“He doesn’t seem very happy, Max,” said Dooley, referring to the semi-naked actor.

  “No, he certainly doesn’t,” I agreed.

  “Do you think he had something to do with George’s disappearance?”

  “I don’t know, Dooley. It’s too soon to tell.”

  “I told him only last night, ‘George,’ I said,” said Chuck, slurring his words a little, “‘if you want me gone, I’m gone. Just say the word.’ But he said, ‘No, Chuck. I need you. My marriage is on the rocks, my life is a mess, and you’re the only one I can talk to.’ So I told him that maybe that was a good thing. That he wasn’t cut out for the life of a married man, same as me. But of course George found the whole thing very hard. Said he loves Anna. And how stupid he was. And could I maybe talk to her?” He produced a soft laugh. “As if Anna would listen to me. That woman hates my guts! Always has. She sees me as a remnant of George’s past—the scabrous George. George the rogue. Wild George the ladies’ man!”

  He blinked and directed his club at that little white ball again. This time he missed and the club swung too far, and he ended up accidentally hitting himself in the head somehow. He went cross-eyed for a moment, then before our very eyes keeled over.

  “Is he dead, Max?” asked Dooley.

  “Um…” I said, then gave the world-famous actor a gentle poke in his sixpack. “I don’t think so,” I said finally, when I saw his chest go up and down. “He’s just unconscious.”

  “Oh, good. Imagine Brutus having to carry this guy’s coffin.”

  I gave my friend a strange look, then said, “We better tell Odelia to call an ambulance.”

  22

  While Chase was on the phone with the emergency services so they could send an ambulance, Odelia was still engaged with Anna Calhoun. The two ladies had found a nice place to conduct the interview in the greenhouse, with plenty of exotic flowers to keep them company. Anna had created for herself a cozy spot in the back of the greenhouse, where she said she liked to spend a lot of her time, reading and working, surrounded by all that lush green. It relaxed her, she said. Something that was necessary for one who had made a name for herself as a staunch defender of the rights of minorities the world over.

  “Did you threaten George with divorce?” asked Odelia. She’d taken a seat directly across from Anna, who sat in what I assumed was her usual spot, on a chaise longue, where I could picture her lying down, working diligently on the defense of her next client.

  Anna’s sleek dark hair had fallen across her face like a curtain, and she now tucked it behind one ear. “I may have used the D word, I don’t remember. You have to understand that I was extremely upset when I found out about that film, and even more so after I’d watched it. So I told George a few home truths, about the sanctity of marriage, about the value of his wedding vows, and about the twins, and what they would think when they inevitably find out at some point in their lives what kind of man their father is.”

  “And what did he say?”

  “He exhausted himself in explanations and apologies, as was to be expected. But I told him he could stick his apologies and his explanations where the sun doesn’t shine.” She leveled a steady look at Odelia. “Men are creatures of habit, Mrs. Kingsley.”

  “Odelia, please.”

  “And it’s not as if I wasn’t warned. All my friends told me when I met George that a man like him isn’t marriage material. George’s reputation is well established, and precedes him: the man often boasted about the number of women he has slept with. He was the epitome of the staunch bachelor. The man who vowed he’d never marry, never be tied down, for whom the idea of raising a family was the worst thing that could happen to any man. He lived with a duck, for crying out loud, and so when we started dating, all of my friends, and my family, told me I was crazy. That I was setting myself up for disaster.”

  “Do you think meeting you changed him?”

  “I thought so,” said Anna. “I really thought he’d changed. At least that’s what he told me. He said he’d waited a long time for love to finally enter his life, but now that he found me, he wasn’t letting go. And then when the twins were born, he said he’d never known how great marriage could be. He was a changed man, and I was the one who tamed him.” She smiled at the memory. “Of course I thought that was wonderful. It stroked my ego. To think I was the only woman on the planet who’d managed to tame George, the ultimate bachelor.”

  “What did his friends think of all this?”

