp, sudden stab of pain he felt from it. He could forgive her for breaking up with him, he could understand why she did it, but he couldn’t be certain that she wouldn’t do it again. His job was still dangerous, and Nicole was always going to want to shield the people she loved by taking everything on herself—and sharing none of the burden. Even if it meant lying to her loved ones.

  He was just going to have to show her. To figure a way to get her to let down her guard, and let him in. Because he didn’t want this to just be tonight. But there was no future for them if they couldn’t build real trust.

  12

  Michael woke the next morning just before dawn, as he always did. For a moment he was half-afraid it had all been a dream. But then he registered the arm stretched out across his chest, and the long legs tangled with his, and the thrill of it had him smiling. Nicole was there, sprawled out in his bed, taking up most of the space, just like she always had. It used to annoy him, but now he simply turned over and pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder. In spite of their conversation last night, he felt cautiously optimistic about their relationship. Nicole still loved him, always had—just like he’d never stopped loving her. He could find a way to convince her to let him in, to trust him with her hurts and her fears. He’d prove to her that she could ask him for help, and that he’d be there for her when she needed it—that he wanted to be there, wanted to have an open, trusting relationship. Michael wasn’t sure how he’d do it, but he knew there had to be a way. And then—

  We’d get a second chance, he thought, and tried to ignore the warning bells in the back of his mind. Michael hadn’t realized how close he was to breaking his personal rule until just now. He’d sworn by that rule, more times than he could count. No second chances was important. It saved lives. But now he was considering breaking it.

  Michael eased out of bed, careful not to wake Nicole, and pulled on a pair of jeans and a faded T-shirt before heading downstairs.

  He’d taken Destroyer for a quick run and had the table set and breakfast well on its way to ready by the time Nicole came down, wrapped up in a thin, peach robe. Her expression was guarded as she came into the kitchen, and Michael knew he should be cautious. That it wouldn’t—couldn’t—be this easy. Last night, she hadn’t even seemed to believe that they could have more than a single encounter together. Pushing for too much too fast would just scare her away. But she looked so wonderful first thing in the morning, still sleepy-eyed and just coming from his bed, that he couldn’t resist pressing her up against the counter and kissing her until they were both breathless. His heart soared when she returned the kiss—with enthusiasm, no less.

  “Well,” Nicole said when he pulled back. “Good morning to you, too.”

  “It is now,” Michael said.

  He would’ve kissed her again, but he heard Destroyer woof, and the next moment Grant called out, “Good morning.”

  Michael and Nicole jumped apart, and Nicole put on a bright smile as Grant climbed into his seat at the table. “Good morning, baby.”

  “Can I play outside after breakfast?” Grant asked. “It’s really nice out.”

  Nicole got the juice out of the fridge and poured some for her son. “Sure, baby. We could go for a hike, if you want, or—”

  “I was thinking Michael might want to play with me,” Grant said, giving Michael a pointed look.

  “Sure,” Michael said, telling himself it was silly to feel worried about that calm, knowing look in a ten-year-old’s eyes. “That’d be fun.”

  They headed outside after breakfast, and Michael managed to dig up an old tennis ball to throw for Destroyer. The dog loved to fetch more than anything; it could’ve spent all day chasing after balls they threw for it.

  Grant wound back his arm and hurled the tennis ball. It barely made it a few feet. Still, Destroyer jetted over to fetch it, loping back to drop it at the boy’s feet. “So I had a second motive when I asked you to play with me,” the kid announced, picking up the ball.

  “Oh?” Michael glanced at him.

  “I wanted a chance to talk to you without Mom around,” Grant said matter-of-factly. “Man-to-man.”

  Michael took a moment to pick up the ball, tossing it up and catching it one-handed. The kid was regarding him in that too-serious way that was already starting to become familiar. And that was something to consider. He tossed the ball, sending Destroyer racing off towards the woods. “Okay.”

  “What exactly are your intentions towards my mother?”

  Michael immediately felt the heat rush up the back of his neck. He’d expected Grant’s questions to be more about who was after Nicole or why they were hiding out. Not…that. He’d tried to be quiet last night, and Grant was all the way at the other end of the hall, but it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that the kid had overheard something. Maybe he’d gotten up for water or something and had walked past the door. Oh Lord, was he going to have to give this boy the birds and the bees talk? “Um.”

