“I knew you were waiting for me. Just like you did on most nights. I tied the boat to the dock, hoping I beat you home. But what I heard next”—his Adam’s apple dips as he swallows deeply—“you were screaming. It was a god-awful sound. It still haunts me to this day. I ran to the house, unsure what I would find. But not in a million years did I ever think I’d see what I did.”

  My heart begins racing, and bright flickers of white light flash behind my eyes.

  “Just like always, you would sneak in through the balcony door. It wasn’t me you found that night, but my father instead. By the time you realized, it was too late, and he had overpowered you.

  “When I found you, he had forced himself onto you and torn the front of your dress.”

  On instinct, my trembling fingers attempt to conceal my modesty. But it’s in vain.

  “He was touching you while you screamed over and over. For me.” He turns his cheek, pained. “I have never, never been angrier. I wasn’t thinking. I charged over and ripped him off you. He was stunned. His whiskey-soaked breath was an indication he was in no state to reason with. So the only way I had to talk some sense into him was the way he knew.

  “I had never raised a hand to my father up until that night. I hit him again and again; I don’t even know how many times. He tried to fight back, but he didn’t stand a chance. I wanted him to suffer just how you did. And Lacey. And me. Only when he lay in a bloodied heap on the floor, unconscious, did I realize that ending his worthless life made me no better than him. That was the only reason I stopped.”

  I reach for the wall, unable to stand without support for fear of crumpling to the floor. Blood, so much blood. I can taste it lingering on my tongue. I may not remember it clearly, but the flashbacks expose I don’t know if the amnesia is to blame or the fact that this memory is one I’m happy to forget.

  “You were petrified. He took away your innocence, your ability to view the world through rose-tinted glasses, and suddenly killing him didn’t seem like such a bad thing. I comforted you, thankful you didn’t tell me to go to hell. You were aware of my father’s fondness for you, but I never told you why. I was ashamed.

  “You cried in my arms, and I promised that it would be all right. I would never allow him to lay another finger on you ever again. My father was never one for sentiments, however, and he suddenly came back to life. He caught me unaware, delivering a punch to my kidney, which had me dropping to the floor.

  “He then proceeded to return the favor as he kicked and stomped on every part of my body. All I wanted was to protect you, but he made sure I couldn’t do that when he shattered my wrist with the heel of his boot.”

  I flinch, unable to see clearly because my vision is cloaked in tears.

  “I knew he had no intention of showing me the mercy I showed him, so I fought as hard as I could. I promise.” He begs that I believe him, and not for one moment do I think otherwise. “But it wasn’t good enough. He was intent on killing me, Peyton. Please believe me when I tell you this…it wasn’t your fault.”

  Gasping, I attempt to break the surface, but I suddenly can’t swim. The harder I push, the farther I sink. Invisible manacles secure at my ankles, dragging me down. Muddy water fills my lungs, and before long, it’s all I can taste. I stop fighting and surrender…surrender to death.

  This memory has plagued me for endless long months. I’m finally about to uncover why.

  “You grabbed my baseball bat, the one I kept by the door, and proved to me that this entire time, I thought I was protecting you…but you were the one protecting me. You hit him, and he went down…and he…never got back up.”

  Lacey gasps while I’m unsure if I ever will be able to speak again.

  Cayden walks toward me slowly, hands raised. He approaches me as he would a rabid animal. But I suppose that’s what I am. I once thought I was a monster, and yes, that may be true. But there is another word for what I am, and that is a murderer.

  With the tenderest of contact, Cayden wraps his fingers around my biceps. I need his touch. “You freaked out. Just like you’re doing now. Regardless of the fact that he was moments away from killing me, you still saw yourself as the bad guy. When I checked his pulse, he didn’t have one. I knew what this would do to your future if we called the police. I knew what would happen if your mom found out. If anyone ever found out, they’d take Lacey away and put her into foster care. At the end of the day, it was an accident. There was no other choice.”

