“Can I help?” she asks.

  “Thanks.”

  We work together in an uneasy and awkward silence until empty containers have been thrown away and leftover food’s been combined into the few remaining ones. I place them into two stacks, one a bit taller than the other. “Help me take these inside?”

  “Of course.” Anya nods, picking up the shorter one.

  I lead her through the house and into the kitchen. We manage to find places in the fridge to set everything. I close the door and turn to her. Her gaze darts around the room, not meeting mine, as though she’s feeling as ill at ease as me. Words get strangled in my throat. I just pledged my life to this woman. We’re going to live together. See each other often. We can’t just never speak.

  “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go over to our house or if you needed a few more days?” I finally manage.

  Anya shakes her head. “I don’t need them. My stuff is mostly packed already. And Pierce has a few soldiers lined up to move it over. I went with the assumption we would be moving in today. He told me to call him when we get there.”

  “Right. Okay,” I stumble over the words, shoving my hands in my pockets because I need to do something to keep them from sweating. “I guess we can head over there, then. I’ll get a couple extra keys made in the next day or two.”

  “That sounds fine,” she says.

  “If you need any money for decorating or furniture or whatever, just let me know. I’ll start an account for you.” I’m guessing Pierce has set her up already, but since we’re married, I should at least make sure she’s taken care of financially.

  “I have enough, but thank you.”

  “Okay, good.” Christ. Where’s the guy who has managed to smooth-talk his way into countless women’s beds? Except, I can’t be him. Anya isn’t some woman I can charm and seduce with my smile. Which means I have to be someone different. I have to be the real Paddy. Except I’m not sure I even know who that Paddy is.

  “I’m glad you two are still here.” My mother’s voice from the kitchen threshold makes Anya jump. “I have a small gift for you.”

  She and I share a glance before following my mother out into the living room. Sitting on the side table is a canvas satchel.

  “I’m sure you already have most of this stuff, if not all of it, but I wanted to get you a tool kit for your new garden. There’s nearly every tool imaginable in here, plus a pair of gardening gloves,” she tells Anya. “It’s the same one I have.”

  “Thank you, Moira. That is very kind of you. I promise I’ll put everything in here to good use.”

  “If anyone would use it, I thought it might be you. I’ll also have some tulip bulbs for you in the next couple of months that you can save and plant this fall, if you’d like them.”

  “I love it.” As though unsure if she should or not, Anya hesitantly gives my mother a hug, who, of course, returns it happily. We all grew up with a lot of affection from her. Da is a bit more stoic, but we know he loves us. Did Anya have that growing up? How much do I actually know about this new wife of mine?

  “We should probably get going,” I tell Mother. “Thank you. For everything.”

  “Of course.” She wraps her arms around me next.

  I pick up the satchel and turn back to her. “Can you tell Jack and Nathan I’ll call them later?”

  “I will.”

  “Ready?” I ask Anya.

  She nods. “I think so.”

  We head out to my car. There have been times over the last few days when I swear there’s still a hint of Anya’s scent lingering inside it. It’s been driving me mad. She’s off-limits for so many reasons.

  I cast a few covert glances Anya’s way. Her gaze remains out the window. She seems relaxed, except, her fingers are clenched in her lap, the skin whitened from the pressure.

  I want to reach out and lay my hand over hers to reassure her, but I clutch the steering wheel tighter to stop myself. I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings on either of our parts. We both need to remember why we did this.

  Chapter 20

  Anya

  * * *

  My stomach tosses and turns as we make our way to our new house. Taking far too long, we finally pull in front of it. I glance out the window, hoping that buzzy sensation is still present. I nearly sigh in relief. It’s still there as my gaze takes in the front yard with the birdbath—void of any birds today—and skyrocket junipers lined up along the brick base of the portico.

  All the windows in the front of the house sparkle with cleanliness. The rays of the sun bounce off them, almost blinding me. That giddy flutter begins in my belly again.