  “I saw you guys kissing. Before breakfast,” Grant informed him, and Michael fought back the urge to sigh in relief. Yeah, he’d hoped Grant hadn’t seen that. Clearly he hadn’t been that lucky. But when he considered what this talk could have been about, he couldn’t help feeling that he’d gotten off easy. Easy-ish, at least.

  “We’re friends,” Michael said carefully. He wondered if there was an easy way out of this conversation. Maybe a bear attack.

  “Kissing friends,” Grant said, with that clear, unrelenting kid-logic. “My mom doesn’t do kissing a lot, especially not when I’m around. But my Grandma and Grandpa do, and Grandma says it’s something they like to do because they’re married. Does this mean you’re planning on sticking around? Even after you catch the bad guy? Are you going to marry my mom?”

  Something strangely like panic twisted in Michael’s gut. How was he supposed to answer that? He knew what he wanted, but he knew there were no guarantees that they’d be able to work things out. Not when he still wasn’t sure where he stood with Nicole. “I don’t know about that,” Michael said, desperately searching for a distraction to get the kid off of this topic. “But I do have some good news. The police just caught someone who might be the bad guy—or might be able to help lead us to the bad guy. So you might be able to go home soon. See your friends again.”

  “Does that mean you’re not coming with us? If they caught the bad guy, are we not going to see you again?” Grant asked. “I know you’re just here to protect us—does that mean you’ll be going away for good once we’re safe?”

  “That’s not what I meant,” Michael said, rubbing the back of his neck. Jesus, he’d been in firefights that had been easier to navigate than this. “I just thought you might want to go home.”

  “I like it here with you,” Grant insisted, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “It’s fun, even though you don’t have a Nintendo Switch.” The kid leveled him with a look, so like the one Nicole would lay on him when she was calling him on his shit, that Michael nearly smiled. “Are you even interested in becoming a dad? You know, there’s a certain amount of responsibility you take on when you start dating a single mother. That’s why Mom and Alex broke up.”

  “It’s not that,” Michael said quickly. “It’s just—it’s complicated.” That sounded pathetic, even to him. Then, because he couldn’t help himself, he asked, “Who’s Alex?”

  “Mom’s last boyfriend. I’d thought maybe they were going to…but he wasn’t interested in being a dad.” Grant paused, picking up the ball and turning it over in his hands for a moment before giving it a half-hearted toss. Destroyer was bounding back with it in a heartbeat. “I heard them arguing about it right before they broke up,” he admitted in a small voice. “They were supposed to have a date, but Mom wanted all of us to go to the zoo. He never showed up. So we went to see the penguins and she took me out for pad Thai, and then when we got home, she called him up and he came over. They had a big fight. It was really loud. I heard all of it. I might’ve been listening through the door,” Grant confessed. “He said that he’d never wanted kids and he’d never pretended like he did, and Mom said we were a package deal, take it or leave it.” The boy shrugged his thin shoulders. “He left it.”

  Michael reached out, part of him wanting to pull Grant into a hug. But he hesitated. That wasn’t his place, not yet. And Grant was right. He hadn’t really thought about this—about what it would mean to try again with Nicole when there was a kid in the mix. A smart, sweet, sensitive kid who stood to get hurt if it all fell apart.

  There was a soft, heart-broken sound. Michael looked over to see Nicole standing in the cabin door. Michael felt a little sheepish that he hadn’t even realized she was there, listening. “Oh, baby,” she said.

  Grant looked abashed. “It’s okay, Mom. But I know you were sad about Alex, even if he was a jerkface like Grandpa said.” He turned to Michael, seeming much older than his ten years. “I don’t want anything like that to happen again.”

  Michael glanced at Nicole, knowing even as he did that she was thinking. It was the exact same thing he was. How in the hell were they going to deal with this?

  Nicole crossed over to her son and knelt down, running her hands up and down his arms. “You don’t need to worry about that.”

  “Of course, I’m going to worry about it,” Grant insisted. “You’re my mom.”

  “Of course she is—and I know that there’s nothing in the world that’s more important to her than that,” Michael agreed, which earned him a surprised look from Nicole. “You and your mom are a team. Which means you worry about each other, and you have each other’s backs. You watch out for each other, just like me and my team used to when I was in the SEALs. And my team now—me and my partners at the agency.”

  Grant gave a firm nod. “Yeah.”

