“Home?” Alicia asked with iron in her voice. “For the last four years Ari has either been at school or on Nantucket. You and I have started a whole new life. You are working and I’ve made commitments to several charitable organizations, not to mention our social obligations. How do you expect me to take care of Ari? Do you remember how weak I was after Ari’s birth? I had to have a hysterectomy, I had to have so many stitches, and I lost so much blood. I went into shock. I had to stay at the hospital for a week! What if something like that happens to Ari?”

  “If something like that happens to Ari,” Phillip said calmly, “then it will be good for her to be at Mass General.” He smiled at his wife. “And when she comes home, we can help take care of our first grandchild.”

  Alicia went so still she looked frozen. Then she burst into tears.

  “Phillip, you know I’m not a natural mother, especially not with babies.” Alicia turned her head awkwardly to face Ari sitting behind her. “I always loved you, I always kept you clean and cuddled. I tried to nurse you but you had colic for three weeks and cried constantly and I cried constantly, too. When my mother came up, she was like the great maternal goddess who knew exactly the right thing to do with a baby. You have to remember that I had placenta previa and I almost died. I had to have a total hysterectomy. I struggled so hard to have what they called natural childbirth because that was what the best mothers did back then. It was like I was in some kind of torturous childbirth competition. But then you were breech, I almost died, and when I returned home from the hospital, I was exhausted and in constant pain. I have always loved you, even in the middle of the night when you woke me. But you made me feel like a failure.”

  “You’ve told me all this before,” Ari said quietly. “I can apologize but I don’t think it was my fault. I wasn’t trying to lie the wrong way. I think you’ve been a wonderful mother. And I totally understand how you feel about babies. Some people are just that way and it doesn’t mean they are good or bad or anything. But anyway, I don’t want to live with you and Dad. I want to live by myself.”

  “How will you be able to afford that when you won’t be able to work?” Alicia asked.

  “For God’s sake, Alicia,” Phillip snapped. “Give the girl a break. Maybe she’ll live with her grandmother. Or if she wants to be in Boston, I’ll pay her rent for a year.”

  Alicia continued to cry. “Have you never thought that I might want to have a second house in the mountains?”

  Phillip looked at his wife sternly. “Have you never thought that I might want a house in the mountains? I prefer the mountains to the ocean, you know that.”

  “If my mother would just sell her house, we would have plenty of money for Ari and for a second home for us.” Alicia blew her nose heartily into her embroidered handkerchief.

  “If we sold our house in Wellesley, we would have plenty of money for Ari and a second home for us,” Phillip said.

  “You can’t mean that!” Alicia cried. “We’ve made that house so beautiful. Everything is perfect in every room. We deserve some comfort as we get older! Plus, our house is wonderful for entertaining.”

  “But it’s a lot for you to maintain,” Phillip argued. “Think of the freedom you would have to do other things if we lived in a condo. Not only would we have more free money but you would have more free time to do what you want. To do what we want.”

  “What sorts of things?” Alicia was tempted, Ari could tell by the sound of her voice.

  “Well, for example, to visit first-class resorts in the mountains and look at what kinds of houses are available.”

  Alicia didn’t respond.

  “And we could take some cruises,” Phillip said.

  “But why would you want to do that?” Alicia asked. She folded her arms over her chest and stared out the passenger window. “And when would you have time? You are always working.”

  They were on Route 9 now, always a congested highway, with a few cars ahead of them when the light turned red. When Ari was driving this route by herself, she either blasted music or used the time to make quick calls on her cellphone. It was as if the engineers had designed this particular part of the road to be especially frustrating so that drivers were caught in a cage of other cars, all with their motors rumbling. It provided the perfect environment for arguing.

  Phillip suddenly turned to glare at his wife. “Why am I always working? It’s not enough to pay a mortgage on a house that we really can’t afford and also pay for our daughter’s college tuition and also and most insanely to pay for all of the galas you say we have to go to in order to help charities and especially to pay for the gowns you only wear once to attend the damned galas. Do you remember when I got out of med school and started at Mass General and was working all hours of the day and night, how we promised ourselves that when we got older, we would have time to spend with each other?”

  “I remember,” Alicia answered softly but did not turn her head to look at her husband.

  “So we had a wonderful life and a beautiful daughter and summer vacations on Nantucket, but it wasn’t enough for you. You wanted a bigger house and a flashy car and bigger diamonds and membership at country clubs. You wanted Ari to be sent to the best summer camp where she would meet the best people even though she could have spent all summer on Nantucket. I worked harder, you spent more time with your wealthy friends, and less time with me. The past year, you’ve spent more time finding out who the best caterers and florists are for Ari’s wedding and reception dinner than you ever spent with me. I could probably make a time chart to prove it.”

  “I wanted our daughter’s wedding to be magical,” Alicia whispered.

  “So we had to organize a sit-down meal for two hundred people up at the lodge on the lake,” Phillip said.

  “And Ari has gone and spoiled it all,” Alicia cried. “Even though we’ve canceled everything, we still have to pay the twenty percent deposit. It’s in the contract.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ve paid it,” Phillip said in resignation.

