“You should tell his wife,” Tracey suddenly declares as if this is obvious. “He shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this. You should tell her. She deserves to know, don’t you think? Wouldn’t you want to know?”

  Urgh, the idea of taking him down a notch or two sounds good, I would like to see Zack squirm since he has broken my heart, but I don’t know if I like the idea of revenge. It feels petty and needless.

  “I don’t know. Won’t that just make me seem bitter?” I whine. “The wife will hate me anyway, which sucks. I don’t know if I can take the hatred on top of everything else. I’m a mess enough as it is.”

  “You can give it some time, sure,” Tracey reassures me. “But I still think that you should do it. I think that this poor woman deserves to know and that he shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it…”

  “But he has kids.” The idea of hurting children is a lot. “Shouldn’t I just leave it? Those poor children don’t need me walking in to their lives and destroying it. I don’t want to be that person…”

  “But he destroyed it, not you. Don’t you forget that,” Tracey reminds me. “And I can assure you that if you aren’t the one who tells her what’s going on, then it will be someone else. Men like Zack can only get away with being little shits for so long. Eventually the hurricane of destruction that they leave behind them will come back to haunt them. You just have to hope that you can see it because you are one of the victims.”

  I didn’t want to be a victim. I wanted to be with him, I really thought that we had something. But he’s a man with secrets and I guess that isn’t something I need to be dealing with. So, as much as it hurts, I need to walk away, I need to forget him completely. As for revenge, well I don’t know about that just yet. I will just have to sleep on this and see how I feel in the morning. Everything might be clearer then.

  Chapter 10 – Zack

  “I like having you home, Daddy,” Amelia says to me with much more color in her cheeks now. And not the redness that comes with sickness, but that has come with her finally improving at long last. “It’s been fun.”

  “I have really enjoyed it as well,” I tell her honestly. “I am going to try and rearrange my work somewhat so I can be home with you more in the future. We can have more daddy and daughter days like this one.”

  She cheers and jumps in to my lap, snuggling in to me as she does, and she makes my heart sing because I finally feel like I am doing something right by her. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m glad. All of the guilt that I have held on to because of Amelia is finally going away. It’s also nice to give my mother a break because I know she does a lot for me. She is around a lot, I do think she wants to be with Amelia all the time as well, but I can help out. I know that this will have to slow down soon because the office is going to need me, but for now I can enjoy my time with my daughter, I can relish this satisfaction because all is going well.

  “Daddy, I think that’s your phone ringing.” Amelia climbs off my lap. “You better get it.”

  In a bit of a daze because my daughter has shaken me from my thoughts, I pad in to the kitchen where my cell phone is ringing, just like Amelia told me, and it’s Terry’s name on the screen. Terry is someone that I haven’t thought about for a while now. I haven’t contacted him for days while I’ve been with Amelia, so I’m curious as to what this means. Is he contacting me with a general update or has something happened?

  “Hello?” There is a definite edge to my voice. “How are things going, Terry?”

  “I’ve found her.” The news that I have been waiting for and dreading in equal measures has come for me at last. I don’t know how to feel. If anything, I think I might be numb. “I have her details at last.”

  “You do?” I should say more, he has achieved the goal, this is what I have been waiting for, but I can’t muster anything. “Wow, that’s incredible, Terry. And you are sure that it’s definitely Karen?”

  “It’s her alright. I have actually just emailed everything over to you, but I wanted to call you with this information. I know how eager you have been to get in touch with her for Amelia’s sake…”

  I think about my daughter in the other room, the one who has been clinging to me since I have been home because she’s been so glad to have her parent around. Just because I’m not sure, doesn’t mean I should deny Amelia the chance to get to know her mother. After all, that’s why I started all of this.

  “Thank you so much, Terry. That’s great news.” I force some gratitude in to my voice. “I really appreciate it and I will send you the money once I get a moment to make the transfer. Thank you so much.”

  We talk for a little while longer, just a bit of small talk because over the last few months I have gotten to know this man well and now we won’t have so much of a reason to speak to one another. It’s the end of a strange era… and I suppose the start of a new one as well if I go through with finally calling Karen.

  I stare at the details in my email account, paying particular attention to the cell phone number. As I hear Mom enter the house and sit with Amelia in the living room, I know that this is the perfect time for me to sneak off, to make this call in private so that no one suspects a thing. After all, this phone call will be the change of everything. This is the time where I will see if Karen is finally prepared to step up and be a mother or not.

  I don’t know how much I am holding my hopes up. I can’t really imagine it right now…

  “Do it now,” I whisper to myself. “Just do it before it becomes this big weird thing.”

  I know that this is one of those things that will be so easy for me to talk myself out of, so it’s now or never. I head up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and I shut myself in the bedroom to finally hit the dial button.

  Ring, ring… I pace the room, breathing deeply. Ring, ring… I start to doubt myself, almost hanging up. Ring, ring… I wonder if Terry might have made a mistake and that this isn’t her number after all…

  “Hello?” Oh God, I would know that voice anywhere. It’s her. She has an effect on me, but only because she is the mother of my child and she walked out on us. Not for anything else. “Who’s there?”