  Lacey staggers forward, pleading he tell her the truth.

  “I’m sorry, Ace. I wanted to tell you, but how do you explain to your eleven-year-old sister that you buried their father…at the bottom of the lake.” She sobs while I just feel numb.

  I always knew that the lake was the nucleus of my story. I just never imagined how. “I helped you, didn’t I?” I know the answer as the visions, the ambiguous visions which made no sense, are memories that have risen from their watery grave.

  “Yes. I fought for there to be another way, but you wouldn’t allow me to do this alone. We were in it together, you said. But how I wish we weren’t. That night changed us both. Days passed, and I knew what this was doing to you. It was eating you up inside. You couldn’t look at the lake, my house, or me in the same way. I knew what I had to do.”

  “But I”—I need a moment—“but I bought your house. How could I want to go back there after everything you’ve just told me?”

  “That house may represent heartache, but it also illustrates strength. And it was that strength that had me wanting to convert it into a shelter for kids. We talked about it not long before your accident. You may not have remembered, but a small part of you never forgot.”

  “What did you have to do?” I ask, referring to his earlier statement. I know what, but I hope, by some miracle, I am wrong.

  “You got accepted into college, but as you know, you spoke of staying here once you graduated from school, but I couldn’t let you. This place had ugly memories. I knew I was the only reason you wanted to stay, but I couldn’t do that. I refused to allow you to relive that memory, and that’s all you’d do by staying here. So I made sure you stayed away.”

  “That’s the real reason you said you didn’t love me when I asked?”

  He nods, running the backs of his fingers along my neck with a hesitant touch. “Yes…but that’s not the only reason you left.”

  Taking a deep breath, I prepare myself for what comes next.

  “Your mother got wind of you staying here. It didn’t take long for her to figure out who I was. I knew if she searched hard enough, she’d eventually uncover what we did. She forbade you to see me, but you never listened to her. And I knew you wouldn’t start now. The harder you fought with her, the more determined you were to stay.

  “We fought over your future, putting a strain on our already rocky relationship. You believed I was pushing you away because I didn’t love you anymore. That when I looked at you, all I saw was what you did.

  “One night, I found you sitting on the dock, peering into the lake, afraid and plagued by what we had done. You told me you couldn’t stop thinking about that night. I was never more afraid than I was then because you had given up. And the way you looked at that water as a possible solution, I knew what I had to do.”

  “Don’t you dare do this to me again. Don’t you dare,” he cried when I raced toward the water’s edge. I had no idea what that meant, but now, I do.

  Even though Cayden’s dad was a fucking bastard, he didn’t deserve what we did to him. But we were kids. We made a mistake. In times of crisis, one can be forgiven for not thinking how they normally would.

  I was moments away from being raped, and Cayden was on the brink of death—it was an accident. But accident or not, we committed a crime, one which changes everything. “What happened?”

  Cayden, although weighed with sorrow, has a sense of relief that shines through too. He’s carried this secret for ten long years—it must be cathartic to finally unburden his soul. “You were in danger around me. My dad was involved with some shady people, and when he didn’t show up for “work,” they’d come around, asking questions. I couldn’t involve you in that. I’d hurt you enough. You were my Achilles’ heel. I couldn’t risk them finding out how much you meant to me. You’d be collateral damage.

  “I went to your house, intent on telling your mom how I felt. That although I loved you, it was in your best interests to stay away from me. And I was willing to strategize with her to find ways to make that happen. But what I never expected was for her to stoop so low. She offered me twenty thousand dollars to stay away. I was insulted she thought so little of me and my feelings for you. I was ready to tell her to shove her money, that I’d figure this out another way, but then I saw you, peering at me from the top of the stairs. You were waiting for me to tell her to go to hell, that no amount could ever be enough because you were priceless…but I didn’t. I had exhausted every way I knew. I did what I thought was right. But it’s the biggest regret of my life.

