This doesn’t make any sense. I am missing something. Something vital that strings all of this together.

  Cayden wraps his fingers around my wrist, stroking his thumb over my racing pulse. “Because we hurt the ones we love.”

  On our knees, we both need a minute to process everything. Cayden doesn’t need to tell me what happened next. I left his house, distressed and hysterical, and one tiny mishap resulted in the loss of my—of our—child.

  He’s instantly on me, reading my thoughts. “Don’t you dare. This is all on me. All of it. If only I had chased after you. If only I hadn’t spewed such lies…” He clutches my biceps, shaking me to see reason. “You will always be my biggest regret.” And now, I understand why. “In Ellie’s eyes, you are her angel because you saved her…you saved us both.”

  I crumple, unable to stomach any more. However, the universe tells me she’s listening when a rumble can be felt creeping over the horizon. “Everything is always better after a thunderstorm…” he whispers into my ear as I sag into his arms. “You used to love the rain…”

  “What happened?” I say in a tone akin to his.

  “Life,” is his simple reply. “We used to lie in bed, holding hands as we peered up at the single glow-in-the-dark star—the one I gave you. We used to wish for a life where no one knew our names. We could just live and be happy.”

  The vivid image he paints…if I dig deep enough, I can almost see it, feel it. Feel him. I can hear his tender voice as he sings me “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” to help lull me to sleep. I know my life wasn’t smooth sailing, but a profound sadness threatens to drag me under into the murky depths.

  I now know why that is.

  Hazel had every right to be mad at me. What I did to Ellie, to Cayden, was inexcusable. I was a naïve, lovestruck teenager, and if I could speak to the seventeen-year-old me, I’d tell her to fight for him. He did what he thought was right, but everything is just so fucked up.

  “Did you know the guy who insinuated I was some bed-hopping party girl?”

  He clucks his tongue, angered. “Yes. That’s Matt. He knows you because of me. We dealt together back in the day. I saw sense while he only saw dollar signs. Whatever you think of yourself, stop it. We smoked some pot, but what kid didn’t? But Matt doesn’t take rejection too well, hence him saying the bullshit lies that he did. He’s always been flirty with you, and you’ve always shot him down.”

  I shouldn’t be this relieved, considering I have a lifetime of sins I need to atone for, but at least I can still hold a small scrap of my soul.

  “You can imagine my surprise when I saw you back here. I didn’t know what to think. But when you told me what had happened to you, I just…I couldn’t break your heart again.” That tiny tickle kicks down low once again.

  Gently breaking our embrace, I look at Cayden through different eyes because I am. I am seeing him for the first time, and what I see takes my breath away. “That’s why you were so standoffish when we first met. You thought I was back to torment you?”

  He animatedly shakes his head. “No. You coming back here was like I had a second chance. And when I found out you had bought my old house, which I finally had the balls to sell…it just confirmed that you and I”—he places his hand over my trouncing heart—“will always be unfinished business. I have loved you, Peyton Lane, since I was nine years old. And I still love you. I’ll never stop.”

  Without a doubt, Cayden can feel the thrashing of my heart, but that’s okay. I’m done hiding behind my fears. “I’m sorry for everything…”

  But he doesn’t allow me to finish as he places his finger on my lips. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry for not telling you sooner. But if I could save you the pain, I would happily shoulder your heartache.” He leaves the unspoken lost in the shadows because he doesn’t need to detail the loss we both share.

  Innately, I lower my palm to my stomach and feel the tremendous sadness sink low. I was going to be a mother, the mother of Cayden’s child, but life had other plans for me. When I ran off that road, I not only lost my memory, I lost a piece of me too. A piece I will never be able to regain again.

  I finally know the truth. There are still so many questions, but for the moment, this will do. Now, I want to mourn the demise of the person I once was. It’s time I let her go and learn from the many mistakes she made throughout her life.

  “What are you thinking?” Cayden asks, interlacing his fingers through mine.