  “Still there, huh?” Paddy asks.

  I swivel my head. “I’m sorry?”

  “That certain vibe about the place.”

  “Oh, yes,” I say. “It’s just as lovely as I remember.”

  “I’m glad.” Paddy turns off the car. “Might as well head inside.”

  We exit the car. I wait while he grabs the gardening satchel from the back seat and stare up at the house. This is all mine. Well, ours. It’s a bit surreal. He rounds the vehicle, and I start up the walk, the steps, and cross the porch. I take a deep breath. I’m ready to start my new life.

  Paddy opens the door and gestures for me to proceed. There’s a sharp pine scent as though someone recently cleaned the place. The hardwood floor shines, reflecting our images back to us. And…it’s as empty as it was the day we toured it. I didn’t expect that.

  “I’ll set this on the kitchen counter,” Paddy says, holding up the satchel before heading in that direction.

  Unsure if I’m supposed to follow him or not, I remain standing in the middle of the front room and wrap my arms around my waist. Moments later, he returns. “I’m going to call Jack and Nathan and meet them at the brownstone to get my belongings. You should probably call Pierce. You’ll need your bed.”

  “Right, of course,” I mumble nervously. There’s not even anything to sleep on?

  “Will you be okay if I leave?” Paddy gestures over his shoulder.

  Does he mean right now? I blink. My god, he does. He’s leaving me here alone. In a completely empty house. Remember to be agreeable. No matter what.

  “Yes. Fine.” I clear my throat, adding a smile for good measure. “I mean, I’ll be fine. Pierce should be here soon. It’s okay.”

  “Call if you need anything.” He’s already at the front door as though he can’t leave fast enough.

  “Sure.” Not a chance.

  Then, he’s gone, taking nearly all the air in the house with him. I suck in a shuddering breath. My fingers rub along my skirt, gathering the fabric and then loosening it, and then repeating the process. I glance around at nothing. Riotous emotions toil inside me.

  Being left alone in an empty house on my wedding day isn’t at all how I pictured my life before. I’m not sure it’s how I imagined it after, either. The emptiness around me is a stark reminder of the kind of marriage this is. Shaking off the thought, I reach into my small wristlet and pull out my phone to call Pierce. Standing here is doing me no good.

  “You okay?” he asks before the first ring even finishes.

  “Hi,” I say softly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “Do I need to make you a widow, yet?”

  My stupid tears turn into a choked laugh. “No need for such drastic measures.”

  “What’s wrong?” Pierce asks, his voice deathly serious.

  I swipe the wetness from my eyes and force a normal tone to my voice. “Nothing is wrong. I was just calling to let you know we’re at the house now. All the boxes I’ll need for now are in my room. There’s also my sewing stuff, including the table folded up against the wall. Can you bring my bed, too, please?”

  “We’ll be there in a couple hours. Are you sure everything’s okay? I don’t like the way you sound.”

  His worry almost starts my tears again, but I blink them back. I’m an adult and have to live with the decisions I made. “I promise. I’m fine.”

  He’s quiet as though weighing whether I’m telling the truth. Pierce has an uncanny ability to see and know things other people don’t. I’ve seen him use it. He’s never wrong.

  “You wouldn’t tell me if you weren’t okay, though, would you?” He sighs. “Never mind. I know the answer. You’re as stubborn as your sister.”

  That makes me smile. “Yet you love her stubbornness.”

  “And yours.”

  “I’ll see you soon, then?” I prod, mostly to end the call so I don’t have to keep up pretenses.

  “Soon.” He hangs up with that single word dangling like a promise.

  I hope Paddy gets back before Pierce gets here. I don’t want to have to explain his absence. My gaze darts around. Even empty, the house feels a lot smaller without him in it. The walls seem to be closing in on me. I’m not sure if it’s because everything is real or because I don’t like being alone. Not anymore. My gaze drifts to the back doors to catch a glimpse of my garden. Needing some air, I head toward the one place I’ll be able to breathe. All the bright colors lighten my mood with a single glance.