  “I accepted, knowing what it would do to you in the process. I broke your heart, but if it gave you a real shot at making something of yourself, away from here, then I’d suffer the consequences. You already felt abandoned by your mom, and I did the same. I sold you out for twenty thousand dollars.”

  I blink past my tears as I’ve never felt more betrayed than I do right now. My mom’s statement about everything she does is to protect me now makes sense because, in her warped way, she was.

  “That’s why I didn’t fight harder. You…you broke my heart.” My lower lip trembles, but I hold it together for now. “Why did you do that? You risked me telling everyone what we did. I’d hope I wouldn’t stoop that low, but I can imagine the seventeen-year-old me was a woman scorned.”

  “I didn’t care,” Cayden reveals, showing me just how fearless he really is.

  “But you didn’t cash it,” Lacey says, confused. She opens the folder and produces the check, the proof that Cayden is the man I thought him to be.

  “Of course, I didn’t,” he spits, beseeching I understand why he did what he did. “There isn’t a price tag on how much you mean to me.”

  Exhaling in relief, I can understand Cayden’s actions. In his messed-up way, he was trying to protect me, but surely when I came back, when I was an adult, he could have told me the truth.

  “I know what you’re thinking, but you were happy,” he says, reading my mind. “When you came back here, neither of us were the same people we once were. We grew up. You came here wanting to put a piece of your past behind you, but the attraction was still there. It always has been. Over the next ten years, you came in and out of my life. The first time, as you know, was a final fuck you. You claiming back your independence. But it only proved that what we had was real. But we were scared.

  “Just how you did when we were kids, I’d wake late at night with you snuggled by my side. And in the morning, you’d be gone. You stayed for hours, sometimes days, but the common occurrence was you always left. You were torn between duty and desire. I had broken your heart, so your guard was up, but we have been a part of one another since we were kids, and it’s hard to break that commitment.”

  The need to sleep beside him was overwhelming, and I now know why. I have been doing it since I was a child.

  “I wanted to tell you so many times that I never spent that money, but it was too late. I was happy to live in the darkness with stolen kisses and covert glances just like when we were kids because you were happy. You said Calvin was good to you and that your mother approved of him. That’s all you ever wanted. To gain her approval. But one of the last times you came here, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to tell you the truth. It went as expected. You were angry I’d wasted all these years. You left saying you needed time. And then I didn’t see you until the night of your accident. You know the rest.” His guilt is palpable because all Cayden ever tried to do was protect me.

  I remember wondering what words we exchanged the night of our argument for me to lie to him about our baby. Now, I need to know. “What happened? Why did you push me away? I know you said we exchanged words. But what words? And why? I can’t imagine after all these years wasted and the way I feel about you now, that I wouldn’t have fought harder. I’m not seventeen anymore. And I don’t need you to protect me. I never did.”

  “You’re right. I said some awful things to you. You told me you wanted to forget everything and start over. Together. That it was finally our time.”

  “And in return, you told me you didn’t want anything to do with me…or our baby,” I whisper, putting the pieces to this ugly, ugly puzzle together.

  Lacey gasps, tears shining brightly, while Cayden squeezes his eyes shut, hoping to dull the pain.

  Why? Why would he do that?

  I left here utterly broken. Although I loved Cayden, it was apparent we were intent on hurting one another over and over again. His comment hits home.

  “We hurt the ones we love.” And that’s all Cayden and I have done for the past ten years.

  “If I could take it back, all of it, I would. By trying to protect you, I did the complete opposite. What I should have done was tell you the truth because you could have handled it. You always were the strong one, and I was stupid for ever forgetting that.”

  He tried to protect me, but you can’t protect someone from living, and that’s how I clearly felt with Cayden—that I was living. That’s why I came back here time and time again. On the outside, I may have seemed to have it all, but on the inside, I was still the eight-year-old little girl, smitten by the boy who broke my heart.