  “Oh, hi…” I suddenly realize that I have been quiet for far too long. “Sorry, it’s Zack. I hope that it’s okay I’m calling you like this. I know this must be a shock to you. A bit out of the blue…”

  It’s funny, I always imagined this being an angry moment. I don’t think that I really got to say everything that I felt when she first walked out on me. Many emotions didn’t get expressed as I would have liked them to, so I assumed that when Terry found her this would be the time to say it all, but I don’t feel like that now. It doesn’t matter what she did, how she treated us in the past, I just want to have an adult conversation to see if we can sort this out. It isn’t about me and her anymore, it hasn’t been for a very long time, it’s all about our child.

  “Zack.” She sounds cagey and shocked which is to be expected. “How did you get my number?”

  “I just wanted to talk to you about Amelia actually, if that’s alright with you?” She doesn’t really answer, it’s more of just an agreeable noise, but I take this as a positive reaction from Karen. The best I will get anyway. “So, I don’t think that’s so much of a telephone conversation. Plus, I’m sure you will need time to process this call, so what I’m really asking is if you would like to meet face to face some time. Me and you.”

  I know that she isn’t too far away, so we could make this happen if she wants, but I need it to be immediately clear that I won’t be bringing Amelia to any meetings until I think I can trust her. That trust took one afternoon to shatter, and it will take a lot longer to build back up again. After all, Amelia deserves the best and if she can’t be that then she won’t be coming back in to her life at all. I won’t be a fool for her.

  “I can come and meet you.” I’m shocked as Karen says this. I wasn’t expecting such an immediate response. “I am actually very near by tomorrow morning, so I would like to see you. I have actually wanted to contact you about our daughter for a very long time, but I wasn’t sure how you would react to me.”

  I hope that is a good sign and it means she wants to do what is right by her child. I can only put the faith in her for the time being. After all, Karen could have hung up on me immediately if she wanted.

  “So, tomorrow. That sounds good to me.” It’s sooner than I wanted, than I was expecting, but I suppose it’s better to start this process sooner rather than later. “Do you have a specific time and place?”

  “Eight thirty AM,” Karen shoots beck very precisely. “At that café near your office. The brown colored one.”

  “Oh okay.” Is it just me or does it really sound like she has been thinking about this for a while? My hopes rise without me wanting them to and I can feel a flower of happiness blooming in my chest. “That sounds great. Thank you, Karen. I am, erm… looking forward to speaking to you tomorrow then.”

  There isn’t anything more to say, not at the moment anyway, so I hang up the phone and stare at the screen for a while in shock. I sure as hell wasn’t expecting today to turn around like this, but here I am with everything and more. I mean, this is what I have been working towards so I need to be happy, and I must recall at all times that I am the one in charge here. I have all the power so she will have to prove herself.

  “Zack?” My mother knocks on my bedroom door, shaking me from my shock. “Are you okay? Only Amelia said you got a phone call and she is wondering where you got to. Do you need to go to work or something?”

  It’s time to tell her. My mother, that is, not Amelia. I won’t tell our child until I’m sure that Karen will be worth it, but I have to let Mom know. She deserves to after all that she has helped me with.

  “Mom.” I swing the door open and step out in to the hallway to talk to her. “I have found Karen.”

  Immediately, my mother’s face falls. She almost looks horrified, which is a feeling that I understand well from the person who had to pick up the shattered pieces that woman left behind. “You did? But why?”

  “I hired a private investigator for Amelia’s sake. I just want to find her mother, to give her a chance…”

  “But she was so horrible to you. Both of you. The only blessing was that Amelia was a baby so too young to remember her, to be hurt by her, but if she came back in to her life now and left again… well it would destroy her.” Mom stares at me pleadingly. “Have you really thought about this, Zack? I don’t know about it…”

  “I am meeting Karen tomorrow. But I will be one hundred percent sure that her intentions are good before I bring Amelia in to the mix. Trust me, I have done nothing but think about this. As scary as it is, I think that it’s better for me to try. Then at least I can let Amelia know that I did everything even if it does go wrong.”

  Mom is silent for far too long. “I understand why you are doing this, Zack, but I have to admit that it scares the living hell out of me. I’m worried that the both of you will end up hurt.”

  I pull Mom in for a reassuring hug. “Mom, I am wise to this woman now. I won’t let anything hurt me, and I sure as hell won’t let anything hurt Amelia. This just feels like the right thing to do. It’s for the best.”

  As I pull back to look at my mother, I can see that she still isn’t convinced, and I have to admit that I’m not either. I have no idea which way this is going to go, but I’m glad that I’m giving it a go. It could end up being the best thing I ever do. We might never be a nuclear family again, but if we can all be in Amelia’s life and it’s the best thing for her, then I am willing to give it a try.

  It will be fine; I do my best to convince myself. It will...