  Sitting in the backseat, as if she were still a child, Ari burned with indecision. I’m still here, she wanted to say, but she knew her parents weren’t thinking about her now. They were caught up in an argument they probably should have had years ago.

  The stoplight turned green. The lines of cars began to inch forward. From behind them, an impatient driver leaned on his horn. Phillip gunned the car and shot through the yellow light just before it turned red.

  Alicia still had her head turned away from her husband and she didn’t speak. But Phillip, as if invigorated by his traffic triumph, declared, “Alicia, I have tried to give you everything you want.”

  Now Ari’s mother did turn to stare at her husband. Her expression was both angry and sad. “Well, it seems I haven’t been giving you everything you want.”

  From her witness box in the backseat, Ari saw her father’s face flush.

  Phillip cleared his throat. “Yes, that’s true, but you would be surprised at how little I want. I suppose I was looking for someone’s admiration. For someone who wanted my company, just my company. Who laughed at my jokes, who listened with interest to the way I had saved someone’s life that day, as if that was a significant thing to do. I’m getting older, Alicia, and it takes more of my concentration and strength to manipulate tools, instruments that I never would have dreamed of which have been invented while I’ve been in practice. I have had to take courses! Now I watch and learn from younger surgeons how to work with lasers and television screens. It takes a toll on me now to stand for several hours at a time. And when I’m off duty, I want to relax and watch a movie and eat pizza with my hands. I don’t want to be glamorous, Alicia. I want to be comfortable.”

  They had turned off Route 9 and were now in a maze of roads leading to their Wellesley house. The style was French provincial and the landscaping was elaborate. Alicia had hired gardeners to shape the evergreens into geometric topiaries, as if she were Marie Antoinette. Ari had lived in this house all her life, or all of the life she could remember. She could remember how her mother had worried and fretted over exactly what wallpaper to use and how she had been almost frantic to change the kitchen countertops from tile to granite. Alicia worked hard to keep the house uncluttered. She had a cleaning lady who came twice a week, but she was almost obsessive about where the silver pitcher should sit on the sideboard and the magazines should be placed on the table in the family room, as if the house would explode if magazines were left in the living room. Ari thought of her grandmother’s house, which had gatherings of shells on the windowsills and books clustered on tables near wing chairs and notes and letters scattered around the house.

  They pulled into the driveway. When Phillip turned off the engine, the silence inside the car was stark.

  Ari spoke quickly. “I’m going to make a quick pit stop. Then I’m driving back to Hyannis. I’ll take a boat back to the island. I have a lot of things left there. I’ll need them wherever I am, Nantucket or Boston. Also, I want to take a few days to laze around on the beach and enjoy the island and my friends.”

  Alicia brightened. “How is Beck?” She turned around to smile at Ari and her face was mottled with emotion.

  Ari wanted to give her mother hope but she had to be truthful. “Beck is fine. We are really good friends. He knows I’m going to have a baby. I like him a lot, Mom, and I think he likes me, but we’ve only known each other three months. I’m a lot to take on.”

  “He would be a lucky man to get you,” Alicia said.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  Phillip reached into the trunk of the car and hefted out the suitcases Alicia had taken on her cruise. Ari started to follow but her mother put her hand on her arm and they stood outside for a moment on the green lawn.

  “I’m sorry your father and I had to argue in front of you,” Alicia said.

  Surprised and reassured by her mother’s concern, Ari asked, “Mom, did you really sleep with that professor dude?”

  “Why shouldn’t I?” Her mother tossed her head and her warmth vanished, replaced by her cool façade. “Your father had an affair all summer.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question,” Ari said.

  “I know,” Alicia replied with a smile.

  Ari sagged from the weight of her emotions, from the sight of her mother being playful. Suddenly, she loved her mother. She understood for a moment how it was for her, so full of dreams, and so different from Ari, her own daughter. “I’m sorry, Mom. I hope you guys work it out.”

  “Thank you, Ari.” Her mother turned away and walked toward the house.

  Ari followed. She rushed to her room, selected a few things to take back to the island with her, and ran down the stairs to the front door. She needed to hurry in order to return the rental car and catch the last boat to Nantucket.

  She had no idea where her parents were now in this expansive house. “Goodbye!” she called. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow from the island.”

  From the back of the house, her father called, “Safe trip!”

  Ari had to adjust the seat of the rental car because her legs weren’t as long as her father’s. She strapped on her seatbelt, found a radio station with eighties rock, and returned to the road, happy to be away from her parents.

  Twenty-Five

  Eleanor was tucked away in her bed with Shadow curled up next to her feet when she heard the kitchen door open and quietly close. She was reading a delightful mystery that she didn’t want to put down but she knew if her light was on, Ari might feel the duty to report to Eleanor what had happened with her father and mother. Eleanor had a hunch that whatever had happened was not a complete happy ending but scene seventy-seven of a family drama that would continue for quite some time. That was only natural. But Eleanor was tired and she had a busy day tomorrow, so she put her bookmark into her book, turned off her bed light, and snuggled down into bed.