  Lacey seems to be the only one able to make sense of what’s going on. “Peyton.” She steps forward apprehensively while I keep my feet planted on the floor. “The first time we met, do you remember I was going to tell you something?”

  I retrace over everything we shared, and I know she speaks of the conversation when she was going to reveal something about Cayden, but she never got the chance. “The thing about Cayden is that he lost…”

  I nod slowly.

  She nervously wets her lips, looking at her brother, before confessing, “He lost you. I don’t really remember you from when I was a child, but I remember how happy you made Cayden when you came back. It may only have been for a day, but it was enough for him. He was happy that you were free from this place. From the memories. That you’d worked your way to a powerful position at work. I told him to tell you to stay, but he always said that he couldn’t. And now…I think I know why.”

  Cayden hisses, taking a step back.

  “Lacey, why did you stay in Myrtle Beach?” I ask, remembering her earlier comment.

  She swallows. “Because, for the past few weeks…I’ve felt like someone is watching me. All the time. And when Cayden told me to go and take Ellie with me, I knew something was wrong.” She holds up the folder, desperate for him to confirm her fears. “Is it true?”

  My blood runs cold when he casts his eyes downward. “Yes.”

  The terrified cry which leaves Lacey has me snapping into action, forgetting my fears. “What does that mean?” I latch onto his bicep, ignoring how good it feels to touch him.

  “It means that I’m responsible for your accident. You left here hysterical, but I had to send you away. Please believe me.”

  But he has five seconds to tell me the truth once and for all because this is the final piece—the piece I was searching for all along. “Why did you have to send me away? What’s the reason?” When he shrugs from my grip and runs a hand through his hair, I snare his wrist. He won’t evade me. Not this time. “Tell me! I’m not seventeen. I don’t need you saving me!”

  My bravado dies a sad death, however, when he lets out an amused, frustrated laugh. “How I wish that were true.” That look, I’ve seen it before.

  My heart rate begins a steady incline while I measure how many breaths I take.

  Gonna teach that mom of yours a lesson. You’re just like her. A dirty whore. Sneaking in here. I know what you want.

  I fight with everything I am, but he’s just so strong. He kisses my neck, biting hard. I cry out. I’m afraid. Get off! No, please no. Cayden, help! Please…help me.

  I smell whiskey. I can feel his blunt arousal. Oh, my God…his hands are everywhere…on me…in me. I can’t breathe. But through the chaos, he’s my anchor, refusing to allow the demons to drag me to rough waters.

  “I will never let him hurt you ever again.”

  Cayden’s promise, although gallant, doesn’t make sense. The dead can’t hurt me. Their memories, yes, but in the physical sense…a bright light flickers, a candle in a darkened room, and I suddenly strip back the past and focus on this moment, this very second in time.

  “He’s dead. He can’t hurt me.”

  This is the time for Cayden to nod and tell me we’re all safe, but he doesn’t. He does the complete opposite. With a hesitant touch, he places his palm on my cheek, lending me some strength. “No…I don’t think that he is.”

  There must be some mistake. Another cruel joke. But when I peer into Cayden’s eyes, I see it—fear. My courageous warrior is afraid. “There must be some mistake?” I look at Lacey for assurance, but her tears only confirm my worst nightmare as true. “How? How do you know?”

  Cayden swallows, brushing the tears I didn’t even know I’d shed away with his thumbs. “The reason you came back here. The reoccurring vision you can’t seem to escape.” When he strokes over my hair, I stop breathing.

  “The ribbon?”

  Cayden nods, the world weighing heavily on his shoulders. “Yes. It appeared weeks before your accident. I knew it wasn’t you…and that could only mean it was one other person. The only person who wanted to taunt me, to show me that even after all these years, he’s still in control.”

  The world is spinning so fast, I can barely keep up. “That’s why you said what you did the night of my accident? You knew I was in danger?”

  “Yes. But it didn’t seem to make a difference.” This is all too much, but I stand strong. “What do you know about the person who ran you off the road?”