“Dinner is hours away. Do you plan on inhaling the hors d'oeuvres again? You always act like you’re going to keel over from starvation,” Nova joked.

  “I just might.”

  Gemma nudged Zacharias, who then turned towards me and his son. “Let’s move this to the patio until it’s time for dinner. It’s a beautiful day and Gem keeps asking to go out.”

  The last part of his statement stood out to me like a blazing red flag. I got the feeling it wasn’t as innocent as it sounded. Gemma seemed happy with the suggestion, though. I couldn’t determine if it was genuine or an act. If it was the latter the woman needed an academy award pronto.

  There were murmurs of agreement, and then the entire room began to do as he not so directly ordered. If it prolonged having to eat I was all for it. Food was the very last thing on my mind right now and that was telling.

  I loved to eat no matter the situation, but this one had my stomach advising against it. I let Judas respond for the both of us, still trying to catch myself up to speed with what the hell was happening. All I wanted to do was make it through this without my brain exploding.

  The day flew by with a surprising amount of fluidity.

  If it weren’t for me waiting for the other metaphorical shoe to drop and not catching each of Judas’ family studying me at some point or another, I may have even enjoyed it.

  Nova was the only one who didn’t stare at me openly like some kind of predator waiting to strike. She was also the only other person here that could be considered an outsider.

  However, I did notice a thing or two myself while nibbling on light finger foods.

  The main thing that stood out to me had more to do with Gemma herself than the Barrons in general. I’d determined she was one of the happiest women I’d ever met. I also noted that whenever someone would speak to her, they made sure to make eye contact or kindly get her attention.

  Zacharias seemed to help navigate the majority of her conversations, but you’d have to be paying close attention to them like I had been to notice their dynamic.

  It began to click for me after a few instances of this happening and was confirmed when Maisie started to sign.

  I tied it together with why she’d claimed not to have known what her husband said in the foyer when he was standing right behind her. The realization gave me a few things to consider later on.

  Right now, I was thinking I would escape this entire ordeal without being blindsided for once. Sitting there in an elaborate dining room, I had somewhat begun to relax.

  The family had done nothing but include me in their conversations all day long as if I’d always been coming around. They only asked me basic questions, never delving too deep into the personal. Judas for all his faults hadn’t left my side once. He seemed to know each time I was starting to feel uncomfortable and was quick to put an end to whatever was causing it.

  No one batted an eye at his need to safeguard me. I hated to admit I liked having him as a sentry, but I did. Being protected by Judas wasn’t anything new. It was always him I needed to be protected from. He and myself. When it came to this thing between us, I was as dangerous as he was.

  I glanced across the table and caught Gemma’s eye.

  She smiled at me briefly before returning her focus to Maisie. I wondered how this all worked for her and how she got tied up with a man like Zacharias. She was, after all, the wife of a ridiculously wealthy crime boss.

  I guess there was the slight chance she had absolutely no idea what her husband, son, and the rest of their family did for a living but I highly doubted that. Judas was, killing, dismembering, and making people disappear during his senior year of high school.

  Your head would have to be pretty far in the sand not to pick up on any of that. Their notorious family crest was engraved in the center of the dining table, stretching about as wide as my ass. I think it was safe to assume she knew exactly what went down around here.

  Despite my curiosity, I wasn’t going to come right out and question her inability to hear.

  That was a quick way to bring my ignorance on the matter centerfold. It would also be incredibly rude and stupid.

  Throughout the entire day, Judas' father doted on her non-stop. Offending him by disrespecting his wife in any way, even though it would be completely unintentional, was not at the top of my to-do list. Plus, the woman was growing on me faster than a Chia pet.

  From my peripheral, I saw Otto enter the dining room with something clutched in his hand.

  Considering I’d hardly seen the man since this morning I was immediately put on guard. He circled around the table until he was right behind Judas’ chair. No one else seemed too concerned about this or paid him much attention.

  This entire family had mastered the art of minding their business. I couldn’t relate.

  “How do you like the pasta?” Maisie asked just as Otto leaned down and whispered something I couldn’t hear in Judas’ ear.

  I was going to ignore her but now nearly the whole table was staring at me. Goddamnit. She wasn’t even slick about it.

  “It’s good,” I replied, watching Otto pass off the object he’d carried in here before wandering off again. Judas didn’t bother concealing what he’d been given—a black velvet box.

  I reached for my ice water instead of the wine. I was determined to play off the panic that was building at a pulse-pounding tempo. There was no way in hell that’s what I thought it was. When Judas looked over at me with a glint in his eye, I knew it was exactly that.

  “Don’t you dare,” I mouthed at him.

  His devious grin said I might as well have challenged him to a duel. He cleared his throat to garner the attention that was anywhere but on us and theatrically rose from his chair. If I bolted from this room right now, what’s the worst that could happen?

  “You may not have realized it yet, but I have a very large famiglia,” Judas began.

  I’d figured that out a long time ago, but now wasn’t the time to announce I’d cyberstalked him before.

