“You’re not angry with me?” I whisper, unable to keep the fear at bay.

  “No, I’m not angry.” But he’s not entirely happy either. “I understand why you have to go, but… I’m not coming with you this time.”

  His admission winds me, and I grip the counter, terrified of falling. “What do you mean? You’re staying here?”

  He tongues over the scar on his upper lip, a trademark of his when he’s deep in thought. “Yes. I understand why you have to go, but I need you to understand why I have to stay.” My heart doesn’t just shatter, my entire world crumbles.

  I understand why he has to stay, but I can’t do this without him, and it was selfish of me to assume he’d just pack up his things and leave. He’s only recently come back home. Still, the thought of leaving without him tears at my very core.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Even to my ears, my promise rings weak, desperate.

  He shakes his head, hands dug deep into his pockets. “Come back when you’re ready. I’m not going anywhere.” Why does this suddenly sound like goodbye?

  “You know I’m coming back, right?” When a staleness permeates the air, I stand on my tippy toes, locking gazes with him. “Right?”

  His silence is all the answer I need. “No, Lucy, I don’t. But that’s okay. I just want you to be happy.”

  “Staying here makes me happy,” I press, on the verge of tears.

  “Then stay.”

  “It’s not that simple,” I reply, lowering my eyes. “How can I stay here when Sam is hurt? He’s asking for me.”

  Saxon sighs, taking a step back. “At the first sign of trouble, you go running to him. Sooner or later, you’ll run out of breath.” His annoyance is clear. I want to console him, but what can I say? “But for now, let me drive you to the airport.”

  I’m on an emotional merry-go-round, and I want to get off. “You want me to leave right now?” My lower lip quivers, but I rein it back in.

  “I’m sure there is a redeye you can catch.” Oh, god. I wrap my arms around my middle, wishing I could stay.

  I’m torn once again. If I stay, I’ll never forgive myself. But if I go, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I wish I could flip a coin and leave it in the hands of fate. But this decision appears to be written in the stars.

  “I’m sorry, Saxon.”

  “Don’t be.” His fatigue is palpable, and I hate that I’m the reason behind his despair. “Just know that I love you. And I’m here for you. Always.”

  I can’t stand it any longer and bury myself into his chest, unable to shake the feeling that this decision could shake up the world as I know it. “I love you too. So much. I’ll be back before you know it. You won’t even miss me.” This entire conversation is strained, and I need to shut up because I’m rambling and making things worse.

  “That’s not possible,” he says with regret, pressing his lips to my head. I hold on tight, never wanting to let go. When he gently breaks our embrace, his detachment hurts. “Go pack. I’ll check for flights online.” His order is so final, so cold, and although I want to protest, I know he’s right.

  He makes his way into the living room, powering up his laptop, while I watch on, wondering what the fuck I’m doing.

  It’s late by the time I get home. I don’t fail to notice how wrong that now sounds, especially since I told Saxon I would be staying with my parents when I returned. But considering the circumstances, I didn’t really have a choice.

  Walking into my empty home, I switch on all the lights, hoping the radiance warms my heart. The isolation I once loved now highlights the fact I’m all alone. God, I miss Saxon. I miss him so much I can barely breathe.

  After a tearful goodbye, I boarded the plane a broken woman because it felt like I was leaving a piece of my heart in Oregon. The flight gave me some time to think, but the more I thought, the worse I felt. No part of me wanted to be on that plane, but what choice did I have?

  Once upon a time, I loved Sam with all my heart, and it’s hard to turn my back on him when he needs me the most. I know that might make me sound weak or foolish, but the thing is, I’d feel that way if I didn’t go.

  But one thing is for certain; this is the last time. I can’t keep doing this to Saxon or to myself.

  I’m torn between what’s right and what I want. Sooner or later, I’ll have to take a stand and say no. Today is not that day, though, and I will deal with missing Saxon more than I thought humanly possible tomorrow.