  Anna’s face clouded. “They weren’t happy, I can tell you that. In fact they were furious. They saw me as some kind of monster, who was taking their friend away from them. And I won’t lie: a lot of things changed for George, but even more so for his friends. No more all-night parties, no more trips to Vegas, no more boozing and whoremongering.”

  “What’s whoremongering, Max?” asked Dooley.

  “Um… well, let’s just say it’s spending time with a woman who isn’t your wife, Dooley.”

  “You mean like when Chase spends time with Gran or Marge?”

  “Not exactly,” I said. But then Odelia asked her next question, and we both assumed our listening position once more.

  “What about Chuck Crush?” asked Odelia.

  “What about him?” asked Anna as her expression hardened.

  “How did he feel about your marriage? He was George’s best friend.”

  “Still is,” said Anna. “Shortly after George got married, Chuck got married, too, and so for a while things were great. Both men seemed to have turned a corner, and we double-dated a couple of times, and when the twins were born, and then Chuck adopted the first of his kids, we organized play dates when they were old enough. Or Chuck or his wife would babysit the twins and vice versa.”

  “But then Chuck divorced.”

  “Then Chuck divorced,” Anna said, nodding, “and that’s when the trouble started. Chuck felt that now that he was single again, he wanted to make up for lost time, by throwing himself back into the dating game, and taking up his old partying ways again.”

  “And he expected George to join him.”

  “Even though he said he didn’t, I think unconsciously he was hoping that George would somehow join him, and the two of them could pick up where they left off. But of course George wasn’t getting divorced, and he wasn’t prepared to break up his family just so he could relive his younger years with Chuck as his wingman, just like the old days.”

  “And so Chuck was disappointed.”

  “Extremely disappointed.”

  “What is he doing here, if I may ask?”

  “Honestly? I have no idea,” said Anna with a laugh. “He arrived last month, and he hasn’t left. He lives over the garage now, and it doesn’t look like he ever intends to leave. And honestly, I think he’s a bad influence on George. In fact since Chuck arrived, George has been hitting the nightlife pretty hard, even though he’s ten years older now. So he’s not having fun, and it makes him cranky because he realizes he’s not as young as he was.”

  “Have you discussed this with him?”

  “Oh, many times. I won’t lie to you, Odelia, I don’t like it—and I don’t like it that Chuck is staying here. He’s a disruptive presence in our lives. George has been spending a lot of time with Chuck, neglecting the twins… and me.” She paused and studied her fingertips for a moment. “I think Chuck introduced George to Tammy Freiheit.”

  “Your neighbor.”

  Anna nodded. “She’s very pretty, and not very faithful to her husband, and she and Chuck know each other.” She looked up. “Did you know that Tammy and Chuck used to date?”

  “No, I didn’t know that.”

  “Well, they did. And now, apparently, Tammy is eager to get her claws into my George.” She wiped away a small tear. “No, I’m not that woman’s biggest fan, if you must know.”

  Chase entered the greenhouse, and rubbed his neck. “They’ve taken him to the hospital.”

  “Will he live?” asked Anna, and for a moment I had the impression there was a touch of wistfulness in her voice, as if she wouldn’t mind if Chuck had hit his last golf ball.

  “Oh, yeah,” said Chase. “He managed to knock himself out, but he’ll be just fine.”

  Odelia looked up at her hubby. “I think we better go and talk to Tammy,” she said now.

  “When you do,” said Anna, getting up, “tell her that if she ever sets foot in my house again, I’ll have her arrested for trespassing. I’m not kidding.”

  No, it certainly didn’t look as if she was. Nor could I blame her.

  23

  I have to say that the house where Tammy and her husband lived wasn’t nearly as nice and luxurious as the Calhoun place. It still was a great deal bigger than our house, though, but then that’s not so difficult, since Odelia and Chase live in what is commonly termed a shoebox, with its one bedroom and one guest bedroom and tiny living room that also doubles as the kitchen and its small strip of green we like to call the backyard.