  We’ve lost so much, wasted so much time. So without holding back, I squeeze his hand and only look at what tomorrow holds. “Nothing. I’m thinking nothing at all.” He opens his mouth, and I do the only thing I can—I kiss him.

  At first, he stiffens, and I reassess my decision to lead with my heart. But when he threads his fingers through the curls at my nape and angles my head to perfect our connection, I let go of everything and just feel.

  The desperation for our touch only intensifies as we devour one another with fierce, carnal hunger. Our lips, our bodies, move in sync, and although I may not recall the memories he just shared, my body, my soul, does.

  I have always felt a deep-rooted connection to Cayden, but at this moment, it almost feels like we’re one. So without fear, I act on that emotion and turn it into our reality. Without untangling my lips from his, I begin unbuttoning the buttons on my dress. When I’ve popped two open, Cayden stills my shaky fingers.

  “Let’s not rush things. We just met.” He grins against my mouth, igniting the out-of-control inferno.

  He’s right. A lady would wait. But I never claimed to be a lady.

  Shrugging from his hold, I declare, “This is happening with or without you. I would prefer with…”

  A growl escapes him as his eyelids droop to half-mast. He is so damn handsome. I want this to happen. I want him. A nervous energy thrums through my veins, and I suppose that is what most people would call butterflies. But as Cayden pins me with those steel-blue eyes, it feels like so much more.

  I have literally loved this man from the moment we first met—and not just the time I remember, but the one before it as well. Our love hasn’t been easy, but what epic love story is? But I’ll be damned if I make the same mistake again.

  With two buttons left, I stop, fixated on Cayden’s chest, which is rising and falling steadily. “Are you okay?”

  He shakes his head. “No.” He reveals why in the same raspy breath. “I’m…scared.”

  “Scared?”

  He licks his lips, averting his eyes. “Yes. I’m scared you’ll disappear again. The only thing harder than letting go is moving on. I can’t lose you again.”

  “Hey,” I coo, cupping his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He nods but doesn’t seem convinced. I need him to know that regardless of our past, I won’t mess it up this time. I won’t ever let him go. His uncertainty reveals just how much he loved me, and I make it my mission from this moment forward never to give him a reason to doubt us ever again. “I came back here because of you. And that kind of love withstands the test of time. I don’t care about what we did or who we were. All I care about is you being my forever. Always.”

  “This isn’t going to be easy.” He leans into my touch with a heavy sigh.

  “I’ve come to learn that nothing with you is.” His smirk can brighten the darkest corner. “But who wants easy? Where’s the fun in that?” I know we have so much more to discuss and that a secret still clouds us, but that can wait—we have forever to get to know one another again.

  Cayden’s walls finally crumble, and the simplicity is beautiful.

  He turns into my palm, laying a single kiss in the center, before unfastening the last two buttons on my dress. The material hangs open, exposing my bra. Cayden licks his bottom lip before he surrenders. He runs his large hand down my neck, between my breasts, and over the curve of my stomach. When he reaches the band of my underwear, he skims his pointer along the elastic, resulting in goose bumps prickling my skin.

  “Skin as white as snow,” he says low, his eyes hungry as he feasts on my body before him. “I want to be gentle with you”—our gazes lock—“but I don’t know if I can.”

  His threat should leave me apprehensive, but it doesn’t. It only excites me further. “I don’t want gentle.” Reaching for the hem of his shirt, I yank it from his body, mewling when I’m engulfed in the sight and smell. “I just want you.”

  Those keywords make what we’re about to do all the more real. I don’t know who lunges for who first, but it’s a flurry of hands and lips. The moment I press my chest to Cayden’s, a sated groan leaves us both. He peels the dress from my body, his lips following in his fingers’ wake. Every stroke of his tongue and glide of his lips have me desperate for so much more.

  When he reaches the junction between my breasts, he gently nestles his nose into my flesh. “You smell like home,” he whispers, bathing my skin in warmth. “You are the only woman I have ever loved. From the first moment I saw you, I was ruined. Our love has been messy, and it also has been cruel, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world because you are my world.”