  Every sound seems amplified out here in the dead silence, and the house feels colder. I’m missing Saxon’s warmth and how he’s forever reassuring me that everything will be all right. Deciding to take a shower, I strip, leaving a trail of clothes to the bathroom.

  I stand under the spray for minutes, the scalding hot water not able to thaw out the chill in my bones. I have this sinking feeling in the pit on my stomach that something ominous is just around the corner. I don’t know what it is; I just feel like everything is about to change in the blink of an eye.

  Unable to face this doom and gloom a second longer, I dry off and amble to Saxon’s room—our room. The moment I open the door, his familiar scent lingers, and I get punched with a longing so fierce, it brings tears to my eyes.

  Peering around the room, I’m reminded all the good memories we share, wishing they didn’t seem so distant, so unreachable. Oh my god, if this is what the next few weeks will entail, I won’t last a day.

  Slipping into bed, I run my fingertips over Saxon’s side of the bed and sigh. Everything feels so big and empty without him. Shuffling over, I decide to sleep where he would if he were here. Childish, I know, but it makes me feel closer to him somehow.

  I settle back against the pillows, feeling in no way, shape, or form sleepy. I’m beyond exhausted, but I’m too worked up to sleep. Reaching for my bag off the end of the bed, I hunt for my cell and journal. I send Saxon a text good night. No surprise, I get a whole lot of nothing in return.

  After staring a hole in my screen for twenty minutes, I switch it off and decide to write in my journal. It’s been a while, which is unusual, but the voices have been quiet. Saxon appeases my demons. He always has.

  Flipping the brown leather-bound journal to a fresh page, I decide to give life to the demons, hoping it’ll silence them and give me a moment’s rest.

  Dear Diary,

  It’s been a while, but I haven’t felt the need to write my feelings down because I’ve found someone to tell them to. Saxon and I came together under god-awful circumstances, but we turned something ugly into something beautiful.

  I’m back in Montana, and he’s in Oregon. I understand why he stayed, I do, but that doesn’t mean I miss him any less. I know he’s annoyed at my inability to let Sam go, and he has every right to be mad. Hell, I’m mad at myself.

  Sam got into an accident, and he’s been asking for me. I would never turn my back on him or anyone, I guess, when they needed me the most…but this is the last time. It has to be.

  God forbid something like this happens again, but I’ll look back on this entry and remember what I sacrificed to be here.

  Saxon is my future now. I just need to forget my past and move on. But why does that sound a lot harder than it should?

  I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this hospital. I’ve been here countless times, but each time just seems worse than the one before it.

  My sneakers squeak against the polished linoleum as I approach the front desk. It’s sad that I know the attendant by name. “He’s in room three.” What’s even sadder is that she knows why I’m here.

  “Thanks, Jean. How is he?”

  She shrugs with half a smile. “He’s quite the popular patient.” I don’t even want to know what that means.

  Images of him flirting with an over helpful nurse flood my brain, bringing back memories I wish were lost to me forever. “Thanks again.”

  I make my way to Sam’s room, instantly hit with a wave of nostalgia, but not of the good kind. Looking back to who I once was and to who I am now, it’s hard to believe I’m the same individual. I walked these very halls, future unknown, but I suppose in a way, I’m faced with the same prospect.

  This uncertainty will surely send me to an early grave. I rub over my chest, my heart in a constant state of yearning. When I enter Sam’s room, it gets jacked up to full volume because seeing him sitting in a hospital bed unleashes memories I’ve stored away under lock and key.

  “Lucy…” He settles higher up against the pillows, his eyes wide. “You came.” This is a new memory, though, because unlike all the previous times, he’s actually happy to see me. I don’t fail to see the irony in this entire situation.

  “Yes, of course. My mom called. She told me what happened. Are you okay?” I peer around the doorjamb, half expecting Kellie to be inside, doting over her son. But I’m surprised to see the room empty.

  “I am now,” he replies, gesturing for me to enter. I do. A cast is on his right arm, and he has a grazed cheek, but apart from that, he doesn’t look too bad. Ignoring his response, I take a seat near his bedside. But what he says next, I sadly can’t disregard. “Saxon didn’t come?” It’s an innocent question, but I still feel uncomfortable answering it.