  The next morning, she woke and dressed and left the house before Ari was up. Now that she had set certain things in motion, she was eager to get on with them.

  First, she met Silas at the Downyflake for breakfast. Over a Tex-Mex omelet and delicious coffee, Eleanor gave Silas a brief summary of the turbulent events of the weekend. In return, Silas told her about his daughter, who was getting a divorce, and his son, who worked compulsively, leaving no time for pleasure.

  They had an appointment at ten-thirty with Jeff Townsend, the realtor who’d worked with Silas. He took them both through the house next door to Silas.

  “It’s charming,” Eleanor said, “but isn’t it awfully small?”

  Silas said, “Some hotels would be small compared to your ’Sconset house.”

  Jeff said, “It is actually fairly large if you look at the floor plan. Because it’s an older home, the rooms are small—you know how Nantucket houses are. If you wanted to, you could knock out a wall here and there and have one or two bigger rooms.”

  “The en suite bathroom is nice,” Eleanor admitted. She rather admired the new and newly conceptualized standing bathtub with its graceful curves.

  “Absolutely,” Jeff hastened to agree. “That’s a definite plus in this old house. All new plumbing in the bathrooms and kitchen. The kitchen has granite counters!”

  Eleanor rolled her eyes and turned away. “Just what I’ve always wanted.”

  But after they’d seen the basement, the cleanest basement Eleanor had ever been in, and walked around the house, and the realtor had pointed out that the house had all-new windows and storm windows, Eleanor told Jeff she wanted the house and would call in a few hours to discuss money.

  When Eleanor got home that afternoon, she found Ari still in her pajamas, lounging on the sofa in the family room, watching television, surrounded by popcorn crumbs.

  Eleanor laughed. “It looks like you’ve had a lazy day.”

  Ari began brushing the loose kernels off the sofa and into her hand. “Oh, man, I am such a slob,” Ari said. “No wonder no one wants to live with me.”

  “It sounds like you’re indulging in a nice, deep vat of self-pity.” Eleanor perched on the end of the recliner and had a momentary flash of longing to lie back in the chair, pull the lever that would lift her feet up, steal the remote control from her granddaughter, and watch a British mystery series. She’d already had such a busy day. But she loved her granddaughter above all things, so she said in a grandmotherly tone, “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t even know where to start.” Ari twisted the tie on her bathrobe.

  “Tell me about yesterday. How did your father and mother get along?”

  “It was kind of crazy, actually. Mom got off the cruise ship with a man but they were too far away for Dad and me to get a good look at him. Anyway, Mom left him when she saw us and Mom and Dad had a momentary Hollywood ending. But on the drive home, they started arguing about everything. They talked about their marriage, but they also talked about me.” Ari began to cry. “Basically, Dad thinks I should have the baby at Mass General and Mom doesn’t want me at home with the baby because I was such a terrible baby and apparently traumatized her for life.”

  “You were not a terrible baby,” Eleanor murmured.

  “I can’t understand my mother,” Ari cried. “She was such a good mother, especially when I was in high school. She loved taking me shopping. She loved coming to the college for parents’ weekend. But now that I’m out of college, she’s kind of freaked out at the idea of having me live at home again. Also, she still has her heart set on you selling this house. I love this house and I know how you love it.”

  Eleanor was quiet for a moment, ordering her thoughts. “First of all, let’s talk about your mother. You need to remember that she was very much her daddy’s little girl. She was spoiled and always wanted the best of the best and to be popular. Once Cliff was born I know she felt jealous of all the attention I paid him.”

  “Okay,” Ari said. “I can understand that.”

  “So,” Eleanor continued, “and I’m just guessing here, while you were growing into an adult, your father and mother were edging up toward that terrifying milestone, the age of fifty. Lots of people go a little crazy around that age. They start wondering if they’ve accomplished as much as they assumed they would when they were younger. They start noticing a few gray hairs on their heads, a few extra pounds that just won’t go away, and a kind of restlessness to do something different.”

  “Well,” Ari said, “Dad certainly did something different.”

  “Think about it,” Eleanor said. “For decades they spent their life taking care of others. Your father saved lives and made very good money but he certainly didn’t become a millionaire. Your mother devoted her life to you and if you don’t believe that, you will understand when you have your own child and she’s two years old and sick or nine years old and has just fallen off her bike. Your mother really deserves a little escape, a little glamour. And the hard truth is that taking care of a newborn baby isn’t glamorous.”

  Ari nodded. “Okay, I get that. But whenever I’ve been home during the last four years, I’ve always made my own meals and sometimes made dinner for the three of us. I don’t know why Mom thinks I would be such a burden. I’ve done my own laundry since junior high!”

  “You’re going to have a lot more than laundry when you have a baby,” Eleanor said gently. “But more than that, there’s a kind of psychological freedom that comes when your children are grown up. When they can take care of themselves.”

  “But I can take care of myself,” Ari insisted. She’d never sounded more childish.

  Eleanor looked at her watch. “I believe it’s an appropriate time for me to have a nice, healthy Bloody Mary.” She rose and said, over her shoulder as she went into the kitchen, “I’ll be right back.”