  An unexpected tear rolls down my cheek because his admission is bittersweet. Our journey has been anything but easy, but I want that to change. “Love me,” I say, reaching behind my back and unhooking my bra. It falls to the floor.

  My breasts are exposed, and a flush spreads over my pale skin when Cayden sits back on his heels, stroking his stubble in reflection. I wonder if I look different from how he remembers. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, I wrap an arm around myself, shielding my nudity, but he won’t have it.

  “No more hiding.” He tenderly coaxes me to lower my shield. I do. “I just…I just can’t believe how beautiful you are. No matter how many times we’re together, it always feels like the first time.”

  He leans forward, running his nose down the length of my neck, his stubble a perfect abrasion to my heated skin. He cups my left breast, running his thumb over my budded nipple. We both moan at the connection. He wets his lips before sampling me, and I think I’m going to die right here where I kneel.

  He tongues the underside while reaching up to gently caress my right. My head drops back. He circles my areola, kissing over the small, heart-shaped freckle. Wetness gathers between my legs, and shamelessly, I rub them together. The burn hurts so good.

  With his mouth still working me into a frenzy, Cayden walks his fingers to the outside of my underwear. I know he can feel my arousal, so when he rubs two fingers in a sluggish circle, I open my legs wider, granting him permission to take it all. A grunt catches in the back of his throat.

  “Please…” I whimper, not above begging. Cayden gives me what I want. He slips his hand into my underwear and cups my sex. “Oh…God.”

  Nothing should feel this good, nothing. But when he sinks one finger into me, I am done for.

  We both hiss, and I surrender. Now and forever.

  “I love you.” His admission, coupled with what he is doing to my body, has me realizing that our love is the kind of love you read about in books. The all-consuming, soul-shattering obsessive kind of love that consumes your every breath. “You don’t have to say it back. I just want you to know.”

  I want to say it back, but until I mean it like he does, I will show him how I feel rather than tell him.

  Dragging his face to mine, I smash my lips to his, expressing my love for him through a kiss with the ability to change the world forever. We stand, our lips never breaking pace as we lower ourselves to the bed. We shift until my head hits the pillow with Cayden lying on top of me.

  I explore his glorious body, my fingers drifting over to the tattoo on his flank. I remember when I first saw it, and I knew it meant more than meets the eye—just like him. Our relationship seems to have never strayed far from his thoughts. And that fact warms not only my body but my heart as well.

  His abs ripple as I stroke over the hardened flesh. His pleasure has me venturing farther down. I unsnap the button on his jeans, biting my lip when I slowly lower his zipper. I’m nervous, so damn nervous when I reach into his boxer briefs. But when I feel his hot, hard length, my wanton need steadily replaces those nerves.

  He grunts, breaking our kiss to savor the feel of me reacquainting myself with his body. Bashful at first, I struggle with where to put my hands, but when he pulsates in my palm, all coyness takes a back seat. My desire gets amped to ten billion volts, and it’s sensory overload as I want him slathered all over me.

  I stroke his shaft while he lowers his forehead to my shoulder, an almost cry of relief that we’ve found one another in a ferocious storm. “I never thought I’d feel this again,” he expresses his fears, unguarded. His honesty has me lowering my guard as well as I increase my rhythm.

  He cups my cheek, kissing me fervently as he lowers his jeans. It’s his turn to be in control. When we’re pressed flesh upon flesh, he breaks the kiss, only to continue down my chin and over my pounding pulse. He tongues between the hollow of my throat before embarking farther. He devours my breasts while I remember to breathe.

  When I’m a writhing mess, he descends lower. His lips score my skin as he kisses over my stomach and circles my navel with his tongue. His eyes set me on fire as he peers up at me from between my legs, then lowers his mouth to the outside of my underwear, kissing me gently. This is pure torture, which is exactly what Cayden wants.

  Fisting the duvet, I squirm, wanting so much more. His breathy chuckle just adds to the torment. He kisses my inner thighs, paying attention to the freckles which line my skin. I wonder how many times we have been entwined this way.