  “The people in this room are some of the most important to me, including you. I have something more celebratory planned than this, but they wanted to be there when I placed this ring on your finger.”

  “Judas,” I started and then paused at a total loss. This wasn’t a proposal like I’d feared, it was somehow worse. Wasn’t that always the case with this man?

  He blew my every expectation to bum-fuck Egypt again and again. Why would our engagement be any different?

  He skipped right over asking me to marry him and simply decided I would. My answer didn’t actually matter. One way or another he was going to make me his wife.

  My brain couldn’t recall any of the vocabularies it’d mastered except for three simple words.

  “What the fuck?”

  “Good response,” Judas quipped.

  He flipped the velvet box open and before I could pull my hand out of reach, he had it in a death grip.

  I fought off a grimace as bone felt like it would smash together. A giant rock slid onto my ring finger, glinting as it caught some of the light from the above chandelier.

  His thumb smoothed across the back of my hand and then he was leaning down to give me a quick kiss.

  When he was seated again, still holding my throbbing hand, all I could do was stare at him in semi-shock.

  A sharp bark of amused laughter came from his father across the table. “These are always fun.”

  “They certainly take me back to the days when we were young,” Rico agreed.

  What the hell? I looked around the room and saw similar expressions of acceptance and pride.

  “Consider this a family tradition,” Maisie explained flippantly.

  “Yeah, they’re truly unforgettable,” Nova deadpanned, earning her an endearing smile from Rhys.

  She was one of the only two people here who had the decency to look sympathetic. Surprisingly, Gemma was the other. It wasn’t enough for her to reprimand or side against her son, though.

  “It takes time to sink in,” she said softly.

  I hope that wasn’t meant to be reassuring. If anything, it made me even more curious as to how she wound up with Zacharias. The man in question slipped an arm around her shoulders and stared at me with a smile only he knew the meaning of.

  I had a flash of my future then.

  I could see clear as day, Judas and me in their exact position. The worst thing about that was the cold realization that I could come up with a list of reasons why I wouldn’t exactly hate it. What I hated more than that, in fact, was wine. It all tasted like the cheap or overpriced beer I’d drank far too much of.

  I reached for my still topped-off glass needing any kind of alcohol I could get.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I’d somehow managed to score some desperately needed time alone. I knew it wouldn’t last long. Once the men stopped congratulating him, Judas would follow the chain that kept me at his side and pull me right back into his orbit.

  Until then, I was going to take full advantage of this moment.

  The sun had set a while ago, so the air outside was cool and refreshing. Too bad that wasn’t enough to help get my shit together. I studied my engagement ring with a quiet sigh.

  Jesus.

  My engagement ring.

  Yesterday I was Rhiannon Clermont. A bartender who took the long way back to her apartment so that she had time to herself. She lived there with her best friend and sometimes watched Bob’s Burgers with a man she now knew was a lying sack of shit.

  Today I was Rhiannon Saldaña, the fiancé of Judas Barron and daughter of a mysterious and powerful man.

  There was potential here to shed my skin and become something new, but even a new identity couldn’t rid me of my damaged heart, dirty soul, and obsessive love for a man I should despise with every fiber of my being.

  I ran the tip of my pointer finger over the large champagne, pear-shaped diamond in the center of the ring. It was surrounded by more diamonds. The band itself consisted of them too.

  It was a beautiful piece of jewelry that fit me perfectly and would be sure to catch some attention. He’d had it before I got here. His entire family was aware of what would be happening tonight. Gavin’s earlier words echoed in my head. Judas had been planning this for some time.

  Hearing soft footsteps, I glanced over my shoulder and saw Nova slowly approaching.

  “It’s a lot to process, right?”

  I laughed humorlessly and looked back at the pool. “I’m not sure if it can be processed.”

  She stopped right beside me and crossed her arms over her maroon skater dress, following my gaze to the shimmering aquamarine water lit by underwater poolside lights.

  “You’ll get to a point where this will be nothing but a blimp in time, a small piece of your bigger picture.”

  I gave her a look.

  “Trust me, it took a while for things with Rhys and me to iron out and we still have our moments.”

  “Did you two begin with chaos too?”

  “Oh, we're still chaotic, but I choose to love the hell out of him instead of murder him while he sleeps.”

  We turned our heads and looked at one another with knowing grins before her pretty features smoothed into a thoughtful expression. “What he and I have, it’s the aftermath of pretty lies and ugly truths.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Let’s just say my family was a mess and my life wasn’t going to get better despite them being permanently out of the picture. Everything changed for me when I met Rhys. There was a lot I didn’t know back then, plenty I still don’t…Anyways, I have my Barron now. He may be a dick of epic proportions sometimes, but I know he’d do anything for me.”

  “This is all sounding a little too familiar.”

  She leaned closer and lowered her voice, “Wanna know something even crazier? I have an Evie too.”

  I blinked in surprise and turned so that I was fully facing her. “You know Evie?”