  “Now this is what I call a backyard,” said Brutus, who’d joined us again, after exploring those rose bushes to his heart’s content. In fact I could detect a few rose petals in Harriet’s fur, and she looked altogether too happy to be conducting what could very well be a murder investigation, since we still had no idea what had happened to George.

  “So George has gone missing?” asked Tammy, who was dressed in a tank top that left nothing to the imagination. In fact I had the impression the concept of a bra was alien to her, as her assets were jiggling all over the place, and judging from the color that had seeped into Chase’s cheeks, even that hardened cop was not entirely unaffected by Tammy’s charm.

  “Yes,” said Odelia, regarding her hubby with a touch of censure. “He hasn’t been seen since last night. So is he here?”

  “No, he sure ain’t,” said Tammy, then reluctantly stepped aside to let us in. “Mark!” she bellowed. “It’s the cops!”

  Mark, who I recognized as the man who’d tried to burgle Gran’s room last night, mistakenly seeing it as the potential source of films featuring his wife in a starring role with George Calhoun, didn’t look all that impressed. “What do they want?” he grunted.

  “George is missing,” Tammy explained.

  “So they think we might be hiding him or something?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know why they’d think George would come here.”

  “If George ever sets foot in this house,” said Mark, his voice taking on a harsher tone, “I’ll kick him so hard he won’t know what hit him.”

  Odelia shared a look of concern with her husband. “So when was the last time you saw your neighbor, Mr. Freiheit?”

  “Why?” said Mark, reddening. “Are you accusing me of something? Huh?”

  “Settle down, sir,” said Chase, holding out his hands in an appeasing gesture. “We just want to ask you some questions.”

  “It’s all right, sweetie,” said Tammy. “These cops are just doing their job.”

  She led us into the living room, which was dominated by just about the biggest television screen I’ve ever seen. A NASCAR race was playing out on the screen, with the loud roar of the engines bouncing off the walls, where plenty of pictures of Tammy in flattering but unrevealing poses vied for space with pictures of NASCAR drivers and cars. Obviously Mark Freiheit only had two big loves in his life: his wife and NASCAR, and he had a hard time deciding which one of them he enjoyed more.

  Odelia and Chase took a seat on the white leather couch and moments later Tammy returned with a tray with glasses of what looked like Coca Cola, complete with ice tinkling in those glasses, and as she set the tray down in front of Chase, there was so much jiggling and wiggling going on, that Chase’s face now turned as red as Tammy’s husband’s.

  “Honey, why don’t you put on something more decent?” asked Mark.

  “Why, isn’t this decent enough for you?” asked Tammy as she placed her hands on two shapely hips. Apart from the tank top she was also clad in Daisy Dukes and not much more. Her hair was blond, her eyes wide and blue, and she looked like every hormonal teenager’s dream girl, and probably also every not-so-hormonal man’s dream woman.

  Mark relented and Tammy took a seat next to him on the couch, giving Odelia and Chase an expectant look as she popped a piece of gum into her mouth and chewed it noisily.

  “So I think we need to address the elephant in the room,” said Odelia finally.

  Tammy frowned. “What elephant? All I see is four cats.”

  Mark, who’d muted the television, now also frowned. “Yeah, I don’t get it either.”

  “I think my wife is referring to the film of Tammy and George,” said Chase.

  Mark rolled his eyes. “Oh, that,” he said.

  “Look, George and I are adults,” said Tammy. “And as adults, we just want to have some fun. There’s no law against that, is there?”

  “No, there certainly isn’t,” Odelia agreed. “Unless that fun involves a married man, who ends up disappearing two days later.”

  “Oh, please,” said Tammy, rolling those expressive eyes of hers. “I bet he and Anna had a fight over that silly video, and so George walked off on a huff.”

  “Yeah, he’s probably in Vegas right now, sleeping off a bender,” said Mark. “Have you checked the airports? That’s what you should be doing right now, instead of harassing innocent people like Tammy and me.”