  The sky is cloud-filled, but the air is warm. A soft breeze blows through my hair. The scent of flowers grows stronger the closer I get to my garden. My garden. I can’t believe this beautiful place is all mine. I can do whatever I want in here. My fingers itch with the need to dig in the dirt. I’m anxious to grab the gardening kit Moira gave me.

  While I stroll through the grass, I make a mental list of all the things I need to buy. Furniture for the house. Dress form mannequins for my sewing room. There’s a narrow bench tucked up against the back of the carport. I brush it off, trying to keep my dress as clean as possible, and take a seat. My eyes close, and I tip my head back to take in all the scents around me.

  I become aware of a sensation. My hands are in my lap, and I’m rubbing my thumb across the scar on my wrist.

  The nerves occasionally tingle nearly five years later. Pain still creeps up on me once in a while. For the most part, it’s not nearly as sharp as it once was.

  Pushing the thoughts away, I release my wrist and stand. I slip off my shoes and take a stroll through the yard, pausing at the different flower beds and growing bushes. My fingers gently stroke petals and stems, admiring the care that was given to the blooms. Pride sweeps over me that I’ll be able to continue caring for all of them.

  I return to the bench, lean my head against the carport again, and close my eyes. The exhaustion of the day, along with barely sleeping last night, catches up to me. I just want to rest here for a little bit and not think about anything. No Paddy. No marriage. Just enjoy the warm, fragrant breeze surrounding me.

  “Anya?” someone calls my name softly.

  My eyelids flutter and slowly open. I blink against the brightness of the sun and shade my eyes with a hand. A shadowy figure steps in front of me. Pierce comes into focus. There’s a prominent scowl on his face.

  “Anya,” he says again. “What the fuck are you doing out here by yourself? Where’s that piece of shit husband of yours?”

  I come fully awake and glance around. The sun is visible through the trees at the far end of the yard. Which means it’s early evening, and that I’ve been sitting out here for far too long. My nose and cheeks are hot.

  “Anya?” Pierce growls.

  Shit. Paddy. “He went to meet with his brothers to get his things and bring them over here.”

  “And left you alone?” There’s a strong undercurrent of outrage in his tone.

  I needed to fix this. “It’s okay. I wanted to stay and rest a bit. I knew you’d be here soon. It’s fine. Really.”

  “It’s not fine. He left you by yourself. On your wedding day.” Pierce’s rage only seems to be growing.

  “If I’m not mistaken, didn’t Emilio leave Brenna alone on their wedding day?” I ask with a pointed stare. It’s a story Caitlín had once shared with me.

  He manages to appear abashed. “That’s different.”

  I cock my head. “How?”

  “Because at least Brenna had fucking furniture. Padraig,” he practically sneers the name with a pointed and angry gesture toward the house, “left you by yourself in a completely empty house with no place to sit. You don’t have anything to eat or drink. You’re out here, alone, getting sunburned, while he’s off doing whatever the fuck it is he’s doing.”

  Needing to end this, I stand. “You have to stop. His name is Paddy. And I told him to go without me. I knew you’d be here before long, and I’m perfectly capable of being by myself for a short time.” I take a deep breath and stare hard at Pierce. “If you’re going to keep treating him badly, then I’m not sure it’s a good idea for you to be here.”

  He flinches slightly, but it’s enough to make me want to take back my words. His gaze is pained. “You’re going to choose him?”

  My chest aches. This is everything I wanted to avoid. “I’m not trying to choose anyone. But if you make me, then I’ll have to. He’s my husband.”

  Pierce’s jaw tightens, but then his gaze shifts downward, and his expression swiftly changes. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll try harder.”

  I study him with narrowed eyes. Had that been fear in his expression? That can’t be right. He doesn’t fear anything. I’m not going to question his acquiescence, though. I just want the two of them to at least be, if nothing else, civil to each other.