  Chapter 11 – Latesha

  What the hell? This is the first time in days that I have walked in to the office to find Zack here. I have almost gotten used to him not being around and it’s allowed me to calm down. I’m still incredibly hurt by everything, I would be crazy to not feel that way after everything that’s happened, but life has gone on for me. Everything has been just fine, there hasn’t been the eruption that I’ve been waiting for, so I thought that it was fine…

  But now he’s here and I don’t know how to react. I’m frozen to the spot, stuck and crazy.

  I should go and talk to him. It’s my chance to finally get everything off my chest because even though life has continued, things have continued to stew inside of me and there is still a lot to be expressed… but I can’t. every time I glance at him, I just remember the nice times when he made me feel special. When we hooked up in his office, the drink where he said all the right things and he managed to placate me despite the bad behavior. Of course, the shitty bits are mixed in there as well which has my head spinning wildly, sickening me.

  Eventually, just because I’m scared of looking like a freak, I move over to my desk and drop my hand bag on it. It’s then I notice that my hand is shaking like crazy, that I’m a mess and about to fall apart. I even slump forwards a little, my shoulders roll over me, and I grab on to the edge of the desk to hold me up right. This is annoying because I don’t want that man to affect me like this, but he is. Even now. After everything…

  “Latesha, do you have the folder for the Twister Account?” he suddenly barks at me, as if nothing has ever happened between us and we’re just boss and employee. Like he’s forgotten it all. “I need to take it home.”

  “Home?” I rasp back. “You’re still going to be working from home? You aren’t coming back here…”

  “Not at the moment.” He’s barely even looking at me. He’s gathering all sorts up like he won’t be coming back for a long time which has my knees knocking together with intense nerves. “Do you have it?”

  Like a fool, I does as he commands, mostly because I’m not sure what else to do, and I hand the folder to him. I stare intently at him, trying to see if I will get anything back from him, but he’s eyes are glazed over.

  “Is everything… okay?” I know that his child has been sick, so I don’t want to over step the boundary in case that is the problem. He might not have told me about his child, but it would explain this distraction.

  “Er, yeah good.” He nods sharply. “I just have a lot to sort out that I can’t do here.”

  “I see.” I gulp back the thick ball of emotion that lodges in my throat. Not that it shifts anywhere. “So, is there anything we need to know while you’re gone? Any work that you want covered?”

  He shakes his head and almost moves passed me, which ignites a flame within me. Without even realizing what I’m doing, I grab on to his arm and keep him in place because I don’t want to be forgotten.

  “What’s the matter, Latesha?” I hate the way that he sounds irritated by me. “I need to go…”

  “Are we not going to talk at all?” I shrug my shoulders helplessly. “Are you not going to say anything to me? Do I not deserve anything from you? Or seeing you run off like that… is that how it’s going to end?”

  “This isn’t the time. Not right now. I really have stuff that I need to get done. Maybe later.”

  And with that, he’s gone. Vanished through the office door once more leaving me with more questions and absolutely no answers. His face was blank as he spoke to me then, it wasn’t the Zack Ward that I have known the time that we have been together. It freaks me out and makes me wonder if there is something even more going on. Like, what if the business is going under and we’re about to all lose our jobs? Don’t we deserve to know if that’s the case? I think we all do… which is the reason that I want to give myself as I grab my hand bag once more and I head towards the office front door, knowing that I’m about to follow this man like a mad woman.

  He isn’t giving me anything, so I just want a clue as to what the hell is going on inside his mind. I just want to see if there is genuinely anything that we all need to worry about here. I mean, it really could be something work related, couldn’t it? It could be something I should know. This investigation mission could be useful…

  Of course, I could also be a disgruntled ex, used by Zack and unable to get over him, but I don’t want to think of myself in that manner I’m stressed out enough as I keep my distance from Zack while also keeping him within my eye line. I’m risking everything here, including my job, but since I have already applied for a bunch more and I’m hoping that at least one of them will give me a chance sometime soon, it might not matter.

  “You are a fucking crazy woman,” I whisper to myself as I go. “Normal people don’t behave like this.”

  To be honest, there has never been a man to make me feel this way. No one has ever been so special to me before. Unfortunately, that hasn’t turned out to be a good thing at all. It’s utterly destroying me.

  Eventually, I watch Zack walk with purpose in to a café at the end of the street. He spots a dark-haired woman sitting in the window, looking far more glamorous than anyone I have ever seen before, and he takes a seat opposite her. My heart hammers violently against my rib cage as I see the familiarity between them, the familiarity that I felt from him myself while we were out having drinks. Clearly, that’s his signature move.

  “Fuck.” I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know what the hell to do. “Fucking hell.”

  I need to leave. This probably isn’t something to do with the company since it looks like an informal friendly meeting to me, so I can be okay in the knowledge that my job is safe, so I should leave. I should go back to work and forget this ever happened, but I can’t move. It’s as if I want to torture myself fully, to really feel the pain that can only come from watching the man that I have fallen for, who I have allowed to make a fool out of me, with another woman. I can’t exactly see how they are looking at one another, I’m too far away for that, but I can only imagine that there is love in their eyes, that they are seeing each other with real joy.