  Nicole looked up at Michael, and for a moment there was something deeper in the smile she gave him. Something more. Then she turned back to Grant. “And I’m so glad you like spending time here. Michael and I...we’re—”

  “Friends,” Michael said, and then immediately could’ve kicked himself.

  Just like that, the warmth shuttered in Nicole’s eyes. “Friends,” she agreed, sounding more measured than she had a moment ago. More cautious. “Very good friends, and he’s helping us out, but that’s it. And you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine. Everything is going to be fine.”

  “Are you sure?” Grant looked skeptical. “Cause I see you guys making sappy faces at each other. You don’t make faces like that around your other friends.”

  “I’m sure.”

  Nicole stood, holding onto her son’s hand, everything about her stance indicating that she now considered the conversation closed. “You know, I found some chocolate chips in the pantry. If you go in and clean your room up right now, then afterwards we can make some of Grandma’s famous peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies.”

  Clearly the kid could be bribed by cookies. Grant didn’t even hesitate. “Okay.”

  “I can give you a hand—” Michael began, but Nicole shook her head.

  “That’s okay.” She put an arm around her son’s shoulders and they headed back into the cabin. Michael watched them go, wondering if she would look back. Hoping for it. But she didn’t.

  Destroyer brought back the ball and laid it at Michael’s feet, then looked up at him and whined. Michael bent down and scratched behind the dog’s ears. In response, Destroyer leaned into his hand so he could get to the left ear more easily. Destroyer loved a good scratch behind his left ear.

  “I know.” Michael hadn’t really thought about it until now, but—it had been a little too easy, a little too natural to fall into playing a happy family here at the cabin. As if he and Nicole were together. As if Grant was their kid. Hell, even as if Destroyer was their dog. But this wasn’t his family. It could be—but it wasn’t. Not yet. If they were going to come together, then they’d have to have some tough conversations. Make some serious decisions. There was too much at stake to rush into anything just based on nothing more than what felt good. He’d seen the hurt in Grant’s eyes when he’d talked about that damned idiot, Alex. The last thing Michael wanted was for Grant to ever look that way when talking about him.

  He needed to talk to Nicole. He loved her. He never stopped loving her. But he wasn’t going to get invested in a relationship if he couldn’t be sure they were on the same page. What if they couldn’t make it stick. They hadn’t been able to pull it off the first time. If she wasn’t interested in something long term, in trying again—if she wasn’t willing to let him in and let him be there for her emotionally the next time she needed it, then they should stop this now. Before it got started. Before anyone else got hurt.

  13

  Nicole should’ve known it was coming. Grant had been quiet and thoughtful all day, ever since his conversation with Michael. He cleaned up his room without argument, and helped her clear the table after dinner. He even let her pick the movie, and then snuggled up between her and Michael on the couch as they watched Paddington 2.

  Then, as she was tucking him into bed that night, Grant said, “Mom? Do you think Michael might want to come to my birthday party? When this is all over, I mean,” he added quickly. “When he’s done having to protect us from bad guys, and the two of you have more time for…you know. Kissing and stuff. He’ll be around a lot, right?”

  Nicole raised an eyebrow, not entirely surprised. She’d overheard enough of their conversation that morning to realize that her son had seen them kissing. It stood to reason he’d draw his own conclusions from that. But even though she wasn’t surprised, the question still packed a punch. No, not the question—the assumption that Michael would be around. Grant sounded a lot more certain of that than she was feeling, herself.

  “It’s not his fault,” Grant insisted, misunderstanding her silence. “He didn’t tell me you were dating. I guessed. He just told me I was right. Which I was. So?” The hope in her son’s voice was heartbreaking. “Do you think he might want to come?”

  Nicole hesitated, wanting more than anything to answer yes. She wanted it for Grant and for herself, and she thought about the three of them, watching the movie together earlier, like a family. But she was too keenly aware that Michael hadn’t answered her son earlier when he’d asked if Michael wanted to be a dad. “I think—”

  But Grant was already blinking rapidly. “That’s a no. That’s your no face. We could just ask him, couldn’t we? You don’t know what his answer would be. We’re going to have a really big cake.”

  “Baby, it’s not that. It’s just...Michael will probably be on another assignment by then. He has a very important job, and he’s very busy. I don’t think we can count on him to be there.” Not for a party, and not for anything else. However much she wanted it.