  “How do you feel about your wife engaging in these frivolous activities with your neighbor, Mr. Freiheit?” asked Chase.

  Mark shrugged. “Like Tammy says, it’s just some innocent fun between two consenting adults.”

  “You take a very liberal view of your wife’s infidelities,” said Odelia.

  “When we got hitched we agreed on an open marriage. Besides, I know I’m the one she loves, and this thing with George, well, that was a one-time deal, wasn’t it, sweetie?”

  “Oh, absolutely,” said Tammy. “I like George a lot, but Mark is my husband, and I wouldn’t dream of leaving him.”

  “Do you think George would consider leaving Anna for you?”

  Tammy thought about this for a moment, then shook her head. “I don’t think so. At least he told me he wouldn’t. And I don’t think he was lying.” She smiled and cocked her head. “I can tell when a man is lying, and George was definitely telling me the truth.”

  “Also, there’s the twins,” said Mark. “George wouldn’t leave those kids over a fling.”

  “Oh, but it wasn’t just a fling,” said Tammy as she rubbed her husband’s arm.

  “Shut up, Tam,” Mark said under his breath.

  “Yes, Marky,” said Tammy as she let go of her husband’s bicep.

  “You know what I think?” I said.

  “That Tammy is very pretty?” Dooley asked.

  “That, too. But I think this whole film business just might have been an opportunity for Mark and Tammy to make some extra money.”

  “What do you mean?” asked Harriet.

  “Well, if Mark had gotten his hands on that film last night, he could have sold it back to George for a nice chunk of change. Or they could have decided to sell it to a producer, or to a website that specializes in that kind of thing, for a considerable price.”

  Odelia, who’d overheard me, now eyed Mark thoughtfully. “You were seen last night crawling through my grandmother’s window, Mark. Can you please tell me what you were trying to accomplish? Or you, Tammy—breaking into Wilbur Vickery’s home yesterday.”

  Mark blinked a few times, and had the decency to look embarrassed. “Well…”

  “Call a lawyer, Marky,” said Tammy.

  “Um…” said her husband.

  “Tell them we won’t talk to them without a lawyer.”

  “It is your prerogative to engage the services of a lawyer,” Chase confirmed, “but it will only serve to make you look more guilty.”

  “Even more guilty than you already are,” said Odelia, “since a witness has formally identified you, Mr. Freiheit. Your mask dropped when you fell down that ladder,” she added with a tight smile.

  “Marky!” Tammy cried, and slapped her husband on the arm. “Now why did you have to go and do a stupid thing like that for!”

  “How was I to know that old dame would hit me!” Mark grumbled. “It’s a miracle I didn’t break my neck when I fell down that ladder.” Then he looked up and seemed to realize he’d just put himself in quite the predicament. “Oops.”

  “Look, my grandmother isn’t pressing charges… yet,” said Odelia. “And neither is Wilbur, as far as I know. But we do need to know why you did this.”

  Mark rubbed his face. “Okay, all right,” he said finally.

  “Marky! Don’t say another word!”

  “Tam, they caught me red-handed!”

  She glanced down at his hands. “Your hands look fine to me.”

  “Look, when I heard about that film, I just figured, why not strike the iron while it’s hot, see?”

  “Marky!”

  “Will you just let me explain?”

  Tammy folded her arms across her chest and looked the other way, clearly upset with her husband.

  “So I thought, why not get my hands on that film and then sell it to one of those big smut publishers, you know? A tape with George Calhoun? That’s the jackpot. George is a global star, and pretty much everyone would want to see that.”

  “He wasn’t so hot, you know,” said Tammy, rejoining the conversation. “I’d give him a solid five. Marriage has made that man soft—and I mean that literally.”

  “What is she talking about, Max?” asked Dooley.

  “Pudgy,” I said after a pause. “She’s talking about George’s pudgy midsection.”

  “Yeah, plenty of guys allow themselves to go soft around the midsection—and some cats, too,” said Brutus with a meaningful look in my direction.

  “So I wanted that film. Is that so bad?”