  “Thank you,” I tell Pierce.

  He dips his head. “I’m going to help the men bring your stuff in. You’ll probably need to tell us where you want everything to go.”

  “Of course.” I take a step forward to follow him in and stop.

  For the second time, I’ve clasped one hand in the other, and my thumb is rubbing over that thin white line. How did I not notice what I was doing? I jerk my head up and meet Pierce’s gaze. Is that what caused him to be afraid? Thinking that I might hurt myself again? I swallow and release my wrist. My arms drop to my side.

  We stare at each other a moment longer before, finally, I straighten my shoulders and move toward the house. Silently, Pierce trails behind. The skin on the back of my neck prickles where I’m certain his gaze bores into me. My heart is heavy. It’s only been a few hours and already, everything seems so complicated.

  Chapter 21

  Paddy

  * * *

  Both Jack and Nathan glare at me the second I step through the door of the brownstone.

  “You two going to keep standing there, or are you going to help me get my stuff?” I stride past them and ignore their judgmental stares.

  “Where’s Anya? You know…your wife?” Jack asks snidely.

  Christ, here we go with the holier than thou attitude. “She’s at our house, waiting for Pierce to bring her things over.”

  “And you didn’t wait with her?” Nathan gapes. “You just left her there? Alone? What is wrong with you?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with me,” I say with a small, forced chuckle. “I asked Anya if she minded if I came back here to pick up my things, and she said it was fine.”

  They both continue staring. I shift uncomfortably. Their gazes only remind me of how I used to feel while standing in Grand-da’s office as he told me time and time again how stupid I am. The back of my neck heats, and that feeling of dread deep in my gut grows bigger. Something closely resembling shame rises up inside me.

  “Did you really think she was going to tell you anything different?” Jack scowls. “This is Anya we’re talking about. The quietest, most unobtrusive person any of us have ever known. The woman who tries to make herself invisible at every family gathering. And you really thought she’d answer with anything other than fine?”

  I wince at his words. Of course, I knew what she’d say. Those are the conditions of our marriage. I do what I want. No questions asked. Even if that means abandoning her on our wedding day. “Look, if you’re so worried about Anya, then quit bitching and help me get my stuff so we can head to the house.”

  Both of my brothers shake their heads. Nathan’s expression is full of disappointment, but he turns and makes his way to the elevator. I move to follow, but Jack puts an arm across my chest, stopping me. I glance down at it and then raise my eyes to meet his. I lift an eyebrow, daring him to say something.

  He glares in disgust and then takes the same path Nathan had. I blow out a sigh. As if I need the two of them making me feel like even more of an asshole. I trudge along behind, but Jack lets the elevator door close before I can step inside with them. He’s making it perfectly clear what he thinks of me. I turn and use the stairs to get to my floor. Might as well make this quick. It’s already painful.

  Two hours later, the moving truck one of our business associates brought over is all loaded up with boxes of clothes and other belongings, including my bed and big-screen television. I’m surprised Jack didn’t intentionally drop it just to make a point.

  “I appreciate your helping me,” I tell them.

  Nathan, who can never seem to stay mad at anyone, nods. “You know we’re happy to.”

  I cast a glance in Jack’s direction. I’m not sure that’s the case for him. No doubt he wants to tell me to feck off. “I’ll meet you over there.”

  Tired of my oldest brother’s judgmental glare, I give directions to the driver just in case we get separated and then hop in my car to lead him to the house.

  A white van and town car with waiting driver are parked in front of the house when we arrive. Great. I bet that means Pierce is here. I’m not in any mood to deal with his broody ass, but there’s no choice. I pull into the driveway while the moving truck stops behind the vehicles on the street. Jack parks behind me. I exit my car and head for the porch. Anya steps outside. She waves and waits there until I reach her.

  “Pierce is here,” she says softly with a surreptitious glance over her shoulder.

  “Figured as much.” I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry I left.”