  “Were you my first time?” I ask, threading my fingers through his hair.

  “Yes,” he replies against my thigh. “I was your first everything. Just as you were mine.”

  The thought is electrifying because it feels like I’m about to relive something that has always belonged to the man whose kisses are filled with nothing but utter worship and desire. “Help me remember.”

  Cayden lays one final kiss over my underwear, then sits back on his heels and visually devours me once more. He traces from my face downward, ensuring no part of me remains untouched. When he gets to the waistband of my underwear, I shiver because things are about to get real.

  With a sharp tug, he tears them from my body, the final layer finally shredding its confines. My eyes drift to his length, which extends from his body proudly. His tanned skin complements his ripped physique. I love the scruff between his pecs that plunges down to the dark softness between his legs. I want him. All of him. I want it now.

  Shyly, I shift, opening my legs, desperate to take the inevitable step which was always fated in the stars. Cayden hisses, then reaching into the side dresser, he hunts for protection. I watch mesmerized as he takes off his jeans and then sheathes himself. “You’re sure?” he asks, stroking his finger along my bottom lip.

  “Yes. It’s time we make new memories.” It’s all the response he needs.

  He presses us together, and the feeling is pure bliss. We kiss languidly, lost in the sensation of finding one another again. He’s everywhere, robbing me of breath and replacing it with this life force that has me feeling reborn.

  Even though I know where he’s headed, it doesn’t prepare me for the tremor that overrides me when he lowers his mouth to my sex. My back arches on its own accord as I have no control over my body, but Cayden does. He buries himself, sampling me in one hot lick. My eyes roll into the back of my head as he hums against my sex.

  He suckles me while adding a finger, ensuring I’m primed for what’s about to come. My ripened, slick center is pleading for a reprieve, and when Cayden flicks over the swell with his tongue, I’m more than ready. Unrefined sounds slip past my lips as I shamelessly chase my release.

  He stretches me farther, and just when I’m seconds away from bursting, he lets me go. I cry out in frustration, but that soon turns into a low guttural whimper when he places his blunt head against my entrance. My eyes pop open as I peer up and lock gazes with him.

  He’s slathered with my arousal, and an animalistic possession overtakes me because I want to own him just as he owns me. Mind. Body. Soul. Letting go of the fear which haunts your every breath is a beautiful thing, but that’s soon forgotten when I arch into Cayden the moment he sinks into me.

  A gasp rips low as I’m filled full.

  He stills, allowing me to accommodate his size, but the corded veins in his neck reveal he’s barely holding on. He runs his hands along the top of my legs, squeezing and relishing in this sensation that is akin to none. “Are you okay?” he asks, just how he would have when we first connected this way years ago.

  A tear falls free at the thought. “I wish I remembered.”

  Bending low, he places a kiss on my quivering lips. “All that matters is now.” And he reveals just how much so when he moves slowly within me.

  Wrapping my arms around his nape, I lose myself in his smooth rhythm, savoring what it feels like to be one with another. I may have forgotten the steps, but this dance is one I reacquaint myself with soon enough. To his pull, I push, a perfect yin to yang.

  He scatters kisses all over me as his hips shift with a languid cadence. I tug at his hair, needing something to hold because I’m bursting at the seams. “Faster,” I whisper, bucking upward to meet him stroke for stroke.

  “I don’t…I don’t want to hurt you,” he pushes out between clenched teeth as he’s clearly holding back, measuring how deeply, how fast, he goes.

  “You never could,” I breathlessly reply. I don’t know why, but my honesty has Cayden turning his cheek, ashamed.

  He’s suddenly lost to me, caught up in a memory that threatens to ruin something untainted and good. Refusing to give light to the demons, I dig my heel into the small of his back and coax him to take what I openly give.

  He growls and shifts my leg, opening me up and deepening the angle, which has us both moaning in sheer delight. He sinks into me, the vigor bringing tears to my eyes, but it’s exactly what I need.