  “Woah, let me clarify. I have a recently discovered half-sister named, Evie. She’s a bit of a bitch, but I like her,” she joked with a one-armed shrug. “All kidding aside. Things always seem to move at break-neck speed around here. Give yourself time to go through the motions while moving forward. If you wanna be pissed, then be pissed. Cry and curse Judas to hell and back but try to remember he’s on your side.”

  “We all are,” Maisie interjected as a means of announcing herself.

  She walked right up to us and planted herself on my other side. Nearly as tall as her brother, she towered above me in stilettos.

  I glanced up at the starry sky and carefully considered my next words. I didn’t know why I was still trying to spare their feelings. Maybe because they’d been considerate of mine for the most part. Or it could have something to do with the scars marring Maisie’s otherwise flawless skin. Had Evie been the cause of those?

  “Is she still alive?” I found myself asking about her for the first time in years.

  Maisie nodded stiffly. “She is. Now that you’re here hopefully we can change that.”

  “Me? What can I do? Shouldn’t someone have taken care of her by now?”

  She gave me tight smile. “You’ll have to ask Judas about this.”

  Of course, that was her answer. “Can you at least tell me why everyone is so okay with me marrying your brother despite all the bad that’s happened? Some of it was my fault?”

  “That couldn’t be any further from the truth. You’re still associating who you are with something that wasn’t real.” Maisie gave me a clinical look. “I know the definition of family is hard for you to understand but I can’t sugarcoat anything for you, babe. That’s not what you need from anyone especially me.”

  She reached into her bra and pulled out a blunt and a lighter. “Daddy hates when I smoke,” she explained.

  “I wasn’t judging.”

  “I know.” She smiled softly and lit up, taking a hit, and offering me the same opportunity before continuing. “Listen, the men in this world may have their stories to tell, but the women do too. You. Me. Nova. My mother. Look at her now. At us.” She twirled a dainty manicured finger in the air to indicate our poolside trio.

  “Your delivery could use some work, Mai,” Nova chastised with slight exasperation.

  I didn’t have an issue with that. I actually appreciated her being so blunt and straightforward. I wasn’t entirely sure what she was trying to tell me, though. I agreed we all had a story to tell, and they would greatly vary, but what did that have to do with the here and now?

  Did they really want me to sit back and accept this because it was best for me? For Judas? Or was it because they were Barrons, and I was now a Saldaña? If Evie was alive, it might have something to do with her. There were so many variables.

  I couldn’t forget everything that had happened in the past to accommodate the present. I had hardly begun to fully understand what all of this meant for my future.

  Hearing we were a family from someone the woman I once called mom was responsible for kidnapping was pretty damn surreal. I had no idea what she’d been through. I suppose that proved her point about us all having different journies.

  The scorpion and rose tattooed on the left side of her chest told me where she came from but not what she’d been through. I didn’t know how she was taken or what she did to get away. I could only look at the scar marring her arm from elbow to shoulder and speculate.

  None of us knew our stories better than ourselves, the ones who had lived and breathed through the betrayals, heartache, and scorn. She survived, though.

  They all had and now living in a world that had the ability to trigger their nightmares, the happiness they radiated was natural.

  Is that what waited at the end of the dark tunnel, more darkness that was shrouded in wealth and opulence with a new family offering some degree of comfort?

  “Rhiannon,” Maisie said my name in a firm tone. “Don’t you dream of power and all the things you can do with it?”

  I did. I thought of it frequently, I wanted to be at the top for the simple fact I knew what it meant to be one of the ones who got crushed at the bottom. But I wasn’t going to tell her that. My silence was all the confirmation she needed.

  “Isn’t that wrong?”

  “Everything about people like us can be considered wrong,” Nova replied with a bitter chuckle.

  “The women in our families have always held their own alongside their partners. It hasn’t always been for love. Not everyone needs that to get what they want. Do you?”

  Did I need love? No. But I craved it.

  “Maybe I do,” I replied with a slight shrug.

  “Stick with my brother and you can have both. Who knows, you might even let yourself fall in love with him too.”

  Fall for Judas?

  Didn’t she know that’s what got me here in the first place?

  Love and hate were a lot like the sun and the moon, contrasting opposites always co-existing. That’s what it was like loving Judas.

  I’d tried to hate him for a long time and almost convinced myself that I did, but it was impossible not to harbor a love for him too. I often wondered if he hadn’t come into my life if I would still be oblivious to the lie I was living.

  Maybe that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to despise him entirely.

  He accepted the dark side of me without question and tore the blindfold from my eyes. I was able to catch a glimpse of the world I’d been submerged in my entire life without knowing before my corner of it was set aflame.

  I felt the Bugatti come to a stop and heard the engine cut off. A gentle hand pushed some of my hair away from my face, the pad of his thumb tracing over my cheek.

  “We’re home.”

  His phone buzzed for the hundredth time since we’d gotten back into the car.

  I knew he had to be extremely busy, but it was non-stop. The hour was going on a quarter past ten and the texts or calls kept rolling in. I opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust to the darkness cloaking the electric blue interior.

  “Who keeps texting you?”

  “Some associates. Some friends.”