  My silence is worse than the truth, though, so I shake my head. “No, he stayed in Oregon.” Sam doesn’t even try to conceal his relief.

  “Well, thanks for coming.” I shrink back in my seat because if it weren’t for his cast, I fear he’d leap from that bed and embrace me.

  “It’s fine.” And cue the awkward silence.

  This coldness between us just confirms how Sam and I have grown apart. We’d never experienced a single moment of paused silence before, but now, it seems to be the third wheel.

  Clearing my throat, I attempt to act normal. “So your headaches have been getting worse then? And your blackouts?”

  “Yes. I’m just waiting for the doctor with my results. He shouldn’t be too long. Will you…stay with me?” I chew on my bottom lip, displaying my uneasiness, so he’s quick to clarify. “I meant stay with me when he gives me the news.”

  I exhale softly. “Of course, that’s why I’m here.” I really need to chill the hell out. His shoulders depress, and he smiles.

  Gripping the edge of the seat, I quash my fierce longing. Even though I stopped comparing him to Saxon some time ago, some mannerisms remind me of their kinship—like their lopsided smirk.

  “Everything okay?” he asks, peering down at me white knuckling the chair.

  “I should be the one asking you that.” I try to lighten the mood before I end up in the bed next door.

  “Lucy?” That possibility sounds even more appealing when Kellie enters the room.

  She pauses, ensuring to scrutinize every inch of me. I’m certain she’s looking for traces of Saxon ingrained into my very pores. She doesn’t intimidate me in the slightest. I sit taller, daring her to speak out of line.

  From the corner of my eye, I see Sam subtly shake his head. He too knows I won’t take her shit because if she so much as says one horrible word about Saxon, I’m walking.

  His warning seems to get through because she adjusts the strap of her Chanel purse, and her stilettos stab at the floor as she muscles past me and kisses Sam on the forehead. “How are you feeling today, darling?”

  “Better.” I feel awkward, not knowing why he miraculously feels restored.

  She tenderly brushes the long strands of hair from his brow. “Wonderful. Let’s hope they send you home today then. Your father and I have tidied up your old room.” I pale at the thought.

  There is no way I will be going anywhere near the Stone’s family home. I agreed to be here for Sam, but if that involves seeing Kellie every day, then I’m out.

  Sam seems to be a lot more in tune with my thoughts than I thought he was because he firmly shakes his head. “No, I’ll be going home.” When she begins to protest, he silences her. “Lucy is here. And besides, we have a shitload of stuff to organize. Thanks for the offer, Mom, but I can’t.”

  If looks could kill, I’d be dead where I sat.

  Kellie tugs at the collar of her white dress shirt, pursing her lips. “For how long? I’m sure she’ll be running back to your brother the first chance she gets.” What a way to kick a guy when he’s down.

  “She can stay for as long as she wants. I’m just thankful she’s here.” I’m surprised by Sam’s response because I think he means it. We lock gazes, and he smiles once again. It’s going to take some getting used to.

  “Lucy?” What I won’t get used to, though, is the voice of my boyfriend’s ex.

  Taking a deep breath, I meet Sophia’s curious stare. Her beauty still floors me. “Hi.”

  “I didn’t realize you were back,” she says, her surprise clear.

  “Just temporarily.” I don’t see the point of being vague. We’re way past small talk.

  It’s fairly obvious what’s on the tip of her tongue, but she remains professional. “How are you feeling today, Sam?”

  “Better. When can I go home?”

  She smiles as she flips through the files she’s carrying. “Good news. All your tests have come back clear.”

  “What about the headaches?”

  “It’s to be expected and completely normal. The blackout could have been linked to several things, but with no conclusive test results, it’s difficult to determine the cause. We will monitor you closely and prescribe some medication and take it from there. So that means—” she flips to the last page of her notes before returning to the first page “—you’re free to go home.”

  I’ve never seen Sam look so happy. Kellie, on the other hand…

  “What’s your opinion of Sam going home alone? I’ve told him it’s in his best interest if he comes and stays with me.”

  Sam shakes his head, jaw clenched. “I’m not going home alone. Lucy will be with me. Right?” All attention swings my way.

  The hopelessness behind Sam’s uncertainty has me nodding once. “Yes, that’s right. That’s why I’m here.”

  He beams while Kellie looks ready to poke out my eyeballs. “How long, though? I’m certain you’ll be out that door the moment things get tough. History has a way of repeating itself.”

  I shoot up, ready to give this woman a piece of my mind once and for all, but Sam beats me to the punch. “That’s enough. Lucy didn’t have to come, but she did. I won’t have you saying such awful things about her to make her regret her decision. Now, please leave. I’m going to get dressed, and then we’re going home.”

  My mouth hangs open as does Kellie’s. “Samuel…”

  But he won’t hear another word. “I said leave.” A flicker of the old Samuel returns.

  Her hand flutters over her throat as she’s clearly upset that he spoke back to her. Sophia clears her throat. “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

  I’m still in shock over what just happened, but when Sam looks at me expectantly, the surprises just keep on coming because Sophia is apparently speaking to me. It takes me a moment, but I eventually find my voice. “S-sure.” I grab my bag, not sure what to expect as I follow her out of the room.

  Her boots strike against the floor as she leads us to who knows where. I have no idea what she wants to talk to me about. Dread settles low in the pit of my stomach. How I wish it had no place in my life. But it does.

  I don’t have the strength or patience for a fight, so when she leads us into her office, I can only hope this will be over soon. She gestures for me to take a seat. Although I would much prefer to stand, she makes it clear she won’t proceed with whatever she wishes to say unless I get comfortable.

  I settle into the leather seat, flinching when she closes the door, sealing us in. “I’ll cut to the chase. I think you being here is good for Sam.” When she makes no attempt to face me, I turn over my shoulder to look at her. She’s pressed against the woodgrain, her stance rigid. “He has really struggled these past couple of weeks, and today is the first time I’ve seen him happy. With his injury, he can’t just take some miracle drug. They say laughter is the best medicine, and in Sam’s case, I think they may be right.”

  My cheeks puff out as I attempt to process everything she just said.

  “As Sam’s doctor, I can only give you the facts and allow you to decide what to do.” When she pushes off the door, I suddenly feel like prey. “But as someone who once respected you—” she snickers, taking a seat in her high-backed leather chair “—you owe it to Sam to stay.” It appears I don’t need to guilt trip myself because everyone seems to want to do it for me.

  “Go to his therapy sessions and help him remember what went wrong. It may be beneficial for the both of you because god knows, a lot went wrong.” No guessing what’s at the top of her list.

  Her smug smile irks me, and I stand. I don’t need to listen to this bullshit a second longer. “Thank you for your advice.”

  “Say hi to Saxon for me.” My fingers furl into fists. I know she’s goading me, and it’s working. But I ignore the urge to rip out her perfect hair and smile.

  “Of course. I’ll see you around.” I don’t wait for her to reply because I’m skating close to the edge, and it won’t take much to tip me over.

  The moment I step out into the corridor, I take two deep breaths to center myself. I can’t allow her or Kellie to get to me. I have to man up and face the consequences of my decision. The urge to flee to Oregon is real, but I can’t keep running when things get tough.

  “Lucy?” For the first time in a long time, Sam’s voice makes me feel somewhat better.

  Once I’m composed, I turn to see him standing a few feet away. He’s dressed in ripped jeans and a black t-shirt. So unlike the old Sam, but I think it’s been well established we’re no longer the same people we once were.

  “Everything all right?”

  I nod. “Yes. All good. Ready to go?” I jingle the car keys while his lips tip into a lopsided grin.

  “Let’s get the fuck out of here before my mom has me committed.” A small laugh escapes me, and it feels good. We quickly walk out the door because we both know Sam was only half joking.